Chapter One

James Hathaway approached DCS Innocent's door nervously. She thought that he was there to talk about getting promoted to detective inspector but he had decided to resign instead. He had changed too much, becoming cynical and suspicious, always looking for the worst in people, and he didn't like himself any more. He needed to stop being a police officer. He had managed to persuade Robbie Lewis that this was what he had to do but he knew that Jean Innocent would not be pleased with him. He hoped that he could convince her that it was about him and the job, not a betrayal of her.

James went in to DCS Innocent's office and closed the door quietly behind him. Jean Innocent smiled at him, saying,

'James, come and sit down.'

'Ma'am.'

James sat down and waited for his superior officer to speak, absent-mindedly admiring her appearance as he did so. He automatically repressed the love he felt whenever he saw her; she was married so his feelings were irrelevant. Jean Innocent looked beautiful as always but seemed tired and stressed and James felt a pang of guilt as he realised that he was about to add to her burdens. If he resigned and Robbie retired, Jean would be without her best homicide team. Jean opened what was clearly his personnel file and said,

'So you think you're ready for promotion?'

'No.'

Jean looked at him quizzically and he took a deep breath and said,

'I know that's what Inspector Lewis suggested but that's not why I'm here, Ma'am.'

James stalled as his mouth refused to say the words and Jean said,

'Then why are you here?'

'I… I can't do it any more.'

James stared at the floor and forced himself to continue,

'I'm resigning.'

There was a long moment of silence, then Jean said, in a brittle voice,

'May I ask why?'

'I don't like the person I've become. I pushed and pushed a desperately upset young man because he might have information we needed and he killed himself.'

'That wasn't your fault, James. I've read Robbie's report and he would have done it whether we'd been involved or not.'

'Perhaps but that isn't the point…'

'Then what is?'

Jean's voice was gentle and James looked up as she came out from behind her desk and sat down beside him. Meeting her eyes, he saw compassion and understanding in hers and he forced back his emotions as he said,

'The point is that instead of feeling compassion, I felt suspicion. My automatic assumption was that he was using exam stress as a cover for something else.'

'Well he was. If Adam had told you straight away that his parents had bought him his place at Oxford then you might have found the killer earlier.'

'Yes, but…'

Usually articulate, James found himself struggling to explain.
Jean looked at the troubled young man sympathetically, wishing that she could take his pain away. The problem was that he was so sensitive and caring that the horrible things that they sometimes had to do ate away at him. Without thinking about it, she put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently, completely unprepared for the surge of desire that went through her. Jean froze as she tried to deal with the lust raging through her body. She had always found James attractive to the point of distraction but they had never touched before and the body chemistry between them was not like anything she'd ever felt before.
James tried not to squirm on his seat as he attempted to stem the arousal coursing through his body. She was only trying to comfort him but if she didn't take her hand away he was going to kiss his married boss, in her office, in the middle of the day. And if he did that, then if he were very lucky, she'd just make his life a living hell. If he were unlucky, she might throw him out of her office and never speak to him again.
Jean licked her lips as desire spread through her body and, without conscious thought, her hand moved across James' back in a gentle caress before moving upwards to play with the hair at the base of his neck. His eyes snapped to hers and for a moment she thought that she saw lust in his eyes but then he was standing, moving away and turning his back to her, saying,

'Please don't do that, Ma'am.'

Jean flinched as the realisation of what she'd just done came crashing over her; she had just sexually harassed one of her subordinates. Worse, she'd sexually harassed a much younger subordinate when he was upset and vulnerable. Disgusted with herself, she said,

'I'm sorry, James. I don't know what came over me. It won't happen again.'

The self-loathing in Jean's voice made James wince and he said,

'It's all right.'

'No, it isn't all right. What I did was sexual harassment and you'd be perfectly within your rights to make a formal complaint.'

Horrified, James tried to find the words to reassure her,

'You were only trying to comfort me. I…I just don't like being touched when I'm upset.'

James stumbled over the lie, hoping that she would accept it because what else could he say? That he became aroused if she was in the same room as him? That he dreamt about her all the time? That he'd been in love with her for years?

Jean gazed sadly at James' back. She hadn't been a police officer for so many years without learning how to tell when someone was lying to her. And James still had his back to her. He was obviously too disgusted by what she'd done to be able to look at her. She had accepted a long time ago that there was no way that James could be romantically interested in her but now she'd probably destroyed their friendship too. Feeling her heart breaking, she said,

'Thank you, Sergeant Hathaway. Perhaps we should continue this discussion another day. If you want Inspector Lewis to be present…'

'No.'

The monosyllable was a harsh whisper and Jean hesitated before saying,

'No, you don't want to discuss this another day or no, you don't want Inspector Lewis to be present?'

'There's no need to involve Inspector Lewis, Ma'am.'

James knew that he should reassure her, tell her that he trusted her and wasn't afraid of being alone in the same room with her but he was shaking with arousal and knew that he had to get out of the room before his self control snapped.

'Very well. We'll discuss this another day then.'

'Ma'am.'

James left without turning to face Jean and Jean felt a wave of sorrow going through her as the door closed behind him. Feeling sick, she locked the door and closed the blinds then sat in her chair and fought back the tears that wanted to fall.

James strode through the station as quickly as possible, making his way to the nearest toilets. Once inside, he locked himself in one of the stalls and leant his forehead against the wall, trying to regain his composure. Ten minutes later, he realised that his body was not going to calm down and, hating himself, he fantasised about Jean Innocent as he brought himself to completion.