My Immortal - The Story of Brainwashing- With Commentary!
So I know a lot of unfortunate people have read this horrible fanfiction (some possibly against their will). I also know that many have been commenting on the terribleness of it and I thought I would give it a go because let's face it, who hasn't laughed or gone WTF while reading this.
For those of you who haven't had the exciting pleasure of reading this, "My Immortal" is considered as the worst fanfiction of all time. It was first published on on March 3rd, 2006, written by XXXbloodyrists666XXX, aka Tara Gilesbie. Tara's account was hacked and in 2008 with over 10,000 reviews. However 's moderators deleted the story for not being up to their standards by that time, but it had already gained "fans" aka people like me who laugh or want to facepalm every chance they read it. Basically it was removed for being severely suckish. Many people think that Tara is a troll, those who don't think she's just an illiterate hormonal adolescent girl who needs serious counseling and help in her english class. The world may never know which one it is.
* I am not responsible for your hangover or the hospital bill if you play the drinking game while reading this.
Chapter 1.
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) (no I do not get it Tara, please elaborate! How does saying 'fangz' make you 'goffic'? Ugh, here we go. Be ready to read one of those puns every chapter.) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) (too late, lesbianism is already in my head. BTW there is nothing ewish about being lesbian/bisexual/gay. Way to offend!) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! (as you can clearly see, Raven didn't do a very good job with the helping aspect of the story.) Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! (Justin Bieber is the love of your depressing life? That could explain a lot.) MCR ROX! (according to the reliable source of wikipedia: rox is an album by the California punk band Supernova, a television series, and a London based singer. MCR aka My Chemical Romance which is an example of a wannabe punk band- was not included in any of the above.)
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (and I'm an alcoholic. Or atleast this entire story would make much more sense if you were. But that is a very VERY long screwed name you got yourself there, dementia=brain disorder. Lovely.) and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) (children are born without hair so that made less than no sense. Plus ebony is black.) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears (limpid tears? Alrighty then.) and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). (There are quite a few reasons for people to "get da hell out of here," Amy Lee not being one of them. Saving your brain cells tops the list.) I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. (yes, because people are always so kind and accepting towards incest.)I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. (as opposed to purple and triangular. Actually vampires have these things called "fangs"which you completely misspelled and misused in your authors note before the story.) I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, (So you are an incest vampire witch? You cannot be both a vampire and a witch Ebony, that goes against everything in the mythological world!)and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England (No. Hogwarts is in Scotland.) (where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). (For some reason, I have strong doubts that this character is seventeen.) I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) (Yes, we could tell.) and I wear mostly black. (OMG! Goths wear black! I would have never guessed!) I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. (Despite the fact that there are no Hot Topic's in England that I am aware of.) For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets (that's not a gotchic color!) and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. (so basically you looked like a total whore? Got it.) I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. (Snowing AND raining? That's called sleet or hail. I know Hogwarts is a magical place but I think that is just a tiny bit ridiculous.)A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. (as you will learn this is her solution to everything.)
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! (No freaking way! By the way what is up with the random ellipses?)
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly. (Shyly? Draco Malfoy and shyly should not be in the same sentence together.)
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. (No, you chose to go away. Your friends do not control your actions.)
^ Ohhh the suspense is killing me.
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! (It is the epitome of awesomeness Tara. Absolutely brilliant.)
This concludes the first chapter of my commentary for "My Immortal." It's my first time ever publishing on this website so let me know what you think. Thanks for reading! =)