Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me! Warnings for lots and lots of angst, and general wolfiness and puppy love. Also malexmale, slash, yaoi… etc. Enjoy!
10th September, 1969
"Hey, can I join in?"
The other children turned to stare at him, the small boy with dull brown eyes, almost completely obscured under a mop of wavy blonde hair. The scars that littered his arms and left leg, the repulsive scrawny little body. It was only too easy to see himself as they saw him. The one they were not allowed to talk to. To get close to. The werewolf.
"Sorry, werewolf. Ma says we shou'n't talk t'you."
The boy who had spoken, a tall, gangly child with fiery red hair and submissive blue eyes turned away as he spoke, careful not to meet the other's eyes. The girls resumed their skipping, occasionally stumbling on the rope that span itself. The boys he yearned for the attention of continued to bend down, prodding at a frog curiously.
"Engorgio!" one boy shouted, giggling. "You idiot, Thomas! That's not a wand, that's just a stick!"
One boy glanced back at him, apologetically, intense blue eyes meeting shy brown. The werewolf shuddered away at his gaze. Sirius Black. The brother of Narcissa and Regulus. The one sure to follow in their footsteps. To hate the werewolf because of what he was. But he didn't say a word. Neither to insult, nor to defend. He just turned away, leaving the boy standing awkwardly without friends or family to help him.
The werewolf sat on the steps leading up to his house, the rain pattering down delicately around him, making him look up at the sky in wonder. Some say the rain is angel's tears. They cry when children have been bad.
"Hey. Lupin."
Said boy looked up in surprise to see who had addressed him by his name. The boy who had looked at him before, when nobody else would, running up the steps to sit beside him. The child cringed away at the newcomer.
"You o.k.?"
All he could do was nod, unused to being talked to by anyone else. Least of all this popular pureblood, who was friends with almost all the boys in the neighbourhood.
The boy grabbed his arm suddenly. "Come with me."
He was dragged back down the steps and over to the now empty play-park. Darkness had fallen over the village, and the shapes of the slide and the swings were loomed like shadows in the mist. The other sat down on a swing, and they sat in silence.
The other boy spoke first. "Sorry 'bout them, Lupin. I don't think it's right, y'know. How they treat you."
How could he reply to that? That he was used to it? That it was he didn't mind? None of those things were true, but he felt a need to reassure the other that he was okay. That it didn't matter. All the same, he felt tears well up inside him, threatening to burst out.
"'S'okay." He choked out, huddled up on the swing.
A shadow seemed to pass over the boy's face, more like what Remus had seen on the rest of the Black family, mouth snarling violently.
"No, Rem, it's not!" Sirius was genuinely angry now, tiny hands clenching into tiny fists. "They go around all high and mighty, calling you "werewolf" and "beast" and "monster" and that's not you, Rem!" "How d'you know? This is the first time you've ever talked to me. I am everything they say I am." "I know you, Rem! I may not have talked to you, but I know you're not like that!"
January 21st, 1975
"Remus… I…"
He had used his name. Normally it would be "Moony" or "Lupin" or "Rem". But now Sirius had used his full name.
"What is it, Pads?"
He's scared. If Sirius used his full name, there had to be something wrong, right? And now the terror in the other boy's voice sets off alarm bells in his mind. A chain reaction of fear.
The teen, normally so confident, stares at his feet. He always did find it easier not to see people's reactions. It's always so much easier to joke around when you don't know how the other feels.
There werewolf stares at him, taking in every detail. The way his Adam's apple bobs when he gulps, the way his fingers curl into fists at his sides, knuckles whitening from the pressure. His long black eyelashes, his tousled black hair flopping over his face, both sensually and shyly at the same time.
"I think… I think I… I think I like you." "You… what?"
It's a shock. They are both guys… friends. They had grown up together. Sirius had always been there to defend him. Always fought away the bullies. He had come from the most judgemental family in the wizarding world, and here he was, confessing love to a male werewolf?
"I… you… umm…"
But it wasn't as though Remus didn't return his feelings. Sirius was all he could think of, every hour, every minute, every second of the day. But the idea of progressing like this… it was terrifying. What if they broke up? Lost everything they ever had?
"Just think, Sirius!" It had burst out of him violently, overwhelmed. "I don't… know how to say this… but… I…I…"
The boy looked hurt, shrinking away from his friend in both shame and pain.
"I do like you, Sirius! But what about your family, what about our friendship, about other people… how can it possibly work?"
"You care what they think?" The teen's voice was quiet. Hateful, all of a sudden, the anger welling up. "You would turn me down because of what they think? You're ashamed?" One of his fists flies into the mantelpiece, sending a candle-stick clattering to the cold stone floor.
"You moron, Sirius! I'm not afraid for me, I'm afraid for you! I'm a werewolf for fuck's sake! Youi honestly think my reputation could get any worse? But you, Sirius, you're so popular! You've got your friends, your family…"
"What the fuck do I care about my family, Remus? I hate them! They kill people, for fuck's sake! For their race, for their beliefs for… I'd rather die than be associated with them!"
"I never had a family, Sirius. Maybe you should remember that."
The werewolf turns, and runs through the passageway. Just dying to get away from him. To forget how much he loved him. Sirius had everything. A family, friends, popularity. And he was willing to throw all that away. Remus didn't want that to be for him. Sirius deserved better than that.
19th May, 1972
The kick came flying towards him. Slamming into him. Shattering and splintering, bruising and tearing.
The werewolf lay on the floor, shaking, soundless tears rolling like waves down the pale skin of his cheeks. The others surround him, punching and kicking, tearing out hair. It hurt. It hurt so much. Not the physical pain, but the emotional. That they hate him so much that they would do this to him. Was he really such a monster that he could make them react like that?
Where was Sirius? Brownish amber eyes scanned the crowd. Looking for a familiar face. If he could see Sirius, it didn't matter whether or not he was hurt. Just so long as he could get courage from his best friend. From the one that meant so much to him.
But Sirius wasn't there. Where was he? How could he leave Remus like this? Blood pooled from an open wound on his leg. Just another scar that would never fade. Tears and blood melded together, streaming in rivulets down his face.
They leave him. Crumpled in a heap. Crying for so long that he barely knew why anymore. Crying for so long that he felt like he could never cry again. Dried up inside.
"Remus!"
Someone running towards him, hazy in the sun. Kneeling down by his side, stroking his face tenderly. The warmth of his hand, scooping up the werewolf's broken body to lie on his lap. Cradling his head in those clumsy arms. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry Remus. Please forgive me. I'm sorry."
Where was he when Remus had needed him? Why couldn't he have stood up to them?
"I'll never leave you again, Remus. I promise. I'll never leave you."