Hey guys, this is my first Twilight fic, and I've decided to dedicate to Leah Clearwater. I've always felt she needed more of a prescence throughout the series and I hope this will do her justice. Enjoy and don't forget to review!

Disclaimer: I own none of Stephanie Meyer's characters. Or Trapt's song, Echo.

Rated T: Adult language, content, and violence.

Chapter 1: Fuck This

" AHHH! Oh..GOD!"

I tried to block out the screams emanating from the small cabin house, nestled in the green forest of La Push. I dug my hands into my coat, as I sat outside on the wooden porch; trying to ignore another scream. Not even feeling sorry for the amount of pain Emily was in.

" SAM!"

' Jesus, women in labor are so needy." I thought bitterly.

With another sigh I stood up and walked down the porch steps; trying to put as much distance as I could between Sam and Emily's home. Well, as much distance as I could without Jacob demanding I get back to the house. Walking deeper into the forest I silently cursed him, making the wholepack be there when Emily's stupid spawn was introduced to the world. Tried as I might to get out of it, one word in Jacob's alpha tone and I was condemned. Sometimes I wished I stayed in Sam's pack, he probably would've let me go off and sulk...

Nah, I take that back. I never want to be connected to that ass-hole again.

I let my dark brown eyes wander heavenward in boredom. I took in the gray sky as black clouds, heavy with rain blocked out the sun's warm ray's. I silently rejoiced, thankful that the weather shared my current spirits. With a smirk, my eyes wandered once again but this time to my muddied black converse. To my denim shorts that landed mid thigh; the crisp winter air feeling rather nice against my naturally hot skin. I then mindlessly surveyed the rest of my outfit, a simple black t-shirt completed with a black hoodie.

The dark outfit broadened my smirk, knowing that I hated most any other color. I didn't wear black as a fashion statement though, it actually had meaning. In old times women who had lost their loves would wear black for months, if not years. Until my heart feels complete once again, I'll celebrate my own mourning in my own way. I doubt I'll be wearing any other color for quite a while.

I was too absorb in my thoughts of my wardrobe to notice that my feet had carried me all the way to the small ocean. The smell of the salty waves stung my noise as I looked at the dark waters, stretching ahead until it blended with the equally dark sky above it. The scene had a calming effect on me as I settled on a dry log, resting on the powdery sand. I watched as the waves churned and moved violently, the ill-tempered clouds above it having quite the effect. Soon my mind morphed the scene into quite the strange metaphor. I could almost picture Sam and Emily as the dark clouds, looking so beautiful and harmless as they floated along quietly. Utterly oblivious to the storming, retching waves of the ocean beneath them, oblivious to me.

Biting my lip, I wrapped my arms around my knees as I set my chin down upon them. My short, black hair whipped in front of my face, while the cold winds slapped against me. The morbid scene brought on even more depressing thoughts as I studied the menacing water. I envisioned an imaginary Leah getting up from the log and slowly walking to the edge of the water. After only a moment of hesitance she trudged strait into the waves, until she had to swim to keep afloat. With one last look to the sky she would then dissapear underneath the waves, never having to return to the cruel world above it's surface.

Blinking my eyes rapidly I shook the scene from my head. Even though the thoughts of suicide had rapidly decreased from when Sam smashed my heart into bits, they never completely left. Although I knew that I was never really in any real danger, if I was serious then I would've done it already. I knew better though, I would only be hurting the pack by leaving them one less protector. Plus, I still loved my brother and mother, hoping that they still cared for me.

" Idiot." Was the only word that popped into my head.

I couldn't help but agree with my conscience, I was being idiotic to think of getting out of life so easily. Before I knew it I couldn't stop the familiar lump forming in the back of my throat. I swallowed painfully, my throat burning in protest as I tried to force down the tears. My eyes shifted down to each end of the beach, searching for any offending stranger. With the relief that I was in solitude I gave in to the burning that my throat begged to release. Within moments fat, hot tears rolled down my copper cheeks. I didn't bother to muffle the gasp of what sounded like physical pain that tumbled from my mouth. I didn't even try to control the shaking of my frame as I let moans utter from me, the tear drops turning into rivers.

Here I could be the real Leah. Not the sarcastic, bitter, hate filled woman that my friends and family have come to accept. Here I could be the Leah that was still not over the betrayal of the one man she loved and her cousin, which she shared a sibling companionship to. The Leah who let guilt consume her still, of causing her father to have a heart attack; of causing his death. The Leah that wished someone would put their arms around her and tell her everything would be okay; to promise to always love her.

The Leah that I would never let anyone know existed.

"LEAH!"

Jacob's deep voice cut through the air as I whipped around. With a sniff I knew that he was a few miles away and by the tone of his voice he was not happy. Hurriedly I swallowed the rest of the sobs that wished to be free from inside of me. I roughly scrubbed the tears away from my wet cheeks until I left them raw and red. As soon as I stood up and turned around I saw a scowling Jacob Black, the little half-leech glued within his arms.

" You need to get back now." He growled, " The baby's almost..."

" Yeah, yeah." I tried to mutter, although the crying I had done left my voice raw.

So my intended sharp remark came out as a hoarse whisper, I quickly stopped to clear my throat. Jacob didn't miss anything as his scowl softened, taking in my raw cheeks and my eyes; which were probably bloodshot.

" Leah..." He continued, this time his voice was soft.

" I'm going!" I snapped, walking past him.

Before I was even behind him, I heard the soft voice of the half-ling catch his attention. She was barely two and yet she had the comprehension of an older elementary child. As much as I hate the little leech, she is extraordinarily smart as she is beautiful.

" Jake? Why is Leah so sad?"

My breath hitched in my throat as I took off into the forest; my feet carrying me much too far to hear his reply. Green and brown mixed in a blur as I dodged the trees and random logs, appearing in front of the house within moments. I returned to the cabin's porch steps as I collapsed into my previous position. My panting slowed itself to deep breaths as I leaned against the railing tiredly.

" Alright Emily, one more push."

The soothing voice of Dr. Carlisle Cullen floated into my ear, accompanied by Emily's agonizing scream. Within moments the sound of a newborns cries filled the cabin. The sound of people cheering and clapping soon covering it's cries, Jacob appearing out of the forest just in time. I realized it was my cue to leave as I stood with an eye roll. I quiet went through the front door and directed myself through the living room and into the master bedroom. The scene I was greeted with made me sick to my stomach.

I watched as my mother stood by Emily, squeezing her shoulder loving. While Emily stared into the face of her newborn, her eyes welling with tears of happiness. I forced my eyes to look at Sam as he kissed his wife's cheek lovingly...over and over and over again. The members of our tribe standing around the scene hugging each other in excitement. While the Dr. Cullen and his leech daughter-in-law, Bella watched in contentment. The lump from earlier threatened me again as I forced it down with a painful swallow.

' This should've been me.' I thought plainly, watching Emily with a blank expression.

" May I hold her?" The voice of Sue Clearwater, my own mother, spoke.

' So it's a her? Great...' I made a mental note.

Emily nodded her head as she carefully placed the bundle of yellow blanket in my mother's arm. I watched her gaze at it lovingly, whispering sweet nothings as she rocked her arms. A bout of guilt hit me hard, knowing that I could never give her a grandchild. The burning in my throat increasing, maybe it was just the smell of the leeches in the room.

" Can I hold her next?" Jacob questioned, suddenly appearing next to me.

My mother looked towards Emily questioningly, before handing it over to Jacob after permission was granted. I tensed as Jacob set down Renesmee making sure she was safe with her mother before holding the baby. I looked to see a dark tuft of hair already gracing it's dark skinned head, while it's eyes remained shut. I physically shifted myself away from the thing as I ignored Jacob's own form of cooing.

" Here Leah." Jacob stated holding the baby towards me.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I turned towards Emily, expecting her to protest. Although all I found was an encouraging smile while everyone watched me quietly. I turned back to Jacob, my glare giving him a silent 'no.' It didn't take too long before a familiar glint in his dark eyes ignited, telling me that he was the alpha. With a sigh I took the fussing baby gently my into arms, making sure to support her head.

I tried to ignore the collective 'awws' and smiles sent my way as I gently cradled the baby. An instant paternal instinct took over me, much like when Seth was a baby, as I rocked the child. The fussy movements and puckering face of the baby seemed to instantly relaxed in my arms, followed by her soft, even breathing.

" I-I think she's asleep." I stated uncomfortably, wishing someone would take the thing from me.

Alas, my wish was ungranted as Emily sat there grinning at me like a maniac. I redirected my attention as my eyes made their way to Sam of their own accord. I felt sick again as he looked at me with his lopsided the grin, the one that I have missed so much. From the sleeping child in my arms, to the happiness in Sam's eyes I couldn't stop the feeling that I had been cheated consume me. I tried to subdue the jealous monster threatening to rip from my chest at any moments notice.

" So what are you going to name her?" My mother's voice spoke again.

I focused my attention on the child once more as I observed her copper cheeks and small pink lips; predicting that she would have dark almond eyes like her parents. Everyone awaited Emily's answer as the silence dragged on, moments seeming to turn into hours. Finally Emily spoke, her soft voice ringing out like a soft bell.

" Leah, Leah Belle Uley."

Time seemed to stop as everyone stood there in shock, my head whipping up in outrage.

" Is this a sick joke?" I blurted, resisting the instinct to throw the child back at her scarred face.

I felt like I had been slapped in the face, it was like she was rubbing it in my face. Mocking me, by naming her daughter after the woman who wanted everything she has. Emily Uley is one sick bitch.

" No, in fact I would be honored-" Emily started.

" No, name it something else." I snapped, shoving the child back into Jacob's waiting arms. " Anything else."

" Lee-Lee please!" Emily begged, using my nickname, as tears started forming in her eyes.

" Don't fucking call me that!" I growled, the wolf side of me making itself known.

A clap of thunder sounded as the sound of steady rain pounded against the cabin. The pack glared at me while my own mother looked away as if ashamed that she was even related to me. That's when I realized, I was the tribe's big embarrassment, well they wouldn't have to worry about that for long.

" Fuck this." I mumbled turning on my heel before bolting out of the house.

As soon as I was outside of this house, in the relaxing pouring rain, I felt someone capture my arm in a death grip. Suddenly I was spun around with such force I had to hang on to my captor's biceps to steady myself. Before I knew it I was looking into the angry face of Sam Uley, lightening flashing across his face took on sharp, menacing shadows lasting only a few moments.

" Why Leah!?" He screamed in my face. " Why do you always have to upsest her!?"

" Oh yes, I can see this is so terrible for her." I sneered, unable to bring myself to push him away.

" Leah, I know I hurt you..." Sam whispered, his grip loosening. " But I've apologised a thousands times. If anything be mad at me, don't take this out on Emily."

" Jesus Sam how can I not hate her!?" I questioned, my voice exapserated. " She has everything I've ever dreamed of!"

" Leah don't be so dramatic." Sam shook his head, ignoring the water soaking us both.

" Dramatic!? She has you, a perfect husband! She is able to have children, your children! The one thing that I can never give to anyone, not you not my mother! She has a family who loves and cares for her! All I have is a pack who resents me and a family who blames me for the death of my father and looks upon me with embarrassment. Please, tell me when I'm being dramatic."

I ended my rant, panting as my heart threatened to explode. Glad that the rain was there to cover the tears that were rapidly flowing from cheeks. I didn't even want to look at the crowd standing at the porch, watching silently. Sam looked as though he was about to embrace me, if my mouth had only stayed shut.

" So for Emily to name her child after me, to rub the things that I will never have in my face, is sick! I still hate her as much as I did the day I found you two making out in my room after the day you proposed to me! So you and your perfect wife can go to-"

Stupid mouth.

In a blur of motion all I could register was Sam bursting from his clothes and human form and me hitting the ground. I felt a sickening crack of my arm as the big, black wolf landed on top of me. Once I focused through my watery eyes I looked to see Sam's paw raised above my chest; his sharp claw dangerously close to my throat. Pain pulsed through my ears as I registered the sound of my brother's yells. Weather he was yelling at me or Sam I couldn't tell.

" Go on then," I whispered to the wolf above me.

" Finish the job, you'd be doing me a favor." I continued lamely.

I closed my eyes as I relaxed my body, wishing that Sam would be angry enough to end it all. Soon there was a large boom as the sound of two figures colliding with each other forced my eyes open. I looked to see the familiar brown fur of my brother blocking a now human Sam. The naked man watched me with apologetic eyes as I slowly got up from the forest floor, the rain washing away the mud from my hair and clothes. Our eyes collided, all I had to say to him was one word.

" Pussy." I whispered, knowing that he would hear it.

With that I jumped into mid air and landed in my wolf form; knowing that I would get to my house faster than I would on human foot. My action proved to be a big mistake as Seth's voice clouded my mind.

" Leah! Leah are you okay?"

" I'm fine Seth, go away." I snapped, almost near my destination.

" Well you brought it on yourself, you shouldn't have said-"

" Spare me the lecture." I interrupted, my house finally coming into view.

" Leah...Sam said, that you wanted him to...to..hurt you." Seth's worried voice rang in my head.

I stopped in front of my house, too tired to fabricate some bogus story. So I just told him the last thing that I wanted to say to him before I left. After a heavy sigh, I decided on the right words.

" I love you."

With that I transformed into my human form and ran into the house. Within moments I replaced my wet clothes for clean, dry ones and my duffel bag was packed. I then put the bundle of bills I have been saving since Sam's wedding in my backpack. I hurriedly ran out the front door as I took my familiar house key and locked it. I turned to leave only to realize I was still holding the key, I stood there for a moment before dropping it next to the spare one by the flower pot. Instantly I made my way to the side of the house as I looked upon the Harley Jacob helped me fix for my ninteenth birthday. knowing that I would have a long trip ahead of me, I put in my Ipod headphones. Then I carefully strapped my duffel bag down so that it would not fall as pushed the helmet onto my wet hair.

Not bothering with the chin strap as I swung myself over the left side to get on. After putting on the choke and kick starting the engine I was off, holding no fear of the slick roads or the rain pounding against me mercilessly; creating a nice dull numb throughout my body, before deciding that I needed music, something to distract me. I hit shuffle on my gadget as I silently hummed to the music.

I think about your face
And how I fall into your eyes
The outline that I trace
Around the one that I call mine

Sam's angry face clouding my vision as I shook it away, only to be replaced by Seth's. I tried to block out the reaction my mother was sure to have when she realizes I'm not coming home.

Time that called for space
Unclear where you drew the line
I don't need to solve this case
And I don't need to look behind

The sun was setting beneath the clouds. I took the main road as it winded down on the edge of a cliff, the water sparkling below it. I took in the scene of the rain falling into the ocean while the waves swirled, swallowing the sun's light. I drove in content, until I reached the state line. Wondering if I could really do this, leave everything I've ever known behind.

Do I expect to change, the past I hold inside,
with all the words I say,
repeating over in my mind,
somethings you can't erase, no matter how hard you try,
an exit to escape is all there is left to find.

With a smirk I already knew that I was ready, that I've been ready. Would people be upset, hurt even? Probably, but I'm twenty-year-old damn-it and I'm not going to sit home to grow old, lonely and bitter cat woman. Watching my family and friends grow without me, while I sit in a life of regret. So with two simple words, the very last words I said to Emily Uley and my pack, I was off.

" Fuck this."

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