No Return

First day, you're the normal one

Second day, you see everyone

Third day, you hate as you debate

Fourth day, you can't say that you'll remain

Fifth day, you hated as you were violated

Sixth day, nobody cares but you decide to dare

Seventh day, you fight but nothing seems right

Eighth day, you've played your games but you'll never be the same

Ninth day, you have no defenses and you've lost all your senses

Tenth day, you've done your deed, and they begin to bleed

At the very least, you've become the beast

I sing this chant over and over. It's the only words I know now. I lay in bed waiting, waiting for this to end. My name is Armin Lancaster, age eighteen, male... and I convicted murder.

You're the normal one

I can still remember the slightest hint of ever being normal. It was two years ago I think. I transferred to my best friend Castiel's high school Camry High because I recently moved and his school was the best option. My first day was amazing but then...

You see everyone

I noticed that this school was full of bullies. Around every corner was a fight, a taunt, a prayer waiting to happen. Even the people I met the day before were being a totally different person. Like this guy I met named Natheniel Everett. He is the student council president and he helped me with getting settled in, finding all my classrooms, even getting all my transfer papers worked out. But then I seen another side of him. Maybe even the real him, or so I feared. I seen him shooting spitballs at this small girl, no higher than 5,2" and throughout the class time the spitballs changed drastically. From erasers to marbles leading up to anything sharp like a sharpened pencil or a finely tipped paperclip. Eventually the girl had to go to the hospital because Natheniel actually threw scissors at her. It somehow ripped her earring out while in the process of digging into the back of her skull. I also I believed these were ordinary scissors, but then I heard one of his friends say afterward that they've sharpened it nicely. After the ambulances left, I heard the most vile laugh that made me want to run away and scream bloody murder. It wasn't just Natheniel, it was everyones.

You hate as you debate

I was in fact disgusted by everyone around me. Castiel just said that it happened everyday and that there was nothing I could do to help. Even the teachers ignored everything. They said that we're just being crazy teenagers that just need to grow up. Back in my old school there were of course bullies, but not as severe. I witnessed five fights in just the first couple of hours of one day. I've witnessed Natheniel again doing the most sickening things imaginable. I even got invited to join a gang today! I couldn't even imagine what it would be like on a Monday.

You can't say that you'll remain

I wanted to leave so bad. I felt like something horrid was about to happen. I feared for my life. I wanted to do something but every time I tried standing up for someone I couldn't because I was afraid. I felt like I could be the next one to suffer. There should be an 8th sin, and it should be called chicken for how much of a coward I am. I believe in the 7 deadly sins like its my religion, but now I'm starting to doubt myself. I usually constantly figure out what other peoples sins are and how it affects their lives. I personally think that I have none of the 7 deadly sins, but I know I'm not perfect. Sometimes I'll accidentally do one of them like per se I'm really greedy with my popcorn and won't share, that is two sins right there. Greed and Gluttony. My beliefs to almost everyone in their eyes is apparently very 'Evil' and 'insane'. They thinks it's creepy and rude for that I judge people in that manner, and that my thinking process is insane enough that I need to go see a psychologist right away before another 'innocent' soul is lost to satan himself. But I just can't see any other explanatory logic besides mine. Sure there are so many possibilities but to me there can be no 'real' happiness. Everyone has a sin, maybe even me so there is no such thing as heaven. Hell is a more reasonable thought but of course there is no sign of there ever being one. Sure I might be insane, but hey at least I fit into this damn school.

You hated as you were violated

I then got beaten up for the first time ever in my life. I accidentally ran into Natheniel while turning a sharp corner. I ended up with cuts and bruises all over my chest and arms then had two teeth knocked out. Castiel said I got off easy and that I should be more careful, but I for one, am not lucky in any case. For the first time in my life I wanted revenge.

Nobody cares but you decide to dare

That night at 2 o'clock AM in the morning, I decided that after I was done with that school it would be bully free, a better place than before. No more spitballs, airplanes, hurtful texts or any miscellaneous fights would ever happen again; or at the very least I'd drastically change the rate of the occurrences. From then on, no matter how afraid I was I would stand up for people and become a hero. I would become a god.

You fight but nothing seems right

My ideal image would never come true. I did everything I promised myself and nothing changed besides the fact that I had a broken finger. I'd lost all of my hopes in that school. If anything, it needed to shut down and never be open to the public ever again. I couldn't do anything, but I had this dying need to hit something, or someone. I also realized I'd been doing more sins lately. I didn't get any sleep that night.

You've played your games but you'll never be the same

All day I got pushed around. I didn't even care. I was a toy to them and I went along with it. I was so disgusted by them, but I was more disgusted with myself. I had no purpose in my life now, and I felt so powerless. I blamed them. I wanted revenge. I wanted them to suffer. I didn't even sleep anymore.

You have no defenses and you've lost all your senses

I'd lost my mind at this point. Everything I'd learned since I was born had vanished in just a week or so. I started having suicidal thoughts and random outbursts of rage. Castiel didn't even see me anymore. He said I'd "changed" and whenever I called him, his cell just went straight to voicemail. My parents were always away on work, and I used to have a twin brother named Alexy, but he was dead. He died from drowning, or at least thats what my parents said. I had no one.

You've done your deed and they begin to bleed

That day I got arrested. I stalked Natheniel Everett home, and I killed him. He caused pain so I caused pain back. When the police arrived, I tried to explain that he deserved it. Instead they called me a monster. I then yelled at them about how they don't know, they don't know anything about Natheniel, about school, people and everything and how they don't understand me and what I've been through and seen. They all gave me a sad look. One of them asked me where I went to school, and all I said back was "Hell."

At the very least, you've become the beast

Now, here I am laying on my bed waiting for my life to end.