Foreword:

Just wanted to write a quick internal monologue from Hera's POV of Kanan's capture in Call to Action. I didn't like how in Rebels she seemed to accept that he was gone so easily and it didn't seem in character. I'm drawing from things we learn about Hera in A New Dawn here as well. It's mostly pure Kanera. Hope you guys like it! If I feel like it/there's enough demand, I will probably write one about her reunion with Kanan in Fire Across the Galaxy. Please leave a review!

At What Cost

As Hera readied up the Ghost for take-off, Fulcrum's words echoed in her mind for the hundredth time. "You must stop your search for Kanan," Fulcrum said, her metallic voice masking all emotion or identity. "Beep, beep, boop…" Chopper interrupted abruptly. "Oh yeah, Chopper, close the fuel door for me," Hera said wearily. He would have teased her for that. Hera missed Kanan's sarcastic quips every time she would take-off. "You sure you didn't scrape the Phantom this time?" or "Chopper wouldn't have waited so long to disengage thrusters." She remembered his smug face clearly and would usually just roll her eyes and focus on the task at hand. She looked to her right but no familiar smile returned her gaze, just a cold empty seat. Her hands never failed her as she did all the safety checks for a safe take-off but her mind was nowhere near the controls. As the Ghost entered orbit, only Chopper's frustrated beeps filled the cockpit.

Kanan would always be there beside her when they took off. Sometimes he'd smile or pinch her shoulder, but mostly, he was just there. Hera would always pay no mind to his presence. She even got snappy when he'd tease her or touch her playfully. "Flying is serious, dear, you're distracting me!" The truth was, it wasn't the same without him. She missed his very presence, his cheeky quips even though the words out of her mouth contradicted that. Losing him hurt so much and she didn't know how to make it go away.

Hera was no stranger to loss either. The Empire had taken everything from her – her home, her freedom, her family. Each time, it had hardened her resolve, made her more determined to take it down so no more had to suffer. This time though, it was different. Being told that she could not go after Kanan stabbed at her very being. It felt good the last few weeks going out there looking for Kanan. He became a purpose that dwarfed all other purposes even that of the rebellion. Now, she was told that had to end. She could not keep looking.

The bigger picture was what was important. Hera repeated that to herself a few more times as she lay awake that night on her bunk. Kanan was a friend she kept repeating as if that would make the loss less painful. Throughout the years she had constantly kept their relationship on the backburner, insisting that the cause was the most important thing. He would nod and smile every time and they'd speak no more of it. Hera knew though. She knew that he wanted her from the moment they first met until their last good bye. As Hera tossed and turned, her lekku entwining on the back of her neck, she wondered how Kanan's capture could have twisted her so much that she was questioning Fulcrum and the leaders of the rebellion so readily.

This cause was her life. It was what drove her to leave her family and become a pilot. It didn't make sense to Hera that this one human who she let into her life (reluctantly she might've added at the time) could make her feel so helpless and lost. Hera hated going into hiding. She yearned to soar, to take the Ghost up into the skies and she wanted him, Kanan, by her side. Hera was prepared to do anything, everything, to get him back but that was not reason speaking. Fulcrum's words echoed in her mind again "You must stop your search for Kanan… at what cost? You, your unit, the overall mission?" Hearing these words again in her mind sparked impulses that frightened Hera. What if she just left anyway to look for him? What if she just took the Phantom to the Imperial Complex, turned herself in just to see him again one more time?

She ran a hand down her right lek, untangling it from her left. She wondered for a moment then how it might feel to have his hands on her head-tails. He would be gentle she knew. Just holding his hands she could feel the force through him, the same strength that filled her with hope. The thought was gone as soon as it came and she turned over on her side to look at the blank wall of her cabin.

Hera took a deep breath and exhaled. She tried to clear her mind the way Kanan taught her. There he was again, Kanan, that ever-present Jedi in her thoughts. Hera was good at meditation, or at least that was what Kanan said. Sitting up in her bunk, she lowered her chin and turned her emotions inward but this time it was harder than ever and she could not unsee herself pressing the fateful button on the Phantom as he got left behind.

He was gone, and she wasn't going to find him. The weight of this realization took over and she felt a single tear trickle down her cheek. She had failed him, she had failed them and it was more than she was ready for. Kanan was her rock, her partner, her love and as she wiped that lone tear away, she wondered if she would ever be the same again.