But It Will Make You Miserable First
Author: Eva
Rating: R for Sexual Situations
Time Frame: 2 1/2 years after the show is off the air.
Feedback: Yes, please, but if you really have a problem with something, please email me privately.
Summary: Sequel to "And The Truth Will Set You Free" Amanda and the entire family come to terms with her rape and the consequences.
Tissue Warning!!
WARNING:
Disclaimer: Scarecrow and Mrs. King are owned by Warner Brothers and Shoot The Moon Production. I only wish they were mine. I will return them intact and stronger after this series of stories is complete.
Archive: Please ask first.
Thank you to Beth J. for her beta services and tears, and to Melinda for her input as well.
Chapter One
Amanda was pleased at how well things had been going since she had regained her memories of the attacks. She had been meeting faithfully with Dr. Phaff. At first they met daily; then, tapered down. Lee had seen Dr. Phaff several times as well, both with her and without. Amanda was very proud that he could set aside his bullheadedness enough to deal with his pain.
Amanda could not stand being in the Jeep after what had happened, it had too many bad associations for her. After a discussion, the family decided to keep the Jeep for Phillip to use when he got his license. She and Lee went car shopping and found metallic green Ford Explorer that they both liked.
Lee had taken Phillip for his driving test, trying to cheer him up. But Phillip, incomprehensibly, had failed to pass the road test. Lee was disappointed in Phillip's performance in the car and vowed to schedule extra time for practice with him. Maybe even in the Corvette. That should cheer him up.
Lee told her about Phillip's actions while she had been in LaLa land. They had gone together to see Dr. Phaff as a family as well. Jamie and Dotty had processed the attack and Amanda's reaction much better than any of the others. Phillip had still blamed himself for not being with his mother. He seemed to have a better handle on things after a few sessions with Dr. Phaff. Still, things were rough at home. Phillip was moody and his counselor wanted to set up a meeting. Phillip's grades were slipping and he was distant and unfocused in class. Jamie was all too quiet. He worked diligently at his schoolwork, did everything that was asked and even took over Phillip's chores, without a word. He flinched if there was a cross word spoken between Lee and Amanda or Lee and Phillip.
Dotty was quiet as well. Amanda could see in her eyes the pain Dotty held in when they were together. Jamie had snapped a picture of her one-day without Dotty's knowledge. Dotty had been sitting in the attic, surrounded by Amanda's scrapbooks. Her face has been streaked with tears as she held an old dress Amanda wore in high school close to her chest, rocking and keening in mourning. Jamie never showed that photo to his family, although he planned to enter it in a contest at school.
Amanda liked having time to process her thoughts before meeting again with Phaff. She began keeping a journal of her feelings and fears. She would write in it as the mood struck her. Sometimes it contained happy memories and optimistic thoughts about the future. Other times, Amanda was able to pour her rage and pain out in words. It didn't matter if the writing was illegible, no one would ever see the tear stained pages or read the words written in a shaky hand as Amanda described the actions of her attacker and how she had fought back, trying to make sense of the senseless.
Part of the problem was trying to deal with both attacks at the same time. The one in college that she had repressed wasn't nearly so horrific as the recent one. However, she had never faced the nauseating possibilities of the original attack. Sure, Amanda knew now that the bullies really wouldn't have come after her. But as a young girl, the fear had paralyzed her world. She had no skills to allow her to cope. The only thing her subconscious mind could do was to repress the memories, allowing her to go on with life.
Dr. Phaff said that the early attack could be one reason Amanda clung to the security of rituals, such as spring cleaning. Lee reasoned that it was part of the reason that Amanda never stayed in the car. She was powerless in the car, trapped as she had been during the first attack. She needed to have the illusion of being in control of her life.
Dr. Phaff also thought that there was a good chance that she would have never remembered what happened, if not for her attack. Amanda wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, it felt good to know that now she could take care of herself in a 'simple' situation like the first one. On the other hand, even with all her training, she had been unable to escape from the most recent attacker. It was frightening to think of how vulnerable women are simply because they are women.
Even when Addie Birol held her captive, Amanda had not felt the fear she did that night in early September. Addie wanted to use her, but to get information, to find 'Nightcrawler'. Had he thought that raping her would help him, he might have done so, but Amanda, knowing that it was a means to an end, could have endured. At least that is what she told herself. The attack in September, coming as a random act, had shown her just how powerless people could be.
Some days Amanda wanted to just crawl back into the hole of denial she had disappeared into after the attack and pull it in after her. Those were the bad days. Lee was always there for her at those times. He would hold her in his strong capable arms and let her be scared. Lee had learned enough in his sessions with Phaff that he didn't try to assure Amanda that he would always protect her. He could only assure her that he was there for her now.
That was the demon Lee had to struggle with in this whole ordeal. He hadn't been there to stop the man who attacked his wife. Lee had been so afraid that Amanda would blame him. At first, he tried to distance himself from her pain so he wouldn't have to deal with his own. He started acting like the old 'Scarecrow', the one who never backed down from a challenge. One case went sour and Lee was grazed in the neck doing a milk run with a rookie agent. That brought him back to earth in a hurry.
Chapter Two
The first week after the attack had been very tense. Everyone tended to walk on eggshells around Amanda, as if she would drop back into denial when faced with a challenge. Most of the Agency knew about her attack but no one wanted to talk about it. It was as if by not saying the words out loud they could deny the reality and not have to deal with the uncomfortable feelings that the issue aroused.
Amanda had wanted to go back to work, she felt safe there and was close to Dr. Phaff and, of course Lee, in case she became upset. That first week, she practically hid in the Q Bureau, emerging only in the company of Lee or Billy. Not even Francine or Leatherneck could coax her out of her exile.
Lee entered the office mid morning after a meeting with Billy. Amanda had been up with Phaff and he expected her to be waiting for him at her desk or in the vault.
"Amanda, ready for lunch?" He called, hearing only silence in return. Lee's eyes narrowed and he reached for his gun. "Amanda?" He crossed the room to the vault, peering in, expecting to find the disarray that followed a struggle. Nothing, everything was in its place.
Crossing the room, Lee put his gun away, feeling slightly foolish. He knew that he had over reacted pulling it. However, considering that Amanda refused to leave the office without him lately, he felt that he had just cause to be worried.
He called Phaff who assured him that he had left Amanda in the office about half an hour ago.
Lee began pacing the floor. 'Where can she be?' he pondered the question. Exiting the room, Lee headed across the hall to check the ladies room. Knocking gently and calling out, he entered the forbidden zone but had no luck, his wife was not there either. Lee leaned back beside the entry door, shoulders slumped as he tried to think of where she might have gone.
When the door swung open, Lee swiftly turned, pouncing on the intruder. It was Mrs. Marsten. She jumped and caught Lee on the head with a quick move. Lee staggered slightly, having pulled his own punch when he recognized her.
"Mr. Stetson," she began in a slightly shrill voice. "I'm sorry but what are you doing in the ladies room?" She crossed her arms and stared at him, one foot tapping the floor.
Lee felt like a schoolboy caught in the girls locker room. He wondered if he was blushing. "Uh, uh, I was looking for Amanda, I was worried when she wasn't in the office. You, uh, have you seen her lately?" Lee knew he was stuttering and felt like a fool.
Mrs. Marsten took pity on him. "I saw her leave just after Dr. Phaff went by my desk on the way back to his office. Did you check your desk? She might have left you a note?"
"Good idea, uh, yeah, check for a note, I'll, uh, just do that. Thanks," Lee fled from the ladies room, certain that his face was the color of a beet.
Mrs. Marsten watched him enter the Q Bureau forgetting to close the door in his hurry. He headed to his desk and pick up a note, just as she had suspected. Then he left the building in a hurry.
Lee arrived at the Vietnam Memorial to find Amanda seated on the lawn facing it, a blank look on her face. Relief flooded his being when he saw that she was safe. Closing the distance between them, Lee stopped a few feet away and waited.
Amanda patted the grass beside her and Lee sat down. Neither spoke as the silence stretched into minutes. Finally Amanda looked at Lee and he could see that traces of tears on her face.
"Lee," she said in an even tone. "Did you know that there are twice as many women raped in one year than men who died in the entire war? And those are only the ones that are reported. Police estimate that only one in every six rapes is ever reported. Do you know how many rapes that adds up to in a year? Do you?" She asked, her voice rising slightly as she demanded an answer.
"Way too many, Manda, way too many." Lee was watching her carefully, wondering where this was going. "Why did you come here Amanda? What are you looking for?"
"The people whose loved ones died in the war are lucky, you know?" she stated.
Lee was startled to hear those words. He knew that Amanda had friends lost in Vietnam just as he had.
"At least," she went on her voice cracking slightly, "At least, they have a place to come and grieve. A memorial to their deaths. Where is the memorial to all the women whose souls are killed by rape every year? Where, Lee, where? Where do I go to mourn the Amanda that died that night? She's gone and I don't think she is ever coming back." With those words, the tears began to trickle down her face as she turned back to gaze, unseeing, to the black wall before them.
Lee sat beside her, not touching her, but allowing her time and space to grieve even as he grieved with her.
Chapter Three
She was still too fragile emotionally to risk making love to her husband. She was afraid of having flashbacks and reacting badly when he touched her. She was afraid, of hurting him, of being alone, of never being the person Lee had fallen in love with again. A part of that woman had died and Amanda struggled to discover what part of her was left, what part of her was still real.
Lee understood, he really did. But it was hard for him too. Since falling in love with Amanda, Lee had discovered the comfort that comes from making love with someone who loves you to the depths of your soul. He and Amanda had always been able to take that kind of comfort in each other. Now, he didn't want to push her. But, dear lord, how he needed her to be whole again. He was so afraid that this would be the thing that broke her. And he still feared that, somewhere in the recesses of her mind, Amanda would blame him. So he tiptoed around, not knowing just where to draw the line.
The second hardest thing for Amanda to deal with was being treated with kid gloves. She just wanted to sweep it away, to deny the reality, to go back to what her life had been. However, her work with Dr. Phaff had shown her the folly of that road. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was the name he gave her. And until it was dealt with, there was no chance for Amanda to go back in the field with Lee.
Still, the hardest thing to live with was the fear, not of another attack but of the possible consequences of the first one. The ones she couldn't bring herself to share with Lee. Amanda wrote in her journal daily, pondering the 'what-ifs'.
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Amanda's Journal
Day 8 after the attack.
Oh, god, I am so scared. What if I get pregnant by that monster? Lee and I have discussed having a child but we aren't in a hurry to change our lives. How could I stand it if I am pregnant? What will Lee think of me? The ER doctor gave me a pill that was supposed to prevent this from happening but nothing is certain in this life, is it?
Day 13
Lee refused to even hear about the possibilities. He all but ran out of the room when I mentioned that there could be a problem. Well, he knows our method of birth control as well as I do. He just refuses to think about it.
Day 17
I've been giving this a lot of thought. I dream, I see myself with a baby in my arms. Lee comes in the room and screams at me. I look down and the baby turns into that monster. He and Lee fight and Lee is killed. The monster starts toward me. I woke up screaming. I couldn't tell Lee the details, just had to mutter 'flashback'. He took me in his arms and held me as I wept. What am I going to do?
Day 21
I'm late. Oh, my lord. I am never late. What if….
Sorry, I had to go throw up. Oh, god, that's even worse. What if it is morning sickness? What am I going to do? How can I keep a child conceived by rape? How can I kill an innocent baby? Maybe I should give it up? There are lots of people out there that will love a baby? But how could I give away my child? It's part of me. I would never recover if I lost my child.
What am I going to do?
*****************************************************
Unknown to Amanda, Lee was not oblivious to what could happen. At Dr. Phaff's urgings, he kept his own journal. He had begun before Amanda remembered the first attack. His was filled with anger. A lot was directed at the attacker. A lot more was directed at himself. He struggled to overcome his guilt but it was hard.
*******************************************************************
Lee's Journal
Day 7 after the attack.
Amanda is more herself today. Our session with Phaff was almost easy. It's okay as long as I focus on helping her. But don't even ask me to analyze myself. I've done without it this long, I'll keep going. Stupid book. Why am I even writing in this…?
Day 8
I wish these stupid thoughts would just stop. I cannot stop thinking about what could be happening to Amanda. What if..What if that monster got her pregnant? I'll kill him!!! Oh, shut up, Stetson. I know you already did so. I wish I hadn't. I'd kill him over and over again for the pain he's caused her. I know how Phillip feels. I want to hurt him, I want to slowly tear him to pieces and grind him into hamburger. And then I will really start hurting him.
Day 12
I don't think it has dawned on Amanda yet that she could be pregnant. I wish she were on the pill. Then we would have a lot less to worry about. But, those things make her so sick. So we've been doing things the old fashioned way. Well, here's the payback for that, huh. Damn her, she should have just stuck it out. The doctor said her body would get used to it in time.
Day 17
Amanda had another nightmare last night. All I could do was hold her. I pray to whatever God there is that she isn't carrying that bastard's child. She hinted around at that this morning, I had to leave the room or my rage would have taken over. I wanted to yell and scream at her for allowing this to happen to us, to me. I cannot have Amanda carry another man's child. She is MINE. It should be MY child, our child conceived in love, not by an act of violence. I cannot deal with this.
Day 18
Well, yesterday was incredible stupid. I couldn't stand being still. I talked Billy into letting me go on a milk run. I wasn't watching, and it went sour. Took a graze on the neck. Boy, that was so stupid. Am I losing it totally? I cannot believe I didn't see what was going on. Amanda read me the riot act when she got to the hospital. They wanted to keep me overnight but there was no way. I walked out and took a taxi home. Lied to Amanda, said the doc sprung me early for good behavior. Yeah, right. But she bought it and at least I can be here for her. She needs me so much.
Day 19
Amanda is late. I don't think she's noticed yet. Dear God, what am I going to do? I cannot love a child born of this, but how can I ask Amanda to get rid of it? I know how she feels; life is sacred, all life. Adoption is a possibility but she would hate me for the rest of our lives if I insist. How would she feel, never knowing where her child is? She's too good a mother to ever be able to deal with that. What am I going to do???
Day 20
Amanda woke up screaming and crying out my name. I held her close but she wouldn't talk about what was wrong. Jamie came running but Phillip stayed in his room. I hear him listening to the radio late into the night. I don't think he's sleeping. He won't talk about it. In the family session, he said he knew he wasn't to blame, but I'm not so sure. Geez, just what I need. Another problem to deal with right now.
Day 21
I woke this morning to hear Amanda in the bathroom, being sick. No, please, if there is any mercy, NO. Don't let this happen to us.
Chapter Four
Amanda went back in the bedroom, Lee was still sleeping. How could she tell him? He would hate her for carrying another man's child. She crawled back in the bed, weeping silent tears. Lying, as far away from him as possible so he wasn't disturbed, Amanda cried as she contemplated their future or lack thereof. She couldn't give away or do away with a child. But how could Lee love a child that was a constant reminder of what he saw as his failure? Surely, he would hate them both. Amanda's sobs increase in strength and volume as she cried for all the pain she could see ahead of them.
Lee wanted to reach out for her, wanted to assure her that together they could work through anything. But it was obvious that she didn't want his comfort. He laid, nerves stretched to breaking, listening to her despair. After a while her breathing deepened and she fell into an uneasy sleep. Lee rose from their bed, taking care not to wake her. He showered and dressed. Amanda slept on. Crossing the room, Lee gazed down at the tearstained face of the woman he loved more than life and silently left the house as dawn began to break.
Lee was jogging. It had been over an hour since he left Amanda. His mind kept turning in circles and he knew that he was no good to anyone in his present state of mind. On impulse, he decided to visit Francine. He returned to the house and grabbed his keys. He noticed a dish in the kitchen sink. Phillip's backpack was gone. It was early for him to be at school. Maybe he had makeup work or something.
"Who is it!!" demanded the sleepy voice of Francine Desmond in response to the pounding on her door.
"Let me in, Francine."
Francine opened the door, seeing a very bedraggled Scarecrow in her hallway. "What are you doing here at," she peered at the clock. "6:30 in the morning?? God, what is wrong with you, Scarecrow? Most happily married folks are still snuggled up in bed. "
"Most happily married people's wives aren't pregnant by a rapist, Francine." Lee barged into the apartment and flopped on the couch.
Francine stood stunned. 'Surely not,' she thought. 'This can't be happening, what more could happen to these two.'
Lee echoed her thoughts. "This can't be happening, not to us." He gave Francine a pleading look, seeking reassurance. Seeing none in her face, he went on. "Amanda is so regular and now she's late."
"But, Lee, that doesn't mean anything. Stress can cause women to be late. You have both been under a LOT of Stress lately." Francine tried to reassure him, the words sounding hollow even as they came out. "Besides, isn't she.. Don't you …" flustered Francine gave up. "Isn't she on the Pill?'
"No, they make her sick. We've just .. well.. used other means and been very careful. We've talked about having children. Well, we've talked about it but haven't made a commitment to trying." Lee grinned, remembering how those conversations usually ended. Faced with his fears, he quickly sobered.
"What am I going to do?"
"Lee, it's way early to assume anything, like I said. Didn't they give her something in the hospital to induce..just in case…I heard that they could do something like that," She ended lamely.
"If they did, it didn't work," Lee interrupted. "I heard her throwing up in the bathroom this morning."
"Oh, no," Francine covered her mouth with both hands and sat beside Lee on the couch. "Lee, I am so sorry. What are you going to do?"
Lee buried his face in his hands and muttered. "I have no idea, none at all." His shoulders began to shake as sobs ran through his body.
Chapter Five
Amanda woke to find Lee had left without waking her. That was good; she didn't think she could face him with this knowledge. Breathing a deep sigh, Amanda got up to face the day. She called Dr. Fields, her OB and scheduled a check up as soon as possible. That first available appointment was in two days. Since this wasn't an emergency, Amanda took it. She knew that the hospital records of her attack had been sent to Dr. Fields so at least she wouldn't have to explain. Until she knew for sure, Amanda intended to keep her suspicions to herself.
Phillip and Jamie had left for school. Amanda assumed that Lee had seen them off. She cleaned up the breakfast dishes, unable to eat herself. Lee was such a good stepfather. He deserved to have children of his own, not to have to raise yet another man's child. Tears started in Amanda's eyes but she pushed them back.
She busied herself around the house and finally left for work, unsure if she would see Lee there or not. He had been avoiding the Q-Bureau as much as possible in the last few days, it seemed. Because she was still on desk duty, Francine had been partnering with Lee since the disastrous information exchange. Billy wanted to ground him but gave in to Lee's pleads that he would go nuts staying behind the desk any longer. Ever since IA had given him the go ahead after Arlington PD declined to file charges, Lee had been racing here and there, like a ping-pong ball.
Amanda entered IFF, took her badge from Mrs. Marsten and climbed the stairs to the office. As she had suspected, it was empty. She sat down at her desk and sighed. Staring off into space, Amanda was startled when the phone rang. She quickly answered it, hoping it was Billy or even Francine. Anyone who could take her mind of what she feared.
She was totally unprepared for the voice on the other end of the phone and as the words registered, all the blood drained from her face and she fell over in like a dead woman.
Chapter Six
Amanda woke slowly, not knowing where she was. As her vision cleared she recognized her surroundings. Amanda had been in this room many times with Lee. Usually he was the one lying on the exam table and she was hovering nearby. She was in the Agency infirmary, alone. Feeling abandoned, tears began to seep from her sad brown eyes. She blinked, trying to will the feeling away. 'Why am I here?' she thought, concentrating on the last thing she remembered. Like a bolt of lighting, memory returned and she shot straight off the bed, heading out the door.
"Whoa," came a voice as hands shot out to catch her. Dr. McJohn was trying to enter the room. "Just what do you think you are doing, young lady?" He looked at the sternly and pointed back to the bed. "Get in."
Amanda shook her head and tried to edge past him. She almost made it but Lee came barreling around the corner and ran full force into his wife. "Oomph!"
Catching Amanda in his arms as she tottered from the strength of his collusion. Lee looked expectantly at Dr. McJohn. "Well!!??" he demanded in a no nonsense tone, trying not to let the fear leak into his voice as he held his wife.
"Amanda, why don't you tell us what happened?" the doctor suggested quietly. Amanda again shook her head, trying to escape Lee's embrace.
"I've got to go.." she began but Lee tightened his hold as McJohn shook his head at her. He deposited her back on the bed, standing close by her side.
"Oh, no, you aren't going anywhere until I get some answers," Lee said, an edge of anger mixed with concern evident in his voice. "I'm down on the shooting range with Leatherneck and Francine comes tearing in, in a panic, telling me to get up here, that you've collapsed. Then I find you trying to walk out without so much as an 'I'm sorry for scaring you'!!! What is going on?" Lee folded his arms, staring at Amanda hiding his concern behind a scowl. He didn't fool Amanda for a moment, she knew him too well to think he was really angry with her.
Dr. McJohn moved closer to Amanda, subtly-maneuvering Scarecrow off to the side. The doctor took Amanda's hand, supposedly to check her pulse, but in reality to give the two some space. "Amanda, what happened? Mrs. Marsten said you got a phone call. Then she heard a strange noise. When she called out you didn't answer. So she went to check on you and you were on the floor, unconscious."
Lee gave a start when he heard why Amanda was in the infirmary. 'Had she fainted? That was another sign of being pregnant, wasn't it?' he wondered to himself, fear warring with distress inside of him.
"I got a call; it was the high school." Amanda took a deep breath but before she could go on Lee jumped in.
"Is something wrong with one of the boys?" he asked, concern reflected in his voice.
"Phillip was caught fighting behind the gym, they had cut class. I don't know the story yet but the teacher said he was at the hospital. I've got to go, NOW." Amanda tried to stand again but swayed on her feet. Dr. McJohn steadied her.
"Just a minute, Amanda, I need to check you out first. I'm sure Lee can go check on Phillip while I make sure you're steady on your feet. Then, we'll get you wherever you need to be, okay?" He turned to Lee, not waiting for an answer from her. "Lee, why don't you go see what's going on? We'll stay in touch."
Dr. McJohn jerked his head towards the door and Lee, taking the hint, kissed Amanda's forehead. As he turned to leave he reassured Amanda "I'll check on it, I'm sure it's nothing. Boys get into scrapes all the time. Now, you do what the doctor tells you," he added sternly.
As the door closed behind him, McJohn heard an almost inaudible sigh from the table. He turned to see Amanda slumped in despair. Tears were spilling from her eyes.
"Tell me what's going on, Amanda." He said gently. "I know that your son getting in a fight is upsetting but it's not like you to go to pieces like this. What is it?"
Amanda took a deep breath, preparing to confide her fears to the doctor. Instead, the door opened and Francine entered.
"Did Lee find you? Is everything okay, Amanda?" she went on without waiting for an answer, Amanda's rambling having rubbed off on her over the years. "The hospital is on the phone for you."
Amanda again turned pale and swayed. McJohn caught her as she began to fall while Francine watched, wide-eyed. "Get out," he said, anger now evident in his voice. "And send in the nurse."
Francine beat a hasty retreat, intent on returning to the bullpen as quickly as possible. She was not good in these kinds of situations.
Chapter Seven
Lee arrived at the hospital to find the school resource officer waiting on him. Joe King, they informed him, was on his way and where was Phillip's mother? Lee was saved from having to explain by Joe's arrival. 'This does not look good,' he thought as they were ushered into a conference room. Lee fought to shut out the memories of the last time he had been here, waiting to find out about Amanda.
"Well, what do we have here?" The school resource officer looked at the two well-dressed men in front of him. "Are you two…together?" he asked in a snide voice. Lee flushed with anger at the man's implication. Joe, seeing Lee's fists clench and the half step forward, held up his hand and answered.
"I'm Joe King, Phillip's father. This is Lee Stetson, his stepfather. Now, what's going on, officer?" Joe watched Lee out of the corner of his eye and saw him regain control. Briefly, Joe wondered why Lee was on such a hair trigger. Then his attention was directed back to the officer by the words he heard. Joe and Lee both were stunned. In unison, they exclaimed, "He's what!!!"
"Going to be under arrest for assault, that's what I said. What's the matter, you deaf?" the officer snickered at his supposed cleverness, unaware how close he was to being pummeled by a Federal Agent. "So, where's his ma? I was told she has custody. I need to talk to her, that's the LAW, you know."
Joe was beginning to see red right along with Lee. This buffoon was making things a lot harder than they needed to be with his attitude. While he wondered where Amanda was as well, Joe was not going to allow this creep the satisfaction of knowing that he had gotten to him.
"I'm sure she'll be here as quickly as possible. Is she out on location, Lee?" Joe's words pulled Lee back from the fog of rage.
"Yeah, she's out of touch at the moment. They sent someone to get her. I'm sure they'll be along soon. In the meanwhile, I am the stepfather; he lives with me. His father is a lawyer. Can't you tell us what is going on?" Lee pushed down his anger and concentrated on reciting his mantra. The Agency training taught this was a good way to deal with torture but it seemed appropriate at the moment. On second thought, maybe having to deal with family issues WAS torture.
"Well," drawled the officer. "The story we can piece together is the kids were skipping class and came on your son behind the gym, crying. Boys being what they are, one of them began taunting him. Phillip came at him, fists flying, out for blood. And he got it, too. Beat the other boy pretty bad, he's got a broken jaw, serious face cuts and bruised ribs. That boy of yours is pretty good with his fists. You'd teach him that, Dad? Is that why the missus left you? Like to beat up on her, huh?" Turning to Lee, he went on. "Or was it you? Tying to 'bond' by teaching him to fight like you? Yeah, don't think I can't see you want a piece of me." He taunted the two men, not knowing what a ticking time bomb was in front of him.
Before either could answer the door opened and Officer Gelmini entered. Lee had met her after Amanda's assault when she came to help with the questioning at the house. He respected her as a fellow professional, unlike this buffoon in front of him. Gemini nodded to Lee and took the school officer by the arm to the corner where they quietly conferred.
Lee and Joe could see the school officer gesturing, pointing at his notebook and the two men. Gelmini shook her head and ushered him out of the room.
"Sorry about that, Mr. Stetson. Officer Parsons is a idiot. So, what's going on here?"
Neither man could give her any details, as they hadn't seen Phillip yet. Knowing the situation, Gelmini had a good idea that Phillip was acting out his anger from Amanda's attack. With reassurance that Phillip would continue to get help, she would allow Lee to take him home when the doctor was ready to release him.
"I'll check on the other boy and get back with you. I doubt there will be any criminal charges. He'll have consequences with the school, though," she warned before leaving the room.
Joe turned to Lee as the door closed behind her. "Okay, so where is my wife?" he demanded.
"Your EX-wife, She's my wife now and you'd better remember that. " Lee's temper was threatening to boil over. "She's at work. When the school called, she fainted and I left her under the doctor's care while I came to check on Phillip. I'm going to check in on her now, unless you need me for something more?" Lee stated, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
Joe backed away from the barely leashed violence in Lee, gesturing for Lee to do what he would.
Lee left the room to make the call. Joe stood in silence, pondering the recent turn of events.
Chapter Eight
Amanda lay back on the bed, tears welling up from her eyes, limp. She just couldn't deal with this anymore. She wanted to sleep and wake up to find the past weeks had been a horrible nightmare.
Dr. McJohn was looking down at her with concern. Amanda was pale and shaking. The nurse entered the room and he whispered to her to call Dr. Phaff down and bring in something for Amanda to eat. They always kept a supply of energy bars for agents in need.
"Amanda, when's the last time you ate something?" he asked, his voice gentle.
Amanda opened her eyes, trying to focus. "Uh, yesterday morning, maybe? I..I haven't been hungry. I threw up this morning." The tears that had been threatening overwhelmed her as that memory returned. Turning to her side, Amanda curled into a ball and sobbed.
McJohn placed a comforting hand on her back, gently rubbing, trying to give her comfort, murmuring soothing words. As the sobs lessened he spoke. "Amanda, talk to me. I understood from Phaff that you were doing well, what's brought all this about?"
Amanda confided her fears, explaining her conflicting emotions. Dr. McJohn offered to run a blood test, explaining that it might not be 100% accurate this early. Amanda agreed, needing some information, anything at this point.
She began to nibble on the energy bar and sip orange juice while the nurse took blood and left for the lab. Amanda laid back to rest, her mind a blank, and closed her eyes.
In a short while the door opened and Dr. McJohn entered followed by Dr. Phaff,
Amanda was sleeping, shadows visible under her eyes even in the dim light. The two men watched her silently for a few moments then Dr. Phaff cleared his throat, trying to get her attention. When she slept on, oblivious, he reached out and shook her arm. Amanda wakened with a start, hands coming up to fend him off.
"Whoa, it's just me," he said in a soothing tone. "Amanda, Dr. McJohn tells me you aren't doing very well. Do you want to talk about it?"
Amanda shook her head, feeling stronger after the food and rest. "I need to find out what's going on with my son. Has Lee called?"
"No, I haven't heard from him, but, Amanda, give him some time. He's got to get there and find out details. I'm sure he'll be in touch when he has some information for you. Listen," McJohn went on, "I'm going to go down to the lab and see what the results of that test show. Why don't you talk to Dr. Phaff while I'm gone?" With that statement, Dr. McJohn left the room, locking the door behind him.
Amanda told Dr. Phaff what she feared and her struggles to come to terms with the possibility; how she couldn't bear to talk to Lee about the subject and the pain it would cause them both.
"Not that I am totally against abortion. But it's not for me. I just couldn't live with myself if I did that. But how could I keep a child conceived in this way? And how could I give my child, a part of me, away? What about Lee, he doesn't deserve this. He deserves better than to have to raise a monster's child. What are we going to do?" She buried her face in her hands as tears threatened to overwhelm her once again.
Dr.Phaff listened, careful not to let his thoughts show on his face. Amanda was getting worse instead of better. Granted she was dealing with the attacks themselves but she and Lee were being torn apart over this other issue. They had to talk to each other. He set up a meeting with them both for the next afternoon. Dr. Phaff wrote out a prescription that upped the dosage on the anti-depressant he had put Amanda on after the first session and left the room as Dr. McJohn returned, test results in hand.
Amanda waited, unsure if she wanted to know. She was steeling herself to ask when McJohn broke the silence. "Right now, the results are negative. But, remember I warned you that it's too early to tell. Even an OB couldn't tell quite this early. I'm not sure even an ultrasound would show anything at this point, but you need to check with your OB. As for being late, Amanda, you've been under a lot of stress. That can easily cause this. Since you don't have any other physical symptoms right now, try to think positively and relax. And eat, young lady!!!" he scolded her.
There was a knock on the door and Billy stuck his head in the door. "Amanda, are you alright? I got back from my meeting and Francine filled me in."
"I'm better now. In fact," she turned to McJohn. "Can I leave? I need to find out what's going on with Phillip."
Dr. McJohn allowed her to go, extracting a promise that she would eat and see her OB in a week or so if she was still worried. Billy promised to escort her home, stopping for lunch on the way and to get her medicine.
Chapter Nine
Lee talked to Francine when he called. Billy was headed down to see how Amanda was doing. After telling Francine that he, Joe and Phillip would meet Amanda at home Lee returned to the conference room to find a bedraggled looking Phillip sitting at the table while his father lectured him. Phillip had a bloody nose and bruised hands. His face was covered in scrapes and his clothes were torn and ragged, splattered in blood. Looking at him, Lee got a flash as to how he must have looked after killing Amanda's attacker. He shook his head and walked over to the table.
"Are we ready to go here?" he asked in a quiet voice. Phillip nodded, unable to meet his gaze. Joe took Phillip in his car while Lee settled up the paperwork. Joe stopped at Marvelous Marvin's for burgers for the three of them. They settled in the den to eat. Phillip refused to look at either man and wouldn't talk about what had happened.
Seemingly out of the blue, Phillip exploded at Lee and Joe.
"Just leave me alone!! It was no big deal, just some smart guy mouthing off so I taught him a lesson. Isn't that what 'men' do? Take care of things by themselves?" Phillip shouted as he stormed out of the room. Joe and Lee heard the door slam and lock as Phillip threw himself on the bed, staring off into the nothingness of pain that his life had become.
It felt like his life was falling apart. This past summer had been the best of his life. He had a steady girlfriend, even if no one knew about them yet. Her name was Elayna and she was beautiful. He father was really strict though so they couldn't go out until she got older.
He had been chosen to play with the jazz group and met King Eddie, he was so cool. It had been hard work and Phillip had to choose between the performance or staying on the swim team at the Y. He had chosen the music but now that seemed to have been the wrong choice.
If he had not been at the benefit, his mother would never have been coming home by herself. The man would never have attacked her. No matter what anyone said, Phillip knew that somehow, he was responsible for what had happened.
And this year in school was really hard. For the first time in his life, Phillip King was struggling to keep up with his classes. His Latin teacher was really the pits but Mom wouldn't let him drop the class.
"You chose to take that class, Phillip. Now you have to honor that choice.," was her answer when he broached the subject. Dad had been furious to see his first progress report with B's and C's on it. Phillip tried to explain that he would work harder and pull it up but Dad wouldn't listen. Ever since Carrie had the baby, Dad had been so unreasonable about things.
He wanted Phillip to concentrate on sports and school and forget anything else in his life. Phillip was growing past the point where he obsessed about playing ball as he had in his younger years.
"Anyway," he thought to himself, "Mom was always the one there for me, not Dad. What gives him the right to interfere with my choices now?" He thought resentfully.
"I couldn't even pass my driver's test," Phillip thought, bitterly. "Some star student and athlete I turned out to be."
Chapter 10
Billy dropped Amanda off at the front walk after spying Lee's Corvette in the drive, declining to come in for coffee. He had given her a stern lecture on the way home about talking through things with Lee and the family. He watched her walk dejectedly to the door and knew that this was not over by a long shot.
Amanda entered the den, automatically going around and picking up the trash, disposing of the litter left from lunch. Lee and Joe shared an amused look. Joe stood and took the debris from her hands as Lee took Amanda by the hand and seated her on the couch.
"Are you better? I was so worried about you," Lee stroked her hand as he looked at her face, tearstains still evident from earlier. Putting his arms around her, Lee pulled her close. "Manda, honey, we'll get through this, I promise you. It'll be okay, just hang in here. I'm here, lean on me." His soothing reassurances echoed in her ear as Amanda shuddered, still fighting for control. She wanted more than anything to stay safe and protected in Lee's arms at this moment and make the world go away.
Joe watched from the kitchen as Amanda held herself stiffly in Lee's embrace. He knew that look on her face. She was holding her emotions inside, not wanting to cause pain to her family. He had seen that look every time he came home from the EAO before they got divorced. She had wanted to make things work for their family. She kept putting her own emotions aside, trying to convince him and herself of the reasons Joe should stay in DC. It wasn't until late in the relationship that she finally blew up and let her own fear and anger at him come spewing out.
(FLASHBACK)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Amanda, I want you and the boys to come with me, we'll make a new life together. The boys are young, they won't have any problem with the move," he trotted out the same old arguments they had been over time and again. "I need you by my side," Joe crossed the room and took Amanda in his arms, blowing softly into her ear, that move always made her squirm.
Amanda squirmed all right, with annoyance. 'Will Joe ever learn how much that bothers me?' she thought as she wiggled out of his embrace, moving across the room.
"What about me, Joe? I want to get my Master's degree. I can't do that very well out in the wilds, now can I? What if one of the boys gets sick? The medical facilities are nonexistent over there. And I will not take the chance with my children's health. That's final, Joe. We are NOT moving." Amanda crossed her arms in front of her, her face set in a frown.
"Baby, if that's all you're worried about, we'll get a place in a big city, where medical facilities are available. You can take the next few years off, get to know the people, the culture, they are a great people, Amanda, " Joe followed her across the room and took her by the shoulders, lowering his lips to hers.
He was thrown off balance when she shoved him backward and crossed out of the kitchen into the den.
"So, you want to drag me and the boys halfway across the world to be with you and then abandon us in the city, the big, dangerous, polluted city while you go off who knows where to do your job?" Her voice rose with every word as she stood by the bookshelf, her fingers twitching. "Well, no thanks, Joe, I can be alone here and be much happier. So go if you want to, I..AM..NOT..MOVING..MY..FAMILY."
With those words, Amanda had picked up his tennis trophy from high school and thrown it at him. Joe ducked, astonished at the rage in her voice. He never dreamed that Amanda would defy him so.
"Amanda West King, you are my wife and you WILL go with me. I have been patient with these foolish ideas of yours but a wife's place is with her husband and we ARE moving. That's it. So I suggest that you start working on the plans. I'd like to be ready to pick you and the boys up in about 6 weeks. That will give you plenty of time to get packed, shots and what have you. That's the END of this discussion." Joe turned his back on her and headed out the room.
Then all hell broke lose behind him. He heard smashing and screaming. Things flew by his head, striking the wall behind him. Joe swiftly turned to see Amanda in a rage. She had knocked down all the trophies and was throwing books at him. He couldn't make out her words but Joe knew that he had pushed things too far.
He threw up his hands to defend himself and tried to cross the room to calm her down. When the brass bookend caught him in the temple he almost passed out. In fact he staggered and fell over the sofa. Raising a hand to the side of his head, Joe felt blood trickling down. Amanda saw him fall and then saw the blood. Aghast at her actions, she froze in place. Joe rose and spoke.
"I'll take that as a NO. You know where to reach me if you change your mind," he spoke quietly. Joe turned and left the house, certain that Amanda would regret her actions and reach out to him, but she never did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe had seen a side of Amanda that day that she kept very private. She had raged at him and thrown anything within reach. It wasn't until she hit him with the bookend and he started bleeding that she calmed down. They both knew that was the end. He'd left and filed for divorce in a few weeks.
Chapter Eleven
Armed with the knowledge he now had about her college experience, Joe could understand Amanda's reluctance to go with him was due to fear of the unknown. She could not face the unknown territory that the move would cause her to confront. She needed the security and control of her world in a way the Joe have never realized during their marriage. In fact, Amanda probably didn't know why she was so upset by the idea. She only knew that she was and no amount of logic or argument would make her change her mind.
Joe had hoped that the passing years had helped Amanda learn to express that private insecure side. He thought that Lee was everything she needed in a man. She had opened up to new experiences with him that was for sure. More than she ever had with him, Joe thought ruefully. Maybe he was wrong. Lee was a good stepfather to his sons. Joe hoped they could work things out better than he and Amanda had been able to in the past.
Amanda pulled from Lee's embrace. "Where's Phillip? Is he okay? What happened?" She rose to go upstairs to check on her son but Lee pulled her back down. He explained what had happened and why, as far as they knew, Phillip was listening from the top of the stairs when he heard his mother come in the house. Slowly he came down, still hanging his head.
"Phillip," Amanda rose to embrace her son. After giving him a big hug, she pulled back and lifted his head, examining the damage. Shaking her head, Amanda was speechless.
"Phillip," Lee said in a low warning voice.
"I'm sorry, Mom, Dad, Lee. I'm sorry, Okay?? I didn't mean to get in a fight. I just wanted to be left alone. Why can't everyone just leave me alone!!!!"? Phillip raced out of the room, leaving the adults in shocked silence. He slammed the door to his room and sobbed in his pillow.
Amanda started to rush up the stairs after him but Joe and Lee both held her back. Shaking off their hands, Amanda turned on the two men. "What do you think you are doing? Can't you see he needs me?" She brushed past them and ran upstairs, stopping at the locked door, her heart aching for the sobs she could hear. Knocking softly, she called, "Phillip, sweetheart, can I come in? Phillip, open the door, Phillip."
Silence, then a voice called spoke. "Why don't you just pick the lock? You know how, don't you? Didn't they teach you ANYTHING in spy school!!"
Amanda inhaled sharply, hurt by the accusation in his tone. "Phillip, I could pick this lock in 2 seconds but that would be very disrespectful of me, to invade your privacy like that. I'd like to give you the same respect I ask you to give to Lee and I. Now, will you open the door?"
Amanda heard footsteps cross the floor, a click and the footsteps receding. Taking a deep breath, she entered the room. Phillip had moved into his grandmother's old room just after Amanda's assault. She had not been in since that day, giving him the privacy a teenager needed. What met her eyes was shocking. Clothes were lying all around the room, papers crushed and thrown into the corners. The bed was unmade and there were dirty dishes on the floor, covered by sports equipment.
Amanda forced herself to ignore the chaos around her, knowing that her son needed her understanding, not a lecture. But her heart ached for the little boy who was so proud that he kept his side of the room cleaner than his little brother did.
"Phillip, tell me what's going on with you?" She sat in the chair beside the overflowing desk after moving the debris out of it. "You really had me worried, sweetheart. Why were you out of class and what happened to start a fight?"
"Oh, yeah, Mom, I could tell you were worried. You didn't even come to the hospital to see if I was alive or dead, that's how worried you were," Phillip's voice rose louder with each word. "You couldn't even be bothered. What was it that kept you away? Another terrorist? A hijacking? A hangnail? What is it that was more important than your son lying in a hospital?"
Amanda was stunned by the anger Phillip was venting on her for not being there earlier that day. She was speechless, hurt beyond words at his accusations.
"Well, Mom, what excuse do I get this time? Even Lee managed to get away, but not my Mother. She's too busy 'saving the world' to be bothered. " Phillip had been pacing as he lambasted Amanda with his words, never noticing how pale she had become.
Chapter Twelve
Lee and Joe heard the voice raised in anger. As Phillip got louder, they could make out the words he was hurling. When he got to the part about Lee coming but not Amanda, Lee was on his way up the stairs. He reached Phillip's doorway just in time to catch Amanda as she swayed backward, Phillip's words striking her like a blow.
Phillip turned at the sound of Lee's footsteps, seeing his mother collapse and Lee catch her. With an anguished cry of "I didn't mean it, Mom, I'm sorry," he crossed to her side, trying to push Lee away and comfort his mother. Angry at Phillip's selfishness, Lee turned on him.
"This is why your Mother didn't come today. She collapsed when the school called her at work. She spent the morning in the infirmary, recovering. And then you pull this foolish stunt. What did you expect her to do? Be overjoyed? Hasn't she suffered enough because of you?" Lee spat out the angry words as he swept Amanda into his arms and carried her into their bedroom. He regretted the words he had just spoke to Phillip. Lee knew that he'd have to make amends, but right now, all he could focus on was the woman in his arms.
Phillip gave his mother a stricken look. He tore down the stairs, past his father and out the door. Joe stared after him, torn between going after his son and making sure Amanda was all right. Joe charged up the stairs, seeing Lee kneeling beside Amanda lying on the bed beginning to stir. He whispered to Lee that he'd follow Phillip and departed.
Chapter Thirteen
Joe searched for Phillip, driving around the neighborhood, visiting all the usual haunts. There was no sign of him and Joe became worried. Finally he returned to the house in defeat.
"I can't find him," Joe stated, holding the drink Lee had pressed on him in his hands. "I just don't understand him lately. He doesn't enjoy the things he used to. His grades are falling; he spends too much time alone. It's like he doesn't care about making a success of his life." Taking a deep swig, Joe went on. "How's Amanda?"
Lee could only shake his head, worried sick but unable to convey his fears to this man who had once been Amanda's lover, the man who was the father of her children. 'Children,' Lee thought to himself. 'I never knew just how much I wanted a child with Amanda until faced with the possibility that there might be a child, and it won't be mine.' Lee crossed to the bar and fixed himself another stiff drink. He inclined his head at Joe, silently asking if he needed another. With a small shake of the head, Joe declined.
"I think I'll keep looking. You'll let me know if he comes home, won't you?" Taking Lee's silent nod as assent, Joe left worried about the future of his children in the Stetson home. Maybe it was time for a change.
Amanda came down the stairs after Joe had left. She couldn't bear to see the accusations she knew were in his eyes. She had failed; she had failed as a wife, as an agent and now as a mother. Her son was in pain and she was the reason. And if her fears in the other matter were justified, well, the consequences didn't bear thinking about. For the first time, Amanda began to consider her options. She knew that the stress of a pregnancy would be the end of her relationship with Phillip. And Lee, he would be there for her, Amanda never doubted that. But the pain it would cause him. Silently shaking her head, Amanda crossed to the bar, fixing herself a drink.
At the sound of clinking of glass, Lee turned from gazing out the window and found Amanda downing a shot of Scotch. As usual, she made a face at the taste. When she picked up the bottle to pour another, Lee intervened.
"Don't." he said quietly. "That's not the answer, Amanda." He reached out to take the bottle from her hand.
"Answer," laughed Amanda, slightly hysterical. "Answer, Lee? There is no answer. That's the problem. I've got all kinds of questions but There.. Are.. No.. Answers. At least this will make me forget."
She wrestled him for the bottle but Lee was stronger. He threw the bottle across the room, shattering it on the wall.
"No," he shouted. "I won't let you do this to yourself, to us. Amanda," he took her sobbing frame in his arms. "Baby, it will work out, I promise you. Whatever happens, I will never leave you. I love you and I will stand with you until the end of time."
Amanda's pain rose up in her body, causing her to double over. Lee quickly lifted her in his arms, carrying her to the couch in the den. He held her and rocked her, uttering soothing sounds while she gave into the despair that had haunted her all day, the racking sobs threatening to tear her apart.
When the storm subsided into gentle sobs, Lee hoped that the worst was over. He loved this woman with all his soul and he would die to protect her from this pain. 'It's time,' he decided. 'To talk about this or things will only get worse. I have to let her know that I know what could be happening to her, to us. And I've got to tell her that nothing will ever come between us. NOTHING.' The expression on his face was fierce as this thought passed through his mind.
Lee tenderly wiped her tears, tilting her blotched face up meet his gaze. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known, Amanda Stetson." With those words, he bestowed a gentle kiss on her forehead and rose. He ducked into the kitchen, returning with a glass of water and aspirin in one hand, a cool cloth in the other.
Amanda took the aspirin; she had a raging headache from her tears. The cloth she laid across her forehead and eyes as she lay back in Lee's arms.
"Oh, Lee. I'm so sorry. It's just…"
Lee tried to shush her, assuring her that he understood. "I want to cry too," he admitted. "But, Amanda, it will be alright." He said the last forcefully, trying to make her believe his words. "Whatever happens, we will make it alright, together."
Amanda needed to speak, needed to share what fears were driving her so insane. Slowly she began to explain to Lee what could be happening.
"Amanda, I know." He stopped her before she could put the possibility into words. "I know. I track these things, too, you know," he said, concern evident in his voice. "Of course I noticed. I heard you this morning too, in the bathroom."
Amanda's eyes shot up to his, unsure what she would see in them. Lee gazed down at her, love reflected in his eyes. His hands moved down to caress her stomach. "We'll face this together as well. Together, Amanda, forever. I'm here for you. And nothing will ever make me change the way I feel for you. Nothing!!" he declared vehemently.
Tears stared to well in Amanda's eyes at his words, but she blinked them back. There had been enough feeling sorry for herself about this. She didn't even know if there was a problem and, as Lee said, they'd deal with things, whatever happened. Amanda explained the results of Dr. McJohn's tests but cautioned Lee that it was not a certainty.
They sat in silence as the sky darkened and evening fell.
Chapter Fourteen
Jamie had after school practice and Dotty was picking him up. They entered the dark house, surprised. Both cars were outside and the front door was unlocked but it looked as if no one was home. Dotty's nose twitched as she approached the den. There was a strong smell of Scotch. She heard broken glass tinkling underfoot and stopped in her tracks, holding out an arm to stop Jamie from entering the room.
"Jamie, go back outside, go next door and call the police. Something isn't right here," she whispered. Jamie turned to obey her, but his foot tangled in Phillip's backpack, carelessly left in the hall.
"Ouch, blast it, that hurt." He exclaimed, hopping up and down on one foot while his grandmother tried to shush him. "Phillip, you wormhead, I'm gonna get you for this. Where are you?"
Two voices spoke as one. "Don't call your brother names!" Lee and Amanda's heads popped up from the couch where they had dozed in the aftermath of the emotional storm.
"Amanda. Lee, what on earth? I thought we'd had a break-in. Why are you sitting here in the dark?" Dotty bustled around, turning on the lights. "And what in the world happened to this bottle?" She turned to stare at the couple and heaved a sigh. "Never mind, I'm sure I don't really want to know."
"I'll clean it up, Dotty," Lee said, rising from his place on the couch. "Jamie, will you get me the dustbin?" Lee began picking up the large pieces of glass as Dotty crossed to Amanda.
"Headache, dear?" she asked, seeing the traces of tears still on Amanda's face. Amanda took a deep breath.
"Yes, but, Mother, it's worse that that. It's Phillip." Amanda didn't know how to even start telling her mother about the events of the day.
"Oh, yeah, Grandma, Phillip is in trou-uh-ble," sang Jamie. "He got in a fight at school. I heard he got expelled."
"That's enough, Jamie," said Lee sharply. "Yes, there was trouble at school but.."
"What?" asked Dotty, suddenly very worried. "Lee, what?"
"He's run off, mother, and we don't know where he is." Amanda filled in the silence.
To Be Continued
WARNING:
This is a serious story about rape and possible consequences. I am not advocating abortion nor condemning it. It is in this story simply because it is an alternative that is there to be considered. Later in the story, you will find Joe King acting in a manner that that is contrary to the generally accepted character. There are reasons for this, please suspend judgement until you finish the story. The same holds true for Phillip and his actions. Teenagers are changeable and no one knows what may trigger a crisis such as Phillip's. I hope that I have tied all the loose threads together by part 9.