HEEEEEEEEEE this is funny! Starring Rufus and Rude, with a cameo of Tifa. A little strange, but I'll give a cookie to whoever figures out what I did in this story.
I don't own FF VII or any of its characters. I just use them. For no profit.
Hey, give me that paper. Thanks, now that pencil. Okay, I'm going to draw a picture of you, but I want you to pose for me. Not like that, idiot. Pretend you just came out of the ocean, and you're flinging your hair behind you while the sun glistens on your skin. Yes, I know your head's clean shaved, just pretend! You know what that means, so stop stalling and pose already!
Hmm...look over to your right with your eyes half closed, like you're a beautiful woman who knows just how amazing she looks and is trying to seduce a man a few feet away. No, not like you're falling asleep! Be seductive and mysterious. You're a diva, demanding male attention. I don't care if you don't want male attention, you're going to pretend that you do!
Now, put your right foot out to the side ever so slightly. Yes, like that. A dainty foot in the wet sand is what you're striving for. One hand on your hip, yes, that's it! Don't move. You can breath, just don't MOVE.
I told you to wear a cup. You can't be a beautiful woman on the beach wearing a bikini with a BULGE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO MOVE! Tifa! Get in here, please. Now, pretend that seductive look will work on her. Seduce her, don't stare! Pull your foot back just a smidge. Now, pretend she's hot for you and that you know it. Yes, keep that look!
Take a note to get my suit cleaned, Tifa. It won't do me any good to wear your shirt over my suit, so keep it on. Stop moving around, too, his head is following you around the office.
DAMMIT, do something about that bulge! Think about her with Corneo's head. Then pretend she's a man long enough for me to get your legs done right! Fine, you leave so I can finish. There, now concentrate on keeping your leg just like it is. Dainty feet, remember! Get a pedicure after we're done. Don't think you can not get one, I'll be checking. You should care about the condition of feet all over the world. Promote cleanliness of the feet. Make the market for sandals skyrocket.
Tell me why there's no hair on those legs. I don't care if swimming requires it, grow it back. Yes, it's good for my picture, but grow it back. Don't call yourself a man until every last inch of you is covered in hair. Stay bald, though. Provide some contrast to the rest of the body.
Keep still! Stop with the fidgeting, I'm almost done.
'Why' is obvious, so think about it for a minute. Ha! Now live the with knowledge that I have a picture of you wearing a bikini in my office.