Here you go. Sorry about the wait, this one was harder to write. Hope you like it. Thank you to yugioratemlover for reading through and calming my nerves about it.
The Slave of Duty and Magic
Hotch remained on the terrace for a while after his team had to leave. Will LaMontagne had come to offer his condolences once again before leaving soon after JJ left. By this point in time most everybody had left. Everyone left were family members or very close family friends. Therefore he was surprised by the voice he heard behind him.
"Can I get you anything, Agent Hotchner?"
He spun around to see Amaryllis Potter standing there. Hotch hadn't expected to see both her and her daughter to come with Reid. But he had thought she would have left around the same time Will did.
"No, thank you. I appreciate you coming. You may not have to fly 10 hours but with all your responsibilities it must have been a sacrifice. So thank you for taking the time" He looked inside before continuing "And it seems that Jack and Saxony have become friends" He gestured towards the two children inside sitting at a table coloring with Jack's Aunt Jessica.
After a small chuckle Amaryllis responded "Saxony can be very forward. She went right up to Jack gave him a hug and said 'I am sorry a bad guy took your mummy. Don't be sad, she is watching over you like my daddy watches over me.'"
Hotch didn't smile but a corner of his mouth did tick up a bit. Amaryllis continued to speak.
"I was worried it would upset him but he seemed fine."
"It is fine. I didn't really expect either of you to come so it is much appreciated. Thank you."
She smiled "Your welcome, but at the risk of sounding less sacrificing, Saxony and I were planning on visiting this week anyway."
Hotch nodded "I am sorry the case came up."
"Don't worry about it, Spencer warned me it might happen. I was looking forward to spending time with him but I had another reason for coming."
He turned to look at her, expecting her to continue. She did.
"I was offered a position at the Salem Institute for Witchcraft."
Hotch was surprised "There is an actual magic school in Salem, Massachusetts?"
Amaryllis chuckled "It is outside the city but yes there is. I am going to meet the president and do a cursory search for a house or flat?"
"What about your work with the Wizengamot?"
Amaryllis was confused for a second before asking a question herself.
"Spencer hasn't been keeping you guys updated, has he?"
Hotch thought back for a moment "A bit, mainly when we asked about it though."
"Makes sense." She nodded "The revitalization of the magical government wasn't nearly as hard or time consuming as we original thought. Unless something drastic happens within a few months it will no longer be my responsibility."
Hotch just sent her a questioning glance.
"Right before I came for my visit arguably the most important bill was passed." She paused for just a moment before continuing "The bill made it so every single seat of the Wizengamot is to be filled by election, not by inheritance."
Hotch's eyebrows rose in surprise "I am assuming that there are quite a few campaigns going on right now."
"Yes, there are a lot of new faces and some Heads of Houses hoping to hang on to their seats. But I am determined to stay out of the way of those."
"You are not running?"
"No, I have never really like politics. I was glad to help out when I could, get the government to a place where another Voldemort can't rise again. But that was why I was doing it. I have never wanted to be a part of running the government." She sighed "And I don't want to win just because I am Amaryllis Potter, Defeater of the Dark Lord."
She paused, but before Hotch could respond she scrunched up her nose "Oh… that sounded incredibly arrogant."
"Maybe a bit arrogant, but from what I saw, it is a true observation."
"I want to spend the rest of my life doing something I want to do, not doing something I feel like it is my duty to do."
Hotch looked at her a bit strangely. He couldn't help but connect what she said to the guilt he was feeling. Did his sense of duty contribute to Hailey's death? His conversation companion noticed his inner conflict but didn't draw attention to it. But she did finish her statement.
"I helped as much as I could. But now there are others who can do the job better."
Hotch only nodded in response and the couple fell into silence. One was lost in his thoughts and the other was comfortable just sitting there, letting him think. At least she was comfortable for a few moments. After that she started to feel like she was intruding. She stood and the movement jerked Hotch out of his musings.
"I just came out here to offer my condolences. Saxony and I need to get going."
Hotch nodded, understanding "Thank you for coming"
She simply smiled and turned to go back inside. She paused right at the door, seeming to decide whether or not to say something else. She turned back around.
"I am not going to lie and tell you that being a single parent is easy, but I can tell you something else." Amaryllis stood a bit taller "I was younger then Jack when I lost my parents, but I eventually learned that they died protecting me. Sirius, Remus, Dumbledore, they all made sure that I knew how much they loved me." She started to tear up a bit at this point, looked down before starring Hotch point blank in the eye "I still miss them, and I will always wish them alive. But I know that they loved me and I will always have that. It didn't make it all okay, but it made it better."
Hotch just starred and her and she sighed and continued "It isn't going to be all sunshine and roses, but Jack will be okay. He knows his mother loved him and did everything she could to protect him. He will be okay."
She went silent, but Hotch didn't say anything. So after a brief moment of silence she turned back inside. He watched as she collected Saxony, shook hands with Hailey's sister and left with her daughter.
Hotch wasn't quite sure how to take all that the British woman had said. His mind had been in an endless loop of anger, sadness, and guilt revolving around his son and late ex-wife. Now the similarities to the Potters were thrown into the mix. Voldemort killed the Potters to get to Amaryllis, and Foyet only killed Hailey to get to him. Knowing Hailey wasn't the main target didn't relieve any of the guilt he felt. He knew that Amaryllis was trying to help, but no matter how he looked at it, he had failed to protect his family. Wasn't that his job? As a father and husband, as well as a FBI agent. He knew she was just trying to give him some comfort. It partly worked, but not much. It did accomplish something else. His mind is now on the Potters instead of Hailey.
A loud vibration and annoying jingle jerked Hotch into consciousness. He was incredibly disoriented and his back ached. He was sitting at his kitchen table, the paperwork Strauss left was spread out if front of him. Rubbing his face, he tried to remember why he was here instead of his bed. Then everything came back.
He couldn't sleep, his mind kept going over all the different conversations he had had over the last few days. Rossi, Strauss, Amaryllis, and then Jessica all gave the best advice they could, but he was still being pulled in opposite directions.
So he got out of bed and headed for the kitchen. He hoped a glass of water would clear his head. On the table was the retirement paperwork. He sat and skimmed through everything again. It wasn't really needed. He had practically memorized it already. A few spoken words jolted him out of chair, knocking it over.
"I am deeply sorry for your loss."
Hotch just starred. It wasn't possible…this man just couldn't be here.
"How…?"
James Potter was just sitting, calmly, on the other side of the table. He wasn't a ghost, at least he didn't look like one. He wasn't transparent and there wasn't any deathly pallor about him, he looked alive. Wearing the same clothes he died in, James just sat there and waited for Hotch's brain to catch up with his eyes.
Hotch blinked, then rubbed his face, but the vision of the late James Potter didn't disappear. So he slowly sat down.
"Are you really here?"
James chuckled "You don't really expect me to say 'No,' do you?"
Hotch sighed "I guess not, but why and how are you here?"
The other man looked around a bit "I honestly don't know. This hasn't happened without magical help before." Hotch just sat there, having no response. So James just continued talking. He gestured to the paper in front of Hotch.
"What's that?"
"An offer of retirement."
"Ah" James nodded "Are you going to take it?"
"It is a good offer. I could stay home, be a present Father. I've missed so much of his life already. I would find some work from home to do."
"You didn't exactly answer the question" the other man smirked.
Hotch learned back in his chair and huffed "I guess I didn't" he paused "I know should take it. My job got Hailey killed, how can I be so selfish as to stay in the FBI now."
"Fair point, but it sounds to me like you are trying to convinced yourself. And I thought a serial killer was the one to kill your wife, not your job."
Hotch snapped "If I hadn't gone after Foyet he would not have gone after my family!"
The air in the room was practically sparking when James spoke again.
"So…by that same logic, I should not have joined the Order of the Phoenix, or become an Auror."
Hotch looked at him incredulously.
"I am serious. I was a pureblood, from a very important, very old family. I may have married a muggleborn but if I had stayed out of the fight my family would not have targeted."
Hotch opened his mouth to respond but James cut him off.
"If you are about to say it was Voldemort's choice to target my daughter, and therefore cannot blame myself, think about that. Because what happened to Hailey was The Reaper's choice and you shouldn't blame yourself."
Hotch sat back into his chair. Part of him knew that James Potter was right, but it didn't assuage the guilt. He was still conflicted about what to do. He wanted to fulfill his responsibilities and be a good father. But he didn't want to leave the BAU. He glanced up to the man sitting across from him and wondered.
"What would you do?"
An eyebrow rose "About what?"
"Say Riddle didn't kill you. He merely knocked you unconscious but everything else stayed the same. You were an Auror before going into hiding. But now you are a single father, who has a fifteen month old daughter, who needs you. You love your job but your child needs you. What do you do?"
During this whole conversation James Potter had been casual and relaxed. But at this point he leaned forward and leaned his arms on the table.
"That is not an easy question. I do not envy you your plight. If I were able to choose which of Amaryllis' parents was to survive, you know I would have chosen Lily." James paused and Hotch nodded.
The British man continued "As that didn't happen it is hard to say exactly what I would have done. Being a single parent can't be easy. I remember days that I let Lily go out, to have a break from the baby, and by the end to the day I was knackered. I honestly don't know how she did it all the time. I would have had help I suppose. Amaryllis already had Sirius and Remus wrapped around her little finger. And there were the Longbottoms and other school friends and neighbors. I could have kept my job and always had someone to look after my daughter during the day."
Hotch was actually a bit impatient at the moment and it came out in his voice, "But would you have kept your job, after everything that happened?"
James paused a moment, his eyes were on a spot on the table in front of him. Hotch could see they were a bit unfocused, as if he was trying to put himself in Hotch's frame of mind. James spoke again, very softly, Hotch could barely hear.
"Lily was the love of my life. I loved her from practically the first time I saw her, even when she thought I was an arrogant toe-rag." He chuckled a bit "Which I was for a while. I honestly still can't believe sometimes that I convinced her to marry me. I can't even imagine the pain I would feel if I lost her, I don't want to imagine it. The despair I would feel, with Amaryllis surviving as well being the only happiness of that night. I would wish that pain on anyone."
He paused again, but Hotch didn't push this time. He knew more was coming and didn't want to break the other man's concentration. James Potter's head suddenly lifted and he looked straight into Hotch's eyes.
"I would have gone back to being an Auror, Agent Hotchner."
The firm statement stunned Hotch. He had been sure that with what had been said that James Potter would say that he wouldn't go back to work. That he would spend as much time with Amaryllis as possible, in order to maybe assuage the pain of the loss of a wife and a mother. He was speechless, and James continued.
"I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone, Agent Hotchner." He repeated "I would do whatever I could so no one felt that way. Even if I only prevent it for one person, my time would not have been wasted. Not even for just one person being rejoicing and not in misery. I would do what I could to prevent tragedies from happening."
James spoke the last sentence with such conviction that Hotch was struck stiff. He had no response to that, no rebuttal. The two men sat there for several moments, completely still, starring at each other. James Potter was the one who broke the stillness. He pushed his chair back and stood up. Hotch placed his elbows on the table and covered his face with a hand.
"I think my time is up, there is nothing left to say, and you have a lot to think about." James proceeded to walk around the table and towards the door. He was stopped by Hotch voice.
"Is this real, or is it all in my head?"
"Of course this is all in your head, but why does that mean it isn't real?" James answered with a smirk, Hotch just looked at him like he was nuts. James' eyes widened a bit in horror.
"Oh…I sounded like Albus there. Not sure what to think about that."
Hotch blinked and let out a small huff of laughter. When he opened his eyes again, James Potter was gone. He stood and walked into the living room, and then to the door and into the hallway outside his apartment, but there was no sign of the British wizard. Hotch went back inside and sat back down at the table, rubbing his temples.
'I must have fallen asleep after he left.' Hotch thought. He looked across the table at the chair James had been sitting in. It was pushed out, but that could have been that way before. Hotch didn't remember if it was pushed in before. There wasn't any real way of knowing if what he remembered was a dream or not. He considered asking Amaryllis but decided against it. There was no need for people to think he was going crazy for dreaming of or seeing the spirit of a man he had never met before.
Hotch went through on everything the man had said, especially the last part. He glanced down at the paper work one more time, before collecting it all and putting it back in the folder. After deciding it was time to get the day rolling he went to wake his son. Maybe he could drop Jack off at his Aunt's for a while later today. He needed to visit Hailey's grave.
He had made his decision.
Well there it is, hope you enjoyed it. The next one will be "The Uncanny Valley and Magic." It will have more Spencer/Amaryllis fluff :) Since there any in this one. Please Review. And I hope you stay with me till the next installment :)