Put a Ring on It

This is a Clockwerk X Sly crack fic.

XXX

It was the final battle. Sly hovered over the scorching lava with his jetpack of magical unicorn farts. Clockwerk flew before him, his strong, metal wings sending ferocious winds outward. The immortal, metal bird's eyes glowed like the eyes of an immortal, metal bird. The beak of Clockwerk snapped angrily since he was very angry.

As the battle began, Sly had to repeatedly dodge the large, metal rings the large, metal bird sent his way. Sly dodged left. He dodged right. He dodged up and down over and over again. Finally, the raccoon had enough.

"WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOOTING METAL RINGS AT ME?!1?!111/?!" Sly yelled. "EVEN IF WE IGNORE HOW EXPENSIVE AND TIME-CONSUMING IT MUST HAVE BEEN TO MAKE ALL THESE RINGS, IT'S GETTING REALLY ANNOYING!"

"THE GREAT BEYONCE HAS SPOKEN AND SAID THAT IF I LIKE IT, THEN I SHOULD PUT A RING ON IT!" Clockwerk cawed back.

"…Wat," Sly derped.

"THAT IS RIGHT, SLY COOPER!1 I HAVE YET TO REVEAL MY TRUE PURPOSE!" the birdie screeched. "ALL MY PLANNING FOR ALL THESE YEARS HAS BEEN FOR ONLY ONE PURPOSE! I WISH TO MARRY YOU, SLY COOPER!1!11!"

"Wait. Hold the crappin' phone. Just. Wat," Sly questioned. "You killed my whole family because you decided that you were going to marry me WHEN I WAS A CHILDREN?!1?!/!"

"Yup," Clockwerk answered.

"What the h*ck is wrong with you?!1" Sly asked.

"I'm a messed up buttsniffer," said the metal bug thing. "NOW MARRY ME, SLY COOPER. I LIKED IT, AND I HAVE PUT A RING ON IT!"

"Technically, I dodged all of those," Sly pointed out. "Also… I'm… in love with someone else."

Sly made a dramatic pose, still jetpacking in mid-air.

"WH-WHAT?!11/!?" Clockwerk yodeled in disbelief.

"Yeah. They're a real fox… And their name is…," the raccoon paused for some very dramatic effect. "Batman."

Suddenly, in swung Batman with his grappling hook thing.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" Batman exclaimed. "Sly and I are betrothed! We made plans to marry as soon as you are vanquished!"

"IMPOSSIBLE! I AM CLEARLY BETTER THAN THIS… THINGIE!" Clockwerk raged.

"You killed my whole family!" Sly pointed out.

"DETAILS!" replied the bird.

"Yeah. Nope," Sly told him.

Meanwhile, Robin had been crawling up Clockwerk's butt to reach his self-destruct button, planning to press it while the bird was distracted by the conversation. HOWEVER, Clockwerk noticed the Boi Wonder and gobbled him up.

"Oh noooooooes," Batman sobbed.

MEANWHILE, Sly pressed the self-destruct button with his cane. Clockwerk exploded into a bunch of teeny weeny bits and died. Sly and Batman got married right on the spot and lived happily ever after. Bentley became a leading program designer at Turtle Industries. Murray went on to become an accountant.

Robin stayed dead.

THE END.