Aster

by Rasiaa

""Deal the cards then, James. We're not waiting all damn night while you undress my friend Lily with your eyes. You'll have plenty of time to do that when you can see her over your hand of cards," she purred." A one-shot written for "The Greenhouses Competition" on the HPFC forum.

Aster: love.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

It hadn't been long since summer had been here.

I remember the flowers, and the birds, chirping and teaching their new younglings to fly, to soar towards their dreams that seemed so far away. I remember the clear, blue skies and the slight breeze that captured my hair. I remember children's laughter as they swung on the swings and slid down the slides and chased each other round and round on the fields, playing pretend. I can easily recall my sister's face, the delight and happiness in her eyes when she saw it all, taking in the sights of London. I still see the magic of summer time, sometimes.

While Severus and I no longer speak, I still saw him outside from time to time, on the outskirts of Spinner's End, and sometimes wandering along my street, a lost look in his eyes. Sometimes he was sitting in trees, scribbling away furiously in the margins of school textbooks. I would catch the boy staring at my house, and sitting in the rain, or watching me when I went outside to play with my friends from school. I originally felt a sting of guilt, but when I remembered what he said to me, and the look in his eyes as he did, such a feeling quickly dissipated.

Summer time was also one of peace. Even though I received daily reports of the war, I made a point not to think of it. At the end of this year, after all, it would be the only thing on my mind, as I would be in the center of it. I had little time left of childhood; something I had learned and accepted long ago, my parents feared, and my sister could never, ever hope to understand.

She was two years older than I, and she was to married soon, while I had yet to find anyone at all. I feared I never would, and that, should I die in the war, would be my biggest regret. After all, as I said, my sister was engaged, and my friend Mary had Peter, and Marline had found comfort in some sweet little boy called Colin. Dorcas had already said she'd rather remain unmarried, as she always had a second sense of things, I think she knew love was something she'd not have time for. The thought brings me grief, but I think we all know that while Dorcas will do her best, she will not see the dawn of the peacetime the end of war will bring. Emmeline's plans in her love life were unknown, as she'd always been rather private. Alice was engaged to Frank.

Summer was gone, now, though. Now, the skies were gray, and cloudy most of the time. Snow, the purest white, coated the ground of my school, barely ruffled by footprints. While most students in the school weren't the brightest, even they knew not to step outside on a day like this. It was far too cold, and there was a certain, peacefulness in nature that put out a vibe of not wanting to be disturbed. The bleakness of it all brought a sense of finality, one that I am sure I'm not ready for yet. It brought tears to my eyes, the thought of change.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

I moved away from the window, and, as I did, my darkened thoughts abandoned me. I know it's not healthy to think such things, for they can quickly take a turn for the worse. It was something that Emmeline struggled with, and I made sure to stray far from such a situation. I sat down on my four-poster bed, opening my notebook and looking through previous entries. The funny thing was, that though I can remember what color my dead cat's eyes were, I cannot remember writing the entry from yesterday. The subconscious is an interesting thing. I'd pursue the science if I could, but I am determined to make sure that my training to be a Healer is up as far as it can be.

My bottle of ink was open on my beside table, and so I dipped my quill into it and began to write.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

It was a while later before Marline came in; a bottle of whiskey in hand, her bangles clinked with her sluggish movements. "Hey, Lily," she slurred.

I sighed and shut my notebook, having just finished anyway. "Hello, Marline," I said tiredly, already knowing that I was far too used to such behavior from the blonde than I should be. I slid the book away, capped my ink and lay my quill on some spare parchment. I swung my thin legs over the side of the bed and stood, almost instantly regretting it. Pins and needles pricked at my muscles, making my legs go stiff all over. I reached for the ceiling, standing on my tiptoes, arching my back and feeling an unsettling sensation of having my joints crack. I was too young to have something like that happen to me. I brushed my clothes off quickly, stepping farther away from my bed to allow my robe swing off the edge and settle comfortably around my thin frame. I turned to face my friend and started.

Marline was a sight. Her blonde hair was ruffled as if someone had run his fingers rapidly through it. Her clothes were torn, another sign of a snogging session, and her eyes, normally a clean, sharp blue, were foggy with the effects of alcohol. Her long red nails, ones that matched her red sleeveless top, were chipped and broken. She must've hit something, or someone, with them. Hard. Her high heels- also red- were in her hands, and her feet were filthy. Her jeans were normal, though, aside from her belt, one of the holes had been torn from it. She's must've had sex, too.

My teeth bit my lip, and I struggled to make my voice steady. Marline was a wild child, no doubt about it, just like Potter and Black. Out of everyone in our year, I was one of few who didn't get along with those crazed boys. Marline must've been with them, otherwise, I know, she might have not been quite this drunk. Colin had a firm, guiding hand, but he was powerless against the legendary Marauders, like so many others. It pissed me off, frankly, and it created several fractures lately in my relationships with my friends. The Marauders were powerful wizards, and each one had a goal of joining the Order of the Phoenix alongside several others in our year when we graduated. This gave all of us a common ground, and all of my friends had found other things in common with them, too.

The Order was an elite group of witches and wizards, dedicated to bringing down Lord Voldemort. The Marauders, Marline, Dorcas, Alice, Frank, Emmeline, Mary and I had already signed up to join, and I had barely seen seventeen summers. It was a scary thought, fighting in a war so young. But I know it had to be done.

"Where were you, Marline?" I asked conversationally, tearing my eyes away from her and focusing on the bottle in her hands. Firewhisky, a powerful alcoholic drink that would knock out the weakest in three shots, and it burned your throat as it goes down. I had it once, on my seventeenth birthday- when I was legalized to drink- and hadn't had it since. Potter, Black, Marline, and a few others had been drinking it since we were in our third year- scant thirteen years old- and were addicted to it. I just hope they kick the habit.

Marline blinked sluggishly at me for a moment, as if processing exactly what it was I had just asked her. Then she grinned, and I couldn't help but glance at her now purple teeth. I wondered what did the damage, then figured it was probably some concoction that Remus Lupin- the third Marauder and the brains behind each operation- had cooked up and Potter and or Black had presented to her, and, knowing them, a few others as a joke. "I was with our crew downstairs, Lily," she said, "You should join us. It's Christmas, after all, and they've got games down there. Oh, and music," she added, almost a question.

I raised an eyebrow at her, considering. I had to ask; "What kind of games? And, what music are they playing?"

"Sirius has David Bowie records. And Beetles, and Bee Gees, and a few others like that. Remus has some from Sonny and Cher. James brought the drinks, and the snacks- all from Hogsmeade; mind, so they're absolutely divine, while Peter brought down various card games, both Muggle and magical. Right now, they're getting ready for Suck-and-Blow. Just played a few rounds of Spin the Bottle." Marline's grin faltered, and her voice gained a pleading and whiney tone. "We're all having so much fun, Lily, you have to come down and join us. I know you don't like those boys, but just give them a chance. Please, we miss you down there."

I hesitated. Would I really give up spending time with my friends in exchange for being left alone my those boys? I decided, after a moment, that I wouldn't- couldn't- so I nodded. "Alright," I said, unable to believe that I was actually agreeing to it, "I'll join you."

The smile on Marline's face at those words made my discomfort that I was certain to have all worth it. She flung her shoes onto her bed and walked over, quite steadily, to me and grabbed my hand, then proceeded to tug me out the door. I dug my heels into the carpet and Marline in her drunken state stopped. "What?" she questioned, turning to me.

I smiled at her. It was the kind of smile that said you're-an-idiot-but-I-love-you-anyway. "You said it's a Christmas party, right?" She nodded. "And the boys are there?" Another nod. "Well, then, I better give them a solid excuse to bother me," I told her, walking away, to my trunk. I opened it up, and dug through my clothes to pull out my sparkling green dress. It was glittering with rainbow sparkles, and big diamonds lined the straps, the hem, and the line just under my breasts. The dress didn't reach my knees. I reached down again, the dress hanging on my arm, and pulled out the matching shoes. I looked at Marline for support, and I knew I had it from her, if the enchanted look on her face was any indication.

She walked up to me and took the dress. "Where. The. Fuck. Did you get this beauty? I would kill to have this." She held it up to me while she took a swig from her bottle. I just winked, and she laughed and took another sip of the whiskey. I could smell it on her breath, this close, and I had to force myself not to pull it from her hands. Instead, I walked away, into the bathroom to change, locking the door behind me.

I leaned against the white door for a moment, breathing deeply. Then I sniffed and pulled off my robe. I tossed it onto the floor and faced myself in the mirror. The gray and black blouse didn't really do my blazing red hair and almond shaped emerald green eyes justice. I hoped this dress would. After staring at myself a second longer, I lifted my top up over my head and then slid my skirt down to my ankles and stepped out of it, kicking both the blouse and the skirt away to where my robe laid. I picked up the dress and first held it against me. I stared deeply into my eyes and suddenly saw what Potter saw in me. I pulled the dress on over my head and pulled it down. It hugged my form tightly, and suddenly my breasts looked a whole lot bigger. I decided if I was going to show off for the boys, then it wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

I bit my lips to redden them, but I knew such a thing wouldn't last. I really was lucky that Marline and Dorcas both made such big deals of their appearances. I sent a silent thank you to them both and pulled out their shared make-up kit. I realized them that it was a whole lot bigger than I had thought. Lipstick, blush, mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow, and dozens of different shades of costume make-up as well as dress-up make-up were laid out in front of me. They were organized first by type of make-up, then by color. I pulled out the side panels and found small mirrors and earrings for Dorcas on the left, while Marline's were on the right. Rings and necklaces and bracelets were stored underneath those. Yikes.

I took a deep breath and pulled out the dark red lipstick, applying it. I bit my lips again, and it darkened further. Excellent. I added the mascara and my eyelashes became that much longer. I could feel them brush my cheeks, and I giggled quietly at the feeling. There was a small brush that I pulled out, and I ran my fingers over the types of eye shadow and liner, searching for a good color. I found a dark green liner, and a lighter shade for the shadow. I closed one eye and used the soft-tipped brush to put it on. I did the same for my other eye, and looked in the mirror. I smiled, and my whole face seemed to light up. I knew it would look great in the shadow of the fire.

I did nothing else. As I slipped on my shoes, only one thought plagued me: Why did I care what they thought?

I shrugged the thought away, confident that such a question would be answered in time. After all, I never struggled with my emotions, so I trusted that they would present the answer to me later on tonight.

Once my shoes were safely strapped- I didn't want to become Cinderella, who would find her prince only to have to leave at midnight, leaving nothing behind but a small glass slipper- I stepped outside the bathroom, my robes in hand. I heard a squeal behind me, and I turned around to face Marline, who stood with her hands over her mouth, eyes wide, with her feet pressed together in a girlish cry of delight and surprise. It was things like that that made me wonder why the hell I was friends with girls like her and Dorcas.

"You look stunning, darling!" Marline stage-whispered, apparently still caught up in what I now looked like. I nodded my thanks and my heels clicked across the bare wood floor as I made my way over to my trunk. I slipped my robes inside, after I folded them, and then locked my trunk. My girlfriends had a bad case of the nosiness, and loved to search through each other's belongings. They allowed it, but that didn't mean I would.

My trunk safely locked and secure, I found Marline standing by the now open door, bowing mockingly. It was a game I was familiar with, so I did my part and curtsied to her the best I could before stepping into the dark hallway. Marline closed the door behind us and led the way downstairs. When I was just out of sight from the onlookers on the Common Room, Marline held up her hand, signaling for me to stop. I guessed she wanted me to have a big entrance, so I obliged to the silent request. Marline carried on down the steps.

Moments later, Marline came back, and Dorcas and Emmeline joined us, and they both had wide eyes when they looked at me. "Absolutely beautiful, Lily, dear," Emmeline told me. "I love the dress."

"So glad to see that you finally decided to join us, princess," Dorcas said, blowing a bubble from her pink gum. "And a princess you are. I love that whole new look, it's just too bad that I know this is only going to happen once."

I rolled my eyes at her comment. "You bet, Dorcas." I sniffed, hoping to put on a snotty attitude, and said pompously, "I don't like this sort of thing, so it's never to happen again!" They all smiled, knowing that I just wanted to mock my sister. Based on their impressed looks, I succeeded. I raised my eyebrows, "Shall we?" I asked. Emmeline nodded and led the way. Dorcas took off after her, and Marline followed. I steeped down the stairs after Marline, the last in line.

Conversation ceased as I stepped into the room. Potter had been sitting by the fire, a pack of cards in his hands that slipped from his fingers when he could see me. I felt an odd satisfaction that I had such an effect on him. Black was curled up next to Remus, with a bottle of light drink in one hand and the other was around Remus' shoulders. Black's fingers tightened on bottle, and his eyes flashed over to Potter. He was probably guessing that I was a threat to their little group now. Remus gave me a friendly smile before gazing at the cards all over the floor. Remus had OCD tendencies, so the mess was more than likely pressing on his nerves. Peter Pettigrew, Mary's boyfriend, paused in eating the candy in his hands, and I saw the chocolate began to melt on his cubby fingers.

Mary was smiling at me, a knowing look in her eyes. When our gazes met, her brown eyes flicked to Potter, asking a silent question. I heard it loud and clear: Is this all for him, Lily? I shrugged, telling her with my eyes that I didn't know.

When the silence grew, Remus tore his gaze from the cards and asked helpfully, "Care to join us, Lily? We were just getting started on a game of Poker, betting only hard candies, of course."

I smiled, and made my way over to the vacant space next to Remus. Dorcas sat down in the chair near the fire- the one Potter wasn't sitting in- while Emmeline sat in a chair from a desk and Marline sat down on the floor in front of Black's feet. "Of course I'll join you guys, Remus. I wouldn't be here otherwise, because there is a wonderful Victorian novel upstairs practically begging to be opened."

"Poor fucking book will have to wait, then. Such a pity," Marline said. I sent a rather nasty glare her way, but she only grinned back, and then gestured to Potter. "Deal the cards then, James. We're not waiting all damn night while you undress my friend Lily with your eyes. You'll have plenty of time to do that when you can see her over you hand of cards," she purred. Potter's ears turned pink, and the red color crept up the back of his neck as he ducked his head, the shock of messy black hair failing into his glistening hazel eyes.

I fought the insane urge to blush and laugh.

Potter dealt the cards, and we began to play. Peter, Mary, Remus, and Dorcas folded immediately. With that, Peter and Mary pulled back from the messy circle and began to kiss. Dorcas just leaned back, as if preparing to watch a debate unfold. Remus seemed to fold himself into Black's hold, and Remus' eyes glided over Black's cards. It seemed as though Remus would guide Black to victory. Something I hoped wouldn't happen.

Turned out that was exactly what happened. I hadn't seen Remus telling Black what to do, but I still suspected. It was just one of those things that Remus would do for his boyfriend.

We played eight more rounds before Mary and Peter called it a night. They didn't go to their respective beds, however, they slipped out the portrait hole, and even though I was Head Girl and Potter was Head Boy, we both let it slide, this one time. Dorcas called it a night, too, two rounds later. Emmeline didn't leave until Dorcas forcefully dragged her while Marline winked and followed. Black's eyes flashed when Remus whispered something to him- probably something beyond dirty- and Black practically dragged Remus away to their room upstairs. Potter's eyes followed them, almost as if he was silently begging to go with them rather than stay with me, despite knowing what they were probably doing up there.

When we were alone, Potter's eyes looked over at me, before his gaze fell. I admit I was curious, because he never acted like that. Then I admitted to myself that we were never completely alone before, either, so that must've had some sort of effect. I watched him for a few minutes, trying to figure out what he was thinking. He didn't move, nor did he look at me.

Finally, he spoke up, and I jumped a little. "I'm not going to ask you out, Evans, if that's what you're wondering." His voice was soft, and it dawned on me that that was probably what he normally sounded like, when he wasn't yelling or talking to impress.

I blinked at him for a long time, and it must've been long enough to spike his curiosity to a point where he couldn't contain it anymore, because he looked up at me, his bangs falling into his eyes. Clearly annoyed, he blew upward, and the hair flew from his eyes, settling again on his forehead. He really was a cutie, now that I got a good look at him. The messy hair he always ran his fingers through- something I thought was just a failed attempt to impress me- I saw was always falling into his face and curving over his ears to the point where it must've tickled. I felt a stab of guilt, but pushed it away firmly. It was Potter, for Merlin's sake.

His eyes clouded over with confusion- or lust, I wasn't sure- as he stared at me. His hazel eyes really drew me in, much more than ever before. Maybe because I hadn't ever bothered to look. Long, dark lashes that brushed his cheek when his eyes closed framed them, giving them a hazy look that would draw anyone closer, male or female. In a rush of spite, I thought that must've been what drew both Black and Remus close, but that thought was pressed down almost immediately. They had eyes only for each other, not Potter, so there must've been something in Potter's personality that made him so well liked by many. Something good enough to get him that shiny Head Boy's badge.

"Is something on my face, Evans?" Potter finally asked, breaking the tranquil silence.

I shook my head. "No," I said, and he looked strangely relieved. "I just…never, not once…in all these years, got a good look at you," I said quickly. "I kind just saw how cute you really are."

Potter's eyes grew wide, and I slapped my hands over my mouth. I couldn't believe I had just said that. "Don't let go that to your head, Potter," I told him. "Just because you're cute, doesn't mean that you've got a good personality, and that's what I look for, over looks."

"How do you know?" he countered, tipping his head to one side. "You've never bothered to try to get to know me, Evans- no, sorry- Lily. Lily," he repeated, and scooted to the end of his chair. "You don't know me. I don't know you- well, I probably know you better than you know me, anyway. Still, not the point. You don't know what kind of personality I really have, because you're quick to judge, and you stick to your original impression." He slid onto the floor, looking up at me. He looked sad, for a moment. "Six years is a long time, Evans. I won't deny my arrogance and naivety and stupidity as an eleven-year-old, but there is a huge difference in maturity between someone who is eleven versus one is seventeen, almost eighteen."

"I've yet to see it, Potter," I shot back.

He threw his hands in the air, exasperated. "Have you not noticed the war, Lily?" he demanded. I nodded, yes, unsure of where he was going with that. "Laughter relieves the tension, evaporates people's worries, even for a little while. It gives them- the students, and teachers, sometimes- something positive to report home, rather than just negative thoughts and feelings. When you can smile during a time of intense war like this," he gestured outside, "you have hope that not all is lost. And that's what people need, so Sirius, Remus, Peter and I do our best. Yeah, sure, sometimes they're not the nicest to everyone, but, really, what is just one compared to a thousand? We always, always, always make it up to them after their stunt of humiliation, Lily. Always. And they're okay with it, most of the time, so why can't you be? Why can't you open those pretty eyes of yours and see that you're the only one who cares?"

I stared at him, seeing the point he made. Indeed, what was one compared to a thousand when it brought everyone joy and happiness in the end? Was I really the only not to see it?

Potter stood up, and cleared his throat. "Well, Lily Evans, I will leave you to think on that. Remember, I was appointed Head Boy at your side, so I'm not as stupid as I look, clearly. If it's brains you're looking for, I'm third in line for top of the class, the first being Remus, the second being you, and Sirius is right after me. I don't know about you, but that's not what I call stupid. We really do have a brain, Lily, I promise. We aren't all fun and games. Get to know us, and you'll see."

"Who?"

"Sirius, Peter, and I. I know you've been friends with Remus a while."

I nodded. "Yes."

Potter licked his lips. "Well, goodnight to you, Miss." He gave me a mock bow, holding out his hand. I took it, barely touching it. He brought it to his lips and stared into my eyes from behind his glasses. He blinked, those beautiful lashes fluttering for a moment before he stood and led me by the hand to the staircase. I let him.

"Goodnight, James," I called as he turned away. He spun around to face me, eyes wide. I just smiled. "Oh, that speech of yours proved to me that you might be worth it. Don't waste my time on Saturday, James. I expect nothing less than you best for our first date. I'll see you at five, Saturday."

Potter- no, James- just gaped at me as I went upstairs. After I vanished around the corner, I heard him give a cry of victory before his footsteps echoed up the stairs. I laughed quietly as I opened the door to my dorm room and stepped inside. My dorm mates were all sound asleep, so I changed into my nightclothes and washed the make-up off my face before I slid into my bed. For a second, I just leaned against the headboard, breathing deeply. I blinked a few times and slunk into a position suitable for sleep, and whispered, "Wow."

Little did I know, that just across the wall, James was doing the exact same thing.