Dinner with Dudley
By: OnthaEdge487
Rating: Pg-13 . . . just to be safe. *evil grin*
Content: Nothing harmful in this chapter. Unless,
you count the horrible idea that caused me to write this
fic scarring to the human mind
. . .
Summary: Uh . . . yea. Exactly what the title says . .
. Dinner with Dudley. Harry finds the prospect of this
rather amusing. But there's a twist. . . just read it.
Disclaimer: Man, I wish I owned Harry, and
all his Hogwarts friends . . . and enemies. *cough Draco
cough* Heh. I'd be a freaking millionaire if I did . . .
and a damn good writer. But alas, J.K. Rowling owns
everything . . . EVERYTHING . . .*sobs uncontrollably*
Characters: Harry Potter, Dudley Dursley, others in later
chapters
Appearances by: Petunia Dursley, others in later
chapters
A/N: Okay, I've got a few things to say. This is my
FIRST Harry Potter fan fic. So please don't get pissed if
it comes out terrible, or if I don't finish it. I'm
totally obsessed with the series, and I've really wanted to
write a fic about the characters for a while. This is just
the intro chapter, so it's pretty short, but it's just to
give you the basis of what the story is about. I'm hoping
to make this part comedy (though I kinda suck at it), part
angst, and part romance . . . But you'll hopefully see once
this all unfolds. I hope
. . .
Timeframe: This is set the Summer of Harry's fifth year,
making him a 6th year when he returns to Hogwarts. This is
basically picking up where the fifth book left off . . .
well kinda. Read on people!
Bombs a Droppin'
He was utterly and completely shocked. He'd never heard anything quite like this. Sure, he could believe in flying broom sticks, magic wands, and odd little subservient creatures called house elves-- but this-- this was something all in its own. He wasn't sure he could believe this. Absently running a hand through his tousled ember colored hair, he gaped open mouthed at the figure looming above him.
Harry Potter blinked up in disbelief at his cousin. Dudley Dursley was leering at him, a satisfied grin etched across his plump pink face. Harry slowly sat up from his spot in the flowerbed underneath the living room window. His back was covered in the rich soil that made the Dursley's garden flourish, but at the moment, Harry took no notice.
"You-you have a what?" Harry asked, still unable to comprehend what his cousin was saying. Dudley surveyed Harry's face, relishing the look of pure confusion and astonishment.
"You heard me Potter! I have a DATE." Dudley elongated that last part in the most bragging and self-satisfied of ways.
"Why-how-when-what?" Harry stammered. This was unbelievable-the impossible just became possible? How on earth could something like this have happened? The entire idea of Dudley on a date was on the brink of outright hysterical to utterly depressing to Harry. Just the thought of Dudley at some fancy restaurant, with some poor girl, eating everything in sight, including his date's meal, made Harry want to burst out laughing.
However, another side of him wanted to crawl in a cave-Dudley Dursley, the snobbish, massive puffball, could get a date and not the infamous Harry Potter. That didn't make much sense to Harry. 'Then again, not many things do these days.' Harry mused. He had never counted his outing with Cho Chang to Hogsmeade as a date, and frankly would love to wipe his memory free of it altogether . . . Harry's feelings for Cho were completely different, he felt she was a completely different person than he thought she was, and now frankly wished he hadn't spent five years of his life wishing he could get a date with her.
Nevertheless, this summer Harry's mind had been far from dating and Cho Chang. Ever since Sirius, his one link to his parents-his one true parental figure-his friend-had been murdered before his eyes; Harry had been nothing less than depressed and bitter. He was missing Sirius and his parents more than ever before, more than he ever thought possible. It was like there was a giant gap in his heart, which would never be filled again. And, now that Lord Voldemort was fully back, Harry could never rest easy. He was a marked man from the beginning, Harry knew that now. And when the time came, he would show Voldemort who the better man, better wizard was . . . at least Harry hoped that would be the case, not just for his own sake but for all magic kind.
"Shouldn't the question be who?" Came Dudley's, teasing, sing song voice, breaking Harry's thoughts.
Ignoring Dudley's impish smirk, all shock and confusion had vanished from Harry as he asked dully, "How did you get this 'date'?" Harry pulled himself up from the ground completely, the lush grass springy under his worn sneakers.
"Not like it's any of your business, but one of Daddy's major clients has a daughter, she saw a picture of me," Dudley puffed out his chest in pride, and pulled at his suspenders, "and she went wild. Said she had to meet me, wanted a date right a way, you know. Daddy said I'm the best son in the world, (but I already know that of course), because if I 'wooo' this girl . . . whatever her name was, then her father will buy a ton of drills. Then Daddy will buy me that new state of the art portable T.V. I've been wanting! Mummy says I could even bring it in the car . . ." He proceeded to grin smugly, his beady little eyes almost disappearing beneath his fat, rounded cheeks.
Harry rolled his eyes at this. Somehow, he didn't believe this was the whole story. Not many girls find a spoiled pig in a wig very attractive. Dudley had the looks of a very fat, and very ugly pig, and the personality of a very spoiled, very dumb ape. No, there was definitely more to this story. Wanting to get his mind off his troubles, and the wizarding world, Harry decided to make Dudley's little 'date' the object of his entertainment. Time for some teasing of his own.
"How do you know she really isn't a toad?" Harry inquired, arching an eyebrow. He tried to contort his face into true concern and curiosity, but knew he was failing badly.
"Of course she's not a--"
"Have you even seen her?" He interjected, nonchalantly. "You never know she could MAGICALLY turn into a toad." Harry smirked, satisfied. Dudley's eyes had now grown wide in fear as he began backing away.
"You-you said the 'M' word!" He whispered in complete horror.
"You knew me for years and one day I'm a wizard. So how do you know this girl isn't a toad-or even worse-a witch?" Harry grinned; taunting Dudley had to be his favorite thing to do, aside from seeing his friends and flying.
Dudley let out a strangled scream, and stumbled backwards a few more paces. "M-Mom." Before could utter another word, he tripped over a garden rake that was lying strewn across the grass. Dudley fell on his rounded bottom, causing what Harry believed to be a semi-earthquake.
"Diddy Duddy Dudders, is that---OH HEAVENS, MY BABY! My ickle Duddykins, what happened?! It was him, wasn't it? Don't worry, Mummy will help you!" Aunt Petunia had rushed out the front door after hearing her son's cries. She was now attempting the heave Dudley off the ground but to no avail. Harry chuckled dryly at the sight, this was nothing new. Dudley fell on his backside at least twice a day leaving his skin and bones mother to help him up.
"You! YOU!" Shrieked Aunt Petunia, momentarily halting her hopeless task, as Dudley wailed on the ground below. "You're in SO much trouble-wait, WAIT, get back here--"
But it was too late. Harry was already bolting down the street at top speed; Aunt Petunia's screeches were just a whisper of the wind to him. He felt so right, just running, running away. Harry knew he had to go back, he always did, but a walk in the park sounded quite appealing at the moment. Sure he was in tons of trouble, but he would deal with that later. All Harry cared about now was the feel of the wind whipping through his wild black hair, and the sound of his feet pounding on the pavement. Harry felt an incredible sensation go through him, the kind he got when he was flying around on his Firebolt
He felt free.
By: OnthaEdge487
Rating: Pg-13 . . . just to be safe. *evil grin*
Content: Nothing harmful in this chapter. Unless,
you count the horrible idea that caused me to write this
fic scarring to the human mind
. . .
Summary: Uh . . . yea. Exactly what the title says . .
. Dinner with Dudley. Harry finds the prospect of this
rather amusing. But there's a twist. . . just read it.
Disclaimer: Man, I wish I owned Harry, and
all his Hogwarts friends . . . and enemies. *cough Draco
cough* Heh. I'd be a freaking millionaire if I did . . .
and a damn good writer. But alas, J.K. Rowling owns
everything . . . EVERYTHING . . .*sobs uncontrollably*
Characters: Harry Potter, Dudley Dursley, others in later
chapters
Appearances by: Petunia Dursley, others in later
chapters
A/N: Okay, I've got a few things to say. This is my
FIRST Harry Potter fan fic. So please don't get pissed if
it comes out terrible, or if I don't finish it. I'm
totally obsessed with the series, and I've really wanted to
write a fic about the characters for a while. This is just
the intro chapter, so it's pretty short, but it's just to
give you the basis of what the story is about. I'm hoping
to make this part comedy (though I kinda suck at it), part
angst, and part romance . . . But you'll hopefully see once
this all unfolds. I hope
. . .
Timeframe: This is set the Summer of Harry's fifth year,
making him a 6th year when he returns to Hogwarts. This is
basically picking up where the fifth book left off . . .
well kinda. Read on people!
Bombs a Droppin'
He was utterly and completely shocked. He'd never heard anything quite like this. Sure, he could believe in flying broom sticks, magic wands, and odd little subservient creatures called house elves-- but this-- this was something all in its own. He wasn't sure he could believe this. Absently running a hand through his tousled ember colored hair, he gaped open mouthed at the figure looming above him.
Harry Potter blinked up in disbelief at his cousin. Dudley Dursley was leering at him, a satisfied grin etched across his plump pink face. Harry slowly sat up from his spot in the flowerbed underneath the living room window. His back was covered in the rich soil that made the Dursley's garden flourish, but at the moment, Harry took no notice.
"You-you have a what?" Harry asked, still unable to comprehend what his cousin was saying. Dudley surveyed Harry's face, relishing the look of pure confusion and astonishment.
"You heard me Potter! I have a DATE." Dudley elongated that last part in the most bragging and self-satisfied of ways.
"Why-how-when-what?" Harry stammered. This was unbelievable-the impossible just became possible? How on earth could something like this have happened? The entire idea of Dudley on a date was on the brink of outright hysterical to utterly depressing to Harry. Just the thought of Dudley at some fancy restaurant, with some poor girl, eating everything in sight, including his date's meal, made Harry want to burst out laughing.
However, another side of him wanted to crawl in a cave-Dudley Dursley, the snobbish, massive puffball, could get a date and not the infamous Harry Potter. That didn't make much sense to Harry. 'Then again, not many things do these days.' Harry mused. He had never counted his outing with Cho Chang to Hogsmeade as a date, and frankly would love to wipe his memory free of it altogether . . . Harry's feelings for Cho were completely different, he felt she was a completely different person than he thought she was, and now frankly wished he hadn't spent five years of his life wishing he could get a date with her.
Nevertheless, this summer Harry's mind had been far from dating and Cho Chang. Ever since Sirius, his one link to his parents-his one true parental figure-his friend-had been murdered before his eyes; Harry had been nothing less than depressed and bitter. He was missing Sirius and his parents more than ever before, more than he ever thought possible. It was like there was a giant gap in his heart, which would never be filled again. And, now that Lord Voldemort was fully back, Harry could never rest easy. He was a marked man from the beginning, Harry knew that now. And when the time came, he would show Voldemort who the better man, better wizard was . . . at least Harry hoped that would be the case, not just for his own sake but for all magic kind.
"Shouldn't the question be who?" Came Dudley's, teasing, sing song voice, breaking Harry's thoughts.
Ignoring Dudley's impish smirk, all shock and confusion had vanished from Harry as he asked dully, "How did you get this 'date'?" Harry pulled himself up from the ground completely, the lush grass springy under his worn sneakers.
"Not like it's any of your business, but one of Daddy's major clients has a daughter, she saw a picture of me," Dudley puffed out his chest in pride, and pulled at his suspenders, "and she went wild. Said she had to meet me, wanted a date right a way, you know. Daddy said I'm the best son in the world, (but I already know that of course), because if I 'wooo' this girl . . . whatever her name was, then her father will buy a ton of drills. Then Daddy will buy me that new state of the art portable T.V. I've been wanting! Mummy says I could even bring it in the car . . ." He proceeded to grin smugly, his beady little eyes almost disappearing beneath his fat, rounded cheeks.
Harry rolled his eyes at this. Somehow, he didn't believe this was the whole story. Not many girls find a spoiled pig in a wig very attractive. Dudley had the looks of a very fat, and very ugly pig, and the personality of a very spoiled, very dumb ape. No, there was definitely more to this story. Wanting to get his mind off his troubles, and the wizarding world, Harry decided to make Dudley's little 'date' the object of his entertainment. Time for some teasing of his own.
"How do you know she really isn't a toad?" Harry inquired, arching an eyebrow. He tried to contort his face into true concern and curiosity, but knew he was failing badly.
"Of course she's not a--"
"Have you even seen her?" He interjected, nonchalantly. "You never know she could MAGICALLY turn into a toad." Harry smirked, satisfied. Dudley's eyes had now grown wide in fear as he began backing away.
"You-you said the 'M' word!" He whispered in complete horror.
"You knew me for years and one day I'm a wizard. So how do you know this girl isn't a toad-or even worse-a witch?" Harry grinned; taunting Dudley had to be his favorite thing to do, aside from seeing his friends and flying.
Dudley let out a strangled scream, and stumbled backwards a few more paces. "M-Mom." Before could utter another word, he tripped over a garden rake that was lying strewn across the grass. Dudley fell on his rounded bottom, causing what Harry believed to be a semi-earthquake.
"Diddy Duddy Dudders, is that---OH HEAVENS, MY BABY! My ickle Duddykins, what happened?! It was him, wasn't it? Don't worry, Mummy will help you!" Aunt Petunia had rushed out the front door after hearing her son's cries. She was now attempting the heave Dudley off the ground but to no avail. Harry chuckled dryly at the sight, this was nothing new. Dudley fell on his backside at least twice a day leaving his skin and bones mother to help him up.
"You! YOU!" Shrieked Aunt Petunia, momentarily halting her hopeless task, as Dudley wailed on the ground below. "You're in SO much trouble-wait, WAIT, get back here--"
But it was too late. Harry was already bolting down the street at top speed; Aunt Petunia's screeches were just a whisper of the wind to him. He felt so right, just running, running away. Harry knew he had to go back, he always did, but a walk in the park sounded quite appealing at the moment. Sure he was in tons of trouble, but he would deal with that later. All Harry cared about now was the feel of the wind whipping through his wild black hair, and the sound of his feet pounding on the pavement. Harry felt an incredible sensation go through him, the kind he got when he was flying around on his Firebolt
He felt free.