For the purpose of this story, this chapter begins the day after Jerry's funeral and memorial at the Penny (where Sam broke up with Andy).
I hope you'll enjoy this story. I didn't like the way things ended in the show, so here's my idea of what could've happened instead. Please leave a comment if you have a chance. I'd really appreciate it.
Thank you to SairsJ for editing, and to svugirl25 for allowing me to bounce ideas off of you and work out the details of this chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.
Frank Best mustered all the strength and determination he could, took a deep breath, and stepped into the parade room. He could see and practically feel the emotions radiating off of each and every officer in the room. It wasn't every day that you had to say goodbye to a friend, a comrade, a brother. The entire Division was at a complete and utter loss.
Yesterday had been gut wrenching for every member of Fifteen. During Jerry's memorial at The Penny, Traci read his intended wedding speech until she could no longer continue. Her beautiful soul, which had been so full of life and love, was completely shattered, and broken beyond repair. Gail had taken over reading the rest of his heartfelt words, the feeling of being forever in his debt, in Traci's debt, weighed heavily on her. There was not a dry eye in the house, and today wasn't much different. It wasn't supposed to be like this, but Jerry was gone, and things wouldn't be the same.
He knew there was nothing he could say to make things better, lighter. Each person before him was a part of a family; a family who had suffered a great tragedy, yet were expected to carry on. It was their job to serve and protect, and as much as he would've liked to give them time to grieve, Frank knew he had a job to do, and so did they.
"I know this is the last place you want to be right now, and I wish things were different. The world is expecting us to continue as if nothing has happened, but it has. With time, things will get a little easier, but we will never forget our brother. Watch each others' backs and let's all come back home today. Assignments are on the board. McNally, Swarek, my office."
Andy's heart dropped when she heard Sam's name being called right after hers. She had to keep it together. Keep it professional. Just because he had broken up with her not even twelve hours ago, she still had a job to do. She had made that promise to the board, to Sam, and to herself when they were allowed to stay on the force after their suspension. Her relationship, or currently lack thereof, would not cause her to lose focus. Whatever feelings it stirred up would not take priority over her job.
Sam silently cursed when Frank called McNally and himself into his office. He had hoped to avoid her today, thinking that space was probably their best bet. The walls were closing in on him and it was getting harder to breathe.
The reality of losing your life in the line of duty was something that every officer was aware of, but he never thought that he would have to say goodbye to someone so close. The myriad of emotions consumed him until he snapped, throwing away everything he had with the woman who held his heart. A part of him regretted ending things with her last night, but he didn't know what else to do at the time. He had never been good at relationships, starting with his completely dysfunctional family, and in the heat of the moment, he walked away. He felt terrible for doing the one thing he promised he wouldn't do, but it all became too much for him to handle, and he did what he did best, he left.
"You're probably wondering why I've called the two of you here today, so I'm going to cut right to the chase. There will be a car arriving shortly to take you to your homes to pack. Within the next eight hours, you'll be in deep cover."
The shock and disbelief spread over Andy's face, her mouth agape and her eyes widened. There was no way that she heard him right. Before she was able to think any further, Sam's voice boomed from beside her.
"What?" Sam yelled, as he rose from his seat, and glared at his boss like he was a hardened criminal.
"What the hell are you thinking? You…" he stated before he was abruptly cut off by his boss.
"Swarek, sit down. These orders have come from higher up, and there's nothing I can do about it. I was specifically told that if you do not comply, you'll need to hand over your badges."
"With all due respect, Sir, is there anything you can tell us about this? I mean they have to know that we just lost a member of our family, and they're just expecting us to just leave everything behind? We have absolutely no say in the matter? I get that Sam is good at what he does, but I don't have the countless UC experiences he has. How is it that they want me in on this too? And how can I just leave Traci after everything? After all she's lost…" she questioned and pleaded, the harsh realization of what would likely break her friend even more hit her like a ton of bricks.
"I'm sorry McNally, but you can't tell her about any of this. I can pass on a message after the fact, nothing more. I'm really sorry. Someone will take you home, then directly to where you need to be. As for why you two were selected, all I know is that they asked for you both by name. That's honestly all I can say at this point. You will be filled in along the way. Please keep each other safe out there," sincerity evident in each word the Staff Sargent spoke.
Andy was still in shock as she watched Sam storm out of Frank's office into the men's locker room. Deciding it was best to give Traci some kind of explanation as to her abrupt departure, she headed to her locker where she could think and write in peace.
After she handed Frank the letter, he informed her their car had just arrived. Making her way to the locker room, she raised her hand to knock on the slightly opened door she had seen Sam enter, intending to make her presence known, but hesitated when she heard the voices inside, not wanting to interrupt, while at the same time, knowing that their ride was waiting.
Oliver saw the way Sam lost it in the office a few moments ago and knew it wasn't good. He had heard the whispers across the barn this morning about what had transpired between his best friend and the young woman he considered a daughter the night before. He hoped they were just rumors, but from what he just witnessed, that small shred of hope quickly disintegrated. Cautiously following his fuming brother into the locker room, he was surprised to witness the lockers taking a brutal and verbal beating.
"Brother…" Oliver spoke gently, yet loud enough to be heard over the sound of boots and fists slamming against the metal lockers.
"Not you too!" Sam yelled, turning around suddenly to face the person who dared interrupt his tirade.
"This has to be some sick joke. I mean first Jerry is dead. Gone. And now we're going under, together. You know what's funny? It would've been great to do another op with her, but after what happened last night, I honestly have no idea how the hell we're going to be able to work together."
"Of all the times the rumor mill had to be true. Idiot! The one good thing he had in his life and he screws it up!" Oliver thought to himself, before figuring it was best to set his friend straight in the bluntest way possible, especially since it looked like they'd be leaving sooner, rather than later. It was time for some tough love.
"You know what, Brother? You cannot do this! We all lost someone. We are all grieving. But don't you dare take this out on McNally. In all the years I've known you, she has been the only one that you've remotely let get close enough to you. She's the only one patient and stubborn enough to push past the walls you've put up around your hardened heart. I might be some hopeless romantic sap, but what you guys have does not come along every day, and you can't waste the time that you have. I can't even begin to imagine what Nash would give for just one more minute with Jerry, and here you are pushing Andy away. If you're going to be stupid enough not to make things right, at least make sure you have her back, because I swear to God, if you do something to jeopardize her safety, you can only hope Andy is there to stop me from hurting you myself."
Sam was completely stunned. He just got his ass handed to him. Oliver was right, as much as he hated to admit it. Andy was the best thing to ever happen to him, and instead of allowing her to be there for him, or even asking for some space, he took matters into his hands and completely cut himself off from her. When she begged him to admit that he didn't really mean it, he was so close to caving, but he let his pride and fear take over.
Shifting to have a seat on the bench across of where Oliver stood, Sam closed his eyes, bowed his head, and pinched the bridge of his nose, as tried to get his breathing back to normal.
"You're right," he stated, not even having the strength to look up at his friend who laid him out just moments ago. "I screwed up. I told her I wouldn't walk away, and when I realized what I did, I was too stupid to take it back and apologize for my temporary insanity. I said some awful things to her, things I didn't even understand or even remotely mean, and I can't just erase that or take it back. When Frank called us into his office, I saw it on her face. I saw the pain and the hurt that I knew was because of me. After everything I said, I don't think there's anything I could ever say or do to make things right again."
Andy was once again completely shocked. She wasn't sure if she really heard what she thought she did, or if it was her brain playing tricks on her; her subconscious hearing what it wanted to instead of what really was. The gasp that she thought had been silent hadn't been quiet enough, as the two men in the room looked up through the open door at her, for the first time realizing they hadn't been alone.
"I, I'm sorry. I was just coming to tell you that our ride is here… I'm gonna go…" she started, as she turned to head out the way she came in.
Oliver quickly stood up, grabbed her arm, and pulled her back inside, the locker room door closing in the process.
"McNally, I'm not sure how much of that you heard, but you and Sam need to take some time to talk about this. He knows he messed up, and I don't expect you to just forget what happened. You guys are good for each other. Loss and grief are difficult things to deal with, but it's even harder with what we do. I know this is a lot to ask, but please be patient with him. As much as I know he has pushed you away, he needs you. Take care of him, and take care of yourself. I'll see you when you get back. Don't you worry about Nash. We'll look after her."
Before Oliver walked out the door, he stepped toward Andy and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace.
"Thank you, Oliver. You take care too," Andy replied, thankful for his honest and much needed words of wisdom.
Now alone, Sam and Andy were surrounded by awkward silence. Staring at her feet, rubbing her soles against the spot she found so interesting on the floor, she found herself speechless for the first time in her life. The thoughts in her head were flying at warp speed and she couldn't seem to put into words what she knew she had to say.
After taking a minute to compose herself, she spit out the first thing that came to mind.
"Sam, I wasn't trying to listen in on your conversation. I heard you talking and I didn't want to interrupt, but we had to go, and then I was unsure of what to do. And well... you know the rest…" she babbled.
"Andy, listen, don't worry about it, okay?" he asked, while getting up and walking toward her. He looked into her eyes, wanting to be completely transparent, as he knew that was what he needed to do, not only because it was right, but also because he cared so deeply for her.
"I really am sorry for walking away when I made a promise to you that I would never give up without a fight. I'm not good at this stuff, which is not an excuse for what I've done, but I panicked, and pushed you away. I don't expect you to just forgive and forget, but I hope you know that I'll have your back, no matter what. I have no idea what we'll be getting into, but I hope I didn't permanently break the trust we have between us. I made the biggest mistake of my life last night, but I'm not going to pressure you into anything. Whatever you want, however you want to proceed, I will respect you and your decision. Please know that I am so sorry, and I'll be waiting for you, if you find it in your heart to forgive me, and give us, give me another chance."
Her head was spinning. Having cried herself into a restless sleep the night before, combined with the unexpected confession she had just heard, her brain couldn't fully process the words she had just heard. She knew that she hadn't been imagining all of what he had just said, but she was unsure of how to respond to it.
"I know you'll have my back, but for right now, maybe we should just take some time. I know I said time and space isn't my thing, but maybe it needs to be. Our emotions are all over the place, which is understandable, given all that's happened, but I think we both need to step back and figure out what we really want. I meant it when I said I love you, and I still do, but we need to figure out where to go from here."
"Okay," Sam sighed, feeling pulled between a sense of relief that she didn't blow him off, yet also of regret, knowing that his actions caused her to feel apprehensive of them moving forward together.
"Okay," she repeated, grateful for his understanding. "We better get going before we get into trouble before the op even starts."
Placing his hand on the small of her back, opening the locker room door, they stepped out, walking together toward the back door to the waiting car, and ultimately, toward their new lives, for however long they'd be gone.