Reflection
By Foxykyuu15
Kaneki stares at his reflection. All that it does is stare back, laughing at him. Taunting him. Tempting him. "C'mon, Kaneki. You know that you can't hide it anymore. Your fear. Your hatred. Your pain. After all, you can't hide from yourself."
I don't want to see
the person staring back at me
I don't want to be
the person who I hate to see
Do you know who I don't want to be?
I'll tell you who I hate to see
The person who I hate to see
Is the person who I hate to be
Me.
The mirror felt different this time. He didn't want to go near it. Hinami and Tsukiyama were talking in the room behind him, Tsukiyama's suave voice spouting out eloquent French words while Hinami questioned the purple haired ghoul on those words' meanings. Kaneki knew that if he stood in front of the mirror, it would be there to taunt him. If he glanced at his reflection, it would be there to torment him. It always was.
But he had to. Even as his heart began to beat furiously in his chest, the white haired half ghoul ever so slowly took steps towards the fragile reflective surface. One step. Two steps. Three steps. Four steps. One thousand minus seven-
Dark gray eyes widened at the unbidden thought, his steps faltering and breathing coming to a halt. No. Kaneki shook his head, closing his eyes in frustration as he took another blind step towards the mirror. I can do this. I have to face myself. He broke into a cold sweat, bringing a shaking hand up in front of his face, his fingers gently brushing the cold surface of the glass. He didn't want to open his eyes.
But he did.
His reflection stared back at him, but it wasn't really his reflection. It was smirking. Its eyes were empty, yet filled with killer instinct. It would do everything in its power to kill, to destroy, to devour. This wasn't him.
"Do you really believe that?" It asked. Its head was cocked to the side, amusement glinting in his one gray eye while evil evil evil burned in the glowing black and red kakugan that stood out in place of his left eye, red veins snaking through pale skin.
Kaneki's breath came in shaky gasps, and his knees were wobbling, but he managed to nod, a grimace on his face. "You're not me." He whispered, not trusting his voice to raise above that sound level.
But he didn't believe his own words.
It laughed, in Kaneki's voice, with Kaneki's face, with Kaneki's mouth. "You're delusional." It cackled madly, before stopping, thinking. "But I am you. So I guess we're both delusional."
Kaneki's knuckles tightened at his sides, a glare coming to his ghostly white face that almost-almost matched the shade of his hair. His black fingernails offset the pure look, giving a hint that there was more. That Kaneki wasn't pure. Words were pushed through gritted teeth. "You are not me."
Again, it only laughed, the laughter sounding so wrong wrong wrong because it was coming from Kaneki's mouth. "You've got it all wrong, you've got it all wrong~" It sang, leaning forward in the glass. Kaneki couldn't stop himself from doing the same, leaning forward until their foreheads were touching, their palms facing each other, but never able to reach through. "You're insane, Kaneki! Admit it, you know that it's true. Because you just can't hide from yourself, and you know that I am really you!"
Kaneki's eyes widened, his kakugan coming to life as he stumbled back, threading his hands through his messy white hair. I am you I am you I am you I am you- He tripped on nothing, falling backwards as he shook his head in disbelief. I am you I am you I am you I am you- He pulled at his roots so hard that some of his hair came out, but he didn't register the pain. "NO!" He screamed, shaking harder than he'd ever remembered, like a leaf being ravaged by a savage storm, just barely hanging on.
Another scream tore through his throat, and he began to sob, his eyes wide as his kagune appeared and began to thrash behind him, revealing his inner turmoil. Wide eyed, Hinami and Tsukiyama entered the room to see Kaneki in a state that they'd never thought they would see him in. It was terrifying.
"O-Onii-chan?" Hinami whispered in disbelief, tears coming to her eyes as he only screamed again, a scream full of more pain pain pain than she ever knew could belong to anyone, let alone her adoptive big brother. She fell to her knees, trying to crawl closer to him. "Onii-chan, tell me what's wrong! I can he-" She was cut off by the thrashing kagune, and Tsukiyama pulled her back before one could harm her.
Hinami looked up into the Gourmet's eyes, seeing the obvious confusion and masked concern in his orbs. He gestured for her to stay back, taking a step forward, and when he spoke, his voice was low, serious, worried. "Kaneki-kun." He said slowly. He frowned when there was no reaction, only violent shaking and blood curdling screams. "Explain to me and the Mademoiselle what is wrong, Kaneki-kun! We only want to-" His eyes widened as a kagune tentacle pierced through his stomach, pushing him back against the wall. "K-Kaneki….kun…."
Hinami shook in horror and shock, her kakugan coming to life as she began to cry, tears trailing down her cheeks. The rinkaku pulled out from Tsukiyama and deposited him on the floor, and Hinami jumped in front of the injured ghoul, her arms spread protectively. "Onii-chan don't hurt him! Please! Onegai!" She screamed and cried and sobbed like he did but no one came no one came no one came he was all alone-
Kaneki's kagune thrashed, scratching holes in the walls and smashing vases and picture frames. A wild claw-like tentacle struck against something cold, and the sound of something shattering filled the room. The kagune stilled, and all three ghouls froze. Silence filled the room, and Tsukiyama and Hinami watched in horror as slowly, too slowly, please move faster please please please- Kaneki turned and looked at his reflection. A broken image of himself smiled back, but it wasn't a happy smile, it was a shattered smile. Just like him.
It laughed at Kaneki, raising a hand towards him, and cracked its finger. "See~" It said to him, smiling. Too happy too happy too happy too empty too broken too shattered- "I told you we're the same person. Now c'mon." It chuckled, smiling. "Laugh."
Kaneki's voice was raspy, hollow. "I don't want to."
But he did.