Shattered Spark
Disclaimer: Not sure where this idea came from, but I ran a few thoughts in my head and after seeing Barricade again in DoTM, I thought. Huh. This might be interesting. It's not often my stories end with a sour note to them, if you really want to think of this as. It kind of is though. This is the one - shot sequel part to Honey and Blood and may include another after the events of DoTM.
R&R.
"If man were immortal he could be perfectly sure of seeing the day when everything in which he had trusted should betray his trust."
-Charles Sanders Peirce
"When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself."
-Isaac Bashevis Singer
By: VampireQueenAkasha
"Remember me?"
-Barricade, DoTM
"Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today"
- - Christina Aguilera "HURT"
Evening
Mikaela felt the cold chilly air against her skin and couldn't stop the shivers that ran down her back. Though it wasn't the cold so much as the fear that she felt in her stomach. What did she expect though? It was going to turn out bad no matter what happened anyway.
Maybe it was a bad idea to meet him out here, she thought, uneasily.
If he was feeling upset, would he return to his Decepticon nature and kill her? No one would be around to help and no one would hear anything that came out of it.
She was standing near an abandoned warehouse, holding her jacket closer around her body.
The sounds of tires making their way around the warehouse made her stomach sink lower. She spotted the black and white form of the Saleen Mustang pulling up from the trees and sucked in a short breath as it folded itself into the bipedal form of Barricade.
He didn't speak but regarded her with those multi - optics. She had never seen him look so terrifying as he did now; but instead of anger and blood lust as he almost always had in battle, there was pain. It was pain that she knew the source of. She was the cause of it to begin with.
"Millions of years I have been devoted to my duty," he began, his voice low and rigid with fury, "Millions of years I fought alongside of my fellow Decepticons. And in these recent events, I found myself forgetting everything that I had ever been taught ... because of you, the creature who I foolishly thought felt something for me. Finally, when I felt that something began to go right, you weren't there." He dropped onto all fours, causing her to yelp in fright and he leaned forward, glaring at her. His optics seemed to glow like fire in the darkness. "Why weren't you there?"
She had gone with Sam to Egypt. Barricade had to report to Starscream for another mission and he wanted Mikaela with him to prevent her from being harmed. When she didn't answer his contact, she had deeply regretted it.
When she returned, he called her and only a simple message came through:
COME ALONE. WE NEED TO TALK.
And right now, she didn't want to face him. But there was no reason not to. He knew everything and probably heard her telling Sam that she loved him. It had come out in her desperation. Mikaela couldn't imagine a world without him in it. It had pulled at her all the way until she got back home.
Mikaela wavered beneath his intense look. "I - I was worried about him, Barricade."
He snorted furiously in disgust.
"I wouldn't be human if I didn't worry all the time, you know that." Mikalea insisted. "You said so yourself that you loved me for being what I was."
Barricade snarled at that and straightened, stamping each word out severely like they were a curse that he wanted to put onto her. "I. DO. NOT. LOVE. YOU."
She laughed bitterly and shook her head in disbelief. "So if you don't love me anymore, then why did you even bother showing up here? What was the point then?"
Barricade was in her face again and his voice was so poisonous, it nearly cut through her heart like a knife. "I wanted the truth for once!" he shouted, nearly causing her to fall over, "I wanted to believe that I was mistaken and perhaps you weren't the shallow little lie that Starscream had told me you were!"
Mikaela flinched against the hot, enraged puffs of air coming from him.
His voice became bitter and he laughed coldly. "You cannot even look at me now, can you?"
"I was worried about him!" she nearly shrieked, throwing her arms into the air, "I couldn't let him go to Egypt alone! With the Primes ... and the stuff he was seeing in his head and - "
He sighed and straightened and he didn't seem to care about the human boy Sam. "I never asked for any of this, Mikaela," he hissed, "To feel emotions again and in this time of war. To let someone - human or otherwise - get inside my head and fill it with false dreams, hope and love ... You taught me that there is more to life than just war. Was that a lie?"
"No!"
"And you even dared the impossible and loved me. Was that a lie too?"
"It wasn't!"
Barricade snarled at her again, and then began making several metallic whirring sounds that resembled a sorrowful moans. "You have deceived me, lied to me and you shrank away to give a mere human whelp what should always have been mine and mine alone!"
She winced again and held her jacket closer, as if it could protect her from the rage from the Decepticon. "l don't know. l just thought that with the fighting and everything and with your friends back that maybe we should cool it for a little while."
He blinked a few times and then again, looking absolutely shocked.
"What?" he said, his voice so low, she could barely hear him, even when he was that close.
Mikaela didn't want to hurt him. She never wanted to do that to him at all. But what could she do? How could she explain to him that this was getting dangerous? That he was going to die if they continued doing what they were doing? She didn't want him to die because of her.
Barricade straightened and glared down at her now. The hurt on his face was almost enough to make her want to go to him and make it all disappear, but she was worried of what he would do.
"Are you saying that you don't want to be with me anymore?" he growled, "You don't want to be seen with me? What are you saying exactly?"
Mikaela grunted and rubbed her head. "I'm just saying that I'm confused, that's all. After what's happened these passed several hours and - "
"Confused about what?" he hissed, glaring at her, "Me?"
"Things have been a bit much for me, Barricade," she tried to sound believable even though her heart was ripping with every sentence, "When I saw him almost die out there and then with Starscream back and you having to - I don't know ... "
He chuckled and shook his head with disgust at the excuses. "Oh no; I think I understand exactly what you're trying to tell me ... " he said, with icy venom, "But you cannot say it, can you? Well let me say it for you: It's because we're not the same. You've gotten a good look at reality and decided that because I'm not human and you need someone of your own kind."
Mikaela looked horrified by the Decepticon's words. "No, that's not it at - "
"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!" he roared, his optics flashing.
She was almost at tears now. "Why are you getting mad? I'm just being honest with you and you're taking it completely out of proportion!"
"HOW SHOULD I TAKE IT THEN?" he shouted, "I am an interrogator, and have been for millions of years, Mikaela! I know a liar when I see one!"
She glared up at him and threw her fists into the air again. "Be real, Barricade!" she shouted back, "Nobody wants to see us together. We spend more time defending our relationship than having one! Think about it! We have to be real about one another right now!" She watched a shocked look cross his face before relaxing with a moan of despair. This was hurting her more than she wanted. "It's just ... so hard for me."
He frowned. "Everything has to be easy? I'm afraid it's not like that, Mikaela," he snapped, "So are you simply telling me that you just don't want me anymore? Is that it?"
She shook her head with a small whimper of despair. "Forgive me ... "
Barricade's optics flickered with warmth but they were gone again. He hardened his resolve. "It's to late to earn my forgiveness ... "
Mikaela was silent after hearing that. It was obvious that he wasn't going to forgive her right now. Maybe later when he had the chance to think about things, but not right now. She still felt his optics on her like a heavy weight and then licked her lips thoughtfully before speaking and her voice was so very small.
"Are you ... Are you going to kill me now?" she asked.
Barricade looked startled by the question and even a bit insulted that she would ask him that. He wavered a bit before he relaxed his shoulders, sighing through his intakes.
"What would killing you prove?" he snapped, harshly.
O
A yellow striped Camaro pulled up to the scene and Sam immediately stepped out of it. Mikaela gave him a teary - eyed smile and watched as Bumblebee immediately transformed, glaring over at Barricade. The Decepticon hissed at him.
"This doesn't concern either one of you," Barricade warned, pointing a clawed digit at the yellow scout, "Stay out of it."
Bumblebee however, felt otherwise on the whole matter. He pointed a warning finger of his own at Barricade and spoke through his radio. "You never have had good intentions."
Barricade's optics seemed to narrow menacingly and he began to curse the Autobot in their Cybertronian tongue. Bumblebee responded with a few curses of his own. While this was going on, Sam moved passed them and walked over to the teary - eyed woman.
"Mikaela?" Sam said, worry in his eyes, "What's going on out here? Are you okay?"
She nodded, even though it was a straight up lie. "I'm - I'm fine, Sam." she told him, "Actually, I'm glad that you came here because now I can have both of you here to tell you what you need to hear."
That made Barricade pause in mid - argument with Bumblebee and stare down at her. Sam also looked interested, but at the same time, felt that there would be more to what she was saying that would end poorly for the both of them.
"Tell us what?" Sam asked, giving Barricade a wary look when he turned to face her.
Mikaela didn't want this. She couldn't stand the horrible burning sensation in her chest and the wave of it that wormed its way to her throat, threatening to make her break down in front of them. She fought it off with all her strength and shook her head.
It was for the best.
"I can't do this anymore, Sam," Mikaela said, her voice breaking.
Sam seemed to sense what she meant and he shook his head desperately. He put his arms around her, but she squirmed her way out of it before it could get even more uncomfortable for everyone there. He reached up and touched her face, turning her head to look at his desperate, pained eyes. She wanted to turn away from them, but couldn't.
"Mikaela, you don't have to do this!" he insisted. "Whatever you want to choose, just do what your heart tells you. I just want you to be happy, that's all!"
Barricade sounded satisfied with that. He bent down to Mikaela and the closeness of the Decepticon made Sam step aside a bit. "See? He's okay with it. He had his chance with you and he blew it," he told her, "You can decide whatever you want and no one will mind it, I can assure you."
She shook her head and gave him a sad smile. She reached up and touched his jagged chin with one hand. Barricade felt himself leaning into it. "I'll be honest with you, Barricade; it wasn't just the innocent, almost odd Decepticon that I felt feelings for that day," she said, "It was something else; you made me feel like a real woman for a change. You didn't care whether or not I was the popular girl. You treated me like an equal and that was what I wanted all along."
Barricade actually smiled now and he made a sound that resembled a pleased grunt. His optics shuttered halfway and he sighed when she rubbed the side of his face gently. She leaned forward and pressed a brief kiss against the corner of his jagged mouth where his fangs poked out.
Mikaela's smile disappeared and her tears threatened to burst forward. She held him for as long as she could before moving away. She pulled her hand away from him this time. "The time that we had was incredible but now ... it's over."
She started for her truck, but Barricade stood up and made a small pleading sound. He started to follow and Sam did as well.
"Mikaela ... " Sam protested.
"Wait. It doesn't have to be." Barricade said.
She stopped and they did as well. She turned and faced them, her throat tightening and her eyes prickling with tears. "There's only one way that I see this ending for the better for all of us," Mikaela told them, "And it's me walking away with neither one of you."
Bumblebee crouched over her and gave her a sad look. "You don't wanna do this, my friend." he said, through his radio.
Mikaela laughed sadly and petted the side of his face. He made a sad whirring noise. "Of course I don't. Do you think this is easy, Bumblebee? But it's the right thing to do."
Barricade took a step forward and growled out his words. "Don't do this. Please."
She paused at the door of her truck and turned. "This is the hardest decision that I have ever had to make, but I know it's the right one for all of us. So please. Don't try to stop me ... " Her eyes landed on Sam. "Either one of you."
Sam grabbed her arms and gave her a gentle shake. "Mikaela, if you want, choose him! Choose him. Choose Trent if you have to!" he insisted, "I just want you happy! That's it. Don't write us off. Do you think that's really going to help ANYONE if you just disappear?"
She cleared her throat and heaved a sigh to ease her shaking resolve. "Don't call me, Sam. Don't write. Don't email. Nothing." She turned to Barricade and smiled sorrowfully. "And you can go back to your army without so much as a second glance back. You won't have me to chain you down. Don't come back, Barricade. Do your duty without regret."
He snarled desperately. "I HAVE no regrets, Mikaela!"
She climbed into her truck and shut the door behind her. After giving them a half - hearted wave, she started the engine and drove off. Barricade and Sam stood in the middle of the dark street, watching her disappear from their sight forever.
Barricade clenched his teeth and let out a furious, pained scream before he transformed and surged down the road opposite that she had gone. Bumblebee watched the disappearing Decepticon and his wing doors slouched with a soft murmuring sigh.
After Mikaela had gotten far enough, she stopped her truck in front of an ice cream shop and started crying.
Hard.
It was the longest and hardest she had ever cried before in her entire life and after she had stopped long enough to see the time on her dashboard, she noticed that it said 10:40 PM. Deciding that it was about time to head home, Mikaela pulled out of the parked space and started forward.
She stopped in front of a red light and took a moment to wipe her eyes, not wanting to look too horrible. There was a sharp screech as a vehicle pulled up alongside of her. Mikaela looked over and much to her shock, noticed that it was Barricade.
He had his human holoform up and he slowly looked up to her. She noticed that his image appeared to have blood - shot eyes and pale streaks down his cheeks. He must have been crying. She never knew him to shed any kind of tears before.
His eyes were hard though, yet still filled with restrained agony. He mouthed something that she couldn't hear, but knew exactly what it was.
Please.
He was trying one last time to persuade her otherwise of her decision. Mikaela's features went rigid with pain and she shook her head at him.
Barricade's own holoform features darkened with anger and despair and he streaked forward without even waiting for the light to change. Mikaela watched the trail of smoke that he left as he disappeared around a street corner.
She remembered the smile on his face when he had awoken from recharge. The sounds that he made when they had finished making love.
The memories all came flooding back and she cried again.
O
Note - Now I'm sad. :(