Sometimes you just have to stop and think. Today was one of those days. Stop, take a break and think things over. Today, like any other day, took Annabeth back to him. She put her pen to paper.
He was always the attractive friend. At first she could never quite work out why he hung around with her, he was clever, much more popular, and very attractive. It just never made sense. He did sports, you could tell, had a sweeping jet black fringe into his eyes that was just the right amount of messy, and incredible drive. The bit she liked best though was his sense of humour.
When they met he was with a girl he met from some other school. She had bright red curly hair, was tall, slim and her complete opposite. It was sweet when he asked for advice as to what to get his girlfriend for her birthday.
It didn't matter what she felt about him at this point, he was taken and she was very clearly not his type.
The two really bonded when they split. He was hurt. She helped him get through his foreign emotion. They talked and talked. It was refreshing how open they were with each other. She talked about her worries and he, his. It consisted of late night talks over future fears and questions over the past. He was a new friend and she loved how he offered her a chance to present herself how she wanted. She gave him the best advice and pep talks she could, slowly building his self-confidence back up.
Sometimes she just wanted to give him a hug because she thought he needed it. But she was a girl. And he a popular boy. That was crossing the line.
She developed a trust where she could share anything honestly with him, but when they'd see each other it was different. In public it was back to the constant reminder that he could do so much better. His social status ranked him way above her and the things he did showed that. He had plenty of other friends so always changed location, but she had few. She on the other hand, could be found in the same place with the same people every day. Her group was small, but tightly bonded. He, ever the social butterfly, floated between all kinds of people, always welcomed. He only appeared to her friends occasionally.
She could remember the day he said that the friendship he had with this group was like no other. He felt more himself. It felt more personal. He stuck around more after that.
When he told her he could speak to her like nobody else she felt the butterflies. She loved it when you knew a person so well.
But the butterflies worried her. He was her friend. Close friend.
Her long time female best friend Thalia was single and so was he. Being in the same friendship group, introduced to each other by her, she felt it only right they should make a go of things. She remembers gossiping for hours with each of them after about how their first date went.
It was perfect she decided.
There was no need to like him more than she should. But she couldn't shake the feeling in the back of her throat somewhere that had a tiny hint of disappointment in it when they got together.
Turns out Thalia and him didn't want to start anything. They didn't have that much in common anyway, they decided to stay friends. It was probably for the best, she had been mediating their conversations for ages after each person kept asking her for advice on what to say to the other.
Percy was leaving for university in a few months. They had the summer, a few precious weeks.
The summer, she sighed. Both a blessing and a curse.
Everything changed.
She lost her closest female friend, Thalia, of six years. This time it was her turn to have a shoulder to cry on. When she just wanted to go home and leave the toxic environment he didn't question it. He drove her all the way.
Losing Thalia changed the way she looked at things. She was fragile and lost. She needed to find her new feet and heal her heart. She clutched onto stability. She needed validation constantly that everything was real. She needed to be told she wasn't being lied to after every last ounce of her trust had been broken.
She looked to him. He had always been there. He was her best friend. This time she didn't stop the butterflies. He'd been loyal, caring, honest. He was perfect. She couldn't fault him. He was the person who stayed around after the dust settled and smoke cleared. She needed him.
They hung out together, played stupid games and met up for coffee. It was helping her move on. It was helping her realise how much she wanted an 'us'. When they were chatting one day he offhandedly said he didn't want a relationship before he left, not even referencing her at all, as he didn't have long left anyway. So she told herself for the millionth time, he's your friend, nothing more.
She can remember the last time she saw him before he left to university. She bought him Chinese takeaway for dinner as it was his favourite. She wanted to scream it all at him when she saw his fortune cookie. "Now is the time to try something new." She wanted to tell him try something with her. She wanted to tell him how she felt. She wanted to tell him it all at the top of her voice. She simply said "See, it's right. You're leaving to university. That's new." He told her to keep it. She still has it now.
Percy left.
To begin with, he spoke to her constantly as he was homesick. She helped him get over his feelings and look at all the great opportunities he had around him. She didn't like seeing him sad. Their conversation fizzled out after that. He was busy with his new friends.
She couldn't get over how much she missed him. Things weren't the same. She couldn't get over how he'd moved on and she was just a small little part who was always going to wait on him. She couldn't get over him. It was always him.
When he came home for Christmas she fell all over again. He'd lost his fringe now though, and had picked up a new catch phrase. The sea green eyes were the same. He was a different person now. He has a life without her, she had to remind herself. She was jealous for all the new people he'd met and how she had been replaced. She was sad because she'd lost her favourite person. She couldn't talk to him about things that happened anymore because he had no idea about the context, he was hundreds of miles away having fun with his new people. She didn't quite know how to deal with just how unreciprocated her feelings were.
She gave him the most thoughtful birthday present ever. It was simple. A blue beanie hat with a trident logo on the front. He was pleasantly surprised by that. She also organised a birthday meal for him and invited all of his friends, even Thalia. She wanted to make him happy so badly, she put herself aside.
They were invited to a New Year's Eve party. She didn't want to go. Her wound with her ex-best-friend was still fresh. He was still friends with everyone there so went. He asked her for advice the next morning, he'd made out with Thalia's best friend but didn't want the girl to get the wrong impression about it meaning anything. The mixture of jealousy, rejection and anger led her to simply tell him to sort it out on his own. Annabeth had always struggled with her pride.
If only she was there. Maybe he wouldn't have done it. Or maybe he would've chosen her. She was back in the vicious 'what if' cycle.
She can remember one of their arguments quite distinctly. She was getting jealous again, one of her least flattering traits. He was calling her out on it. She finally spilled it out to him, the partial truth anyway, about why she was jealous. She told him how he was her best friend, and she was sad how she knew she wasn't his anymore as things had changed. She didn't know how to deal with knowing she valued a person more than they valued her, again. It was exactly what hurt her with her old friend. He simply told her that nothing had changed, she still was his best friend. It was the validation that made her feel better, for now, he did still enjoy spending time with her.
She remembers listening to that song on repeat wishing that he truly would "Say you'll remember me", she never lost hope and dreamed to herself. "Say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams." To her, being with him just made sense. However, she would rather live in silence than risk losing it all by revealing how she felt. She would keep quiet, stay just his friend; having him has a friend was better than not at all. She couldn't ever tell him.
She was being told over and over again that she needed to stop being hung up on him and move on. To accept that nothing was ever going to happen. So eventually she did. She was at a party, shamelessly plastered and when a boy kissed her, she didn't stop him. They talked for a while after that, met up for coffee, but she kept it casual. She declined every date invitation.
She ended things with the guy because she couldn't kid herself. He was just a rebound and they had nothing in common. The boy had fallen hard for her but she couldn't lie. It was easy to lie to herself but she could never lie to Percy, he could see right through her and she admitted that she wasn't into the guy. She had been pulling away from the boy, for whatever reason she stated to him, she never said it was because she liked her best friend too much. She left it at that.
It sucked that he missed her birthday. She understood though, he was mid swimming nationals in a place far too far away. She just had to pretend that it didn't bother her as much as it did.
When he finally came home for the summer, his first year over, she felt the sinful butterflies return. She couldn't wait to finally see him. He was home. She missed him so much. She turned up at his door in her best outfit, with her hair the way he liked it, not that she was trying or anything. They finally got to hang out, watched a film and successfully didn't burn dinner. They liked it even if his brother wholly protested to having to eat onions. It was one am when they finally called it quits. He had fallen asleep during the second film after all.
She crawled out from under the covers and onto her mattress on the floor. She whispered goodnight. Within a few minutes she knew he was back asleep. She could hear his slow, steady breathing.
She was in inner turmoil. She'd got herself stuck in a rut overthinking things, again.
After working up the courage she called his name. "Percy? I'm overthinking things again and I can't sleep can I have a hug?" She said it all so fast as she was so nervous.
He shuffled over to make room and held her in a tight squeeze. "What's wrong? Let's talk about it."
They talked for hours. She didn't want to know what time of night it was now. He made her feel okay again and she comfortably fell safely asleep next to him. It was like he was protecting her.
When she rolled over later, she accidentally woke him up. That's when her senses went into over drive. That was not a platonic touch was it. Her breath hitched. She turned to face him. That surely was an accident.
Their kiss was not.
She could go back to that evening again and again. Kiss him all over again. Touch his chest all over again. To be with him. It was all she ever wanted in that moment. She had a perfect glimmer of hope that maybe she might just have a chance at an Us.
The next morning was different. There was a clear elephant in the room. Neither of them addressed it directly. They parted ways promising to think it over and talk again about their future.
On her drive home she probably looked like an idiot. She had a huge smile across her face and sung along to every song at the top of her lungs. She didn't care whether people gave her odd looks.
That week couldn't have passed more slowly. If he hadn't of been on her mind constantly before, he was now. She knew it would be difficult, this time they would both be further apart. But she couldn't help the butterflies that were a full blown butterfly party now tell her it would be worth it.
It all boiled down to that one moment. There they were sat together again. She couldn't make eye contact with him. She didn't want to say anything. She couldn't be vulnerable. He knew now. He knew she liked him.
His words washed over her and she absentmindedly nodded. He couldn't be there. He couldn't risk it going wrong. He couldn't be the kind of boyfriend he wanted to be. He said that your girlfriend should always be your team. You should take on the world together. He said he didn't want to tie her down. He felt guilty for introducing that now. He said it is the right decision. He said no.
In the moment she had agreed but Gods did she not want to. She made up some arguments about how it was the right thing to do. She didn't really care what she said though.
Everything had been leading up to that moment. Everything. She just didn't really know how to tell him.
Her chest felt tight, she was shaking and was just looking for an excuse to leave.
She didn't know how to tell him that that had been it for her. She knew she'd always regret this but he simply said "We may not ever do this down the line, but I'll always know I made the right decision at the time." It was his decision; she couldn't say yes when he'd already said no. She knew he'd meet some other girl and she will be left standing there at his wedding, crying sad tears not happy ones. She knows that she's back to sitting at the side lines being the "I'm happy for you friend." The difference is now, he knows. He knows that she likes him more than she should. She could happily dream without him knowing but now it was obvious. It was far too obvious how far deep she'd fallen.
She shouldn't be upset though. She had nothing to be upset over, nothing had really ever happened.
She didn't know at what point she started questioning where like shifts to love.
They were best friends. Best friends don't hurt each other. How could it be, that by being the very person she loved, he'd hurt her the most.
So here's to what will never be, she wrote. Here's to falling in love with your best friend.
Please let me know what you think of this, I need some advice as to what "Annabeth" should do now.
Have a nice day everyone
~I dedicate this to my Percy, and thank Annabeth and Percy's relationship for being a way to express my story with him