Yeah, I won, I guess. I mean, I was still standing at the end of the fight, which makes me the winner, right? So why did I feel so… hollow? This was what I wanted. To beat you, so you would stop trying to make me slow down. I didn't have time to slow down, but you didn't see that. Well, you lost, anyway. That means you don't matter anymore. Right? Losers don't matter.
--
I lost to you. I just… couldn't do it. Something in me couldn't stand fighting you. Of course, I probably would have lost to you anyway. You were always a superior fighter to me, you just didn't know it. You learned from every fight, took something from every battle with you into the next one… whereas I've been using the same old tricks for ages. You're seen them all, as my partner.
--
So I'm free now, aren't I? It's almost a depressing thought, thinking that from here on in, I'm on my own. Once or twice, I've even wondered if I could do it. There've been times when I've needed help, when I've been saved… I wouldn't be here today – several times over – if it weren't for partners and help I'd had along the way. But it's not worth it to dwell on useless thoughts like that. If I can't make it, that means I never deserved to make it. Losers don't matter.
--
If it's any consolation to myself, I know you'll be just fine on your own. You're strong, determined, and clever, too. I often have to remind myself of things like this to keep me going crazy with worry. If there's anyone who could to this, run away, search the world… worlds with almost no clues, it's you. It was always you, Rox.
--
You said you'd miss me. But that's not true, is it? You can't feel, so you can't miss me. And I can't regret what I did, because I can't feel regret. I don't think I would though, even if I could. And that's good. No useless things like emotions to slow me down. I have to know, and you knew that. Probably why you barely put up a fight. Don't think I didn't know. It was pathetic of you. If you wanted me to stay, you had to win. Losers don't matter. You don't matter, Ax.
--
As long as you're getting what you want, I'm happy to be a loser.
--
I just have to keep remembering that I did win. I did.