"Is he out of his bloody mind?"
Hermione let out a sigh. "Harry, calm down. You know I can handle myself and-"
"Hermione, this is Azkaban we're talking about. People go insane in there. People are insane in there! You can't just-"
"Harry," Hermione cut him off. "Kingsley thinks I'm perfect for the job, and honestly I need the money. I can't just live off the money I earn from my little bookstore my whole life! I mean, sure, it was always a dream of mine to own a bookstore but I need a real job, and Kingsley offered it to me without having to go into training. It's perfect, really. I wouldn't want to waste two years of my life in training only to take a test to see whether I'd be denied the job or not."
"'Mione, anyone would be mad to deny you a job in the Auror's Department; you were the brains behind Voldemort's downfall, after all," said Harry, fighting a grin. Hermione threw her hands up in frustration. "Exactly, you prick! If I was good enough to be the brains behind Voldemort's downfall, then I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself in a prison full of imbeciles to save an innocent man," she replied angrily. "I appreciate your concern, Harry, but you are well aware that I am perfectly capable of defending myself."
"Hermione, to maintain your cover as an inmate in Azkaban, you're going to have to have your wand removed. Inmates aren't allowed to keep their wands with them in prison, you know that," argued Harry. "I'd trust you with my life, but 'Mione, let's face it. You're a tiny woman, and you're going undercover as a man. Things are different in a man's world. They aren't all polite human beings as you've seen them when they're around women. They are hairy, dirty, rude, smelly, unclean and unsanitary creatures. They aren't going to hold their tongue when you say something that gets on their nerves; they're going to swear back at you. They aren't going to restrain themselves if they feel like throwing you a punch; they're going to beat you to a bloody pulp. In fact, men are so nasty that-"
"Harry Potter, if you think I'm going to barge into Azkaban without a few tricks up my sleeves, then you know absolutely nothing about me," said Hermione, grinning at his concern. "And you do realize you've just insulted yourself, along with every other wizard or muggle."
"How did I do that?"
Hermione grinned again. "Let's see, hairy, dirty, rude-"
"Alright, alright!" he said, shaking his head in defeat. "Just keep yourself safe, alright? How long are you going to be in there anyway?" he asked, pushing his glasses up his nose. Hermione shrugged.
"As long as it takes, Mr. Potter," said a deep voice behind them. Harry turned and grinned sheepishly at the Minister. "I love how you both talk like I'm not even here," he chuckled as he leaned back in his chair, sounding amused. "I'm sure Miss Granger can do the job perfectly well, and we'll have guards on the lookout for her as well in case any emergency should arise."
Harry looked at Hermione grinning wickedly at him in triumph and then glanced at Kingsley before looking back at her again.
"What about the dementors? She can't very well cast a Patronus charm to protect herself, and those idiots who keep guard at Azkaban don't care whether you're guilty or innocent," said Harry as he ran a hand through his messy hair. Hermione shook her head. "Harry, just trust me when I say I know how to take care of myself. This isn't going to be an easy job, but I can do it. I know I can."
Harry let out a long huff of air in defeat. "Okay, fine. You win. Somebody brief me on the details of the case anyway," he said, looking at the two in the room as he pulled out a chair in front of the Minister's desk and settled into it. "What are we dealing with?"
Hermione took a chair opposite Harry and pulled out a large yellow file from her bag. Flipping it open, she set it on the desk and pushed it towards Harry. What met his eyes made his stomach clench terribly and his skin turn pale. His eyes widened slowly as he eyed the photographs that spilled out onto the desk. A young man lay strewn on the floor with blood spattered about him. His blue eyes stared unseeingly back at him, his black hair matted against his forehead. He looked like he was brutally stabbed several times in the abdomen and had a serious blow to the head by the looks of the blood that was pooled around that area. Another picture caught his eye, the word "mudblood" crudely carved into the man's calf. He looked up at Hermione, disgust and horror evident on his face.
"The man's name was Alan Hewitt, age twenty-five. He was a muggleborn who was running for head of department in the Department of Dangerous Magical Beings. It was believed he was caught and stabbed by none other than Draco Malfoy," Hermione explained, pulling out another photograph from the file and sliding it towards him. A pale, angry face stared back at him, silvery grey eyes disappearing behind furrowing pale eyebrows as he sneered into the camera. "Cause of death: Alan suffered from severe trauma in his brain after his head was bashed into the window. He was basically left to bleed to death."
"And you," said Harry slowly. "Are planning on going into Azkaban to be inmates with him?" he exclaimed, pointing a finger at their childhood nemesis's picture. "This man is dangerous, Hermione. Look at what he did to that man!"
Kingsley cleared his throat. "There is a little boy involved," he said. Harry snapped his head to the Minister as he pulled out a file from one of the drawers in his desk. It was marked in bright red letters "Classified". Harry reached for the file, opening it slowly.
"Oh Merlin, please tell me this little boy isn't dead," he groaned, pulling out a picture of a little boy with fair hair and bright green eyes laughing into the camera, his full pink lips stretched out into a toothy grin as he brushed his hair away from his forehead with his chubby little arms. Hermione shook her head, pursing her lips.
"No one knows for sure," she said as she pulled her hair into a bun. "This is Alan Hewitt's little boy, Jake Hewitt. As of last night, he is officially classified as a missing person. There were no signs of a struggle in the nursery, or any signs of… physical harm that could have left traces in the apartment other than his father's. It's basically like he got up and disappeared, and that is impossible because this little boy is only two years old. He doesn't know how to open doors, nor use the Floo Network, nor a wand. The only logical explanation is that he either used accidental magic or he was kidnapped… or worse," Hermione finished grimly. Harry blinked, his eyes flashing a deep emerald as he felt a shot of anger run through him.
"Why would someone do such a thing?" he said quietly. "I always knew I should have never cleared that prick's name after the war," Harry said, sounding disgusted.
"That's the thing, Harry. I said that it was believed that Malfoy committed the crime. He was tried and found guilty, but Harry, all of the evidence was circumstantial. The trial was biased against him; the only factor that was against him was that he was found at the apartment a few minutes after the crime scene. He claims that he was dropping by to hand over a few documents concerning his father's sentence when the Aurors showed up. Also, his family was well known for hating muggleborns… It seemed to make sense to the people at the hearing. You remember very well, Harry Potter, just how unfair a hearing can be."
"Innocent until proven guilty," Harry murmured. Kingsley nodded in agreement.
"This is why we are sending Miss Granger undercover. She is to find out what happened to the little boy, and possibly find clues to his whereabouts, and also to see whether the real killer is still at large or safely locked away in Azkaban," Kingsley said, tightening the front of his robes. Harry closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, letting gout a deep breath.
"Okay," he finally said. "When is she going to do all of this anyway?"
Hermione stood up and put her hands on the desk. "As soon as possible," she said firmly. "We have a small window of opportunity, Harry. The larger the time frame, the less likely it is to find Jake."
Harry nodded and stood up as well. "Okay, and tell me again, why is it that you are going undercover a man again? Why not just stay as a woman and change your appearance a bit to hide your real identity?" he asked, perturbed. Hermione opened her mouth to answer and then closed it, frowning. She looked to Kingsley, for once not having the answer. He smiled.
"Harry, do you really think that the Ministry is, how do you kids say it… that 'messed up' that we allow men and women to mingle inside of a prison? Hermione needs to be as close as possible to Draco in order to gain his trust, so we have to put her as his inmate. Since she's a girl and he's a boy, it would look somewhat suspicious if all of a sudden a man was allowed to be rooming with a woman in a cell. Ergo, she is going as a man!" he said, puffing out his chest proudly. "It's quite a brilliant idea of mine, if I do say so myself."
Harry and Hermione stared at the minister for a moment as if to question his sanity. After a moment's silence, Kingsley realized that the two were staring at him and he deflated slowly, looking down at his desk. "Well, you two come up with a better idea," he challenged, his ego diminishing. Hermione stifled a giggle as Harry looked down at the floor and grumbled his defeat.
"Lighten up Harry," she told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "How can I lighten up, 'Mione?" he asked. "You're going into Azkaban for Merlin knows how long and I'm going to be so worried about you… You aren't even going to have your bloody wand on you, for crying out loud, and you're going to be with all the men, and don't get me started on how much danger you'd be in if you were exposed-" Harry was interrupted in mid-sentence as Hermione threw her arms around him and pulled him into a hug.
"Harry, for the millionth time, I can take care of myself," she murmured. "But thanks all the same," she closed her eyes as he tightened his arms around her and his scent filled her senses. She knew that it was going to be a long time before she could have another moment like this with her best friend.
"Thanks for what?" he asked softly.
"For worrying about me," she replied with a small smile, pulling back from him.
"Girls are so silly sometimes," Harry retorted with a grin. "First you're yelling at me for worrying about you, and then you go ahead and hug me and thank me. Out of your bloody mind, you are," he said, pulling her back into a hug.
"I'm finding this very awkward as I am now the third wheel," an uncomfortable Kingsley muttered from the background. "Let's get down to business; the sooner we get through this, the sooner we save Jake and possibly an innocent man." Hermione nodded and stood in front of the two men.
"Here goes nothing," she said with a nervous smile. The two looked at each other before raising their wands at her.
"Hermione Granger, say goodbye to your feminity for a good while," said Harry.
A/N: What do you guys think? Please leave a review! Any suggestions on how Hermione should look like as a man?