Couples Therapy

Chapter 1

"I just think that I have a higher purpose."

"Uh-huh."

"I mean, who grows up wanting to be a barmaid?"

"Uh-huh."

"And I really think that I'm good at singing. Don't you?"

"Uh-huh."

"And I just love it so much!"

"Uh-huh."

"Not that I don't like it here, because I do."

"Uh-huh."

"And I love you, of course."

"Uh-huh."

"But I'm just meant to travel, you know?"

"Uh-huh."

"See the world."

"Uh-huh."

"I won't, like, cheat on you or anything."

"Uh-huh."

"…Laxus, are you even listening?"

"Uh-huh."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh."

"Oh." Mirajane giggled as she refilled his beer for him. He was just sitting there at the bar, headphones in, as he stared down at a newspaper. It had been a rather slow day which, as always, meant that the demon thought she could sit around and talk to him the whole time. Which was fine. That's what he had headphones for. "Just checking."

"Uh-huh."

"'cause I love you. Have I said that today?"

"Uh-huh."

"Oh, Laxus. You're, like, the best boyfriend ever. And I mean that. Ever."

"Uh-huh."

"You think tonight you wanna go out to eat?"

That made him glance up. "Something fancy or something cheap?"

"Which do you prefer?"

"Ch-" he stopped himself when he saw her face. "Fancy."

"Oh, Laxus! You and me are just so in sync, huh?"

"Uh-huh."

She was still blabbering on too when, suddenly, they were joined over at the bar by a weeping Lucy, that stupid white spirit of hers in her arms, trying to comfort her. Laxus glanced at her before turning his headphones up louder.

"Lucy." Just like that, Mirajane's attention was off her apathetic boyfriend and onto her sobbing friend. "What's the matter?"

"It's," she cried as Laxus tried to turn his music up even more. If it got too strident though, Mira would hear it leaking out and yell at him about his precious hearing or something. Right. Because to prove that someone needs their hearing, you make them lose it by yelling demonically at them. Okay. "Natsu."

"Natsu?" Mirajane repeated. "What did he do?"

"He-"

"Lucy!"

Just then, the guildhall doors burst open and Natsu came rushing in, his stupid cat flying along as well.

"No," she said as he came to sit down next to her. "Go away, Natsu. I don't wanna talk to you."

"But-"

"We're sorry," Happy said. "We just-"

"You either."

"What did I do?" the Exceed complained.

"You encourage him. You always encourage him. You-"

"Don't yell at Happy," Natsu said. "He didn't do anything. And neither did I. But…if we made you cry-"

"I don't wanna hear it, Natsu."

"What's going on?" Mirajane asked. "Guys?"

Laxus, knowing where the whole thing was headed and not wanting to be a part of it, got to his feet, taking his paper with him. He immediately went to sit down next to Freed, who was happily going over some sort of paper work or something.

"Laxus," he greeted. "What-"

"The demon," he sighed, "is annoying me."

"Ah, yes, Mirajane. Any man would be lucky to have her." Freed was nothing if not supportive.

Laxus wasn't in the mood.

"Have to remind myself of that everyday."

Even more so when it was decided upon when Lisanna showed up for the evening shift that they were going on a double date. He and Mirajane. With the Salamander and the weeper. Even the damn cat, because why not?

"We're going to fix them, Laxus," Mira hissed.

"But demon," he groaned when she came over to the table to tell him this. "I just wanna go out, eat a nice dinner, screw around when we get home, and then go to bed. Is that too much to ask?"

If her facial expression was anything to go by, it definitely was.

"We're doing this," she said simply. "And you can forget about that nice dinner."

"What do you mean? You said fancy. I got my taste buds all set to steak. Steak, Mira!"

"His taste buds are rather exquisite," Freed offered up. Mirajane just ignored him though.

"They can't afford to eat somewhere like we can."

"We? What's this we? I ain't ever seen you pay for a bill."

"Laxus-"

"No. It's not fair. Just because they're irresponsible and not awesome enough to take the good jobs don't mean I can't have my steak. I'm getting my steak."

"Not with us you're not. Now come on. Tell your friends all goodbye and let's go."

"I'm not telling them-"

"Bye, Laxus!" Freed grinned brightly. "Unless, of course, you would like me to accompany you and, well, keep you company. You are outnumbered, after all."

Meh. Freed…

Glancing around, Laxus found that Ever wasn't around and Bickslow was all caught up in bothering Lisanna as she kept bar. Sigh.

"Come on, Freed. Let's-"

"No," Mira said though the man jumped up regardless, leaving his precious papers behind. "No way, Laxus."

"Mirajane-"

"We're going out with Natsu and Lucy to help them through their hard time."

"How?"

"We're older, more experienced, hardly ever fight-"

"What do you call what we're doing right now?"

"Laxus-"

"And besides," he countered. "Freed's helping me through my hard time."

"What hard time are you-"

"The one you're putting me through by making me go out with them!"

"Do you," she began then, voice low, "or do you not wanna go home with me tonight, Dragon?"

"Well…"

"Then come on. And goodnight, Freed."

"For the record," the green haired mage said as the woman walked off. "If we were together, I would never threaten you with holding out on overnight visits."

"And," Laxus groaned following his girlfriend. "You're staying."

Lucy seemed really mad at Natsu when they took off. She walked ahead of them, with Mirajane, and refused to glance back at him. Though Natsu seemed concerned in the moment, Laxus knew all it would take is one little distraction, and he'd forget all about it.

"Say," he found himself whispering then to the Salamander, hoping that he could be that distraction. Then he and the demon could get on with their night. Alone. He was even willing to overlook the way she'd talked to him in front of Freed. Maybe. "Natsu, I bet that you and your stupid cat here would be real interested in hearing about how a few towns over there's gonna be this big eating contest tomor-"

"That's great, Laxus," Natsu cut him off though he didn't glance at the other man. "Hey, Luce, maybe I could just replace the-"

"Shut up."

"Lucy," Happy tried. "We-"

"Hey, Natsu. You up for a fight?" Laxus wasn't giving up. He needed to get the whole thing resolved before they got to the restaurant. He'd knock the damn Salamander out, the girl would flip, nurse him back to health, and he could-

"Laxus," Mira hissed, glancing back at him. Natsu wasn't even listening anyhow. He'd… Where had Natsu run off to?

They had been passing a few vendors and he returned quickly with a flower. Laxus would give him that, it wasn't beat up or nothing. Perfectly good rose. Happy snickered when he saw it, clearly thinking that everything would be all fixed after that.

"Here, Luce, I-"

"I don't want it."

Man, the Salamander must have really screwed up.

"Lucy-"

"No, Natsu. You always do that. You act stupid and then think that you can just do something small for me and I'll forgive you."

"In his defense," Laxus tried, not believing he really cared that much. "He's pretty stupid in general."

"Yeah, I'm- Hey." Natsu frowned at Laxus, but the man only shrugged.

"I don't want it," Lucy said once more, not even glancing back at the man. Sighing, he shrugged slightly before looking to Mirajane.

"Do you want it then?"

"I-"

"Natsu." That time Lucy did turn around, though it was just to glare at him. "Are you serious?"

"Wh- Oh, yeah, Mira's on a date with Laxus. That's rude, huh? I'll give it to Erza or Lisanna then when we finish up here."

"You are so dense."

"Thank you."

"That's not a compliment!"

He let out a long sigh then. "I don't know what you want from me."

"That's pretty obvious," Happy mumbled.

"You can't just give away the flower, Natsu," Lucy complained, looking back forwards again. Mirajane glanced back as well, though it was to look at Laxus. He shrugged. What did she want from him.

"You said you didn't want it!"

"That doesn't mean you can just give it away."

"Uh, yeah, Luce, it does. I bought it, you don't want it, I don't want it, Happy does-"

"Happy would like to be asked things instead of them just being decided for him, thank you," the Exceed spoke up.

"Do you want it then, little buddy?" Natsu was pretty beat down then. "Can I give it to him, Luce?"

"Whatever, Natsu."

"Here then. Be careful of the thorns, huh?" He handed off to the cat before going back to sulking. It was rare for him to get so down about something, but watching his relationship implode when, to be truthful, he couldn't even quite remember what he did to cause it was kinda disheartening to say the least.

Happy just snickered some more. Attempt five hundred and forty-eight to win over Carla would be complete soon enough. Sure flowers had never worked before, but you never knew unless you tried…dozens of times.

The rest of the walk to the restaurant was silent, but it was better that way, Laxus figured. Apparently, he was going to have to at the very least sit through a meal with the clowns and didn't wanna have to talk to them more than necessary.

At the table, no one spoke. And Happy just stood on it, looking over his rose for any imperfections.

"Hey, Natsu?"

"Hmmm?" He hardly glanced at him.

"Can I order anything on the menu?"

"Sure. Laxus is paying."

The Thunder God blinked. Mira had already confiscated his headphones, so he heard every word of that.

"Laxus is what?" the man asked.

"Well," Mirajane said. "I did tell you they couldn't afford to eat where we wanted. Don't make them feel bad that they couldn't even afford to eat here."

"We could," Lucy complained. "If Natsu didn't bankrupt us constantly."

"Me?" He was about done with her for the day. "You're the one that constantly needs to make rent payments. That's where all the money goes."

"I have to live somewhere, don't I?"

"I'm a homeowner," he pointed out. "I-"

"You're a shack owner at best."

"Hey-"

"I would never leave my apartment to go live there. No way."

"Uh, I don't think anyone invited you," Happy pointed out.

As Lucy gave the cat the stink eye, Mirajane looked across the four top table at her boyfriend, pleading for him to step in. He was still trying to figure out how he got stuck listening to another couple argue over stupid crap and would end up footing the bill too. What kinda sense did that make?

It didn't. It made none at all. Unless you were the demon and thought that your man was just made of money. And even if he was, that didn't mean it was hers. No way. Sometimes, when he was very rarely feeling up for, he might toss her his wallet and tell her to get a new dress or two, but that was the closest to any access she got to his bank account. But there she was, once again, just decided that she ran his finances or something.

"So," Mira tried after the waiter came around to take their orders. "I think it's pretty clear that you guys have some issues here and, well, maybe we can all talk it out and get passed-"

"Lucy is totally a tyrant and tries to tell us what to do all the time." Happy, annoyed that the woman kept glaring at him, clearly knew what he wanted to say. "And we won't take it anymore."

"I'm being a tyrant, Happy? If that's true, then you guys are invaders that are welcome to stop staying over at my apartment constantly any time you'd like."

"Well, we wouldn't like. So there."

"I think," Mira said slowly. "That things would go a little smoother, Happy, if you let Natsu and Lucy work this out."

"Which means," Laxus grumbled as he eyed the cat darkly. "To shut up."

"Laxus."

"I'm helping, Mira. Why else did you bring me here?"

"Why did you bring us here?" This question seemed to dawn on Natsu for the first time. Then, frowning at Lucy, he said, "Hey, I think they set us up or something."

"Dense."

"Stop calling me things that I don't know what mean!"

Laxus shut his eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe if they kept it up, the demon would take pity on him and, at the very least, give him his headphones back. Hopefully.

"Lucy,' Mirajane said slowly. "Natsu is sorta right. You shouldn't name call."

"Name call?" She made a face at Mira then. "Do you know what he did?"

"That's what she's tryin' to figure out," Laxus grumbled.

"I don't even know what I did," Natsu added.

"He took the pages of a new story that I was writing and wiped his filthy hands all over them and crumbled them up-"

"Oh, that's what this is all about?" Natsu looked to Mirajane. "Lucy always says to wipe my hands after I eat. So, me and Hap had just finished clearin' out her food of all the stuff we wanted to eat and I thought that I would do just that. But I couldn't wipe it on my clothes, could i? Then she'd call me sloppy. Again. So I used the next best thing."

"Next best thing?" Lucy made a face. "I have actual paper towels, Natsu! In the kitchen where, you know, you were having your little feast.'

"Paper towels, notebook paper. What's the difference?"

"There's a huge difference!"

"Just stop yelling," Laxus complained. "Sheesh. You're getting a free meal. Act a little appreciative by, gee, I dunno, not getting us kicked out?"

"I think," Mira tried again, "what Laxus is saying is that you, Natsu, were in the wrong, but Lucy, you can't be upset with him. We all know that he's very…literal."

"That is not what Laxus is saying," the man grumbled. "I'm saying that you're both idiots and I really don't care if you date or not. Just don't reproduce."

"Laxus," Mira warned as Happy giggled some more.

"No thanks," Natsu said. "I'm not big on vegetables."

"I said reproduce, not eat produce!"

"Oh, dear," Mira sighed, realizing for the first time that the whole thing might be a tad more complicated than she thought. Lucy and Natsu were everyone's favorite couple and, obviously, they loved one another, right? She thought that it would be a cinch to get them back on track, but apparently, that had just been wishful thinking.

Laxus' favorite couple, however, was him and Mirajane. Watching Natsu's relationship implode, while fun, was not heartbreaking in the least. All good things come to an end, right? And everyone grows tired of one another eventually.

Except him and the demon. They were…what's the word…perfect for one another. She could cook and clean and give head while he was just all around awesome. See? Perfection.

But anyhow.

"Are we only here," Mira began again, "because Natsu used your story for a napkin?"

"No," Lucy said, shooting Natsu another glare. He just sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "Tell her, Natsu."

"Well… He glanced around. "Lucy was yellin' at us and stuff and I just… I'm right though, Lucy. You have to admit. I-"

"That's a horrible thing to say."

"What is it that he said?" Mira asked, clearly intrigued.

"Just that it was more fun," Natsu said with a shrug. "Before we were dating or whatever. And it was! So-"

"Then why are we even here?" Laxus complained. "Clearly, it didn't work out. Welcome to life, kiddies. Now scram. And demon, let's-"

"Because I was just angry," Natsu said. "I don't really think that, Luce. Things have been great since we started dating. These past few…however long it's been have been the best."

"Oh, whatever."

"It's true," he defended. "You're my best friend. We do everything together. And I hope that we keep doing them together."

"He loves you," Happy sang.

"Yeah. I do. And I'm sorry that sometimes I screw up. Or sometimes I make it seem like I don't. But you and Hap are the most important things to me. Along with eating, fighting, and having fun."

"When you really think about it and who he is," Laxus remarked. "You should kinda be honored to be on that list."

"Well, yeah, of course she's on the list," Natsu said. "Right behind-"

"Shut up, idiot," Laxus hissed. "Or do you not wanna make up with your damn girlfriend?"

"So, Lucy," Mirajane prompted. "Did Laxus and I fix everything?"

"What did you fix?" Laxus grumbled.

"Everything."

"Sure, demon."

"Well," the celestial wizard said slowly. "I really just think that you should apologize, Natsu."

"I have."

"For real. And really understand what it is that you did wrong."

"I… I shouldn't wreck your stuff. And I shouldn't be so careless. I get that. And I wanna stay your boyfriend for pretty much ever." Then, grinning for real that time, he said, "I love you, Luce. We're a team. Me, you and Happy. Forever."

Laxus would have been glad for them…had he still not had a bill to cover. But the demon seemed pretty happy with herself and that was worth something. Not as many jewels as the whole thing cost him, but definitely something.

When they got home that night, Laxus just wanted to take a hot shower and relax some.

Mira wasn't hearing it.

"-great I am at stuff like this, you know?"

"Uh-huh."

"I've always been good at pairing people up, but to be able to keep them together is just so stellar, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"And clearly, I'm meant to do this now, for, like, real."

"Uh-huh."

"And help other people too."

"Uh-huh."

"With you."

"Uh-huh."

"We're a great team."

"Uh-huh."

"So we can do it then, Laxus? You're going to help me counsel other people?"

"Do what now?" He glanced up for the first time from the book he was reading and over at his girlfriend. She was sitting on the other side of the bed, facing him with her legs crossed as she strummed at her guitar. "Demon?"

"I just think that you and I could help a lot of people," she said. "I mean, we're pretty good together, huh?"

"Try pretty great," he grumbled. "But…uh… What are you blabbering about? Mira? Something about me and you helping or-"

"Think about it, dragon." She moved to prop her guitar up against the bedside table before shifting to lay on her side next to him. "We can help all of our friends be happy."

"What friends? My friends are happy. With worshipping me. What else do they need?"

"Lisanna and Bickslow, fine, they're pretty happy, but poor Ever and Elfman, they're always fighting. We can help with that. And Levy and Gajeel are-"

"I don't care about any of this. At all."

"Do you care about me?'

"Well, yeah, Mira, you're my demon. I-"

"Then you care about this."

"But Mirajane," he groaned as she took his book from his hand before tossing it onto his nightstand. "I don't wanna help people have good relationships. I don't want them in relationships. It's disgusting and I pretty much dislike them in every way. Other than the way that I want to lead and mold them. I like that way."

"Laxus." She pressed a hand into his chest then, staring into his eyes. "Please, dragon? Remember when I said earlier, back at the bar, that I have a higher purpose?"

"Uh…"

"Remember?"

"Sure." Not at all. "I remember."

"Well, what if it's not to be an amazing singer? What if it's to help our friends in their relationships? Like I did Natsu and Lucy?"

"Mirajane," he sighed. "You didn't help them. They're both idiots. They would have been all fixed by tonight with or without your help."

"That's not true."

"It is, demon." Still though, he sighed at the look on her face and moved to press a kiss to her forehead. "Look, if, like, Ever or someone comes to you for advice or whatever, you can help 'em. But I ain't taking everyone out to dinner because you wanna play therapist."

'Therapist. Therapy. Couples Therapy!"

Ugh.

"I can talk to Ever and you can talk to Elfman and then we can talk to them together-"

"I was using her as an example. No. I don't wanna help your dorky brother and Ever be together. At all."

"Too late." She kissed him that time before moving back to her side of the bed. "Now goodnight."

"Goodnight? Demon," he grumbled. "You said-"

"I said that I would come home with you. And I have. Now I'm tired. So goodnight."

"You're bad," he critiqued, though he did reach over to turn off the lamp on his nightstand. Then, shifting so he was on his side, he buried face in her hair, sighing slightly as she just giggled. "Demon."

He was still banking on the fact that no one would want Mira's help then. Who would? The only reference point she had was Lucy and Natsu, and who would actually believe that she kept them together? Or that those bozos would actually break up?

So, basically, he was safe. The demon could spend the rest of the night dreaming of helping others and he could go on with his life as if the conversation had never happened.

…Right?

"Can I have my headphones back now?"

"Never."

Sigh.

This was a half finished one-shot from a few months ago that I've gone back and figured I'll make a short story out of. Maybe ten, short chapters with all my main ships in it at some point or another as well as a few others. Besides, I need some Laxus and Mirajane to balance out all that Jellal and Erza stuff in Retribution.