I may have a problem. I can't stop writing Puck. And even when I start out, like I did with this fic, trying to tackle two characters, he still somehow finds his way to the front, all full of angst and wisdom and makes my heart hurt. Review.
Disclaimer: Don't own.
When he's twelve his dad leaves, and he learns the definition of isolation.
His mom spends most of her time pretending like everything's fine for his sister, and he may be failing English, but he's not stupid. The wall between his and his mom's room is thin enough that he can hear her cry at night.
He spends his days sleeping through class, and running until he feels like he'll throw up during football practice. Finn comes to his house for the first three days, and then stops coming. (To his credit, even Puck flinched at how close the bottle of liquor he threw shattered by Finn's head.)
He drinks more then he eats and sleeps, and because of that he can pretend to forget the night's he spends curled into himself, his fist in his mouth. The night's he cries so hard he can't catch his breath.
(When he turns fourteen, he loses his virginity and drinks more so he can pretend to forget the night's with girls he doesn't want to remember.)
----
When he's sixteen, he sleeps with Quinn and learns the definition of betrayal.
He feels like it's stamped across his forhead the day after, when Quinn won't look at him, and Finn still walks down the hall in his letterman's jacket with an arm thrown over her shoulder and an arm thrown over his, and he was never suppose to be Mark Sloan to Finn's Derek Shepherd.
(He broke his leg when he was fourteen, and his mom apparently thought that spending entire days watching all the previous seasons of Grey's Anatomy would be a good bonding experience. Whatever.)
Quinn calls him a Lima Loser, and he sleeps with another cougar and somehow that feels like another form of betrayal.
----
When he's still sixteen, he spends an entire week getting to know Rachel Berry, and he learns the definition of well-adjusted. (Kind of.)
Don't get him wrong, she's batshit crazy, and sometimes makes him want to set himself on fire, but when he's with her, when his mouth is pressed to her neck or her lips, he forgets.
Just for a moment, for a few blissful seconds Quinn isn't pregnant, and Finn isn't still in the dark, and his mom doesn't still have the note his dad left on the fridge, and he may just be happy.
It's strange and thrilling, and then it's over.
(He tasted salvation, until she wasn't willing to give it anymore.)
----
When he's still sixteen Finn sucker punches him in the face and he learns the definition of isolation. Again.
(He'd really rather just read the dictionary.)
----
When he's seventeen, Quinn gives his daughter away and his world stops moving, so he doesn't learn any words.
Finn doesn't come, but Rachel does, and she lies next to him on his bed, so he can try to match his breaths to hers. (He thinks she may know that he wouldn't be trying to breathe at all of she wasn't there.)
It's that longest he's heard her be completely silent, and one day he flinches because silence is scary and hurtful, and he just really, really needs to hear her talk.
"Berry," he whispers and she startles so hard next to him the bed shakes, she still doesn't say anything.
"What's your favorite Broadway play?" He's still whispering. She lets out a breath like she expected him to kick her out, closes her eyes, starts to talk.
"Well, when I was six my dad's took me to see-"
----
Three months before he turns eighteen, and he honestly thought he'd never know what forgiveness meant until Finn shows up at his door with a six-pack and a videogame.
They're guys, so there is no crying or hugging or any words, actually. Puck just tucks his head into his chest, until Finn smacks him on the back and plugs in his controller.
Puck's always communicated in silence and Finn picked it up after his dad died, and Puck pops the top on a beer and hands it to his best friend.
(I'm sorry. I know me too.)
Quinn comes over three days later and apologizes. All big eyes and tears and he may forgive her but he refuses to pity her.
----
When he's eighteen, he graduates and learns the definition of grace.
He's dating Rachel because she's always been classified under reliable, and Finn's his best friend again because they really don't know how to function without each other.
(Quinn's a loose cannon, as always, but their relationship has forever been hazy. Forgiveness doesn't draw clear lines and nothing's black and white anymore.)
Grace doesn't come without pain, and he's ready to move forward.
----
Life's taught him in words and definitions, and people who just read dictionaries are missing out.