Rating: Most audiences approved. Contains some coarse language.
Ranma 1/2 is copyrighted 1998 by Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan Inc. and anyone else who rightfully owns the copyrights. All-Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku is copyrighted 1992 by Yuuzou Takada. This fanfic was written entirely for entertainment purposes and NOT for monetary benefit. Please don't sue me. Any similarities with other fanfics are purely coincidental unless stated otherwise.
This is my second attempt at a decent fanfic. This also happens to be my first attempt at prose. Be lenient.
Information is based on the author's experience of the two series, meaning a truckload of Ranma 1/2 but an OAV and a few fics of Nuku Nuku. Japanese will only be used when necessary, and NOT to show that this author can look up lots of words and phrases she does not understand in a Japanese-English dictionary, or show that she can write Japanese in English when others don't have a clue what any of it means.
Some parts of this fanfic were influenced by Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels. If you haven't read any of them, shame on you.
"RRRRRRRAAAAAAANNNNNNNMMMMMMMAAAAAAA!"
The scream could be heard loud and clear on this Sunday morning. It shattered nearby windows. Birds hastily went airborne in effort to get away. Fresh plaster a block away could be seen melting under the massive noise pollution. The scream could have unnerved any tourist or person new to the Nerima district, but to many of the local residents, specifically and especially the Tendou dojo, this blood-curdling yell was all too commonplace. In fact, many of the residents had set their daily schedules by the screaming. Ask anyone on the same block as the Tendou training hall. They'll probably say they never set their alarm clocks. And they'll be right.
The screaming stopped for an instant, then a window could be heard smashing and an young man seen flying out. Underneath the window, two middle-aged men were cheating at shogi and drinking sake. They both looked up at the window for a moment, then turned their gazes to the person gaining altitude high in the sky.
"How far do you think he'll fly this time, Saotome?" one of them asked as they watched the unfortunate person getting smaller and smaller in the horizon.
"I don't know Tendou," the other replied, adjusting his spectacles on his heavily built face. "Maybe he'll get as far as the park, or possibly the skating rink."
Because this event occurred at least once a day, the two grown men would always debate where the young person would land, just to pass the time. It goes to show some people have SO much time on their hands. The first person rubbed his moustache thoughtfully.
"No way Genma, he landed in the park fountain last time, and the skating rink is in the other direction," he said.
"Well, I hope he doesn't land in the bath house again. Remember that, Soun?"
"Yes I remember, I'm still paying for all the damage THAT caused."
"Aheh..."
RANMA 1/2 and ALL-PURPOSE CULTURAL CAT-GIRL NUKU NUKU
PROJECT NK-RANMA
Written by Celeste Byrd
CHAPTER ONE: An Overdose of Heaven
The sudden rush, the feeling of wind on your face when soaring high in the sky can be the most exhilarating experience in the world. Defying the laws of gravity, only to have them come running back and crashing back down on you...
Certainly Saotome Ranma had this happen to him on a regular basis. So regular, that he had enough frequent flyer miles to purchase a round trip to England ten times over. Of course, it would be a lot cheaper just to get Akane angry at him and punt him in the general direction, but that would be so much more painful.
Ranma opened his eyes and gazed at the clear blue sky and the beautiful sunrise. If anything, he could trust the landing would be a lot less painful than what he would have received had he eaten Akane's cooking. Of course, why else would he be setting a world record for highest altitude attained without jet assisted take-off?
"Let's see," mused Ranma as he waited for the sky to stop getting intimate so he could enjoy the trip into the wonderful world of pain, "I've already passed the Nekohanten, so I can't land there. Ucchan's is thataway, so I can't go there right now. There's the high school, the bridge, the train station, the bath house..."
Ranma shuddered as he recalled that particular incident. "Nevermind," he said aloud. "Down there's that bar pop and Mr. Tendou keep sneaking off to, there's the park over there..."
He noticed the air currents starting to slow down and change direction, and the horizon seemed a little farther off than usual. He thought about it for a second before reaching one of the greatest analytical conclusions of all time; he was starting to fall.
No wait, there was more to that. He was starting to fall... down! Wait, not finished yet... falling... down... from high place! Falling. High. Falling down fast. Very fast. Ranma briefly wondered upon the outcome of all this when his brain decided to helpfully supply the answer.
(Down + High) * Fast = Pain = More pain = Hurt. Lots.
There are plenty of more stupider ways to break down a thought than into mathematical equations. Ranma couldn't think of one at all.
"Argh," Ranma said to the world.
"Damn," he added.
"Shit." This one was pointless.
"Help?" This one was also pointless, but he said it anyway.
"No, it can't get any worse than this." This he definitely should NOT have said.
In order to understand why, one must understand the effects of karma. In fact, a good model for this demonstration would have to be a karmic wheel, spinning out its 'injustice' and 'equity'. Upon closer inspection of Ranma's however, one would have noticed the wheel was missing a few spokes where it said 'Equity.'
Because of this, another thing was added to Ranma's list of injuries in the form of a helicopter. Namely, a helicopter with POISON FOUR painted on the side in bright red letters.
Ranma yelled and swerved out of the way of the deadly rotors, only to hit his head on one of four massive cannons attached to the wings.
"HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE FLYING!" he swore as the helicopter slowly disappeared from his line of sight, "THIS AIRSPACE AIN'T JUST FOR THE LIKES OF YOU, YA KNOW!"
Ten seconds later, the ground came up to meet him.
"Did you hear something?" Kyouko asked.
"Don't think so," answered Arisa, delibrately trying not to look at her partner. The last time she was distracted, Arisa had by accident rammed POISON THREE into the Mishima Heavy Industries testing site, knocking out several RTY Prototypes and blowing up half of all the others. However refreshing it was for Arisa, Natsume Akiko, the granddaughter of the head of MHI wasn't very pleased at all with her conduct.
"I'm sure I distinctly heard something 'bounce' off the copter!" Kyouko whined.
Arisa turned to glare at Kyouko before remembering to watch where she was going. At the same time, Akiko's face appeared on the Satellite enHanced Intercommunications Telescreen.
"How is the POISON working out?" she asked in a neutral tone. Akiko was not one to lie at; the liar would soon find himself cornered in alleyway by several attack mecha with weapons drawn before he could even finish his sentence. Not that there were many alleys in Nerima, but the mechs could probably make one.
"It's passed three of the four tests, ma'am," said Kyouko.
"The fourth is really up to Arisa now."
"The fourth would be...?" Akiko left the sentence to be finished with an edge to her voice. Kyouko gulped before continuing.
"The fourth's to see if this baby can destroy that android!" Arisa spoke before her, rather enthusiastically. Arisa relieved stress by blowing things up.
"I see." Akiko was a little calmer. "Be sure that my son is not harmed like the last time."
"Yes, ma'am," Kyouko bowed. A week ago, Akiko's son, Ryunosuke, had only hurt his hand from pushing his mother out of the way of a weapon barrage aimed for the NK-1124, but it didn't matter WHAT had happened. Ryunosuke had gotten hurt, and his mother would not tolerate it. The main reason they were still working under Akiko was because she wanted her son back from her husband badly. It was her only weakness.
"Remember, hurt my son in any way and you both know what the consequences are...!"
Silence.
"That means no more weapons, Arisa."
"Aww!"
Akane was not in a good mood. Well, she was rarely in a good mood anyway, but today was even more exceptional.
The day started off quite well. Her eldest sister, Kasumi, had been washing and drying the laundry in the back yard. Nabiki, her second sister, was off at the Kunou mansion to sell more pictures of Ranma-chan in the most alluring poses. Her father and Saotome-san were in the back of the house playing shogi by the koi pond. Mrs. Saotome was out shopping for groceries. Ukyou and Shampoo were minding their restaurants, so a visit from any of the two other fiancées wasn't expected. Even Ranma hadn't said a single nasty word to her today. Akane felt so happy that see decided to celebrate such a wonderful morning.
By baking a batch of what she considered her best cookies ever.
Despite several setbacks in her previous attempts at cooking, Akane was certain that these were good. In fact, she was so completely sure that she went out looking for Ranma (who mysteriously disappeared) to test them. Nabiki had once commented that she could sell them to the military as biological weapons, and Ranma had asked if she had ever tasted her own food before giving it to other people, but she would not be deterred. Why would anyone try out their own food first when they can let others have it? They were the finest she had ever made!
When she found Ranma in his room reading and offered them to him, he openly refused. To make matters worse, Ranma also had to add a comment about the cookies being a threat to all humankind. That was enough to spoil Akane's mood, rise the temperature in the immediate area to the equivalent of a fusion reactor, and punch Ranma hard enough to send him out a window and into the clear morning sky.
Natsume Kyusaku was also having a bad day.
Trying very hard to concentrate, the teacher/inventor/ex-employee of MHI/separated husband of Akiko was inspecting a delicate piece of hardware. It was very delicate, minute, high-tech, and above all EXPENSIVE; the main reason he had gone through about twenty of them. He wasn't having a bad day because of a few broken toys, he was pissed because his next achievement depended on him NOT breaking so many toys. Using a pair of tweezers, he carefully moved the object into an uncovered petri-dish. He then slid a laser torch and an electron sight over the dish and looked at the object from his computer screen nearby. Using his mouse, he highlighted the section on the chip he wanted to etch and zoomed in. Taking the cigerette out of his mouth and into an ashtray, he slowly lined up the crosshair to the suspect area. He flipped a switch and tediously turned the knob to adjust wattage...
"Good morning, Papa-san!"
Startled, Kyusaku slipped and upped the power to about 10,000 watts. The microchip lit up in a pale reddish hue for a moment before exploding violently in a shower of blue sparks. He stared at the remains of his work before taking a deep drag out of his cigarette. He then turned and glared at the person who had interrupted him.
"Nuku Nuku! How many times have I told you not to bother me when I'm working?"
Kyusaku's 'daughter' Natsume Atsuko, or Nuku Nuku to many and NK-1124 to few, is basically a kitty cat inside a cybernetic body. Having a cat's brain, Nuku Nuku had a hard time understanding certain human traits. Of course, to all the boys at her school, her desirably buxom body more than made up for it. If she had noticed the edge in her Papa-san's voice, she either ignored it or wasn't capable of handling it.
"I made breakfast, Papa-san! Eat it or it'll get cold!"
It was hard to stay mad at the catgirl for long, so Kyusaku sighed and looked wistfully at the remains of his project. Oh well, I suppose I'll fix the toaster turbocharge heatsink problem later, he thought sadly.
Of course, 'Akane's finest ever' meant that the cookies were well designed for their aerodynamic properties as well as for their ability to disembowel a person when thrown hard from about two hundred metres. Edibility was more or less optional in this case.
These thoughts were passing through Ranma's head right now as he remembered WHY he had plunged to his untimely 'demise.' If I get out of here, he reflected, I'll give her a piece of my mind.
If she's not angry anymore, he added.
Groaning, he slowly lifted himself onto his elbows before falling back down. He tried once more before realizing the futility of his actions. Lying in the crater he had created, Ranma blissfully remained still, eyes closed, letting his quick healing abilities kick in. Once he felt himself get stronger he forcefully opened his eyes and tried again. Groggily, he crawled out of the hole and stretched his arms out above his head before letting them fall to his sides.
"Oh man," Ranma thought, "that one really hurt this time. Wonder why she's getting more and more violent lately? All I did was say her cookies were probably an experiment from the American Biological Weapons Facility gone horribly right..." Ranma wasn't sure if there WAS such thing as the ABWF, but that didn't stop Akane from hitting him.
Once his eyes came back into focus, only then did he look around. What he saw astonished and awed him beyond belief. He was in some type of munition plant, he was sure of that. Rows and rows of machinery were lined up ready to go through rigourous testing at the far end of the room. Looking up, Ranma craned his neck to gape at the hole in the ceiling. That's funny, he thought, I don't remember falling into a building.
Shrugging his shoulders and rubbing a bruised arm, Ranma trundled off looking for a way out...
"Someone to see you, Mrs. Natsume," the voice of Akiko's secretary came over.
Akiko put down the paper she was reading. "Who is it?"
"A technician from level 4 ops says that you sent for her."
"Did I?"
Pause. "Shall I send her in?"
Akiko thought for a moment. "Fine, go right ahead," she said.
A moment later, a young woman walked in. She had short blonde hair and was wearing a white lab coat with strange brown splotches and a frazzled headset around her neck. She gave a polite bow to Akiko, who returned it.
Akiko shuffled some papers on her desk. "Make it quick."
The technician bowed her head. "I'm sorry ma'am," she said, "but you know that strange thing I picked up on the sensors earlier, and you said to continue monitoring it and notify you if something happened?"
Akiko looked up at her. "Did I?" she asked.
"Um, sensors have confirmed the object to be human and it has landed in the Mishima testing facility..."
"Okay, send a security level 2 squad to apprehend the intruder..." Akiko said absent-mindedly. She suddenly bolted upright. "A human being you say fell INTO the facility?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Which one?"
The technician regarded her folder for a moment. "The TSI branch, ma'am."
"Isn't that facility UNDERGROUND?"
"Er, yes ma'am."
"Human?"
"Um, that's what the sensors say."
"Better send a level 7 squad instead."
There are eight different levels of security and military defense at Mishima Heavy Industries. A level 1 squad would simply be retrained ex-police officers, the type that would be in any office building. A level 2 defense would be a standard SWAT team with AK-47s in full body armour, and level 3 would be a small armed force consisting of MA-021 military droids.
A level 7 defense force is a small BATTERY of SNK-60 battle mechs, good for defending any small country. And of course, level 8 is just a tiny unit designed to fight the NK-1124, who could destroy all of MHI's military defenses in a few tries. Well, it would be at it all week, but still... The technician gulped and said, "do you think that's a good idea, ma'am?"
Akiko looked at the technician coldly. "Yes, I think it's a good idea. After all, it was one of mine."
After the technician had left Akiko sighed and rubbed her eyes. Nuku Nuku also showed up on the sensors as human, but MHI had recalibrated them to detect when the NK-1124 was around. Nuku Nuku often came under the orders of Kyusaku to destroy any potentially threatening projects. How the great inventor knew about any of them was anybody's guess. For instance, he could know about the new SNK-120s being tested in that facility, and reconfigured Nuku Nuku again.
Akiko thought for a moment before pressing a button underneath her desk. In a few seconds, Arisa's face appeared on the S.H.I. Telescreen.
"Hello boss!" Arisa greeted cheerfully.
"Arisa, land the new POISON FOUR helicopter and apprehend the intruder in the TSI facility. You may use the new HV-27 bodysuits."
Arisa's eyes lit up. "Yes, ma'am!"
Ranma could hear alarm klaxons in the distance.
"Shit! They know I'm here, whoever they are!" he thought as he broke into a run. He was about to turn a corner when he collided into something very hard and very unforgiving. Slowly looking up, Ranma met the gaze of a very large android pointing its massive plasma cannon at him.
"Don't even move, buster," it said as Ranma could hear the guns charging up.
After repeated delays, my second fanfic project ever is underway! Did I screw up the Nuku Nuku characters in any way? If you think yes, this person OBVIOUSLY didn't watch enough to get a feel of the characters, or no, this person has a hard enough foundation to continue, send your comments to [nshampoo .com] and I'll reply as soon as I can.
Special thanks to Richard Lawson, for his suggestions and information on the Nuku Nuku characters. Special thanks should also be extended to Wade Tritschler, for proofing and supporting my writing style.
Until the next chapter!