Author's note: Got this ficlet idea from the episode "A Piece of the Action". IT always entertained me to watch Spock nerve pinch his enemy and just stand around and watch Jim beat the tar out of his enemy. I decided to take all of the things that normally annoy me watching an episode from away missions and make it annoy Jim for a change!
Getting Real Tired of Your Crap
"Again, Captain. I do not understand why you insist upon this barbaric action." Spock let his target hit the floor with a thud, making no attempt to catch it was he turned to watch Jim. It was a long-standing argument between the Vulcan First Officer and the brash human Captain Kirk. "If you would simply catch hold of your target and keep him from hitting you, I could incapacitate your target as well, with far less injury." Spock's voice took on a bland tone of insistence and irritation. He watched the man that Jim had just punched multiple times fall to the ground, stunned.
Jim caught his breath and shot an annoyed look at Spock. "If I had to wait for you every time, Spock, then we would all be dead. Maybe if you would stop standing there and watching me fight with my target, Mister Spock, we could incapacitate our targets at the same time. And if you don't mind, can we get going?" Jims voice was oddly icy as he took a few steps away the man, rubbing his jaw. "And maybe," he continued angrily as he gave up trying to get his aching jaw to relax, " I would not have broken my jaw several times, Mister Spock."
Spock arched one eyebrow in consideration as he stepped over the unconscious man, following his friend and Captain. "Indeed. Fascinating." He glanced at Jim from the side of his eye. "Jim, are you quite alright?" He watched as Jim stumbled as he jerked around to face Spock. Spock plowed ahead with what he wanted to say, keeping his voice expressionless. "You are rubbing your jaw."
"Always so observant." Jim took a deep breath then released it and shook the tension out of his shoulders. "Yes Spock. I am okay. Sorry for snapping at you. I know you mean well." He cleared the doorway, and glanced over to the table where two communicators lay. "We have to find Bones and get off of this planet. Return to the ship and use ships scanners to try to penetrate this structure." Without looking around to see if Spock had followed his directions Jim sidled up to the doorway and peered through, trying to see if he could hear or smell anyone in the room beyond him. He jumped out of his skin when Spock's hand landed on his shoulder.
"Captain, this is most unwise." Spock tightened his grip slightly then removed his hand as Jim faced him. Spock gestured at Jim, and then glanced into the next room, making sure that there was nobody in the next room. "You should return to the ship, I will stay and look for the Doctor." He shoved a communicator into Jim's hands and strode off without another word.
Jim watched him with a grimace, and then flipped the communicator open. "Enterprise, come in. Enterprise." He moved as he talked, keeping an eye on his First Officer. "Enterprise, come in dammit." Jim slapped the communicator shut in irritation then jumped as Spock materialized right in front of him. "Dammit Spock." Jim took a deep breath to try to calm his racing heart, swearing under his breath as his jaw throbbed in response to this new stress.
"Captain, it would appear that not only have you not returned to the ship, but you are now making enough noise to alert any guardians around us that we have fled our captivity." Spock took the communicator from Jim, since Jim wasn't doing anything useful but staring at Spock, and attempted to use it. "Enterprise, come in." Spock raised one eyebrow as Jim snatched the communicator back. "It has obviously been damaged, Captain." He motioned Jim to silence as two more guards began heading towards them.
Together Jim and Spock ambushed the pair of guards, Spock nerve pinching his into unconsciousness and Jim punching the guard in Spock's general direction. Spock caught the guard and pinched him. "You see, Captain? Increased efficiency and decreased violence." Spock raised one eyebrow as he watched Jim curse quietly. "Indeed Jim, I would hypothesize that we could incre-"Spock trailed off as he realized that Jim was, as usual, not listening to what he did not want to hear, and had indeed wandered away.
Jim didn't want to hear another lecture from that Vulcan on the virtues of pacifism. He had heard Bones cry out, and was moving towards the cry quickly. Spock followed dutifully enough, although he was a bit apprehensive. He had heard McCoy cry out, but there was an element of denial in that cry like Bones was trying to warn him of something. That something turned out to be the four guards in the next room that snatched Jim and held knives to his throat as Spock vaulted into the room with alarm. Letting out his breath in a manner that was close to a sigh, Spock obediently walked into the cell that Bones was currently yelling from.
Jim glared at the guard that had sounded the alarm and sighed as he was put into the cell next to Spock and Bones. By himself of course. Why the guards always separated the three of them, Jim could never guess. It always made escape that much harder. He glared at Spock through the cell wall, made up of crude iron bars. "Well Spock, now what." He bit the words off then slammed his shoulder against the bars with frustration.
"It would seem, Captain, that we are to remain in these cells until-" for the second time in less than an hour Spock cut off what he was saying as he realized that Jim was glaring at him. "Jim, we are effectively being guarded. There have undoubtedly been more guards summoned." Spock stiffened as Bones shoved him out of the way. "Doctor-"Spock was not allowed to finish as Bones had a typically overly emotional response to the situation. "Calm yourself, Doctor McCoy."
Jim stopped for a second then snapped his fingers. "That's it! Bones, keep yelling and making a spectacle. Spock, see if you can use your telepathy to get to one of those guards." Jim pointed to the guard that had the keys on his belt, and therefore must be the leader of the group. "Try to get him to order the others away." Jim lowered his voice and glanced at the three other guards. Spock had already focused his attention on the guard and was breathing in sync with the guard. Jim started banging on the bars of his prison and making lots of noise, attempting to give Spock the cover he needed. When the guards that were extraneous left the prison and the guard with the keys had let the three of them out, Jim punched the guard right in the face then took his phaser back.
"Jim." Spock did not have to express his annoyance with anything more than his name. Jim was continuously expressing methods of violence that he knew was completely unnecessary, and more to the point, knew that Spock did not agree with. With a small private thought that he tucked away for later consideration Spock dragged the guard into one of the cells then closed it. "Captain, it seems advisable to beam out, now that we have Doctor McCoy." Spock made the suggestion knowing that Jim had a thirst for knowledge and would push on. It was nevertheless more logical to retreat.
"Spock, we have to find out why they took Bones. What do they want, why did they take us." Jim was getting annoyed at his Vulcan First Officer's insistence at following logic. "Spock, we don't have time for this logic." He pushed over the guard and removed the man's phaser and then took off at a slow jog in the direction that the three guards had been sent in. Exchanging glances with Spock, Bones motioned to Spock. "C'mon, Spock. Let's go keep him out of trouble."
Spock followed the two humans at a similar pace, flipping the nonfunctioning communicator open and fiddling with it as he jogged. "Enterprise come in." Realizing that it was a result of a force field that they were now passing through, Spock paused and turned the controls on the communicator. "Enterprise, the is First Officer Spock. Come in." "Enterprise here, sir. We're grateful to hear your voice Mister Spock. We were a wee bit worried." Scotty's voice filtered through the tunnel, stopping Jim in his tracks, as Spock had intended. "Mr. Scott, stand by to transport three up." Spock's voice had an unmistakable hint of satisfaction as Jim walked back over to him.
"Spock, we have to discover what was holding us prisoner." Jim looked slightly pleading as he stared into his Vulcan First Officer's stoic gaze. "We could use a few security officers." Jim relented slightly, then nodded, once more the authoritative Captain. "Mr. Spock, have three security officers beam down and join us." He waited to make sure his orders were followed this time. Then after the three officers joined the party, the six wandered into a vast chamber, where they were flanked by perhaps twenty guards.
Rolling his eyes at Spock's 'I-told-you-so' glance Jim dropped his phaser and looked at the being in charge. He was getting extremely annoyed by his Vulcan First Officer on this away mission. Everything that normally scraped slightly at his nerves was happening all on the same mission, and Spock seemed to be oblivious to his Captain's displeasure. Jim's gesture took in the six of them and he stepped forward to make it clear that he was the leader. He felt Spock move up on his left and spared a second to shoot an angry glare his direction. He was of course answered by one eyebrow being lifted. "We are from the Starship Enterprise. I am James T. Kirk, the Captain. This is my First Officer Spock."
Spock had already activated the communicator and was speaking low, with one eye on the guards. "Enterprise, beam up the landing party." He murmured, then felt the semblance of relief as the warm tingle of the transporter surrounded him. "Jim," Spock caught Jim's arm as he headed towards Scotty, intent upon beaming back down. "There is no need to return to that chamber. Those guards we saw will only kill you for escaping their grasp. A better idea might be to beam the leader on board and reason with the leader in here.
"Dammit Spock, I am getting read tired of your meddling." Jim snapped then waved at Scotty. "Beam up the man at the coordinates. Spock will supply the coordinates. I assume, Spock, that you have the coordinates?" His tone was definitely getting more and more annoyed.
"Of course Captain. Meddling is not what I intend to do." Spock gave the coordinates and watched over the negotiations with a tight body posture. Contrary to Jim's belief, Spock was well aware the Jim was annoyed with him, and wanted to make it better. As soon as an agreement was reached and the leaders of the group, Spock missed most of the discussion and had no idea what agreement had been reached, got up to leave Spock willingly allowed security to escort the group out, leaving him and Jim alone.
"Save it Spock. I am getting real tired of your crap." Jim smiled as the phrase popped into his mind. He hardened his gaze then held one hand up to stop Spock's next phrase. "I am going to my quarters. With any luck tomorrow will be less irritating." He stretched, and then jumped as Spock crossed the distance separating them in two strides and caught Jim by the arm.
"Captain, what is the meaning of the expression 'getting real tired of your crap'?" Spock arched one eyebrow and clasped his hands behind his back. Jim choked back a laugh, he was mad wasn't he, and tossed a half-hearted glare at Spock. "It means, Spock, in colloquial English from the 21st century, that I am tired of dealing with your tendencies and responses." Jim shook his head, and then yanked his arm free of Spock's hold. "Your insistence on questioning me, for example." Jim strode out of the room without further explanation, hoping that it would be enough to irritate the Vulcan but knowing that it would only serve to make Spock follow him.
"Your habit of following me." He continued as he headed down the hall to the turbolift. He stopped just short of the turbolift then abruptly turned to face Spock. "And above all, your annoying way of making me feel like a petty child." With that Jim stepped backwards into the turbolift and watched it close, leaving a confused Spock on the other side. "Ah that felt good. Bridge." 'Getting real tired of your crap, Spock.' Jim smiled as the doors opened to the bridge and he took a seat in the Captain's chair.