Choices

By

Denise

I honestly never expected to make this choice again. I mean when that meteor did its damage I thought that that was it. It was over. I was stuck here. End of story.

I expected my third retirement be the charm.

I felt sorry for myself for the requisite period of time then I moved on. That's been the way of my life, deal with it and move on.

The damndable part of it is that I was JUST settling in. I had just given up that last glimmer of hope I'd kept buried deep inside.

After all why the hell would they try to rescue a washed up colonel with a mouth and attitude as bad as his knees?

Then again I suppose the hundred or so refugees we dumped on Hammond's doorstep might have had something to do with it. Slipping Cassie into society was easy enough but a hundred people who didn't even know what a light bulb was…wouldn't be easy.

So here I am looking at two expectant faces…and one calm one. Teal'c knows what it's like. He's started over before, found himself on a new world with nothing more than the clothes on his back.

Carter starts to babble and I walk away. Gonna pay for that later but I just can't deal with it right now. It's enough that they got the gate open again, the how can wait.

I walk over to Laira, thank her for all she's done. I was an asshole for those first few weeks, and I know it. But she put up with me; heck she put me up. She made the others accept me and for that I'll always be grateful.

I tell her I don't want to go back but she knows. The choice was made the second I knocked through the dirt and saw the face of a certain stubborn jaffa.

Part of me wants to stay here. It's quiet, peaceful. I have no bills to pay no furniture to dust no reports to write or lawn to mow. And best of all, noone's shooting at me.

But I can't. I…I could deal with my kids out there without me, continuing their missions if I had no choice in the matter. But if anything happened to them while I was here, making my own nails and sampling Paynan's brew I could never forgive myself.

I turn away from Laira and walk back to my kids. They're waiting for me. Like I should have waited for them.

"Come on kids. Let's go home," I say putting my choice into words.

I leave my Eden secure in the knowledge that it will be here, waiting for me, when I choose to come back.

Fin