John's P.O.V

I woke up covered in cold sweat, gasping for air. I felt my dog tags stick to my skin. The metal was warm, the same heat as my body. It was just another nightmare. Calm down. I rubbed my eyes and began to sob. I heard Sherlock stir next to me and I lay back down, pretending I was asleep. I didn't like showing him that I was weak because im pretty sure he would use that to get at me. He always liked being an asshole. A smart asshole. I felt Sherlock wrap his arms around me and kiss my shoulder.

"John I know your awake. You snore when you asleep," Sherlock said softly.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. I just thought I would comfort you. Isn't that what couples do when one is upset?"

"Yes but your not exactly normal."

"Tell me about the dream."

"We were in Afghanistan fighting together and you got shot. I couldn't save you."

"Oh John you really do have the most stupid dreams. Why would I go to Afghanistan for one? And-"

"Alright Sherlock. This is why I freak out when you comfort me."

"Go back to sleep blogger."

"You too consulting detective."

"Did I tell you I was the-"

"Only one in the world? Yes you did."

Sherlock chuckled and kissed my cheek before we both fell back asleep.

5 months later

I stood at the side of the road staring up at the top of the hospital building, my phone held to my ear. Sherlock stood on the roof, right on the edge. I spotted Moriarty standing behind him that smug smile on his face. Bastered. Sherlock began speaking to me.

"John-" He began.

"Get down from there now."

"I cant."

"Sherlock don't you dare do this to me."

"I have to. If I don't then you'll die."

"There has to be a way. There's always a way. With you there is always a way."

"Not this time John."

"Don't. Don't do it please. Just come down from there and let me talk to Moriarty."

"He wont talk to you. He says your stupid compared to me."

"Well yes compared to you I am but Im sure I could beat some sense in to him."

I heard Sherlock chuckle which made me smile weakly. Oh please come down. I need you. Without you I don't have a life.

"Sherlock listen to me. Im nothing without you. I need you in my life. The first time we met you were a cocky but amazing bastered and I love you. We've had some amazing adventures and I want to have more," I said.

"You've been brilliant John-"

"Stop talking like that and get down!"

"I wish I could. Goodbye John."

"Sherlock no!"

Sherlock threw the phone to the side and spread his arms, pushing himself forward and off the edge of the hospital. I cried out and ran to his body as it smacked on the group, blood mixing with rainwater. Rain water mixing with tears.

I woke up screaming Sherlock. I found myself back in my bedroom that I had stayed in for a while now. My new bedroom and my new flat. I couldn't go back to 221B not after the fall. There were too many memories. I turned to his side of the bed and started to cry. I put my head in my hands and continued to cry. Now that I had started I wouldn't be able to stop. Not for a while at least. I lay back down, burying my face in my pillow. I placed my hand on the cold side of the bed. The place where he should be sleeping, the place where he would comfort me. I needed him here now to hold me and tell me that I was being an idiot. But he wasn't here. He was dead in some coffin in the ground. Dead. I hadn't done enough to save him. I could have done so much more. It was my fault. It was always going to be my fault.