Notes
Thank you Drivvenwrinth for being an awesome Beta, this has not been Brit beta'd. This is a re-write of the first story I wrote 7 years ago today (2006, Oct. 05). This is not great, but it is what I managed to (re)write from my original (awful) story.
"You're thinking of him again, aren't you?" Severus ask flatly. It was impossible for Harry to tell what the older man was thinking or feeling when he got like this.
"I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't stop thinking about him. Every time he does this to me; and I go back. I sometimes feel like a puppet. I swear there is something wrong with me," Harry said sadly.
Winding up near Severus after he had a row with Draco was another thing that had become a habit. Severus didn't deserve this either. When Harry voiced this regret in the past, the older man would just smile sadly and offer him some tea. A Habit he suspected Severus had picked up from Dumbledore.
Severus sat in a chair opposite Harry after he refilled the tea cup. "Wisdom comes with time and failure. Give yourself some time to grow up, in many ways you are still a child. Just remember, you have friends and people who love you unconditionally."
Severus' words broke Harry's heart. He knew that the older man was, in his own manner, confessing his feelings. It both saddened him and made him feel a little giddy. It felt wonderful knowing that he was loved and at the same time he felt rotten. Wasn't Draco supposed to have these feelings? The man had never even expressed any like of that kind for Harry, let alone love. Not that it mattered, he knew that if Draco said the right thing at the right time Harry would follow him like the lost puppy he was feeling like.
Three days later Harry was lying in the bed Draco had just left and wondering who had deluded him more; Draco or himself. The sex was – well, it was sex and nothing to write home about. In all honesty Draco fucked him as if Harry was a blow up doll or a corpse. Touching was minimal and all stretching Harry had to do himself.
The young man couldn't remember the last time that he had kissed Draco without tasting blood in his mouth. The bastard was a biter and never gentle. Just how much of a frigging idiot was he?
The phrase 'love is blind' ran through his mind. Harry couldn't help but snort. Oh, he was fecking blind when it came to Draco. He always forgave the man, always. He wondered if Severus could brew up a potion for courage, maybe if he had that then just maybe he could find the courage to leave the heartbreaker.
With a little more time (and seeing Draco getting fucked like a bitch) came the perspective clarity he needed. It didn't really matter if he was an idiot or a sucker, he was done. He didn't need this bullshite anymore and he wasn't going to take it any longer.
He marched to his - no, Draco's floo and promptly made his way to Severus' house. The one place where Harry actually felt comfortable.
"What has the fool done this time?" Severus queried in place of an actual greeting.
"Good day to you was well Severus. Yes, the weather is lovely and I am in fine health. How are you?" Harry snarked, ignoring the older man's question; wondering if he could get around it.
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and took several deep breaths. "Hello Harry. Might I inquire as to the current dealings of Draco Malfoy?"
Harry winced at the formal wording of the request and thought that it might just be time to answer him. "He's currently entertaining a male acquaintance, or he was when I left. Knowing him though, he probably finished a good 3 minutes too soon and left the poor boy unsatisfied."
The ex-potions teacher stood there and slowly blinked as he took in Harry's words. Harry watched as a slow hot fire was building in the dark eyes. "Are you telling me, that Draco was cheating on you?" he spoke clearly and slowly.
Harry chuckled mirthlessly. "That is indeed one way to put it. The other thing to say is that I caught him being fucked by a perfect stranger. Well, I didn't know him; Draco may have known him well and hid him for dalliances as he saw fit."
"Why aren't you livid? Why is he still alive? Why - " Severus started, then halted. With every question Harry could see a new spark of anger alight within the older man's eyes.
"Simple, I decided he isn't worthy of my anger. Hell, I knew it was over a long time ago. I just - I don't know. I was afraid," he answered honestly.
"You're Harry Potter, you defeated the Dark Lord. What could you possibly be afraid of?" Bewilderment clearly colored Severus' voice.
"You," Harry replied simply. "I've always been afraid of you, one way or another."
Severus shook his head in disbelief. "Me? Where I will admit to striking an imposing figure-head in your youth; I do not see how or why you would be afraid of me now. You know my darkest secrets and you know of my feelings for you."
"When I was eleven, of course I was afraid of you because you were - balls, you were scary. You were always picking at me and my house. As an adult; well I guess, I was afraid of your feelings for me. That they would change, as Draco's have. Though looking back I can see that there was never any love between us. If - If you will still have me, I would like to go on a date with you. Well, as soon as I find a new place. You wouldn't know of any flats that are open?" Harry mumbled after confessing.
Severus didn't smile, but his eyes did soften at Harry's words. "I want you Harry Potter, do not toy with me and my affections. If you are asking out of sincerity, then; yes, I would be happy to date you. If you only wish to remain friends I am not so petty as to require you to pretend to pander to my affections. I have a spare room, either way it is yours; should you wish it."
Harry shook his head and smiled a truly beautiful smile. "It's not a ruse and I am not Draco. I would not play with you in such a manner. I'm not saying that I love you, but I do care for you deeply and would like to see if it could become love. So, all I can promise is an attempt... a chance. To make it easier though, and to settle your mind; I will find a flat tomorrow."
"You are an amazing creature Harry. Thank you," Severus spoke quietly and simply as he walked up to the young man and cautiously hugged him.
Harry returned the hug and felt all the things that had been unsettled within him finally click in place. He was very much looking forward to seeing where they would go.
It only took Draco two weeks to search him out. Two weeks where Harry was content with his life, enjoying his dates with Severus and trading witty banter with the man. The once barbed insults of his youth curbed with a hint of laughter or the smallest of touches.
"You've bothered my Godfather for far too long Harry, it's time you come home," Draco ordered as soon as he saw Harry.
"Home?" Harry asked flatly.
"Yes, you are embarrassing yourself as well as dragging my family name through the mud. I will not allow you to do as you please any longer."
"Draco, take your wand and shove it. Two weeks I've been gone. How long did it take you to notice I wasn't in your flat anymore? Hell, I even managed to get all of my stuff moved out the day after I saw you letting that man pound into you. Is that why you want me back? Your new toy wouldn't let you have a turn on the top?" Harry hissed snidely.
Draco pulled himself to full height before responding, "I have an image to maintain, as do you. This is ridiculous. No one will accept that you are in a relationship with the traitor."
Harry couldn't stop himself from laughing. "Oh Merlin, that is rich. You know for a fact that no one accepted our relationship, but I thought I was in love and I didn't listen to the gossip mongers. Now, now I really wish I had. It would have saved me a shit ton of headaches and money."
"Do not use such crass language. I do not know what potion Severus has given you, but you will return home at once. I am no longer requesting this, I am ordering you to come home!" Draco snarled.
"Why do you think that you could take it upon yourself to order anyone Godson? Since when is Harry a house elf? Did he perchance purchase him without his knowledge?" Severus questioned as he entered the room.
"This is none of your concern Severus. Please stay out of it," Draco requested imperiously as he turned his attention back to the younger man he had come to retrieve.
"I left you Draco, as in we are finished. I agreed to let Severus - court me. So, it really is his business," Harry informed the blonde.
Draco gave a soft growl at the news. "You would have my name tarnished and your name sullied all to get even with me? It was a onetime transgression. Surely you can forgive me a moment of weakness. You cannot honestly like this old man. You have hated him since you were a child of eleven years old."
"Yeah, I hated him when I was eleven, but I have grown and so has he. Am I in love with Severus? I don't know. I fancy him and he treats me like a human rather than a blow-up doll. That goes a long way in his favor. However, that is neither here nor there. My feelings toward Severus do not change the fact that I am beyond finished with you and your poppycock ways. Find yourself another pansy - hell, go and date Pansy. I know she still has feelings toward you. Well, toward your money and status at any rate. Please, leave and never darken my doorstep again. We're finished, our relationship is over. Have a good life," Harry stated firmly as he pushed Draco out the front door and slammed it shut in his face.
"Are you sure Harry? I'm not the easiest of people to be around," Severus questioned calmly, the slight tremble of his hands revealing his inner turmoil.
Harry smiled softly at the older man. "If I wanted easy I would have gone with someone else. Besides, I'm not exactly a knight in shining armor. I want to see how far we make it. I want to see where this path takes us."
Severus folded his arms around the younger man and just held on. For the first time in a long time he felt he had something to look forward to. "Thank you Harry," he whispered as he kissed the messy mop of hair.
~Fin~