The SAILOR MOON LOVE STORY you've read a million times…

(but never like this).

Hi everybody! (Hi, dr. Nick!) I'm sure anybody who's been on this list for, good grief, five years? has noticed a few conventions, that tend to grace almost every single usagi/mamoru romance fic. So, out of love and boredom, I'm sticking them together in one fic. Here are all the ones I could think of. Review and please let me know if you can think of more!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own didly, promise, except this meagre story. All hail Naoko! ommm....

CHAPTER ONE: The Beginning

The alarm clock buzzed.

Usagi groaned. "ten more minutes, mom?" she croaked against her pillow.

"Get up, sleepy-pants!" The peace of the morning was broken by the voice of a small black cat, jumping onto her bed. "It's time to go to school, you'll be late again, and you'll get detention, again, and Rei will totally —"

"Luna?"

"Yes?" The cat stopped, briefly startled out of her tirade.

"Are you from England?"

"Whaaa…?" Luna froze, her tail a stiff vertical line behind her ears. "You must be more out of it than I thought! Of course not! As you know perfectly well, I have been reincarnated from the Silver Millenium's Moon Kingdom, just like you and the girls! And from a very prestigious lineage of feline guardians, I must say," she added proudly.

She paused. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I dunno…" Usagi muttered sleepily. "It's just sometimes your voice, when you get excited…It sounds kind of British…"

The talking cat was outraged. "Why…I…honestly, I wouldn't talk, Usagi, half the time you're shrieking so loud it breaks the sound barrie—mmmpfh…!"

With reflexes that belied her usual clumsiness, Usagi had rolled over and tossed the cat into a hamper. She smiled satisfiedly as the lid closed tightly. "Ahh, that was getting so annoying," she said. "Just ten more minutes…."

From within the clothing hamper, Luna groaned. "I've got to stop watching so much Monty Python…"

ONE HOUR LATER.

"AAAhhhhhghghghhh!!! I'm like, so, totally, late! And stuff! Why didn't anybody wake me up?!?!?!" Usagi charged into the kitchen with her hair half styled and her jeans on backwards and quickly shoved a piece of toast, two salami sandwiches, and a pint of ice cream into her mouth.

"Actually," said her little brother, calmly munching Lucky Charms at the table, "We tried to wake you with a foghorn, a couple of gunshots, paid a marching band to walk past your room…"

"Shut up, Shingo!" Usagi cried. "Gotta go. I'm late! Really, really late!" She grabbed a granola bar and raced out the door, leaving a cloud of empty plates and dust.

The little boy turned to his parents, who were quietly cooking and reading the paper, and said seriously, "really, I'm old enough, you can tell me now. She's adopted, right?"

"Haw haw haw!" said his father. "Not exactly."

"It's true," said Ikuko, "Although, we wish. We love her though. SO DO YOU," she added sternly.

"I knew it!" muttered Shingo. "She must be an alien. Maybe from the moon? Nah, not far away enough. She's gotta be from Pluto, at least."

JUUBAN DISTRICT

"Scram, everybody, I'm late to school!"

'Oh, man, this is gonna take forever! If only there were a faster way to get to school every day!' Usagi thought frantically, speeding past a rollerblade shop, a bike supply store, several car dealerships and a bus stop. 'Although I'm getting kinda tired, I could really use a BREAK— umph!" At that moment she crashed into a large square, muscly surface that could only be…

"Watch where you're going, jerk!"

THIRTY MINUTES EARLIER…

Several blocks away from Usagi's house, from the bedroom of a tall, posh urban apartment, Mamoru opened up his closet and pursed his lips thoughtfully. Twenty-nine hideously ugly dark green blazers stared back at him.

"Hmm, maybe I'll wear something different today," he thought to himself. He opened a drawer and pulled out a white t-shirt that said, in bold black letters on the front, "ALOOF". He turned it over. The back said, "…BUT ACTUALLY VERY SWEET, JUST REPRESSED DUE TO SECRET CHILDHOOD TRAUMA."

He shrugged. "Last time I'm letting Andrew take me to the mall when I'm drunk." Mamoru slipped on the shirt, tugged a green blazer over it, made sure his bangs fell rakishly over his bright blue eyes, and prepared to stake out a corner of the street to await the arrival of a very speedy blond girl with a very high pitched yell.

NOW.

"You jerk! Why are you always in my way!" Usagi yelled.

"Why don't you ever look where you're going!"

"Why you…YOU…" Usagi fumed. Then, unexpectedly, she turned and began rustling through her bag, searching for something.

Mamoru took the moment to have a good look at her. She was wearing jeans ('are those on backwards?' he wondered) that emphasized her endlessly long legs and a pink t-shirt that read 'PRINCESS' in sparkly letters.

'Something tells me that this girl has something to do with the Princess that I always dream about, the one that looks exactly like her,' Mamoru mused, in a sudden burst of inspiration. He shook his head. 'Nahh.'

"Aha!" Usagi turned around triumphantly, pulling a thesaurus from her bag. "Okay, nerd! I'm ready for combat! You start."

Mamoru rolled his eyes, and the chain of insults began.

"Baka."

"Idiot!"

"Ignoramus!"

"Moron!"

"Charlatan"

"uhhh….poopyhead!"

Mamoru sighed. 'Poopyhead'? "Usagi, you have a thesaurus! Why don't you use it?"

The small blond girl's eyes clouded over with tears. "Because," she said quietly, her voice broken, "I never learned… how to read…."

As Mamoru stood there, stunned, a bell rang from off in the distance. "Gahhh!" screamed Usagi. "Gotta go! I'm soooo late!" She sped off, turning to look back for just an instant, as her eyes caught the back of Mamoru's shirt. 'Something tells me that although he comes across as so cold and aloof, he's actually probably very sweet, just repressed due to like, childhood trauma, and junk'. She picked up speed. 'Nah. That's too cheesy.' She snorted. 'That jerk.'

more to come soon!