Here is a rant that I decided to post on my account I know it sounds really moribund and probably has nothing to do with twilight but since I have nowhere else to put it I decided to put it under twilight so sorry to everyone who reads this or if anyone reads this, it's unedited and not applicable to twilight at all just another one of my rants. But lets just say this is bella during new moon time a little ooc for the sake of this site.
PS sorry for the really long author's note! I usually just skip those too, but it explains my whole thought process so if your confused just read it.
I'm forgettable, invisible, and mean nothing to the people of this world. One look and it's as if they have looked right through me. When they need something it's always take what they need from me without my opinion of that certain thing. People look at me as if I'm stupid and don't know anything and are easily controlling me to do their every whim. Why because I honestly don't feel confident in myself to stand up to those people who are "above" me. I feel as if everyone has a secret hate out there for me and it would be better if I just disappeared completely from their said hate and from the face of the earth. Again why may you ask because I hate myself for even being like that to begin with.
My friends probably hate me too because honestly I'm a horrible friend that gives no effort to put into my relationship with them. I hate myself because I know that they deserve a better friend and should probably forget about me to begin with. I'm invisible because I am nothing special or someone that catches attention.
I hate myself. I wish every particle of my being would disappear completely then people wouldn't have to deal with the ugliness that I call myself. I sometimes wonder why my parents even want me in their lives. I know that I have failed them time and time again and have become burdensome to their already hectic lives. I wish that they could hate me as much as I hate myself…But no one can hate me as much as I hate myself. I sometimes wish that some other kid would come replace me and make my parents' lives easier and that I would just disappear and never return because I know that my parents would like that random kid better than me. If only that was a possibility but in this real and harsh world that isn't so I have thought of ways that I could disappear. But I have never been able to go through with them because I am too scared to die. If I die I don't know what's on the other side and I know god won't except me or forgive me because I have sinned horribly to a point of where I won't forgive myself.
If only I could end my horrible life maybe then everyone can find peace without me, because after all my life has had no meaning since the day I was born and it will have no meaning until the day I die. No one will know and care what happens to me because just like a leaf in the wind I'm easily blown out of their sight and out of their minds.
Well what do you think I think it sucked because I obviously contradicted myself a lot and I obviously don't know how to write. So tell me your opinion. Hate it, like it heaven forbid love it (cause I think its horrible). But leave me comments and reviews. Maybe you guys can brighten my day because it hasn't been sunny in my life lately. Thanks for reading if you read it! This is my first ever post on fanfiction so I hope I didn't disappoint to many people!
Lots of love bkb aka msgoldensunshine23