A/N I would like to thank Project Team Beta and my wonderful betas TresChic and MrsKatyCullen for their wonderful assistance with my first fanfic ever.
I do not own any characters associated with Twilight they all belong to Stephanie Meyer
I hope you enjoy, more chapters coming soon!!
Prologue
"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future." Fulton Oursler
Regret
I was afraid to open my eyes. His words echoed in my head. The distant memory of them plaguing my thoughts, it's for the best. My eyes were still tightly shut as the tears began to form, the buildup painfully threatening to breach the surface. Taking a deep breath, I opened them, allowing the tears to fall and adjust to the brightness of the room. As I looked around, I could see the sun begin peering through the yellow tinged blinds and illuminate against the eggshell white walls. I turned my head slowly to the right and the red numbers on the blood pressure machine began to blink as the cuff constricted around my arm. Glancing down to my left hand, I saw the tubing from the IV machine peeking out from the tape. I followed the tubing with my eyes to the two IV bags hanging from a cold, steel apparatus next to my bed. My eyes became transfixed on the bags of what I assumed were saline solution and morphine. In the room lingered a feeling unlike any I had ever encountered. Pain, sadness, guilt, death, and worry all mixed together in a complex web, tugging at my heart and mind, beginning to engulf me slowly. The feeling became so strong that I felt a chill begin at the tips of my toes and slowly traveled up my legs to my torso. Frozen in place, the feeling overwhelmed my heart; the only warmth in my body turned cold and it was as if a part of me had died.
It felt like time had stood still. How can everything appear so peaceful?
A young woman quietly entered the room. Medium height and slender with deep chocolate hair that was neatly pulled into a bun at the nape of her neck, she didn't appear to be more than twenty one years old. What struck me about her were her eyes. Her hazel eyes were dull; it was as if life had drained her of all emotion. She walked to the right side of my bed with a white clipboard in her left hand, reaching into her front pocket and pulled out a pen. Focusing her attention on the blood pressure machine, she wrote down what I assumed to be my vital signs. Then she turned to leave without saying a word.
As she walked towards the door she glanced back at me for a brief second making eye contact. In that moment I could see something I didn't see before: sympathy. Her eyes left mine as she hurried out the room and into the hallway.
The voice echoed in my ear again, it's for the best.
Chapter 1-Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance
I felt the warmth of the sun hitting my face through my sheer lavender curtains. I turned my head to the side as I looked at my Hello Kitty alarm clock. 7:35 already. I stretched my arms over my head and grabbed the back of the headboard.
Shaking the headboard vigorously, I yelled, "No!"
My younger brother, Jesse, ran into the room questioning me with a concerned look in his eyes, "Aiyana, are you okay?"
I quickly grabbed the water bottle that was on my night stand and propelled it towards his head. He moved to the side as the bottle hit the wall and knocked my snow globe off of my mahogany bookshelf.
Laughing "I guess you're okay, right?" he said, not waiting for an answer and walked out the door.
I rolled out of the bed with a loud thud and hopped back up to my feet while mumbling a long string of profanities. I really hated waking up in the morning, especially when impending doom was looming over my head: the proverbial dark cloud. Today was especially going to be a bad day for me. My brother and I were being shipped off to my aunt's house in La Push, Washington...
La Push! What is a La Push?!
To make matters worse, I have never met one relative from my mom's side of the family...ever.
My mom interrupted my thoughts, "It's not that they didn't love you. She just didn't understand my choice. Your aunt Martha didn't like your father, nor did she approve of our relationship. She was always too protective of me," she stated while rubbing her hands together slowly.
"I understand now that she only had my best interest in mind. At the time I didn't see things the same way she did. So, I made the best decision for me, regardless how she felt about it. I chose to remove myself from her life if she could not accept my choice. She couldn't, so I left, " she explained to Jesse and I after telling us we were going to be spending a well needed vacation with our "family."
I've thought about our upcoming trip every day for the last two weeks. She kept us away from our aunt for the past 17 years. Why was it so important for us to get to know her now? I tried to talk to her about her sudden change of heart on several occasions and she would respond flatly, "Aiyana, your aunt is your family and everyone needs family."
I thought we've always done fine without a big extended family. It's been the three of us since me and Jesse's father, Dave, left when Jesse was only two. I personally preferred the smaller unit. There was no need to worry about dysfunctional Thanksgiving dinners or drunk uncles at Christmas-time singing carols at the top of their lungs. I liked my family the way it was.
"Aiyana, Aiyana, AIYANA!"
I quickly turned my head to the door and saw my mom standing there with a confused look on her face and her right hand propped on her hip.
"I've been calling you for the past 10 minutes," she scowled at me.
"Sorry, Mom," I mumbled as I realized I'd been standing in the same place since I picked myself up off of the floor.
"Hurry up and come downstairs to get your breakfast before it gets cold."
"I'll be down in a minute," I said while walking to my closet.
I threw open my closet door and rummaged through it looking for something to wear. Most of my clothes were already packed and sitting in my suitcases by the door. I found a faded gray t-shirt, some dark blue jean Capri's, and my gray converse. I went to the mirror and pulled my thick, shiny black highlighted hair into a ponytail. Then I ran down the stairs to join the rest of my family for breakfast.
Jesse and Mom had already begun eating as I sat down. After several moments of silence, Mom and I spoke at the same time:
"So are you all packed?"
"I guess I'm all packed."
We looked at each other briefly before I lowered my eyes and began pushing my eggs around my plate. I waited for what I knew was coming. I glanced up and stole a quick glance at Jesse who had already put his fork down and leaned forward in his chair with his elbows on the table. Jesse was only thirteen and was wise beyond his years. He had this air of maturity about him which often left me in awe. I know he took being the only man in the house very serious.
Mom finally spoke, "Look you guys. I know you don't understand why I'm doing this, but I promise I'm only thinking about ya'll. It won't be bad. This will give you the chance to get to know your family. At least you'll know you're not alone in the world."
Alone.
It was a word that resonated with me. I had come to the realization long ago that I was destined to be alone. Okay, I know I had Jesse and Mom, but some damn internal alarm would sound off occasionally alerting me to the possibility of maybe having more. Did I deserve or even want more?
I glanced at her as I looked up from my plate as Jesse began fidgeting in his chair.
"Mom is there something else going on?" he asked in a nervous voice.
"No, there's nothing to worry about. It'll only be for a couple of months," she responded quickly but she kept her eyes focused on her hands lying in her lap.
A couple of months for me was like an eternity. I would be away from my safety blanket, my safe haven… my home.
I wasn't what you would call a social butterfly; I tended to stay to myself. It wasn't by choice and it wasn't always like this, but after awhile I liked it better this way. It was easier to be invisible when you shut the rest of the world out. I was begging them internally to look passed me, to pretend that I wasn't there. I just wanted to finally find peace. It was more peaceful when I only had to worry about me.
To be honest, I was never really accepted by anyone. When I was younger, I was called all types of names- "half-breed" and "mutt" seemed to be the favorites.
My mother would always tell me, when I would come home red-eyed from the relentless teasing, "Aiyana, you're special. Never forget that.You have two wonderful worlds running through your veins."But when you're 7 years old, the only thing that matters to you is the fact that Mary or Beth won't play with you during recess.
It made more sense to me to stay to myself. It was then that I began building up walls that no one could penetrate.
"Aiyana," Jesse called softly, "It's time to go."
I looked around my room one last time. It's only two months. What's the worst that could happen?
Ruffling Jesse's hair as I walked by, I looked at him and said, "Well, kiddo, let's get this show on the road."
"That was so lame," he responded with a chuckle.
"I know but you wouldn't take me any other way," I playfully shoved at him.
When we arrived at the airport, my mother stood back while we checked our bags. I turned around and found her looking at her hands again. I walked over to her quickly and pulled her in for a hug. At that moment, I felt some sort of electric current begin flowing through my body. The hair on my arms began to stick up and I couldn't explain it.
I pulled away quickly and looked into her soft brown eyes. I could see the collection of tears begin to build up, threatening to overflow. There was also something else there. Fear? Uncertainty? But for some odd reason I knew better than to question it.
"It's for the best, Aiyana. You'll understand it in time."
She approached Jesse who was standing off to the side keeping himself busy pushing a piece of paper around with the toe of his black Converse. She ruffled his black cropped hair and he playfully swatted her hand away.
"Seriously, Mom. You're gonna mess up my hair!" He attempted to glare at her but failed horribly.
She laughed at him, the laughter never reaching her eyes. She grabbed him fast and pulled him in for a hug and kissed him on his forehead softly.
"Take care of each other," she said softly in his ear.
"Flight 235 to Seattle, Washington now boarding at gate 2B"
Mom guided us slowly toward the gate as the tears began to fall freely against her long black eyelashes and down her copper skin.
I turned away quickly in hopes of containing my own tears, to no avail . As I looked back at her I saw her mouth, "I love you."
I kissed the tips of my index and middle finger and rubbed an "x" over my heart as I had done so many times before.
Somehow I knew that from the moment I stepped onto the plane our lives would never be the same.