Notes
Duncan/Courtney
By Cereal-Killa
Notes (lol, same as the title): Rated for language and sexual references.
Dear Duncan:
I hate you, ogre.
Hate you forever, Courtney
Dear Princess:
Tell me something I don't know, sweetheart.
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
OK, here's something you don't know: C-O-U-R-T-N-E-Y.
And that's how you spell my name. Not P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S, not S-W-E-E-T-H-E-A-R-T, not even D-A-R-L-I-N-G!
Just C-O-U-R-T-N-E-Y.
That concludes our 'Being Smart for Dumbass Delinquents' segment.
Sincerely, C-O-U-R-T-N-E-Y
Dear P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S:
Oh, so that's how you spell it? I always thought it was spelled P-R-U-D-E.
And you should really attend 'Being Sexy for Bitchy Chicks' class.
It'd make being around you so much more enjoyable.
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
What? I am not a prude! I hate it when you say that!
And I'm not bitchy, and… and… what, am I ugly or something?
And I'm not here for your entertainment, ass!
Spell this: F-U
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
Yeah, sure you're not a prude…
Um, sorry, but you are bitchy.
Ugly? Oh lord, Princess.
And yes you are.
Fu? Fu? What the hell does that mean, prude?
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
I'm not! AND I'M NOT BITCHY! I just get mad easily and I don't like people like you. That doesn't make me bitchy!
So I'm ugly?
Fu means you jack off in your sleep, you pervert.
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
The fact that you deny it makes you even more bitchy. And people like me? You hate everyone, sunshine, don't try to lie.
Princess… you're an idiot. You're ugly? Yeah right. Do you think I would deal with you if you were ugly?
Don't be mad because that mental image of me beating my meat turned you on!
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
I don't hate everyone! Just most people.
You tell me, Duncan. Would you deal with me if I was ugly, or are you really that superficial? And you don't deal with me- you annoy the shit out of me!
Beating your meat? Duncan, that's disgusting.
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
Name ten people you don't hate. And no family, babe.
Nope. I probably wouldn't deal with you if you were ugly. But you're hot, so who cares? And yes I do deal with you. I deal with the fact that you talk too freaking much. Why don't you just put out already?
Ha, I've got more where that came from, darling. It's not disgusting- it's just slang.
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
Why should I?
Why don't I put out? Duncan, we aren't together, and we don't even like each other!
Well, don't use slang terms, Duncan. It makes you sound like more of an idiot than you already do.
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
You don't want to name them because you're afraid that you can't! Backing down from a challenge, sweetie? Shame, shame, Princess.
So? You don't have to be together to do it. And who said we didn't like each other?
OK, fine then. Don't be mad because the mental image of me…
-masturbating
-jerking off
-blowing my load
-being my own best friend
-playing the piss pipe
-slamming my salami
-milking my monkey
-doing the Pamela Anderson polka
-yanking my doodle (it's a dandy!)
…Turned you on.
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
I'm not backing down! I'll list ten people then. Just give me a moment to think…
…We like each other?
YANKING YOUR DOODLE? You are one sick, twisted cookie.
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
Well, get cracking with that list! I'm waiting.
I mean, we don't really hate each other, you know… and I know you like me! That's why you have mental images in your head of me milking my monkey.
Oh come on! Don't lie and say that those names didn't even get a snicker out of you.
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
Don't rush me, you ass! Anyways, here it is:
-My lawyer
-My other lawyer
-My dog
-Bridgette
-That raccoon we found outside last year (my heart still belongs to you, Brittany!)
-The school counselor
-Your mother
-Your mother's cooking (it really does deserve a category all its own)
-My Spanish tutor
-Oprah
I know we don't hate each other! I mean, I joke about it but… and I don't like like you! And I have never had any mental images of you quote: "slamming your salami" :unquote! I'm a pure, innocent girl.
Maybe I did laugh, but you'll never know, idiot.
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
Oh come on, honey! Even you know that list was lame.
First off: Lawyers don't count. You don't love them! I've heard you speaking to them on the phone many times, and that is anything but loving conversation. Your dog, I can understand that, because I love your dog. I also get Bridgette, since she's your best friend and everything, and that god damned raccoon? Are you joking? That thing tried to maim me!
The school counselor? Unacceptable, sweetheart, she is a total bitch.
My ma and my ma's cooking… alright, you got me there, and Oprah is your favorite... But your Spanish tutor is Alejandro. Explain. Now.
Pure? Innocent? Excuse, I gotta go, the smell of bullshit is getting too strong.
Oh, don't be like that, sunshine.
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
It was so not lame!
Brittany was right for trying to eat you. Why do you think I loved her so?
The school counselor is a great person! Strict, unruly, and hurtful… but what's so wrong with that?
Why do I have to explain Alejandro? It's not like its crazy or something. He's a nice guy.
Oh, whatever, at least I'm more pure than you'll ever be!
And I'll be however the hell I want, bastard!
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
Oh, whatever, that's why Brittany is probably road kill now. And the school counselor is a bitch… don't even try to argue. You just gave three bitchy qualities right there. Stop with the denial.
You have to explain it because it makes no sense. What's so good about that guy? He's an idiot, if you ask me. And he only acts nice. At least I'm real with people.
…True. And I love it when you order me around like that, babe. Me-ow.
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
Don't hate on Brittany! And fine. She's a bitch. No reason why I can't like her.
Duncan, are you comparing yourself to him? Are you… jealous?
And I don't play that S&M shit, Duncan. You can experiment with that on your own time, freak.
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
See, you admit! I win.
What? No way! No. I'm not comparing myself to that jerk! There's no reason, why the hell would I need to do that, I already know I'm better than that bastard. And I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous? Jealous of what, exactly? Anyways, I'm not. Not jealous I mean. Of him. He just isn't right for you, that's all.
Oh, you can expect that I will, honey.
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
Whatever.
Sounding defensive there. I don't know what you would be jealous of, Duncan, what do you think? And he isn't right for me?
Are you implying that maybe someone else is?
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
I'm not getting defensive! I don't know what I'm jealous of, I mean… I'm jealous of nothing!
No, he isn't right for you!
I don't know who else would be, it's not like you need to start looking for dates, just stay… single. You're better that way.
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
Jealous of nothing, or course you aren't jealous of anything.
Who are you to say he isn't right for me? And I can find all the dates I want, thank you! Maybe I'll ask out DJ or maybe Cody or maybe even Alejandro! See? I am a woman, an independent woman!
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
I'm not jealous!
And he's just not! Don't ask anyone out, okay? That's not what I was trying to tell you to do.
You know what? Fuck it. Miss Strong Independent Woman, you should go on a date with me. There.
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
Um…
Alright.
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
…Are you serious?
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
Why the hell would I be joking jackass? Gosh, you're such an idiot sometimes.
Pick me up at seven.
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
Best damn note I've ever passed in my whole life.
Love, Duncan
Dear Duncan:
…I'll admit, 'milking my monkey' made me giggle.
But only a little bit!
Sincerely, Courtney
Dear Princess:
I knew it.
Love, Duncan
Author stuff: Yeah, so I might continue this. If people want me to. Maybe. It would just be notes passed between Duncan and Courtney, and maybe a few others, eventually, all following a story line. :) Weeell thanks for reading lovies~
Much love, Cereal