"You've got to be kidding," John said with sincerity.
"No, I'm not Detective Munch. We've got a manpower shortage right now, so it was a particularly bad time for Cragen to let you and the rest of his cowboys in the sex crimes unit go off half-cocked," Chief of Detective Dietz answered.
"Look,"- Munch began, not even intending to comment on Dietz's strange word choice.
"I don't want to hear any sort of explanation for your part in this or that of your partners," Dietz said waving a hand at Munch. "I know you were motivated by the fact that a cop's daughter was involved, and I don't know that I wouldn't have crossed a few lines myself had I been in the same situation, but it's spilt milk now," he continued.
"I've got to deal with the fact that the Special Victim's Unit needs a chief for the next 5 days, and I've got nobody available who I really trust to understand the type of work the unit does, and the strengths and weaknesses of the members of the unit the way Cragen does, which is why you are going to run the unit in his absence," the chief explained.
"But why me?" Munch asked bluntly.
"Frankly, because you're the oldest," a grimace crossed Munch's face at the chief's words, "most experienced of the group, and you seem to have the calmest nature. I don't like hotheads being in charge of things. Just keep things under control, until Cragen's off suspension. Here're your orders giving you temporary command," he handed John a piece of paper.
"Thank you, sir," John said without enthusiasm, as he prepared to leave.
"Oh, and Munch," Dietz said, just as John opened the door.
"Yes," John said, feeling a little more irked.
"Enjoy your turn running the circus," Dietz said with an almost evil grin.
"Circus, more like insane asylum," John mumbled under his breath as he left the Chief of Detectives office clutching his orders.
Benson, Stabler and Tutuola all showed up at the squad within a few minutes of each other. It didn't take long for them to start speculating about who would temporarily replace Cragen.
"Who do ya think they'll send to replace Cragen during his suspension?" Fin asked.
"I don't know, probably somebody who's a real stickler for the regs," Stabler speculated.
"Yeah, that would serve us right. You know, it's not fair they came down so hard on the captain like they did. I mean we were all to blame," Olivia complained.
"Yeah," Fin was quick to agree, and then he looked around. "Where's Munch? He's not usually this late."
"Maybe he's not going to show up today as a way of protesting," Elliot suggested with a bit of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
Before anyone could answer, Munch finally came through the doors of the squad room.
"Well, better late than never, huh John? At least you got here before Cragen's replacement," Elliot said, trying to tweak Munch.
"I'm not late. My presence was requested at the office of the Chief of Detectives, and I didn't arrive here before Cragen's replacement. I am Cragen's replacement," Munch replied testily, and then stood back and watched as the pronouncement he'd just made sunk in with his colleagues.
"What?" Stabler blurted out before the rest of them had finished processing the information.
"You heard me, but if you don't believe me, read this," John thrust the orders he'd been given by Dietz under Stabler's nose.
"How come he put you in charge, instead of bringing in some captain from another precinct or something?" Fin asked.
"That's easy, manpower shortage, right?" Olivia guessed.
"Right," John said, and nodded at Olivia giving her a small smile, he knew that at least she wouldn't fight him. "The chief said he didn't have anybody he trusted who would understand what we do in Special Victims, or who would know the strengths and weaknesses of members of the unit as well as one of us would. So, I got picked by virtue of not being a hothead," John looked at Elliot and Fin, "and having the most experience."
"You mean, you get to play being boss 'cause you're the oldest?" Fin asked in none too respectful a tone.
"Golly, we promise we'll be good while Dad's away John Boy," Elliot said as he rolled his eyes.
"Keep up that attitude, and maybe I'll tell One Police Plaza that we don't need the extra detective I managed to get us for the next 5 days," Munch threatened.
Just then the squad room doors opened again, this time admitting Ken Briscoe.
"Kenny!" Olivia said and gave the young man a hug. Elliot slapped him on the back.
"Kenny, how've you been?" Elliot asked.
"Who's this, Jim Bob?" Fin asked.
"More or less," Elliot answered with a smile.
"Kenny, meet my partner Odafin Tutuola, call him Fin, it'll make the next 5 days of your life much easier," Munch said as he put his hand on Kenny's neck and brought the two men together.
"Fin, this is Kenny Briscoe, he used to partner with Jeffries until, well to tell the truth I don't know exactly what shooed him out of the unit. I always suspected that rat of an uncle of his from the 2-7 used his influence on the captain to get the kid transferred out of here. Maybe while I'm temporarily in command I'll snoop around and find out for sure," Munch said, he looked to Kenny for a reaction but didn't really get one.
"Hi Kenny, I guess you're taking Munch's desk, 'cause he's going to play boss man," Fin said by way of welcoming Ken.
"That works just fine for me," Ken said moving over to Munch's desk with Fin, and then he lowered his voice a bit and said, "and call me Ken would ya. I'm trying to lose the kid image; in fact, just between you and me, that's one of the reasons, I transferred out of here. I couldn't ever get them to see me as anything but a wet behind the ears rookie."
"Okay gang, let's see if we can get through the next 5 days without getting into anymore trouble," with that Munch retreated into Captain Cragen's office and got down to doing the captain's thankless job of paperwork.
The day passed fairly smoothly with the two pairs of detectives working on existing cases and as they got ready to leave they all stopped by Cragen's office to say, "Night John Boy".
"Get out of here!" John yelled good naturedly, as he threw a wad of paper at them.