JOKE SERIES, ACTIVATE

Oh come on.

It was bound to happen.

Besides, I can't exactly stick my omakes everywhere in Storms Overhead.

WARNING: BE PREPARED FOR SHEER AMOUNTS OF OoC, FLANDERIZATION, EXAGERATION, AND RIDICULOUSNESS. NONE OF THIS IS PART OF THE ORIGINAL STORY.

Also, I'm turning up Gig's perversity reading to… over infinity in some omakes. Because it would be amusing to think about if Kurt was as huge a pervert as Issei, except in his mind only.

Anyway, here we go! Just a short collection for now, I'll be updating it whenever I get ideas for omakes/funny scenes involving the story of Storms Overhead.

"Mirror Images"

"Hey Colbert, what's this mirror for?" I asked, looking through the crap all up here in the Vault. I could hear… a voice coming from it?

"I'm not sure. Can you check?"

"Sure—oh God. My hand?! COLBE—"

Gah… Where… where am I…?

Grey… hair? What?

"Is he awake? Don't tell me you tried casting Summon Servant again, Louis. I know we've been pushing your boundaries, but I think that's a lot more than what we've been aiming for."

That voice is female…

I picked myself up off the ground and turned to face the voice's head.

…Oh my God.

Grey hair. Long enough to go to the girl's waist. She as looking at me with crossed arms, red eyes glaring with fierce fire. Dressed in a black woman's blazer, skirt dangerously short, she was a killer package. Especially due to the fact the buttons of the shirt underneath that blazer were starting to come off their seams.

"Who the hell are you? Hey! Stop copying me! I said, stop copying me! Just who are you?!"

"Kurt Bright."

"Christina Bright."

"…Hello, Kurisu-tina."

The narrowed glare she gave me told me she knew what I was referencing. "…I'll kill you."

I barely blocked the Gigawatt Blade that almost cut into my face with my own. So I guess I was right.

Well, might as well ask him. "Hey kid, she always like this?"

"Yes…"

"Hey, don't talk to Louis like that, you goddamn douche!"

Louis… Louise… oh. Right, he'd have some self-esteem problems as well. Oops.

"Your name is Louis?" I asked the pink-with-the-possibility-it-was-blonde haired kid in an Academy uniform, except without the skirt and this time with slacks. Not to mention he looked really scrawny.

And why the hell does he have pink-ish hair anyways? Time to invent some goddamn hair dye.

"Yes, sir."

"Ah. Mind calling Kurisu-tina off of me?"

"Stop calling me that, asshole!"

The Gigawatt Blades flashed again as I blocked her moves. We were perfectly countering each other. A wild display of light ensued and sparks went everywhere.

"Christina, please! Stop! He's just teasing…"

She broke off our blade lock. "Fine."

"Christina! Christina! I saw lightning flash and—"

I didn't hear the rest of that statement.

Because gender flipped Colbert is like, that teacher every student fantasizes about. What the actual fuck. And that skirt. Too short. Oh my god—hnnnnnnnng! I can die happy. I'm sorry Cynthia, but… but…

"Oh Brimir!"

That was about the last thing I heard before blacking out.

"I'm sorry."

"Too… strong…"

"Hm?" Head tilt, brunette and glasses! Be still, my beating heart…

"Perfection…"

"Jenna, I think you should leave."

"But I—"

"No, otherwise he's going to keep babbling like this. I apologize, alternate universe me, but this is necessary."

Wait, what's necessary—HOLY SHIT SHE MADE ELECTRICITY HURT ME!

"Call it a Wrap"

"Aaaaand cut! Good job, everyone. That's all we're filming for today."

"Can someone let me down from here?" Kurt called, still dangling above the set in his harness. "Goddamn, I tried using more hair gel today, but my hair's still all fucked up from this scene."

"Good job~"

Kurt was immediately hugged his pretty-much-but-not-official-girlfriend, Cynthia, as he was let go by Guiche off the harness. "Thanks for that. Mind styling my hair later?"

"Mhm. After I help you wash alllll of that hair gel out that holds your rocky, strong hair together."

Kurt could practically feel the annoyance from several of the other actresses. Guiche immediately made himself scarce. His acting mentor and coworker, Jean Colbert, immediately declared he needed to take his afternoon meds.

Because God forbid they be in another catfight.

If only Kurt wasn't so goddamned dense.

"FINISHING MOVE!"

I let the iron dust dance around me, hands sparking with electricity as I prepared to destroy Guiche's final golems.

I could rain death on them with a railgun… but I think I have something better in mind.

Taking two swords off the ground, I hurled them forward. "Finishing move!"

Each sword impaled three, but on the tip was the seventh golem that flew high into the air. The iron dust began to form according to my magnetic field manipulation. Here we go!

"GIGA!"

"DRILL!"

"BREEEEEEEEEEEEAK!"

"Rock, Paper, Chainsaw"

Wait, runes! If you're telling Louise I'm in danger and she needs to get here, send her a message!

And what would you have me say?

Tell her that she needs to get the huge thing in the Contact Light that's sitting on the table. It should look really sharp and Tabitha should know what it is!

Ugh, very well then.

I continued to hold out against Henrietta and Wales' onslaught, alongside their revived soldiers because fucking Ring of Andvari bullshit zombie shit! Fuck, fuck! Goddamn water!

"KURT!"

"Louise?!"

My mouth almost dropped to the ground in horror as the requested object began falling to the ground. I was able to grab it with magnetic field manipulation, though.

"Do you know what you almost did?!"

"Do you have any idea how fucking heavy that was?!"

Oh boy, Louise is pissed. And I've begun to rub off on her, swearing wise.

Well, that can be saved for a later time. For now…

"Say hello to my little friend!"

Even if it wasn't made to be a weapon, with magnetic field manipulation… and oh, I don't know, the brass knuckles I quickly slipped on as a loophole for the runes, the chainsaw was really damn light.

It revved to life. Its whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir was sweet music to my ears.

"Stand the fuck back. AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!"

Louise, Tabitha, and Kirche could probably only watch as I swung the chainsaw into the first soldier. It tore right through his armor, blood and guts spilling everywhere as he was disemboweled with a chainsaw amidst the roaring laughter.

I coughed, if only momentarily, because a bit of blood got in my mouth. Well, that was rather unsanitary. But the rain is washing it all off.

"COME AND GET SOME!"

Sliiiiiiii~iiiiiiice!

Oh man, and this chainsaw has something that makes these guys stop regening back to life. Ooooohh…

"Oh Brimir!"

That was about all Henrietta was about to say before my rumbling chainsaw tore right the fuck into Zombie-Not-Wales.

It happened pretty fast, since that's all she was able to say.

A basic breakdown goes a little something like this:

Begin with simple decapitation. As the head falls, knee it back up and then cut the head in half, right down the middle. Spin on your feet and slice diagonally through the ribs. Use momentum to keep spinning and then go with an uppercut, right through the crotch. Finish off with a quick cutting off of each limb.

"Hell the FUCK YEAH! COME AND GET SOME, YOU UNDEAD BASTAAAAARDS!"

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away…

"That is so bullshit!" A certain Void familiar screamed, pounding the table as she magically watched from afar. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Unfortunately, Miodaitnir forgot the most important rule about zombies. Even magical zombies.

Chainsaw beats zombie. Ten out of ten times.

Rock, paper, sci-CHAINSAW. I win.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this quick collection of omakes. I'll post some more if I ever have any additional ideas. Thanks for reading!