PAPA BEAR AWARDS 2012

THE MISSION BRIEFING

For the newbies among us:
What are the Papa Bear Awards?
The greatest event in HH fanfiction!
See chapter 2 for details!

And my dear readers, don't bother pointing out the anachronisms like email in the 1960's – without them, this story simply wouldn't work. The story surrounding this PBA mission briefing isn't meant to be taken all too seriously anyway ;-) And don't worry – it won't continue in this email style!

Oh, and one more thing. Occasionally, I'll borrow people and events from stories that have been published this past year or earlier on. They make for nice Easter eggs of course! However, in order to minimize the "favouritism", I will not credit them with each chapter. Maybe at the very very end, when the final results get published, I'll add a chapter with footnotes containing all the references!

But now onto the story of The Mission Briefing 2012!

From: Rob Hogan
To: Robert J. Kinchloe, Robbie Carter, Bob Newkirk, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Hogan's Heroes camp-out and the PBA

Hi guys!

I suppose you've all heard about the reunion camp-out my Dad and his friends have organized for the Easter holidays. I'm not sure what they've got planned, but since we'd be together for a whole week, I thought we might as well do the Papa Bear Awards right away.
What do you think?

See ya,

Rob

From: Robbie Carter
To: Rob Hogan, Robert J. Kinchloe, Bob Newkirk, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Hogan's Heroes camp-out and the PBA

That would be swell! I can't wait to read them all, and I'm sure it would be even more fun when we can read them all together! Are there many comedies this year?

From: Rob Hogan
To: Robbie Carter
Subject: Re: Hogan's Heroes camp-out and the PBA

I don't know, Robbie. Better ask Robert – he's keeping tags on those things.

From: Bob Newkirk
To: Rob Hogan, Robert J. Kinchloe, Robbie Carter, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Hogan's Heroes camp-out and the PBA

And a good morning to you, too, lads!

Well, I'm certainly looking forward to our little camping trip, but I've got to say I'm mighty disappointed in you guys. Who'd want to bury his nose in a bunch of stories when there's so many birds around?

I say we postpone the Papa Bear Awards until after the camping trip.

Yours truly,

Bob Newkirk

From: Robbie Carter
To: Bob Newkirk, Rob Hogan, Robert J. Kinchloe, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Hogan's Heroes camp-out and the PBA

Hey Bob, I didn't know you were studying to be an ornithologist? I bet the birds you see over in London are quite different from the ones we get here! You'll love it! Perhaps you should ask your Dad for an aviary for Christmas, and bring some of our American birds home with you!

From: Robert J. Kinchloe
To: Robbie Carter
Subject: Birds

*eyesroll* Robbie, 'birds' is London slang for 'girls'.

From: Robbie Carter
To: Robert J. Kinchloe
Subject: Re: Birds

No kidding! You mean in that movie, when they sang, "Feed the birds, twopence a bag", they actually meant, "Feed the girls, twopence a bag"?

From: Bob Newkirk
To: Robbie Carter, Robert J. Kinchloe, Rob Hogan, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Hogan's Heroes camp-out and the PBA

You know, Robbie, that's not such a bad idea. An aviary! Kind of having my own harem!

But I'm serious, guys. Can't we do this PBA thing some other time?

From: Jean-Robert LeBeau
To: Rob Hogan, Robbie Carter, Robert J. Kinchloe, Bob Newkirk
Subject: Re: Hogan's Heroes camp-out and the PBA

I agree. Some of the girls we met last time were gorgeous already five years ago. And they're exactly at that age when they only get more beautiful every year. I would not want to miss the chance of spending all my time with your sister, Rob!

And weren't there other people coming this year, too? Who knows what beautiful daughters they bring along!

From: Robert J. Kinchloe
To: Rob Hogan, Robbie Carter, Bob Newkirk, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Hogan's Heroes camp-out and the PBA

Apart from that, would it not be fair to let the girls have their say in the PBA as well? Why should their opinion be worth less than ours?

Just a thought.

Robert

From: Jean-Robert LeBeau
To: Rob Hogan, Robbie Carter, Robert J. Kinchloe, Bob Newkirk
Subject: Re: Hogan's Heroes camp-out and the PBA

I do not think we ever asked them.

Salut.

Jean-Robert

From: Robbie Carter
To: Rob Hogan, Robert J. Kinchloe, Bob Newkirk, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Hogan's Heroes camp-out and the PBA

Well, maybe we should! Girls like reading, too, you know. Many of them even read books that are meant for boys. So why shouldn't they want to read about our Dads' escapades during the war?

From: Rob Hogan
To: Robert J. Kinchloe, Robbie Carter, Bob Newkirk, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Hogan's Heroes camp-out and the PBA

You guys are so right. Stand by – I'll ask my Dad about any girls attending the camp-out.

Rob

From: Rob Hogan
To: Mr. Olsen, Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, Mrs. Martel, Mr. Wilson, Mrs. Lynn-Hagley, Mr. Schultz, Mr. Langenscheidt
Subject: Do your (grand-)daughters like reading?

Dear all,

My Dad tells me you're all planning to join us on the quintannual Hogan's Heroes camp-out this year. And there is something we would like to ask your (grand-)daughter(s).

It is a fact that a lot of people are enjoying the TV-show so much, that they have begun to write stories about the goings-on in Stalag 13 themselves: stories about new missions and adventures. It's called fanfiction.

Every year, my friends and I collect these stories, read them all, and have a little election game to decide which stories we think are the best. We call this "The Papa Bear Awards".

This year we thought we'd let it coincide with the camp-out. But we suddenly realized that our judging committee exists solely of males – whereas most of the fanfiction authors are females!

Therefore we would like to ask if perhaps your (grand-)daughter(s) would be interested in joining our PBA committee this year – to get in the female point of view on the quality of the stories. The only requirement is that she enjoys reading, and doesn't mind reading about the war.

I'm looking forward to your reply.

Best regards,

Rob Hogan Jr.

From: Glenn Olsen
To: Rob Hogan
Subject: Re: Do your (grand-)daughters like reading?

Hi Rob!

My daughter Bella would be happy to join you guys in the reading at the camp.

Regards,

Uncle Glenn

From: Hans Schultz
To: Rob Hogan
Subject: Re: Do your (grand-)daughters like reading?

Dear Rob,

I am so glad to hear from you. How are you doing? And your parents – I hope they are well?

I am very much looking forward to see you all again. It will be just like the old times. Of course it is not really like the old times. Your good old Uncle Schultz is not getting any younger! All my children are grown up of course, and have now children of their own. Some of them are coming along on the camping trip, and little Silke says she would love to join your reading group. Just don't give her any stories with all too embarrassing facts about her grandfather, will you? Like when... No. I say nothing – nothing!

But I'm very much looking forward to see you all again!

Love,

Your Uncle Schultz

From: Mrs. Helga G. Lynn-Hagley
To: Rob Hogan
Subject: Re: Do your (grand-)daughters like reading?

Hello Rob!

My daughter would love to join in the reading!

Hope to see you soon!

Aunt Helga

From: Marie-Louise Martel
To: Rob Hogan
Subject: Re: Do your (grand-)daughters like reading?

Bonjour Rob.

You sound just like your father, you know that? Anyway, my daughter Bobbette loves reading, and the prospect of reading through that camping trip made her suddenly change her mind about coming along. So you'll have at least one enthusiastic reading lady with you!

By the way, where can I find those stories? I wouldn't mind reading them myself!

Au revoir,

Aunt Marie-Louise

From: Scott J. Wilson M.D.

To: Rob Hogan

Subject: Re: Do your (grand-)daughters like reading?

Sorry Rob, haven't got any daughters. Nor granddaughters. But my grandson Joey is coming along. He's a great fan of the show, and he would like to join your group. Is that okay, too?

From: Rob Hogan
To: Scott J. Wilson M.D.
Subject: Re: Do your (grand-)daughters like reading?

Sure!

From: K. Langenscheidt
To: Rob Hogan
Subject: Re: Do your (grand-)daughters like reading?

Hello Rob

I asked the girls, and the eldest is certainly interested. The others however would rather go swimming around the clock, they say.

Well, at least it's one!

I am looking forward to meet you all.

Kind regards,

Uncle Karl

From: Mrs. Hildegard Cohen
To: Rob Hogan
Subject: Re: Do your (grand-)daughters like reading?

Hi Rob!

Just to let you know: Maggie says yes!

See you soon,

Aunt Hilda

From: Rob Hogan
To: Robert J. Kinchloe, Robbie Carter, Bob Newkirk, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Ladies and the PBA

Alright guys: the PBA committee now exists of six men and six young ladies! Sounds good for an aviary, doesn't it, Bob? :-D

So Robert, do you think you can get the stories printed and bring them with you to the camp-out?

From: Bob Newkirk
To: Rob Hogan, Robert J. Kinchloe, Robbie Carter, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Ladies and the PBA

Sounds good to me! See, Robbie, you're gonna see a real ornito... (what did you call that again?) in action!

From: Robert J. Kinchloe
To: Rob Hogan, Robbie Carter, Bob Newkirk, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Ladies and the PBA

Um... printing won't be a problem, Rob. But can someone lend my Dad a trailer?

From: Jean-Robert LeBeau
To: Robert J. Kinchloe
Subject: Re: Ladies and the PBA

Why do you need a trailer?

From: Rob Hogan
To: Robert J. Kinchloe
Subject: Re: Ladies and the PBA

How many stories are there this year, Robert?

From: Robert J. Kinchloe
To: Rob Hogan, Robbie Carter, Bob Newkirk, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Ladies and the PBA

:: How many stories are there this year, Robert?

211

From: Robbie Carter
To: Rob Hogan, Robert J. Kinchloe, Bob Newkirk, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Ladies and the PBA

Holy cow! 211? That's not going to be a piece of pie to read them all!

From: Robert J. Kinchloe
To: Rob Hogan, Robbie Carter, Bob Newkirk, Jean-Robert LeBeau
Subject: Re: Ladies and the PBA

Exactly. So I'm glad we got a few more people on board – that way we'll be able to divide up the stories among us. And the numbers are somewhat misleading, for the number of long stories is relatively small. Much smaller than it has been these past years. Instead, there's been a real boom in poems and short stories.

Anyway, I'll write out the rules for our newbies, too, so they'll know what they're doing. I'll attach it to my next mail, okay?

Take care,

Robert

From: Robert J. Kinchloe
To: Rob Hogan, Robbie Carter, Bob Newkirk, Jean-Robert LeBeau, Bella Olsen, Silke Schultz, Robyn-Marie Lynn, Bobbette Martel, Joey Wilson, Susanna Langenscheidt, Maggie Cohen
Subject: The Papa Bear Awards

I hereby send you some basic info on the Papa Bear Awards.

Hope to meet you all at camp next week!

Robert J. Kinchloe

Attachment 1: The PBA for beginners
Attachment 2: This year's categories
Attachment 3: The rules
Attachment 4: Template for nominations
Attachment 5: FAQ