On The Outside Looking In
Disclaimer: Everything recognizable belongs to Paramount Pictures, Marvel Entertainment & Marvel Studios (gods-damnit !) - though my gut tells me Loki, bless him, may well have his own ideas about that and will probably do what he wants anyway … No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N 1: Definitely AU and more than likely, very o.o.c.
A/N 2: Brief background to this story.
Thor and Loki have always done their own thing. Thor quests with the W3 and Sif. Loki sky-walks between realms. Over the years, Loki's favourite destination is Midgard, more specifically, New York. As time goes by, he meets up with the Avengers and after healing a badly wounded Natasha, becomes one of them. More importantly, through Natasha, he meets the love of his life and shockingly, the pair fall for each other, hard. Still, Loki's sense of duty makes him return to Asgard, though he does sneak back to Midgard on a regular basis, until Jotunheim happens.
After Thor's stripped of his powers and banished to Midgard for the Jotunheim fiasco, Loki learns the truth about his origins. Although devastated by the discovery, Loki doesn't have a meltdown. Instead, when Odin falls into the Odin-sleep, the Trickster rejects the throne and calmly walks out on Asgard permanently. Loki has no qualms about turning his back on the Aesir and those who have lied to him for most of his life. No attempt is made on Thor's life, the Bifrost isn't destroyed and Loki doesn't fall into the void.
Thor's banishment ends. He returns to Asgard and when he discovers Loki's left and has no intention of coming back, he's infuriated. Loki, meanwhile, is in New York. Now an Avenger, he has what he's always craved. Acceptance. Friends. Someone who loves him deeply. And more importantly, people he considers family …
A/N 3: Thanks to Tamuril2 for keeping tabs on me and pointing out I'd missed a paragraph in A/N 2. This is what happens when I post stories at 2am and my brain slopes off to bed before me without warning !
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On The Outside Looking In
Five minutes. Just five long minutes of seemingly endless torture was all it took. All it had taken to shatter her dreams of happiness and break her heart.
Five minutes of public humiliation where she'd been forced to endure, to witness, the man she loved with her whole being – and whom she'd believed had reciprocated that love wholeheartedly – declare his love for another ... before the whole of Asgard.
Five minutes of agonizing pain, sheer embarrassment and increasing anger. Five whole damn minutes where she'd had to suffer the covert and not so secretive pitying glances from her people. Her family. Her friends. And worst of all … his mother.
Only it wasn't pity she saw in the Queen's eyes. It was sympathy and warmth combined with sorrow. Although Frigga appeared composed and dignified, to those who knew her well, it was all too clear that her eldest son's unexpected announcement – and the fact that he'd actually dared to bring his new love to court without warning – had shocked her deeply. And she was far from pleased with the new development.
Sif and Frigga had always had a good relationship and were genuinely fond of each other. So much so, that Frigga actively encouraged Thor's interest in the striking shield-maiden in the hope that he'd finally "see" the hidden jewel in Asgard's crown. That Thor's friendship and affection for the intelligent, dark-haired beauty would grow into love. For Frigga had seen into Sif's soul and knew the younger woman's feelings for Thor were genuine. That Sif truly loved him, whereas this … this alien, this stranger, with her disrespectful attitude, intrusive curiosity and ambitious agenda, had beguiled him in a blink of an eye, turning his attentions from the one who genuinely cared for him.
As for Odin ? Although he loved his son deeply, it was obvious he thought his son's choice of a bride to be an extremely poor one. Naturally, he'd acknowledged the usurper, but his greeting had been far from warm. It had been glacially polite, done with a bare modicum of respect. But the most telling thing of the king's opinion was the contemptuous, dismissive look he'd given the stranger. A cursory, judgemental glance that indicated that he clearly found Thor's choice of consort wanting … that she lacked everything the Aesir valued highly. And that she was undeserving of the title of Asgard's future queen.
It also appeared the Aesir were in full agreement with the All-Father and his queen. The stranger, a Midgardian no less, did not meet up with their exceptionally high standards. For when Thor had made his announcement, his formal declaration of love to her and publicly rejected the Lady Sif in the most brutal and unexpected fashion, it had been met with a stunned and deathly silence. Clearly something the God of Thunder hadn't expected as he'd been counting on their approval. That the populace too, would become enamoured with the Lady Jane. That they would also love her unconditionally. How wrong he was …
Then, a grudging, if somewhat mocking round of applause began. It was accompanied by muted cheers which were far from sincere and adoring. No, the Aesir had declared their opinion of the Lady Jane and it was far from flattering. Especially when it was common knowledge that the Crown Prince and the Lady Sif had been formally courting before his banishment. That he'd pledged himself to her and intended to speak with her father as he sought her hand in marriage.
And now this ? This madness … Thor had only been banished for three days. Three days ... or rather three Midgardian days. Not a great deal of time admittedly, but enough to cause everlasting damage and intense pain. As far as the Aesir were concerned, three days was all it took for him to forsake one of their own. To break his oath to her, his promise of love. To grievously wound a true lady who was also a fine, much respected warrior, by abandoning her for a worthless, common harlot, which was how Sif's kinsmen plainly viewed this new canker in their midst.
In a way, Sif couldn't help but feel relieved that Loki wasn't present to see the fiasco. The nightmare would've had the Trickster in his element … and he'd have reveled in her pain and suffering. Then again, even though Loki was disliked and disrespected by the Aesir, his distracting presence would've been welcome. For Loki would've stolen her kinsfolk's attention away from her and distracted them from her humiliation and grief. Why ? Because of his brutal, unfailing honesty in awkward situations. Loki wouldn't have been scared to say exactly what each and every Aesir at court - excluding Thor of course - truly thought of this catastrophe. The black sheep of the Odinson family would've publicly called Thor out for his stupidity and poor choice of bride and not given a damn about it either … When Sif thought about it, she regretted Loki's absence; his ability to call a spade a spade and for his silver-tongue to callously wreak absolute havoc before he smugly vanished in satisfaction … and for the first time in her life, Sif found herself missing the royal trouble-maker.
Sif barely managed to hang on to her shredded dignity before the whole situation became too much for her. She'd felt Volstagg's large hand gently squeeze her forearm, his kindly grey eyes full of compassion. And even Hogun's ever composed expression had been stunned by Thor's announcement. His dark eyes narrowed in anger as he watched his reckless fool of a friend in disbelief, before turning to the seemingly outwardly calm, yet inwardly devastated woman beside him. The stoic warrior had also shown his support, by moving closer so she could lean against and draw strength from him. Strength which she'd badly need to get her through the next few troublesome days. And strength the inscrutable Vanir was only too happy to share with her.
But in the end, it wasn't enough. And after staying for what she considered a respectful amount of time, Sif bolted, unaware of Thor's confused, yet disappointed gaze or Frigga's deeply saddened one.
"Sif …" Volstagg called after her, a frown furrowing his brow in worry.
"No, leave her be, my friend," Hogun calmly remarked. "She needs time. Time to get over this … time to heal. She'll return to us when she's ready … when she needs us." And with that final judgement, the concerned pair sadly watched their heartbroken comrade and sister flee to lick her wounds.
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Sif found herself on the balcony outside the Great Hall. She leant against the stone balustrade to gaze unseeingly over the city, before she finally allowed herself to break down completely. Tears coursed silently from her hazel eyes and her slender body trembled violently. Thor's betrayal had hit her hard. It had come from nowhere and she truly hadn't been expecting it. Another wave of grief and hurt swept across her and she hastily wrapped her slim arms around her waist to try and contain it. To keep herself together.
"Hurts, doesn't it ?" a cool voice broke the silence, its tone nonchalant. Then, a tall, lean figure cradling a goblet of wine stepped out from the shadows. "To be on the outside looking in, especially when you're not used to it. Must be painful to be rejected so publicly for someone so mundane … so insignificant. To learn at the same time as the rest of us that the Golden One loves someone else- "
"L-Loki," she spat, whirling around to face her old tormenter. "Why are you here ? I thought you were on Midgard causing chaos. Are you spying on me ? Do you enjoy seeing me like this ? You're probably relishing my pain, my humiliation, aren't you ? Just … just go away and leave me be …"
"Ah, Sif … Sif … Sif …" Loki slowly shook his head in mock disbelief. A long, slim finger idly circled the rim of his goblet as he quickly dipped his head to briefly mask the flicker of hurt in his expressive emerald eyes. "Always so quick to believe the worst of me … I'm hurt."
"Well, you've never proved me wrong yet, have you, Trickster ?"
"Probably not. Then again, you never gave me a chance to do so … did you ? You, like the other mindless simpletons here, were always too quick to find fault and point the finger of blame at me without a shred of proof … So, what do you expect ? Bit rich really for you to expect this leopard to change its spots now …"
"Oh, just shut your gods-forsaken trap and leave me be, Lie-Smith. Can't you see I want to be alone ? If you had any decency you'd leave- "
Loki snorted and retorted, "But this is me we're talking about. According to everyone here, I haven't a decent bone in my body. And apparently, I thrive on others' misery and pain. Besides, why should I leave ? I was here first ... You were the one who barged into my sanctuary, like a wounded bilgesnipe and disrupted my peace- "
Sif raised a trembling hand to hastily wipe away her tears. It was typical. So typical. Of all the people who lived in Asgard, it had to be the one she'd least wanted to see her at her lowest who found her. So now, not only had she to deal with seeing her beloved Thor swanning around with his pathetic Midgardian whore, she also had to put up with Loki's unwanted presence. His sly needling, cruel taunts and knowing glares. Could her life get any worse ?
"Fine," she snapped. "I'll go. I'd rather be anywhere other than here …" She turned abruptly and began to head back towards the palace corridor.
"You mean you'd rather be anywhere except in my scintillating presence," Loki replied quietly. "You haven't changed at all, have you, Sif ? You still can't bear to breathe the same air as me. Am I truly that bad to be around that you'd rather flee than endure my company ?"
Sif stopped abruptly. "W-What ? What do you mean by that ? I-I never- "
"Oh, come, come, Lady Sif … There's no need to start lying to me now," Loki remarked idly. He gazed down at the red wine which gently swirled at the bottom of his goblet.
"I-I'm not !" she denied heatedly. "Why should I ?"
"Sif ! Lies don't become you. You're far too transparent to lie convincingly anyway. Just be honest with yourself and admit that you hate me. You've always held me in the utmost contempt. I'd have more bloody respect for you if you didn't lie to yourself, than when you try to take the moral high ground and make out that you're better than me."
"That's simply not tr- "
"True ? That's a load of bullshit and you know it. Of course you hated and despised me. From the moment we first met, you never accepted, made me feel welcome or part of the group. If anything, you and that prancing, vapid peacock, Fandral made damn sure of it ! If it wasn't for Volstagg's kind, generous nature … let's just say my life would've been far shittier without his companionship. He's the only one who bothered to try to make things easier for me, to try and understand and give me a chance … and he's the only one I have time for in this Helhole of a realm, other than mother …" Loki retaliated promptly, determined to throw a few home truths at the upset shield-maiden when there were no witnesses in the vicinity. "So, please … don't take me for the fool you are !"
There was a distinct, uncomfortable pause, where neither of them looked at each other. Sif, out of shame because Loki's words had struck a chord and almost everything he'd said had held more than a grain of truth. Loki, meanwhile, avoided all eye contact with his former nemesis. His tirade had brought back unwanted memories of his sad and lonely childhood. But there was another reason why he refused to look at her. He felt and this was a rare thing for him, guilty for taunting the already distraught woman when she was at her nadir and he couldn't help but feel empathy for her. For Loki was no stranger to pity or humiliation … they were emotions he knew only too well along with the all too familiar feeling of self-loathing which usually accompanied them.
Loki silently brushed past her to lean against the balustrade. He gave a deep sigh then suddenly, broke the silence between them.
"I used to be where you are now, you know ?" he quietly confessed. "I was in love once …"
Sif snorted in bitter disbelief. "Ha ! You ? In love ? I doubt that very much, Trickster. You're incapable of loving anyone other than yourself. And the likelihood of anyone foolish enough to reciprocate that love ? Less than nothing … Besides, don't you need to have a heart to be able to love ?"
He raised his head slowly and met her gaze head on. What Sif saw in those expressive green eyes for a brief, fleeting moment made her gasp in shock. For those intelligent orbs flickered with pain. The intrinsic agony that could only come from the intimate experience of real heartache. Then before she knew it, the veil came down once more, concealing what been genuine emotion in Loki's eyes.
To her bewilderment, Loki failed to rise to the bait. He ignored it and continued to speak quietly as he lost himself in distant memories.
"As I said, I was in love. Truly in love with the most beguiling, seductive and captivating beauty in the whole of Asgard. I fell hard and I fell deeply for her. But to no avail. Her heart was set on another and when he began to show interest in her, I realized I was fighting a losing battle. She was a lost cause to me as I knew then I'd never win her heart …"
Despite herself, Sif couldn't help but want to hear more about the mystery woman who'd captivated the Lie-Smith and left him broken hearted.
"And does this paragon have a name ? Or is she just a fantasy that you dreamt of because no one else would have you ?" she couldn't resist sniping at him.
"Oh, believe me, she still exists. Still draws breath … even now."
"Well ? Who is she ? Do I know her ?" Sif demanded impatiently. "I'd love to meet and congratulate the woman who had the sense to reject you."
"You could say you know her pretty well …" Loki replied cryptically, his gaze firmly fixed upon his goblet.
"Tell me ! Just give me a name, for Norns' sake !"
He shifted his body weight from one hip to the other and rolled his shoulders to ease the tension within them. "Her name was Sif ... It was you. You- " He hesitantly raised his gaze to meet hers, only to watch her swiftly back away from him in denial. Sif's striking hazel eyes had widened in disbelief.
"You lying bastard ! How in Hel's name can you be so cruel ? Did you get some sort of perverse kick from making all that shit up and then claim you were in love with me ? Well, did you ?"
Loki moved away from the balustrade and began to approach her as if closing in on a wary, injured animal that was consumed with pain.
"I'm not lying, Sif. I'd never lie about my feelings for you then, especially to you. Nor would I admit to being in love with you when you're clearly hurting now … I may be cruel at times, but I'm not heartless … I loved you for a very long time. I craved you. Wanted you so badly that I ached. But you never saw me in that light and you never cared for me except when you needed a whipping boy. Not that I minded at the time, because it was far better than being ignored by you. At least it meant I got your attention somehow, even if it wasn't the kind I truly wanted …"
"So, yes … I do know how you feel. What it's like to want someone who's unattainable. To feel pain, devastation and humiliation … to be rejected for another. To be second best. I've always known and felt it. Because I knew as soon as you laid eyes on my brother, I'd lost you ! I'd lost my only chance of happiness … the dream of being with my glorious, feisty goddess. You were the only thing that made living in Asgard bearable, even if we weren't together … even if we did nothing but argue and fight all the time. But when Thor decided he wanted you the way you wanted him, I felt like the moon when it's eclipsed by the radiance of the sun. Unseen, forgotten and alone."
"You should have told me, Loki- "
"What ? And risk ridicule and further humiliation ? To be continuously mocked and taunted over feelings I had little or no control over ? No, it was best I kept them to myself … But I genuinely loved you. Had you asked it of me, I'd've done almost anything for you. You would've wanted for nothing, because all I desired was your happiness and love. But you made the mistake of falling for the wrong brother … You fell for a flighty, rash, thoughtless idiot. Someone who promised you the Nine Realms, yet delivered nothing in the end. Nothing but intense heartache and betrayal. Someone who threw away the vow he'd made to you as easily as rubbish."
Sif could merely stand in silence before him. The God of Lies' shocking, yet genuine admission that he'd loved her left her reeling. It was something she'd never imagined possible.
"I always knew Thor was a boorish, insensitive, selfish oaf," he muttered to himself briefly forgetting her presence, "but this time he's succeeded in taking stupidity to a whole new level. A level I never thought anyone could reach … What in Helheim was he thinking of ? Or was he even capable of cognitive thought at the time ?" Loki shook his head sadly.
"And in answer to your earlier question of why am I here ? Simple. I'm here to wish mother a happy name day. Nothing more, nothing less. I certainly didn't come back for this ! To see my witless, blind, oaf of a brother make a monumental fool of himself, my parents and someone I cared for deeply. And to do so for such a weak, pathetic nonentity as that ! Makes me feel ashamed to be raised as his brother. Even a bilgesnipe would've had more sense, for Norns' sake ! Honestly ! I leave the Realm for Midgard only for a short time and this happens !"
As the Trickster continued to vent his spleen and list his brother's numerous faults, Sif leant back against a pillar to quietly study him. Loki looked different. Yes, he was still lean and sinewy, but he'd lost the unhealthy gauntness he'd had over the years as well as the haunted look which shadowed his expressive, green eyes.
Sif silently mulled over the change in him and as she did so, was struck by the realization that Frigga's youngest son was a very attractive man. An annoying, vexing one, most definitely, but still extremely attractive. Loki'd always stood out from other Aesir and wasn't what was considered to be the Asgardian ideal of blond, blue-eyed, towering muscular beauty. The Trickster's slender build, pale skin, raven mane and unusual green eyes often drew scorn and he was mocked and ridiculed for his appearance. But now, after his return from Midgard, she was even more aware of the uniqueness of his features. Loki had grown into his looks and had transformed from an attractive boy into a devastatingly handsome man. One, she couldn't help but feel reluctantly drawn to.
"Why did you leave, Loki ? You just disappeared without telling anyone," Sif asked quietly, oddly curious as to the real reason why he'd more or less abandoned Asgard. Abandoned his family and his friends.
The way Loki raised an eyebrow in response, smacked of sarcasm. "Why not ? Why should I explain myself to you … to anyone ? Why should I stay in a place where there's nothing left for me ? Where I was always mocked, reviled and abused ? Where I have no one ? Volstagg now has Ola. They have a baby due any day. The only person I ever considered a friend here, will no longer have time for me once his son's born. He has his own family to care and be there for …"
"But you're back now, right ? For good ?"
Loki stared at her in disbelief then slowly shook his head in denial. "No. I'm not. I leave in a few hours. There's nothing left for me here. No one for me to stay for- "
"There's me," Sif blurted out, then blushed furiously. She couldn't believe she'd said something so stupid. How those two words escaped her lips without thought, before she could curb them.
Loki laughed bitterly. "You ? Now you mock me, Lady Sif. No, there's no one here for me anymore. No one who'd make returning here worth it. I mean to leave as planned. I'm going back home ... for good."
"H-Home ?" Sif turned pale, suddenly and unexpectedly hating the thought of him leaving again. Especially when he claimed he had no intention of coming back and she'd begun to see him in a new light.
"Yes. Home."
"Must you ? I'm free now … would you reconsider it ? Will you stay ?"
Loki shook his head. "No. Everything I have, everything I need is on Midgard … everyone I care for … Why should I give all those up to come back here ?"
Sif raised her head determinedly. "There's me. You'd have me, if you still want me."
He sighed and ran an elegant, capable hand through his midnight-hued locks. "It's no longer enough … or what I want. Things change, Sif. Circumstances - people - change. You found that out this evening. I'm not the same callow, needy, lovelorn youth I once was ... I've changed. I want - I need more - and I deserve more than to be second best to my selfish, oaf of a brother. You don't want me … you never wanted or noticed me in the past. And you made me feel unworthy … that I wasn't fit to be in your presence. No, you only show interest in me now because of Thor's rejection. That's why you need me and wish for me to stay. So that you won't be alone. And I'm no longer willing to settle or remain in my brother's shadow …"
Sif gasped. His words left her reeling. They were powerful. Brutal. And above all, honest. It was bad enough to have lost Thor, but to now lose Loki as well ? To lose someone she now finally began to understand and appreciate ? It was devastating to say the least … and it hurt. Deeply.
Loki lowered his left hand and let it drop to his side. As he did so, Sif saw a flash of silver reflect from the third finger of his hand. She froze in disbelief. A ring. Loki wore a ring. A plain silver band. How in Hel's name had she missed it ?
"Is there nothi- ?"
Loki felt Sif's curious gaze rest upon the ring that graced his left hand. He smiled, not out of malice, but for the reason he wore the band. Of a commitment he'd made to someone back home. Back in Midgard. Someone who meant everything to him. Someone he valued more than the Nine Realms.
"Nothing you can say or do will make me stay, Sif," he finished quietly. "Nothing will persuade me to leave my home willingly. I have friends on Midgard. Good ones who are loyal to me. And I'm happy there. Happier than I've ever been … and I'm loved. There's someone back home who loves me as deeply as I love her. And I won't give her up … for anyone ! Not even you, Sif. You're my past, Maria's my future."
"I see …" there was a trace of bitterness in Sif's voice which he couldn't fail to miss.
"Oh, come on, Sif. You didn't seriously think anything would work between us ? I thought you were far smarter than that. We wouldn't have lasted a day before one of us tried to kill the other in some way and you know it. We can barely last five minutes before we start bickering, for Norns' sake," Loki chuckled in amusement and managed to tease a faint grin from his old nemesis. "You should count your blessings. When it comes to me you've had a lucky escape. We'd have driven each other mad had we tried to be together. Hel ! We do that anyway !"
Sif, to her horror, giggled. She couldn't deny the truth of Loki's reasoning. They would have done just that. Driven each other insane or attempted murder. It appeared the Trickster knew her better than she thought. Maybe he was right. She had had a lucky escape.
"Listen, maybe this isn't such a bad thing when you think about it. Really think about it." Loki spoke softly, earnestly. "Thor would only make you happy for a short time – despite mother's hopes to the contrary. He's a total moron- "
"Moron ? What's a 'moron' ?" Sif's brow furrowed lightly in confusion.
"Sorry, a 'moron's' the same as an 'oaf.' It's a Midgardian thing. I was about to say Thor would inevitably do something idiotic and you'd end up hurt. More hurt than you are now. Honestly, Sif ? You can do better than him … After what happened this evening, I have to say - and I can't believe I'm saying this - you deserve far better. You need to raise your standards. Though going by what I saw earlier in the Great Hall, I'd say something better's closer than you think- "
"What do you mean by that ? Stop talking in riddles. What do you mean by 'something better's closer than I think' ?"
Loki smirked. His sparkling green eyes held the look that used to annoy Sif greatly in the past. The "I know something you don't" look.
"Loki !"
His smirk widened. "Hogun."
"What about Hogun ?" she asked in confusion.
Loki rolled his eyes. "Well, The Grim was perfectly happy to be there for you earlier. To show his support and allow you to lean on him. He wouldn't do that for just anyone- "
"Loki, Hogun's a friend. A good friend- "
"Are you blind, woman ? So what if he's a friend. He's also someone who really likes you. Genuinely cares about you."
"What ? Hogun ? Don't make me laugh."
"I'm serious. His feelings for you are sincere. And you could do far worse than him. Hel ! You were considering hand-fasting to someone infinitely worse and far more oafish ! You should give him a chance. He could make you happy. And there are a lot of things in his favour. He may be quiet, but he has a brain and isn't afraid to use it. He's not Thor. He's brave. Compassionate. Honest to a fault. He genuinely likes and respects you. He's not Thor. Hogun's a good man and he's loyal. He'd never betray you. He's NOT Tho- "
"Fine … alright, I get it. He's not Thor …" Sif laughed hesitantly as she thought about the exotically handsome, dark-haired Vanir. Loki'd made a good argument in Hogun's favour. She'd always counted the man as a good friend and enjoyed his company. Admittedly, Hogun was a quiet man, but that was no bad thing as she always found him a calming influence and he was the only one capable of soothing her temper … Maybe her friend truly was worthy of consideration. Loki'd definitely given her something interesting to think about. After all, she liked Hogun – and when she really thought about it, she liked him a lot, probably far more than she'd realized – and they got on well with each other. Plus the fact the man was sinfully attractive didn't hurt either. A slight genuine smile began to curve her lips. A smile Loki was only too quick to notice.
"Exactly ! I think you'd be good for each other. You should consider him, you know ? After all, things have to be really bad if you're starting to contemplate being with me … Bad or you were just plain desperate !" Loki teased gently, only to quickly side-step out of Sif's reach when he noticed she was about to slap him upside the head.
"So … you think I should give Hogun a chance then ?" she asked quietly, her high cheekbones delicately stained pink, much to the royal mischief-maker's delight. He also noted how the shield-maiden's hazel eyes had lightened considerably and now had a bit of a sparkle to them.
"I do," he replied firmly. The thought of Sif and Hogun together, somehow, oddly pleased him. And despite his turbulent, albeit non-existent past relationship with her, Loki still cared. Still wanted her to be happy. And if Hogun was the one to provide that happiness ? Who was he to object ?
"But what about Thor ?"
"What about Thor ?" he countered.
"Hogun's his friend. He won't like it if I- "
"SIF ! Valhalla ! For the last time, FORGET ABOUT BLOODY THOR ! I don't mean to be cruel, but he quickly forgot about you when he met that little doxy, didn't he ? He never gave you any consideration when he brought that whey-faced, irritating, mousy quim here, did he ? So, why in Helheim are you even bothering to consider his feelings ? He betrayed you, Sif. Humiliated and hurt you in the worst possible way. You owe him nothing ! Do you understand ? He lost his claim on you or the right to tell you how to live your life the moment he took up with that jumped up madam, remember ? So stop thinking about what he wants, how hurt or angry he may be and put yourself first for once …"
"But- "
"No 'buts,' Sif. Just let yourself be happy and move on. Forget about Thor. Don't waste your life away because of him. He's not worth it. Valhalla ! I moved on and I'm happier for it, so why can't you ?"
She watched him absently spin the ring around his finger and couldn't help be struck by how different he was in comparison to the old Loki. He was calmer, more relaxed and there was a softness in his eyes that she'd never seen before. They held a warmth and a wistful longing that burned brightly. It made her even more curious about the woman Loki now loved with every fibre of his being.
"What's she like ? Your Maria ?"
The Trickster's handsome countenance lit up at the mention of his beloved's name. "Maria ? She's everything to me. My life. The air that I breathe. My conscience … my better half. She's bright, clever and imaginative. Maria's brave, resilient and fearless and she isn't afraid to stand up to me or make my life Hel on Midgard if I'm out of line. But she's also my rock. She's both loyal and true. My Maria's compassionate, kind and … and she has the biggest heart imaginable." Loki waved his hand and suddenly an image appeared before them.
It was an image of a woman. She was tall, willowy and moved with an elegant grace of a sleek, powerful feline. Long, dark wavy hair framed an oval face and her features were stunning and even took Sif's breath away. The woman's expression was serious. Her luminous blue-grey eyes were pensive and held a wealth of intelligence and experience. Then everything changed. Seriousness gave way to mirth, all pensiveness vanished and those bewitching eyes gleamed wickedly as her lips curved into a bright smile as she began to laugh out of sheer joy and amusement. Then, just as suddenly as she'd appeared, the image abruptly faded away.
Sif turned to look at the man before her. His face told her everything. How deeply he loved and missed the woman who possessed his heart and soul. Loki was finally content with his lot in life.
"That … that was my Maria," he remarked softly and there was no mistaking the hint of deep pride and affection in the tone of his voice. "My beloved. My heart. Now do you see why I can't come back ? Why I don't want to ? Not without her at least. I wouldn't – couldn't – live without her by my side. She keeps me sane. Brings joy to my life. And the crazy thing about it ? She loves me. She's in love with me. And she believes and has faith in me. Why ? Norns only know, but she does and I'm grateful to her. I've no idea what she sees in me, but I'm thankful that she's found something in me that's redeeming, that's worthy of her and her love … I'd lay down my life for her if I had to. That's how much she means to me. Now do you understand ?"
And Sif finally understood. Understood that after all of those years of sorrow, sheer loneliness, of pain and bitter humiliation Loki'd finally found what he'd always wanted. Someone who loved him, warts and all, who desired and willingly chose to be with him. Loki'd found the one he was destined for. Someone he belonged with. He'd found his "one" and he would not give her up for anything … not when he'd waited for so long for her. And Sif couldn't blame him in the slightest. After all, who was she to deny him happiness ? Especially after all the years of misery and torment she'd unknowingly inflicted upon him.
She nodded, realizing that Loki was right. Everyone had a right to happiness and the right to fight for it. This was her life and she had the right to live it as she pleased … and now that Loki'd planted the seed in her fertile mind that she had other options … There was someone there waiting for her, well … Sif was nothing if not resolute. If the God of Lies could move on and find joy and love in his life, then so could she …
The feisty shield-maiden smiled. Who'd have thought she'd ever consider taking advice from the Trickster of all people ? Or that they'd been able to have an amicable discussion ? Probably the longest they'd ever had ? And without a drop of blood being shed ? That was a marvel in itself.
"So," Loki grinned then unexpectedly, held out his hand, "friends ?"
She nodded and to her astonishment, agreed to accept the olive branch he'd surprizingly offered. "Friends." Sif took his hand and shook it firmly while struggling to suppress the urge to giggle as he winced at her grip. Well, she still had to find a way to keep the troublesome rogue in line somehow, hadn't she ?
She released his hand and stepped back. A genuine smile lit her face. She firmly intended to move on. And move on she would … with a vengeance. She could do better than that blond, bumbling, shallow, fickle oaf and she would show him what he'd stupidly given up. What he'd be missing. And she wouldn't be waiting for him.
It was a pity about Frigga though, Sif mused sadly, after all the All-Mother had shown her nothing but kindness and love. Sif had grown fond of the Queen and had treasured their friendship. She would miss Frigga's company dearly. But that was life and life often had its own agenda.
"By the way, friend," Loki murmured as he moved with a predatory grace back towards the Great Hall, "if it's any consolation to you, it won't last you know …"
She walked beside him and turned her head to look at him. "What won't last ?"
"Thor's new love. The people already loathe and despise her. She's an alien to begin with and a usurper. The fact that she's responsible for Thor betraying you won't sit well with the Aesir either, especially with the warriors. It won't be long before they show the 'Lady' Jane exactly what they think of her. Mother positively hates her with a passion and is probably trying to come up with a way to banish her back to whatever rock she crawled out of in the first place … and as for Odin ? He won't stand for it. Oh, I know he usually puts up with the oaf's quirks and indulges them. But this ? Believe me, it won't be long before Odin will show his true colours and make his feelings known … and it won't be pretty." Loki smirked in satisfaction.
The Trickster paused at the entrance to the corridor which, led to both of the royal family's personal quarters or back to the Great Hall. He waited for Sif's reaction to his thoughts on Thor's latest whim with interest.
"I know," she replied with an unusual calmness. "And I don't care. It'll be too little, too late if Thor decides he wants me back. If he can do this to me once, there's nothing to stop him doing it again. And I won't stand for it. Frankly, like you said, I deserve better ... and I mean to get it !"
She reached across and to Loki's utter astonishment, brushed her lips lightly against his left cheek. Sif whispered a "thank you" in his ear before stepping back to stand before the entrance of the Great Hall.
Stunned, the dark prince managed to croak, "What was that for ?"
Sif smirked lightly. "Just to thank you for making me see sense at last. To see how stupid I've been. To see how much of worthless fool your brother is. To see that there is hope, that I can dream and that possibly someone else can make me happy. And to say I finally understand why you mean so much to your Maria. It's just a shame that I couldn't. I was too blind, too stupid and too arrogant to see the real you … if I had, maybe things could've been different."
He shrugged nonchalantly, "That's just water under the bridge now, Sif. No point wasting time on regrets. What's done is done. And the past should stay exactly where it is. In the past. Besides, I think we're probably better off as friends, yes ?"
That final remark was made casually, but when she met his steady gaze, she could see a flicker of hope glisten in their emerald depths.
She nodded. "Yes, I believe you could be right. Friends. That sounds good. You … you will keep in touch, yes ? I'd hate to think after all the animosity and grudges that we've had, now that we've managed to resolve things and agreed to be friends, that nothing would come of it …"
He grinned. "Oh, I think we can come up with something that'd work. Besides, I'd like you to meet Maria and my friends someday …"
"Really ?" Sif hadn't been expecting that at all.
"Really."
"Well," she sighed and glanced over a slim shoulder in the direction of the Hall. Towards where Volstagg and Hogun still remained. "I guess this is it. Wish me luck."
"Whatever for ?" Loki replied with suspicion. "What are you up to ?"
"Me ? Oh, nothing much. Just going to find out if there's any truth to your theory- "
"What theory ?"
"The one where I need to cultivate a friendship with a certain Vanir warrior !" she smirked. "I'm going to show that idiot of a brother of yours exactly what he's missing. That he's nothing to me. And sitting through there could well be someone far better and far more worthy of my heart."
Loki burst out laughing. "At last ! Took you long enough to finally see the light. As for luck, trust me, you won't need it. That 'someone's' just waiting for you to claim him … probably has for quite a while. Take care of yourself …"
"You too, friend," Sif replied. She raised her chin determinedly, before squaring her shoulders and began to head off towards the Great Hall with a surprizing spring in her step.
Loki remained in the corridor's shadows and silently observed his new friend join her companions.
"Sif ! You're back," Volstagg beamed happily and warmly welcomed her to their table.
But it was Sif's reaction to the Vanir warrior which caught Loki's attention. Hogun quickly stood up in greeting and hugged her before making room for her to sit beside him. His dark eyes lit up at the sight of the beauty who'd returned to them in a far happier, more peaceful state of mind. Hogun gave a faint grin of pleasure as Sif took her place beside him, only for it to widen when she willingly leaned closer to him, with a rare, shy smile on her face.
A trace of a knowing smile played on Loki's lips as he took in the sight of the rejected shield-maiden willingly taking a hesitant step towards developing her friendship with the darkly handsome warrior into something more. Something better. Something special.
Yes, Loki thought to himself, sometimes it paid to be on the outside looking in. To be able to spot something precious that others had been unaware of or had missed. Something good with the potential of becoming something great.
And bearing that thought in mind, a contented Loki silently vanished. His destination ? Home to Midgard and his love, Maria.
FINIS