(A dramatic parody of jaws music begins playing in the background and there's a long haired shark in the ocean, stealthily watching water rafters in front of him.) Hi there! I'm Fabio! I'm a shark. (The music continues to play as Fabio narrates his outing) There are these ugly ass pasty mofo's in the water in front of me. I know they'll taste like cold tomato soup, but they're just really pissing me off, and they will pay for their fucking annoying presence, muah hahahaha. (he gets distracted by his evil laughter) Oh, right, well I guess I could use the snack anyways, this new diet is giving me unbearable stress, God I cry myself to sleep every night (he starts thinking aloud, not realizing he's talking while he thinks) oh shit!...pretend you never heard that. (The dramatic music begins again and he prepares his attack.) Here I go, here I go!!! (The music starts to get louder and faster extremely quickly and he jumps, bearing his teeth.) HA-HAAAAAA! (he bites the tube fiercely, like he was an America's Next Top Model) Oh fuck, I missed. God dammit, why do I fuck up everything I try to do?! UGH. Of course Enzo-shark is perfect, he always had the better hair and got all the lady sharks! (He tries to hold it back, but he quickly explodes into uncontrollable sobs) I swear I'm not crying I got water in my eyes. God I will prove myself to the dead sexy bitch Laquisha. RAAAAAGH. (he angrily swims to the other tube and bites a person, and then eats them.) HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! I am alpha-shark! I'm so invincible right now nothing will conquer me in the climax of my strength. (He violently crashes into a rock jutting out of the ground, and looks like an idiot) Oh come on! Why does god hate my oh so pitiful soul?! That person even tasted like shit. No one on the raft is even scared of me, which means its time to eat another person that the rest of them actually care about losing. Sigh, it's so difficult to inflict fear upon humans nowadays, they're all so technological and indifferent while us sharks have been living the same since the fucking stone age!! (Fabio has an emotional meltdown and starts flopping around all over the rafts of people)