Chapter 1:

Patsy had found it difficult, nay, she had found it impossible to contemplate her existence since the tragedy. Her Delia was gone. The point was as simple as that, but it wasn't so simple that she could comprehend its meaning. Her little Welsh fireball had tumbled head first to the road and had awoken a timid and shy being. The first time Patsy went to visit her was the most nervous and scared she had been since the passing of her mother and sister in that dreadful camp. Despite the clean and disinfected surroundings of The London, Patsy was immediately transported back to the camp the second she saw Delia lying in a bed that enveloped her small frame. The same nausea, the same fear and the same anguish all rushed back.

"Delia?" Patsy tentatively asked.

The blank look that answered the question chilled Patsy straight to her core.

"It's me Delia. It's Patsy, Patsy Mount."

The little voice that replied was not Delia, it was the voice of a woman who had all her memories and feelings harshly stripped from her. It was a scared child breaking free from her mouth in an attempt to scrape her mind back together.

"Hello? I'm sorry but who are you? Are you one of the nurses?"

"Yes I am a nurse but I don't work here," choked Patsy, "I'm your friend. I wanted to come and see you were alright, you gave me such a scare." Patsy reached for Delia's bruised hand and felt part of her soul die as Delia flinched and pulled her hand away.

"It's me Deels…Patsy…We're good friends. Please remember who I am," pleaded Patsy.

At that moment Delia's eyes rolled back into her head and her body tensed. The bed began to shake violently in response to the fitting figure it held. The nurse on duty rushed towards the bed space and told Patsy to leave. The doctor was called. Patsy was forced from the room. No explanation given. Through the small sliver of space at the window, Patsy glimpsed the love of her life be held down in an attempt to stop her injuring herself.

Her mind was racing, trying to analyse the events in front of her when she was startled from her thoughts with the gentle touch of a hand on her shoulder. Patsy jumped at the physical contact. She turned round to see a small lady with a familiar face. Her eyes were brimming with tears. She looked exhausted. Delia's mother, it had to be.

"She keeps taking these spells…seizures…that's what the Doctors call them. We don't know how long they're going to last or if they will ever disappear. Nobody will tell us anything." She sobbed, "You must be Patsy. Delia's told us so much about you."

Patsy's heart skipped a beat: had Delia told her parents about them? Did Delia's mother understand the grief that racked the tall figure that stood in front of her? Was there acceptance awaiting their relationship in a small village in Wales? Patsy's face began to turn red with excitement at the thought. The euphoria was short lived as Delia's mother continued, "She loves helping you with the Scouts every week."

Trying to remain composed and calm whilst talking to Mrs Busby had been too much to ask. Her eyes welled up and she started to choke on her words when it became clear Delia was headed back to Wales in the very near future. How could she cope without her love and confident presence? Surely Patsy would crumble. Startling Mrs Busby from her string of conversation, Patsy barged past her and strode out of the hospital as fast as her long legs would carry her. Nobody could see her cry, nobody at all. The one person that could comfort her was the one that was causing the rush of emotion to stream from Patsy's eyes.

Patsy reached the flat and collapsed, the weight of the situation pressing down on her. Forcing herself to stand up, Patsy made her way to the window and began to scrub with bleach and cloth until the window sparkled. The rest of the flat was pristine in only a few hours of emotionally charged cleaning. The tears falling from Patsy's eyes soon mixed with the water that cleaned the surfaces. She put everything she had into making the flat worthy of Delia and her memory. She gave it her all.

At first light, as the sun shone through the chrysanthemums sat on the windowsill, Patsy dragged her broken body and mind from the carpet. A futile attempt at composure was made as she shut the door firmly behind her. Pressing the keys to her lips she softly whispered, "My Deels, I will love you with everything I have for as long as I live."

Following the rare expression of public emotion Patsy posted the keys through the door: a door that was never to be ventured through again. The memories, albeit short lived, were the happiest of Patsy's life. The door symbolised the whole of her relationship with Delia. Her Deels. The door was the ultimate protection for their forbidden relationship. Away from prying eyes they had been as one. The first time Patsy had ever felt truly comfortable in herself. That was no longer to be the case.

Patsy sighed and slowly made her way back to Nonnatus House, fighting tears at the thought of the sympathy and concern of her friends that awaited her return. She wanted to run the opposite direction and just not stop. But she couldn't. That's not something Patience Mount would do. Delia wouldn't have allowed her to…