As the soft summer breeze flew threw her hair she felt nothing but coldness and misery. The waves splashed against the harbor having a mellow feeling, the birds were singing and life was perfect to everyone but her. Her soul was pitch black, without any light to free her from her misery. Her frail face no longer filled with life and passion but dark circles consuming her life. Eyes chocolate brown that held no emtion or life, skin no longer bronze but pale as the moonlight glow. She was dead inside.
She was a horrible, horrible person. The need for revenges clouded her life. She wanted those who betrayed her to pay but she lost herself and her ability to face the future.
She once thought love could concour all, what a white lie that was. It left her with nothing but painful memories and broken promises. She sacrificed everything for him, her happiness most of all but to him it never was good enough. She was tired of fighting for something that was no longer there, tired of sleeping alone many nights, seeking the pillow for her only comfort. God how she loved him, he was the air she breathed now she was left with shallow breaths because he was gone and she was alone again. Maybe her need to love him and be with him wasnt enough or maybe she wasnt enough.
As she crept closer and closer to the water, not being able to turn back, like the water was calling her. As her foot touched the crystal clear blue water she stood there frozen like her heart and mind. Finally let the water free her. As the water overtook her mind, body ad soul, no thoughts drifted in her mind. Finally there was light at the end of the tunnel.
Still holding the pregnancy test in her hand she felt so many emotions inside of her. Relief, pain, suprise and most of all sadness. The thought of being a mother brought her happiness she thought she would never have. Reading him or her the same book over and over again, helping them tie there shoes and being there threw every single aspect in their life. Her usually soft cherry lips and colgate smiled faded, her caramel eyes held sadness. She she never suppost to be happy?
God how she loved him, her heart rate quickened whenever he was around. He was like a hurricane, his love was like a thunder that shoke her body to the core. A smile would touch her lips whenever his name was mentioned. Every fiber in her body told her he was the one. But did he feel the same way? Would she be yesturdays news to him? He was everything she needed in love. He gave her the extra push and always made her feel good enough. But would it fade away?
His curious eye made her feel insecure. Was she not good enough? Would he leave her in the dust for someone with big boobs and less of a brain? Negative thoughts seemed to consume her mind and doubt his love for her. Should she fight for there love? What was she to do?
So many questions, ones without answers. Finally letting the tears fall, she cried for the child she never had.
Her hands still shaking, from facing the end of a gun. She thought she could handle his life, but today made her realize she would never handle his life. His job affected every single aspect of her feelings towards him. She loved him so much, never a day went where she didnt think of him. He was the reason her heart would beat, he was the reason a smile would touch her lips. She only wished he felt the same.
The though of him kissing her lips and holding her in his arms until the end of time made life so much sweeter. But did he feel the same way, would he ever? Yes, she was happy he was a single man, but she didnt know the hurt it caused him. She asked herself over and over if he really was over her. 3 years together, a love like that doesnt fade away like yesturday.
Sighing, she sat that down on the comfy couch, that held every dirty little secret she thought about. What was she going to do now? Leave, the one person she loved, leave her safe net for a chance at love? Why did she marry him she asked herself time after time. Maybe somewhere in her heart she loved him, but life pulled them apart where the love the shared was a distant memory. She wanted someone her kids could call their father, someone who would be there when life got bad. But should she trade it all for true happiness?
So many thoughts drifted in her mind. Her eyes closing slowly and soon she slept in the only place that knew her secrets and longings. She yet, dreamt of a life with the other man.
Hanging up the phone, she stood there utterly speechless in the quiet. Her husband, the one person she thought would never betray her just slept with some cheap whore. She had the nerve to describe the "night of passion" they shared. She felt like her heart was ripped into pieces, she would have to pick up whatever was left of her broken heart. Was this some cruel joke? Or was this life. Was he sick of never being a top priority in her life? Did he feel like the love for her ex never went away? She wasnt sure of that answer herself.
So many question, very little answers. Taking the picture from their wedding day she remembered every single aspect of that day, How his eyes twinkled with delight looking into her baby blue eyes. Loving the way his arms would fit around her waist. It was like they fit as a puzzle. The one piece she was looking for her whole life.
She knew somewhere in her heart that he still loved her. Maybe this was all a scheme to break them up. Whatever it was she just prayed and hoped he was alright and would come home to her. She would wait with open arms, even if it took forever.