I like 'after-the-fact' stories, and after this latest episode, I just got a better idea of how I wanted this to go.
Saving all of existence from becoming one big nightmare-infested circle of Hell was pretty exhausting, and quite frankly, Stan wouldn't care to do it again anytime soon.
The kids had gone home to Piedmont, having taken a solemn oath to never speak of what almost happened. The great cover story of 'it was kinda boring' was sure to stick. It was going to be difficult to explain where the extra Grunkle came from, but they'd cross that bridge when that lie was finally built.
Just as he had promised Ford, Stan handed over the Shack the day Dipper and Mabel left, as well as all the important paperwork, birth certificate, Social Security, and driver's license that had so many points on it, it was practically worthless anyway.
While Ford went over all the paperwork in the office, Stan discreetly grabbed a few bags he kept packed just in case, his wallet that contained one of his more convincing fake IDs and an accompanying credit card, and a couple of more important things—namely little gifts from Dipper and Mabel—and stashed everything in the RV, driving off.
It wasn't that he wanted to just up and leave without goodbyes, but yeah, it was sort of that. He didn't want to drag out the painful eviction process, and it was just better to leave with all this affairs either in order or handed off cleanly to Ford.
He left a notebook detailing the bill payment schedules, bank statements that included separate accounts (Stanford's remaining grant money had been left untouched, and Stan had invested an extra $100 a month into it since his business had picked up, leaving a little over $36,000 extra with the jotted note of 'Hope this can start with the reparation for 30 years' next to the statement.). He also left a request to give Soos and Wendy their 'final paychecks' of $3000 each, as an added 'thank you' for sticking by.
The last thing in that notebook was the request that Ford keep in contact with the kids and maybe invite them back for the summer. Hell, invite the whole family, and reconnect with everyone.
As Stan pulled out into the highway, he was sure that it would be at least a couple hours before Ford reached that part of the notebook. He blinked back tears, gripping the steering wheel tightly.
Yes, the house was Ford's by all rights, but that place had been the center of his world for more than half his life. He was going to miss it. Hell, he was going to miss Gravity Falls, in all its weirdness and splendor.
He mentally shook himself, turning on the radio. He had to make the best of this. He had a good chunk of money saved away for himself that would last him until he found a new livelihood. This was a fresh start, and one that he could properly enjoy. Heck, when he was settled, he would even reach out to Ford and the kids.
Speaking of settling, maybe it was high time he got a life and settled DOWN too…
It wasn't half-bad staying at the RV park for a while. There were plenty of other RVers, mostly retirees his age that had traveled cross-country to Oregon for the peace and quiet. It was nice having conversations with them, swapping stories and pictures of grandkids, sharing drinks around the bonfire and some fishing trips.
It was those couple of weeks that Stan finally felt relaxed and unwound, not having to worry about portals and the upkeep of appearances. He was actually having fun in this little detour, and almost didn't want to leave.
He became friends with an old veteran named Daryl and his wife Sherrie who were on a trip across all 50 states, and were almost finished. They just had Washington to go, and were stopping for a spell in Oregon. While sharing a few drinks over a shared barbecue dinner, Stan delved into the question of when they got together.
"Oh, it was probably just under two years ago," Daryl said, splashing more Tabasco sauce on his spare ribs. "I was hiking through Wyoming, and we met up at a camp spot. Had one date, and we've been together since."
Sherrie smiled, patting Daryl's shoulder. "We had a lovely lakeside wedding three months later. Oh, my sister thought I was crazy, getting married at my age, but you're never too old to fall in love. And now I have someone to spend the rest of my golden years with."
Stan smiled a little, chewing his dinner thoughtfully, feeling both wistful and hopeful. Both Daryl and Sherrie were older than him by almost ten years, and they still found happiness this late in their lives. Heck, if they could do it, he could too.
Driving down the almost empty road at dawn gave Stan a lot to think about, in terms of relationships. He'd had just a handful over the years, none of them really good. He'd been good-looking enough in high school, but most girls thought it was weird that he and his twin were so close. In hindsight, bringing Ford along on his first date to the movies WAS pretty weird.
He'd been married once in Vegas, but THAT lasted all of six hours before they both sobered up.
Even in Gravity Falls, his love live had been nil. Suzan was the closest he came to a relationship, but she proved too weird even for HIM, so there went an eleven-year crush down the drain.
Being perfectly honest, the best match he could come up with in terms of attraction and being on the same wavelength was…
His eyes caught a sign as he drove down the road, an advertisement for Mystery Mountain.
….Talk about a sign from above.
Maybe being in Gravity Falls had desensitized him to weirdness, but he wasn't entirely lying to Dipper when he told him that other than being eaten and had acid spat into his face, he was enjoying himself with Darlene. And he was secretly impressed with the elaborate racket she had going for her (literal) tourist trap.
It wasn't everyday that someone could see past his smooth talking right away. It usually took a couple hours to a couple days to figure out he was all bravado. And boy, had HE been snapped up in HER smooth talk. He'd NEVER been talked up like that, and to be honest, it was kind of a turn-on.
Less of a turn-on being bound in webbing and told he was going to be eaten, but still.
Stan sighed, mentally snorting. How messed up in the head did HE have to be after experiencing all that and STILL feeling an attraction to a spider-person?
Another advert came up, showing the exit that lead to the mountain was in a half-mile. He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, driving in silence before clicking his turn signal and steering into the exit.
Screw it, he thought. Not like he had much more to lose at this point.
It looked like all of the damage done to the place since his last visit had been fixed. He exited the RV and glanced around, seeing that it wasn't as busy. Not that he was surprised. School had started again, and the mountain air was really cool and breezy, with it about to be October and all. He absently wondered if Darlene ran a Halloween theme.
Speak of the she-devil…
Darlene was sitting in her kiosk as usual, this time wearing a jacket over her pink top and trading out her blue eyeshadow for dark grey. She was flipping through a National Geographic magazine that featured, to Stan's not-surprise, a new species of spider found in the Amazon.
He suddenly felt a slight restriction of anxiety in his chest, like he was thirteen years old again and asking a girl out on his first date. 'Get a grip, Stanley,' he told himself. 'Worst case scenario, she gives you a ten-second head start before she goes after you.'
He walked up to her kiosk, getting her attention. She looked up, her expression in instant flirt-mode, which quickly melted into surprise when she saw him. She slowly put her magazine down, tenting her fingertips, her fake nails clicking audibly.
"Well well," she drawled, her eyes flicking over him (literally) hungrily. "What do we have here, hm? Didn't expect you to show yourself to my neck of the woods ever again, Staaaaaan."
Stan swallowed hard, feeling blood creep up to his face. Oh man, oh jeeze, say something, say something, say ANYTHING…!
"Didja come to finish what we started then?" Darlene continued, leaning her head on her hand, looking amused now. "Can't imagine you had that many more years left, anyway. So what is it, Stany?"
Stan swallowed again before taking a deep breath and letting it out, looking her in the eye. "I'm here to say something to YOU," he said, bracing his hands on the bar of the kiosk. "My name is Stanley Pines. I'm sixty-two years old—NOT in my seventies, thank you very much—and for the past thirty-something years, I've been living under the identity of my brother who was lost in-between dimensions. He's back now, and I had to return his house, which has been my home for three decades. For the first time in over thirty years, I'm on my own, and I have my own identity to figure out and life the rest of my life by. That includes settling down and making a home somewhere. I'm socially awkward and romantically-stunted, my confidence is absolute bunk, I have never had a relationship last more than a month, my only marriage lasted six hours, and despite having almost been eaten, our date didn't even crack the top ten of the worst dates I've been on. If I'm being honest, I liked you more than anyone else I've ever dated, and I still like you. I've spent so much time around anomalies and weirdness, even your eight legs and fangs haven't deterred me from liking you. I can even look past you eating people because hey, a girl's gotta eat. And if you don't end up eating me, I would like to take you out for drinks and dinner sometime."
Darlene stared at him unblinking through his entire speech, and remained unblinking when he was finished. There was a very uncomfortable silence that stretched for almost a full minute.
"…Welp," Stan finally said, taking a step back, "that was…yeah. That was my story. I was just…putting that out there. Aaaaaand, now I'm going to go back to my RV before I throw myself off that cliff over there from sheer humiliation. Have a nice day." He turned around, heading back to the RV.
"Hey!"
He was turned around by Darlene, gave him a shrewd look. "….I get off at six, I can get ready by seven, and I expect to be taken someplace NICE." She poked his chest hard. "If you're late, YOU'RE my dinner. Either way, I'm getting SOMETHING nice to eat tonight, capisce?"
Stan stared, his jaw slack for a moment before what she said sunk in. "…y…yeah," he said, then smiled. "No problem. You've got it."
Darlene smirked, turning and heading back to her kiosk, and Stan could have sworn she sashayed her hips extra flirtatiously along the way.
Ford had been absolutely miserable for the past couple of months. By the time he had finished looking over the paperwork and reading through the notebook—as well as mentally reeling at the amount of money Stan had set aside for him and the employees—Stan was gone.
Stan had left the keys to his car on the kitchen table and taken the RV, very few things from the house being taken with him. It was quick and quiet, like Stan had been planning it for weeks…
…which, in hindsight, Ford supposed he HAD been doing.
After the initial shock had worn off, Ford sat in the living room in silence. He had his house back, he had his name back, and according to a note from Stan, there were some prepaid contractors coming down to take the Mystery Shack signs apart and fix up the house.
Thinking back on it, Ford realized how hasty he had spoken that night he came back. He had returned for barely two hours, and was already making ultimatums to Stan. Over the next month, he saw how much of a home Stan had made this place. It was lived-in and cozy without it being turned into one big messy lab like Ford had it once.
He saw how much Stan adored his job, having secretly looked in at the Mystery Shack's closing tour/mini party, where town regulars showed up and expressed their sadness that Stan was 'closing up for retirement', which was apparently the excuse Stan had given out. He interacted so well with people, really selling himself as Mr. Mystery, the rest of the inventory of the gift shop being sold out by the end of the day.
It really hit him how much Stanley really loved this place, really made himself a home in this town. Ford's six years compared to Stan's thirty was really no comparison at all.
In the last few days, he had been looking into alternatives of how to make this work, knowing that it would just be unfair and cruel to have Stan hand his whole life over, only to have exactly that happen. Stan was gone within hours of Ford having last saw him, like ripping the band-aid off in one swipe, and Ford was left with a quiet house, his only other family several states away, and no idea of what to do with all this sudden free time.
It was November now, and Ford hadn't gotten so much as a phone call. It was like forty years ago, when Stan had been thrown out and just disappeared altogether. Only this time, Ford was waiting with bated breath by the phone every day.
He tugged on a jacket and headed out to the mailbox, getting several envelopes, smiling when he saw the colorful one that was sent from Mabel and addressed to Stanford (the 'Stan' written in blue ink and the 'Ford' written in red). Even though he had bought his own laptop and exchanged IMs and emails with them, Mabel still sent him old-fashioned letters. Being perfectly honest, he liked the letters a little better.
He carried them inside and opened the letter, ignoring the glitter that poofed out, and read over her weekly updates of school, activities, boys, and several candid photos he would put into a scrapbook later.
The post-script at the bottom read that she would be begging her parents to let them visit over next summer break if he and Stan would let them, and he had to put the letter down. He still hadn't told them Stan had left, and at this point, he was afraid to. He knew it wouldn't do at all for them to come up and find out Stan was gone, but he still couldn't bring himself to break their hearts by telling them Stan had left and hadn't called or sent notice of his whereabouts.
Ford sighed, putting the letter aside and looking through the rest of his mail, pausing when he found a postcard among them from somewhere called Mystery Mountain. He turned the postcard around, his heart jumping when he saw it was addressed from Stanley. He almost couldn't read from the lack of oxygen in his brain from the shock, but eventually calmed down enough to read through it.
Hey, Sixer!
Not dead, so don't worry. I decided to take some time off to find myself. Yeah, yeah, call me a bleeding-heart hippie, but it's true. The sum of my existence was either being you, or bringing you back, and it was time for me to be ME. And what a time it's been! I told myself I wouldn't bother you until I found some stability, and wouldn't you know it, I found some. If it's alright with you, I could come by for a visit and introduce you to my fiancé.
Your brother, Stanley.
Ford stared at the card, rereading it several times over, feeling both relieved Stan contacted him and furious that it was just a postcard. He checked the address and saw that it was from somewhere in Oregon.
That asinine knucklehead, making him worry for months, only to be somewhere in the same state—
—wait a minute, fiancé!?
Dipper and Mabel barely waited until the bus stopped moving before bolting out, diving into a screaming mass of Wendy, Soos, Grenda, Candy, and Pacifica. The year had gone by WAY too slowly for them, and face-time and letters were no substitute for actually being back in Gravity Falls.
"Look at you, Dipper!" Wendy laughed, ruffling Dipper's hair. "You shot up another six inches! You're gonna be taller than me before you know it!"
"I'm still taller!" Mabel announced, standing up straight and beaming.
"By a half-inch!" Dipper huffed, unable to stop grinning from how happy he was to be back. He craned his neck around his crowd of friends. "Where's Great-Uncle Ford?"
"And Grunkle Stan?" Mabel added, peeking around everyone.
"Mr.'s Pines said they have a surprise back home for you," Soos said, jerking his thumb to his pickup truck, a new one he invested in with some of the money Stan had left him. "Everyone pile in, and let's head to the Shack!"
Mabel clambered in the back with her friends while Dipper sat up front with Soos and Wendy, and everyone was headed down the road in no time.
"So, it's still called the Shack?" Dipper said, looking out the window, sort of glad nothing much had changed in a year.
"It sorta stuck after so long," Soos replied, turning onto the dirt road that lead into the woods. "Even Mr. Pines the Second calls it the Shack still."
"Kinda blows it's still not the ACTUAL Shack," Wendy said, cranking on the AC. "I tried to get a job at the diner, but I got fired two days ago because a guy pinched my ass and called me babydoll and I punched him."
Dipper snorted. "Sorry about that," he said.
"I'm not. Two days was hell enough for me." Wendy reclined back, sighing. "At least I convinced Dad that if I was sent that to logging camp I'd run away and join a gang."
Dipper smiled. "Nice." He sighed softly. "…So how has everyone been? I mean, I've heard things from IMs and mail, but, you know…"
"It's been pretty cool," Soos said. "Melody's coming down from Portland to spend the summer here, so that's a thing. Oh, and Mr. Pines is—"
"SHHHH!" Wendy hissed, flailing at him. "Soos!"
"Oh. Oh, right."
Dipper blinked. "…Alright, what's going on?" he asked. Wendy rolled her eyes.
"It's part of the surprise," she replied, giving him a smile. "All in good time, Dipper."
Dipper stared between them. "Ooookay," he said, letting it go when he saw the Shack up ahead in the distance.
It wasn't SO different than when he last saw it. The signs were gone and the area was much cleaner, landscaped even. There was a new fence that was bordering the property, and Gompers was munching on some grass in the corner.
Out on the porch was Ford, who was sitting on some proper outdoor furniture reading through a book. He looked up when Soos drove the truck up, his book going airborne when Mabel leapt out of the truck and ran up to him.
"Mabel, that was incredibly reckless!" he scolded, managing to catch her before she tackled him right off the porch. She just beamed, hugging him tightly.
"Couldn't help it. Missed you too much," she replied frankly. Ford sighed, smiling as he patted her head.
"Just don't do it again," he said. "You nearly took a decade off my life."
"Oh, you've got like three more of those left," she retorted as Dipper hurried out of the car, who sensibly waited until Soos was parked.
Dipper hugged Ford tightly, beaming. "Missed you lots, Grunkle Ford," he said. Ford ruffled Dipper's hair.
"I missed you kids too," he replied, giving them both another hug. "Let's go get your things, and we'll get you settled in."
Mabel hurried back to the truck, picking out her luggage, which easily doubled that of her twin's. "Sooooo…" she drew out, hopping around Ford. "What's the big surprise? Huh? Is it a party? It's SO a party! I hope there's karaoke! THERE'S KARAOKE, ISNT THERE!?"
Dipper noticed Ford glance back at the Shack with a slight grimace before giving Mabel a half-forced smile. "It's SOMETHING of a party," he replied. "It's mostly a surprise of what your Grunkle Stan has for you." He slung one of Dipper's knapsacks over his shoulder, muttering, "One hellova surprise…"
Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look as they followed Ford into the house, looking around at how NEAT it was. All that extra space that the tour and the gift shop took up was put to better use, and they saw that Ford had taken a panel out of the house to make it more open and breathable.
"I renovated the attic for the two of you," Ford said, heading upstairs, where indeed the attic was refurnished to look just as livable as the rest of the house, the whole area now having two doors on either end. "Dipper, your room is on the left. Mabel, yours is on the right."
Dipper and Mabel hurried to the respective sides, finding decent-sized guest rooms simply furnished and almost identical. However, Mabel's room was more open with plenty of room to put up her posters and art projects, a large set of craft drawers set up along a wall for her to store her glitter, glue, stickers, yarn, and the like ready for her to fill.
Dipper's room had a desk and a bookshelf that was mostly empty. On the desk was a brand-new empty journal, and Ford was not ashamed to admit he used the bedazzler Mabel forgot last summer to decorate the cover with seven metal studs in the shape of the Big Dipper. Dipper was only half-ashamed that his voice still cracked hilariously when he squealed out of joy when he saw it.
Ford was almost tackled down by the ecstatic twins, and accepted their thanks graciously. "Settle down, kids," he laughed. "Why don't you and your friends help you unpack. Stanley should be back by then."
"Where IS Grunkle Stan?" Dipper asked, pulling out his books to put on the shelf. "I thought he'd be here."
Ford's jaw twitched. "Oh, he's here," he said. "He's…out getting dinner."
There was an awkward silence.
"…Okay, Grunkle Ford," Mabel said, stuffing some ribbons into a drawer before turning to face him. "What's going on here? You're acting more weirded out than secretive. So what's the deal?"
Ford's jaw twitched again. "….I'll tell you after you've finished unpacking," he said, holding up his hands to stop their protesting. "No buts except for yours unpacking!" He headed downstairs.
Wendy was snickering as she helped Dipper take out the rest of his books and trinkets. Dipper gave her a desperate look, but she shook her head. "Nope," she chirped, handing him his things. "You'll have to find out and be surprised like me and Soos were."
"Mr. Pines the Second was surprised enough as it was," Soos said, putting down Dipper's last bag. "But I'm happy for—"
"Soos!"
"Sorry, dude."
Mabel, Dipper, and Co. finished unpacking in record time, stampeding downstairs just in time to see to see Stan walk in with a few bags of things that went airborne when he was attack-hugged by the niblings. "Whoa!" he yelped, recovering quickly and scooping them up. "What did I do that was so great to warrant this kind of welcome?"
"We missed you SOOOOOO much!" Mabel cried, squeezing him tighter. "You need to call more!"
Stan smiled, hugging them both back and picking his bags back up. "Well, I got a new cell phone last week, so I'll have to do just that," he replied, heading into the kitchen (also newly-renovated) and began taking a few things out, mostly new dishware and utensils, but also some condiments for what the twins assumed would be for dinner.
It was while Stan was putting a few things away that Dipper noticed he looked…different. Not MUCH of a difference, but still noticeable. For one, Stan looked healthier and almost younger, for some odd reason. Maybe having some time without having to worry about portals and the end of the world had something to do with it.
"So what's this big surprise?" Mabel demanded, crossing her arms. Stan smiled, ruffling her hair.
"What, your Grunkle Stan coming to visit wasn't surprise enough?" he jested, rummaging in the fridge and taking out a few bottle of soda; Dipper and Mabel noticed that it was the glass bottles. Soda always tasted better in glass bottles, but Stan always bought cans because it was cheaper.
"Alright, kids, I gotta be honest about a couple of things." He popped the caps off of the bottles, sliding two over to the twins, taking a sip from his own. "First off, I haven't lived here since you kids left. Just after you left, I took a few bags and I left in the RV." He explained his reasonings, and told them about the great time he had in the camp sites, emphasizing that he wasn't running away, he was just finally finding himself after a long time of living for someone else.
"…and then I got to thinking," he said after telling them about Daryl and Sherrie, "that maybe it wasn't too late for ME to find someone and settle down with either." He smiled, polishing off his soda. "And before I get into ANOTHER long spiel and leave us all dying of hunger, I'm just gonna go out and say it." He leaned back in his chair.
"Kids, I got married."
Dipper and Mabel both spewed out their soda, coughing for a moment before stammering off indiscernibly in shock.
"You're MARRIED!?" Mabel shouted, finally able to get her thoughts straight. "Why didn't you TELL us!? We would have SO helped with the wedding!"
Stan handed them a dishtowel so they could dab off the soda mess. "Not much of a wedding, to be honest," he replied, shrugging. "Just a simple ceremony, mostly legal junk." He held up his left hand, which had a simple gold band around his ring finger. "Only thing I splurged on were the rings."
"Well gee, that seems pretty anticlimactic," Mabel pouted. "And again, WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL US?"
"Yeah, Grunkle Stan," Dipper added, huffing. "Seems like a PRETTY big deal that you didn't tell us."
Stan looked sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck. "Weeeeell," he dragged out, looking almost embarrassed. "…It's not so much THAT I got married…it's more of WHO I married."
Mabel and Dipper were interrupted of asking who when Ford half-ran in through the back door, looking like he was TRYING to look like he wasn't hurrying. He looked pretty pale, while Stan just looked amused. From the door, Dipper and Mabel smelled barbecue from the backyard.
"…she said it's just about ready," Ford nearly squeaked. Stan snorted loudly, standing up.
"Thanks, Sixer," he said. "C'mon kids, I'll introduce you." He led them out to the back, where someone was working the barbecue.
Dipper stared, glancing between her and Stan, trying to put 2 and 2 together. "…Grunkle Stan, why is there a spider-person cooking barbecue in Grunkle Ford's backyard?" he asked.
"Because she's a much better grillmaster than I am," Stan replied matter-of-factly, walking over and putting his arm around Darlene. "Kids, you remember Darlene."
"…Uh huh," Dipper said, instinctively flicking his eyes around for possible escape routes. Mabel, on the other hand, stalked right up, her hands on her hips.
"Darlene," she said, standing up straight. "Just WHAT are your intentions toward my Grunkle Stan?"
Darlene blinked, then smiled. "Well, sugar, my intentions are to spoil him rotten as much as he spoils me." She flashed Mabel the ring on her finger with a two-carat ruby. "Never had a man escape and come back, let alone want to get to know me." She hugged Stan's arm, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Through all that bravado, he's such a sweetheart."
Mabel's deep-seated adoration of everything lovey-dovey melted most of the sternness off her face, but she struggled to maintain the image. "And you're not going to be eating him?" she demanded.
"Honeypot, if I was gonna eat him, I'd have done it months ago," she replied frankly. "He's much better as company."
"So you only married me for my company?" Stan snorted. "I'm hurt, truly."
Darlene snorted, smacking at him with a spatula. "I also married you for your extra pair of hands around the mountain," she retorted. "So put 'em to use and help me set up dinner."
Stan just smiled, setting everything up on the picnic tables before ushering Dipper and Mabel onto the porch. "Look," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, "I get that it's really weird of me to be married to her, but—"
"Grunkle Stan," Mabel interrupted, looking at him seriously. "…Are you happy?"
Stan blinked, glancing back at Darlene, who was assuring Pacifica that yes, her ribs had all the fat trimmed off, smiling softly. "…I am," he said honestly. "And I'd like to think she's happy too. I think we've both been alone for a little too long."
Mabel smiled, hugging him tightly. "Then I'm happy too."
Dipper looked a little more dubious, but he hugged Stan too. "How…does she take to being called Grauntie?" he asked sheepishly.
Stan laughed. "I warmed her up to the idea," he said. "Now come on, let's eat." He turned to the screen door of the back porch. "You coming out, Sixer?"
"No, Stanley, I'm fine in here," Ford called back, peeking around the corner. Stan shrugged and led the twins over to the picnic table, sitting them down.
"…Grunkle Stan, why's Grunkle Ford staying inside?" Dipper asked, frowning. Stan tried to keep his laughter down.
"…he has a SLIGHT fear of spiders," he replied. "Bit of a nasty shock when I introduced him to Darlene."
"He ran out screaming in a pitch only coyotes could hear," Darlene said, putting down plates of barbecue. "It was adorable."
Dipper and Mabel thought they heard a barely-repressed string of swears from the other side of the screen door, and couldn't help but laugh.
Stan sighed contently, giving the area a once-over. He was happily married, visiting his brother for a couple of weeks, and spending time with his great niece and nephew, all without the overabundance of weirdness that normally came with the summer months in Gravity Falls.
Life was good.
FINALLY.