A/N English isn´t my native language, so there probably would be lots of grammar and spelling mistakes. I am trying to enhance my writing skills, so please, don´t be mean. Also, this is more of an OC story. Harry Potter won´t appear until a couple of chapters later.
Disclaimer: All the Harry Potter worlds belongs to JK Rowling
TRIGGER WARNING: There will be scenes of substance abuse, mature language/swearing. Read at your own risk.
"Now I'm under your spell, trapped in a lie
Shouldn't have stood that close to the fire
No turning back, no where to run, no where to hide
It's too late to say goodbye"
Cage The Elephant - Too Late To Say Goodbye
"I´m so sorry,"
Sirius Black whispered, cradling his daughter in his arms for the first time. Five years ago, when the Healer had asked if he wanted to hold her, he had refused. Refused to raise her. Refused to be his father. For the first time in his life, he was being a coward but she´d broke him. He wasn´t the same Sirius Black that left Hogwarts. She´d died five years ago nd left him alone with the girl, as if saying, even when I´m gone, I´ll be there, I´ll always be with you.
You can´t escape from me.
Now, he touched his daughter´s tiny face. Gently, he caressed her cheeks. She was so beautiful.
Her eyes were closed, but her long eyelashes flutter now and then. If it wasn´t for the knife sticking out of her chest, it would appear she was sleeping.
"I´m sorry, baby"
Sirius repeated as he stroked the girl´s hair. A whistled breath escaped from her cold lips. She was losing to much blood. His hands were stained with it. Tears streamed down his face, splashing into the girl´s forehead. His whole body shook and trembled with giant sobs. This couldn´t be happening. James and Lily were death, his daughter was dying and it was all his fault.
He should´ve been a better father. He should´ve tucked her in bed. He should´ve been there for her. Instead, he always left her with the house elf, ignored her, neglected her. Not once, he showed any sing of affection towards the girl. He realized now that again, she´d won. This was her plan all along, even though she was dead, she´d pushed him straight to this moment; to holding his daughter for first time as she bled to death in his arms. If only he could find his wand, but he had lost it in the explosion. He kissed his daughter´s cheek and begged her to stay with him.
Once the smoked was cleared, he saw human remains scattered all over the street. They were all death. He had killed them. This was a joke. It had to be. Some sick, twisted joke. This wasn´t happening. It couldn´t be. Suddenly, the sobs became laughs. He burst out laughing, manically. He couldn´t stop it. He threw his head back, and continued laughing. A waved of emotions crashed over him: shock, anger, grief, sadness. He was losing her.
His daughter was dying and there was nothing he could but laugh.
Remus Lupin was awakened by a big snore. He blinked a few times and realized he was still sitting in a white chair in the St Mungus Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries waiting room, surrounded by an Auror, Andromeda Black, and Professor Dumbledore. Everyone was staring at him, the source of the loud snore.
"Sorry," He said, sitting straighter and rubbing his eyes. "Did I miss something?"
Andromeda shook her head, smiling sadly. "Still no news"
Sirius lost custody of Cassiopeia last night, and since her legal guardians, James and Lily, had passed away, now, Andromeda Black was in charge of Cassiopeia.
Remus nodded and the waiting room fell gravely silent. He had been here since 1:00 am, after the Aurors brought Cassiopeia to the hospital. Andromeda and Dumbledore had arrived early this morning, when the news had bung to circulate. The last update the healers had given him was that Cassiopeia was still unconscious. But that was five hours ago. The fact that they were talking so long made him queasy.
The details of previous horrific night repeated inside his mind. James and Lily were death because Sirius betrayed them. Then, he tracked down Peter, just to kill him and twelve muggles with a blasting curse. And if like that weren´t enough, he had stabbed his own daughter.
They are gone, Lily James, Peter, I am never going to see them again. Remus thought feeling numb. He pinched his arm hard, and felt nothing. Maybe this was all a nightmare.
Cassiopeia was barely alive. The knife Sirius had used to attack her was cursed, so she had internal injuries, the curse was spreading through her veins, she had bruises everywhere, and had second degree burns in her arms, product of the blasting curse.
Remus buried his face in his hands. He was also worry about Harry. Dumbledore said he was going to be taken to Lily´s sister, Petunia Dursley. Remus could almost hear James complaining about it from the other side.
"There´s no way my son is going to be raise by that pig!"
Someone tapped him on the shoulder. He uncovered his face and saw Andromeda staring at him.
"Do you know why Cassiopeia was with…the Potters?"
Remus pressed his lips together. "Sirius…was working a lot. James offered to take care of Cassiopeia while he was gone"
That wasn´t exactly the truth. James didn´t offered, he had demanded Cassiopeia would come live with them, since Sirius like to pretend he didn´t have a daughter. James and Sirus had fought over a lot of things but never because of a girl. That was until Cassiopeia was born.
"Well, now we know who he was working for," One of the Aurors muttered, bitterly.
Remus felt a pang of anger for ever trusting Sirius. Suddenly, Healer Perkins, the one in charge of Cassiopeia´s case, strode into the waiting room. Remus and Andromeda nervously stood up and walked over to the healer.
"How is she?" He asked. "Did she wake up?"
Healer Perkins sighted. "Yes and no."
"What do you mean?" asked Andromeda.
"She´s in a catatonic state," The healer replied and when she saw the confuse expressions of both, she continued "I´m a muggle born and my parents are also doctors, so I know something about it. It´s a muggle terminology for a psychomotor disorder, is when a person cannot move or speak. These patients appear to be staring off into space. Is also an unusual presentation of posttraumatic stress disorder, which Cassiopeia clearly has."
Andromeda opened and closed her mouth. "I´m sorry, Post….what?"
"That´s also a muggle terminology. Is a disorder that develops in a person who have experienced a shocking, scary, or dangerous event, and Cassiopeia experienced all of that. She´s a five-year-old who saw her godparent´s die, and her father…." Healer Perkins trailed off. They all knew what Sirius had done.
"So, what´s next?" Remus asked.
"Well, we think is best to obliviate from her the events of last night…"
"You can´t do that!" The Auror butted in. "She´s the only witness we have to know what really happened to you-know who. She was there"
"She won´t be able to tell you anything in that state." The Healer said. "The best option is to obliviate her"
"Absolutely no," The Auror snapped, shooting a sharp look at the healer "She can tell us the real reason why he disappeared, what finally stop him, why he couldn´t kill the Potters´ son, and how did the boy survive. You won´t obliviate her!"
"That´s not up to you," replied Healer Perkins.
"Yes, it is, given the circumstances that decision is up to us. You of all people would want to make sure he is really gone"
Healer Perkins crossed her arms. "Why? Because I´m a muggle born?"
"Oh, I almost forget!" said Dumbledore, breaking the tense atmosphere and everyone turned to look at him. "I just bought a bag of sherbet lemons" He stood, smiling and walked towards them. "Would you care for one?"
"What?" Asked the Auror.
"A sherbet lemon. It´s a muggle sweet"
The Auror stared at him, frustrated. Remus scratched the back of his ear, he didn´t want one but it seemed unpolite to say no to his former headmaster. "Yes, thank you," He said.
Dumbledore pulled out two sherbet lemons and handled them to him.
"W-We don´t have time for trading candies!" said the Auror, sounding exasperated "The girl is not going to be obliviated. Period."
"I understand your concern, Gale," said Dumbledore. "I want to know the answers to all those questions as much as you do, but the girl is suffering. She just went to a horrible experience, I can´t imagine how she is feeling," Dumbledore turned to face him. "What do you think, Remus?"
Remus blinked, hard. Obliviating her seemed like a drastic decision but Cassiopeia was capable of remembering things in great detail. Once, Lily played for her a song in the piano, and hours later Cassiopeia was playing it too. She learned it by just seeing Lily. He knew Cassiopeia was going to remembered every horrific detail of last night, forever.
"I…what if you extract the memories from her, so you can see it in a pensive and then obliviate her?" He suggested.
Gale and Healer Perkins exchanged a look.
"That´s a good idea" agreed Gale.
Healer Perkins nodded "Yes. But she needs to be a little stronger for that."
"When can I see her?" asked Remus.
"You can see her now," The healer said, "If the legal guardian is okay with it."
"Yes," Andromeda nodded. "I really don´t know her. It´s best that she sees a familiar face."
"Follow me," said Healer Perkins.
Remus followed her through the double doors and along a narrow corridor. They climbed a flight of stairs and entered the Spell Damage corridor and crossed the third door. A lump formed in his throat when he saw her.
With her long, blonde hair, clear grey eyes, small, foxy-like face, Cassiopeia was definitely the thing in that small and rather dingy ward that didn´t belong.
"You have a visitor," announced, Healer Perkins.
Remus glanced at Cassiopeia, his heart sinking. There were green bruises in her face, and her arms were wrapped with bandages. Even though her eyes were opened, she didn´t seem to notice his presence.
"What about the curse spreading through her veins?" Remus questioned, shakily.
"That´s already controlled. She is a very strong girl,"
Remus sat down in a small chair by Cassiopeia´s bed, reached out and touched her hand. "I´m here Cassy, uncle Mooney is here, love"
Cassiopeia´s fingers curled around his, startling him. Healer Perkins smiled. "That´s good, very good. That´s the first response she has since she woke up. Keep talking to her. I need to check on some other patients, but I´ll be back in two hours."
Remus nodded, never taking his eyes of Cassiopeia. "I´m here, Cassy, and I´m not leaving you alone." He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. "Your aunt Andromeda is also here and professor Dumbledore. He is Hogwarts's headmaster. You´ll go there when you are eleven. That´s a magical place, you know. Not because of the spells and potions they teach you to do in the classrooms. For me the real magic happened in the hallways, with my friends. That´s the place where I met Lily, Wormtail, Prongs…" He trailed off, unable to say his name. "I miss them and I know you miss them too." Cassiopeia blinked, staring deadpan at the wall. "If Prongs were here, he would know exactly what to say to make you laugh."
Silent tears streamed down her face at the mention of her godfather. Remus leaned forward and wiped the tears with his hand.
"I´m sorry. I didn´t mean to upset you,"
Her eyes were full of tears while her face remained stoic and unyielding.
"It´s okay, Cassy. Everything is going to be okay," He promised.
Leaning back against the chair, Remus ran his hands down his face. He had no idea what to say to make her feel better. He wasn´t even sure he would ever feel better. He was broken, devastated by their deaths, by Sirius ´actions. His world had fallen apart.
Two hours later, the healer returned with Andromeda and Dumbledore. Tomorrow morning, they were going to extract the memories, and meanwhile they gave her a potion to strengthen her a little more.
Andromeda offered to stay with her so Remus could go and rest a little. Remus refused, he knew he wouldn´t be able to close an eye. Dumbledore told him he had to go to Private Drive because Hagrid was taking Harry there. His stomached dropped, he wanted to see Harry one more time but it was impossible. He could only hope one day he will see him again.
Around midnight, Cassiopeia closed her eyes and Remus assumed she was asleep. He tucked the sheets up to her chin like his mother used to do after his monthly transformation, and kiss her forehead. "I´m here, Cassy." He said softly "I´m here."
He yawned, resting his head between his arms in Cassiopeia´s bed. "I´m not leaving you alone" He mumbled, before he fell asleep, holding her hand.
Someone jerked his arm forward, hard, and he woke up with the feeling of space between his fingers. The first thing he saw was Cassiopeia´s empty bed and his face drained of color. He shot up, his heart beating faster.
He ran outside. The corridor was empty, the portraits hanging on the walls were asleep.
"Cassy!" He screamed, looking inside the other rooms. "Cassiopeia!"
Two healers came racing towards him. "What´s wrong?"
"I can´t find her," Remus said, his voice tightening with concern "Cassiopeia Black, she is not in her bed"
"Maybe she wandered somewhere else," One of the Healers suggested.
"No," The other said. "She was still too weak to walk. Did anyone else came inside the room?"
Remus opened and closed his mouth. "I… was asleep. I just…" He glanced at his hands. "I felt her hand slipping away from mine"
"I´ll call the Aurors," One of them said.
"We´ll look around the other floors. Lock the hospital! No one leaves or enters until we find the girl!"
"Cassy!" Remus shouted again, not caring he was in a hospital and patients were sleeping. "Cassy!"
Don´t worry, Remus," Kingsley Shacklebolt said, placing a hand on his shoulder when he arrived. "We´ll find her"
But she was nowhere to be found. He stood in the middle of the waiting room, as a group of Aurors started investigating. The prime suspect was already in Azkaban, the other possible suspects were followers of you-know-who that wanted to know what really wanted to their former master, but most of them were already locked up. Cassiopeia´s deceased mother was a Lestrange, so another possible theory was that maybe Rabastan or Rodolphous abducted her. That theory was discarded when they found out that same night they, along with Barty Jr and Bellatrix, had tortured Alice and Frank Longbottom to the point of insanity and they´d already been captured.
Cassiopeia wasn't in the hospital, she wasn´t in the surrounding streets. Cassiopeia was not there.
She was missing.
It was impossible. But slowly the words started to dawn on him, and he sat down in the nearest chair. He didn´t thought it was possible to feel any more pain. He was wrong. He rested his hands on his knees, feeling short of breath, all he could think of was how he let Cassiopeia down. He was supposed to look after her, to protect her, and someone took her from his hand without him noticing.
He´d lost the only family he had left.
What do you think?
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