Fate: Unequally Blade Works

by OverMaster

Spinoff of Unequally Rational and Emotional. Ten years ago, the corrupted Holy Grail destroyed Fuyuki City, only to manifest itself at Mahora Academy's campus a decade later. Now, Emiya Shirou, survivor of the Fuyuki fires, is drawn into a battle between the strongest and weirdest warriors of history past, present and future. Can he count with help from boy mage Negi Springfield?

1. Emiya Shirou

Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha created and own Mahou Sensei Negima!

Nasu Kinoko and Type-Moon created and own Fate/Stay Night.

We make no money from the creation of this fanfiction piece.

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Fate: Unequally Blade Works.

Chapter One: Emiya Shirou.

---

By OverMaster and Shadow Crystal Mage.

---

Last time, in Unequally Rational and Emotional:

"Are you my Master?" the gorgeous young-looking blonde in the long blue dress with armor plate on the chest and gauntlets repeated, with a voice that was cold and devoid of feeling.

"Gah...!" Emiya Shirou had blurted out.

"That's a 'Yes', then," the woman had nodded. "Negatives are usually conveyed as 'Geh'..."

Then the wall behind had her exploded into a million splinters, and something had broken in, slamming into the girl like a train at full speed. However, somehow, the young female had managed to block it with an armored gauntlet, then swiftly swing the invisible blade she had been carrying up, slashing through a section of her attacker's decaying ribcage, although missing its center. The figure, which sure enough, had been the self-proclaimed Judge who'd been chasing Shirou, backed away with a nasty, vicious cackle, a gun in each hand.

"Yesssssss!" he had hissed. "It'd been too long ssssssince another hurt me. I've missssssed the pain, the sssssssharp caresssssssss of a bladed edge for ssssssssssso long..."

"Foul creature of darkness," the woman growled, keeping her sword (or at least that was what Shirou thought it was supposed to be; for all it knew it was an invisible giant sex toy to wallop people with, or rather it might have been that way had Shirou known what a sex toy was) ready and easily falling into a protective stand before Shirou. "I can detect your cruel killing intent even easier than I'd see the light of the sun in the middle of the Summer. And it's not even the dutiful urge to slay an enemy in war, is it?"

He had trained his guns on her, although she hadn't even flinched. "That'sssssss right. I'd kill every woman, child, elder and unborn in thisssss world if I had the chance. All are the ssssssame, for there are no innocentssssss. Life isssss a crime, the sssssentence isssssss death!"

And he had opened fire.

---

Since that fateful (get it?) first evening, when the woman who had introduced herself as Saber had valiantly fought the Judge for the sake of Shirou's life and chased him off, afterwards staying (get it?!) with him night after night (get it?!) in a perfectly chaste and heartwarming cohabitation. The problem things, those several things had been nowhere enough things as to please Saber, and we don't mean because the cohabitation was perfectly chaste.

Raised a warrior, and brought back to the world to fight in something she had called a Great Holy Grail War (something Shirou remembered his old man mentioning a few times in passing, usually along with the sentences 'I'll explain it all when you're older' and 'Right now, it hurts too much to talk about it' and 'WIFEY! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME AND DIE!'), Saber had been rather eager to take part in a major battle to the death between herself and six other such warriors, but instead, what had followed had been a gray and dull series of repetitive days where nobody would show up howling for her head or Shirou's, and she'd have nothing to do but staying at home watching TV and eating, eating, eating, and Dear God in Heaven, eating some more.

And it wasn't like Shirou didn't appreciate Saber's love for his meals, or for that matter that he, after all, apparently didn't have to get himself involved into a major struggle where dozens if not hundreds of innocents might die in incidents that the local mages would no doubt sweep under the rug as 'gas leaks' or 'CGI' or some such nonsense. But he could tell the quiet uneventfulness of it all was starting to drive Saber slow but surely bonkers, to the point he wouldn't be shocked if she started scouting the streets by night calling out for the Judge.

That was why she'd been so thrilled that evening, just a couple days ago, when she finally sensed someone else approaching the Emiya residence, and she ran out to meet that person, again swinging the invisible sword (once again, Shirou wasn't fully sure it was a sword yet, but he hoped so. She sure wielded it as such) towards the mysterious figure stalking the front yard in the darkness.

Said figure stood defiantly, firm on its feet but also slightly leaning forward like a sleek nocturnal predator, smirking while its icy blue eyes glinted within the confines of a purple mask. In a hand he held a dark purple gun with a fairly thick barrel, slightly upraised. "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the Extra that comes with the Strange and Fake Apocrypha of the Grand Order! I am... YIIIIIIIIII!" it yelled as Saber's first swing hit it squarely and sent if flying across the yard, crashing against a thorny bush.

"Gahh!" Shirou cried. "My prized roses! Those were hand grown! Saber, what are you doing?!"

She briefly looked back at him. "Isn't it obvious, Shirou? This is an enemy Servant, who at last comes to attack us. I told you to prepare yourself for this moment!"

"Saber!" Shirou pointed at the small figure painfully pulling itself out of the rose bush, cringing as it did so. "What are you saying, for Heaven's sake?! That's no Servant, that's a child in a costume!"

"... what?" Saber blinked.

Shirou nodded, pulling out the flashlight he'd grabbed right before rushing out, and turning it on the small costumed creature, who tried to hide behind its purple cape. "See, that's just a child in a duck costume! Although why the duck would be dressed as The Shadow on top of that is beyond me, but cosplayers are weird. Are you okay, kid? Are you lost? The activity hall is all way across the campus, but if you want, we can take you to your party..."

"What the...?" the child in a duck costume gasped. Then he stomped a webbed foot down. "I'm not a child! I'm a—"

"—- teacher? Oh, please don't tell me you're Negi-sensei!" a frustrated Shirou interrupted, rubbing the bridge of his nose up and down. "I've never understood British humor, is this the English Club's idea of a prank?"

"I'm the terror that— You know what, forget it!" the duck waved his hands up. "I'm Servant Vigilante!"

"See!" a vindicated Saber smiled at Shirou.

Shirou blinked, getting a better, closer look at him. "... but you're a duck."

In the lower right corner of the screen, a similar duck in a cheap suit and tie briefly appeared smoking a cigar and shaking his head. "Is this what I'm reduced to while waiting for Guardians of the Galaxy 2? Fer Chriss' sake!"

Do you want us to mention your other movie?

"Pointless fanfic cameos it is!"

"Shirou, stand back," Saber commanded. "Even if he is a duck, that doesn't mean he is to be understimated. Even a rabbit can be the deadliest of creatures."

"But what if he's an endangered species?" argued Shirou. "He would have to be, wouldn't he? You don't hear about talking ducks every other day, we might get in legal trouble if we kill him! Besides, heroes of justice don't just kill endangered species! That just isn't done, Saber!"

It was the duck's turn to blink. "Heroes of justice?"

Saber ignored him, instead looking further down into the darkness. "You," she coldly said, "step out before you experience the strike of my blade. I'm willing to place a bet you are no endangered species."

There was a sigh as a frustrated young woman stepped out of the shadows, holding her hands up and wearing a long coat over her short skirt and red sweater. "You'd lose that bet," she said, "since actually I'm one of only two remaining Homo Tohsakaus Awesomeus in the world." She smiled somewhat sadly, somewhat apologetically, at Shirou. "Good evening, Emiya-kun. How are you, and why did you trade places with me when I wasn't looking?"

"Tohsaka!" Shirou gasped.

"Do you know this woman, Shirou?" Saber frowned, keeping her invisible sword aimed at her. Vigilante sulked, visibly upset his teenaged Master was apparently seen as more of a threat than himself.

"I mean," Tohsaka Rin continued ranting, making a visible effort to hold herself together, "it was I who should have summoned this magnificent looking Saber, while you, who are nothing but the adopted son with no talent of a Magus Killer, should have summoned the failure gag Class funny animal, don't you agree...?"

"Magnificent?" Saber said, one eyebrow raised. "Keep talking."

"HEY! NO!" Shirou and Vigilante indignantly cried at once.

Rin gave the Saber a pleading look. "Would you make a contract with me and be my Servant, please?"

"Do you know how to cook?" Saber sternly asked.

"Of course! My sister is also a master chef."

"Please do tell me more. I am willing to listen..."

"Hey, now, don't start involving Sakura in this!" Shirou and Vigilante again cried at once. They stared at each other then.

"So..." Emiya asked, "Hero of Justice?"

"Hero For Great Justice," the duck confirmed with a nod, and they shook hands politely.

"See, it works fine from the boys' side as well!" Rin smiled pleasantly, bringing her hands together. "Well then, glad to see I won't have to cut your arm off or anything, Emiya-kun. Hope you're very happy doing Justice things together before we have to cut your Vigilante down..."

"Har-har, nice try, Tohsaka, but no, sorry," Shirou said, frowning and placing a hand around Saber's shoulders as the blonde blinked. He may have been clueless as hell, but not enough as to fall for that kind of trade.

Vigilante threw his hands up in frustration. "What do I have to do to start getting some respect? Dress up in power armor with a lot of spikes while sentencing people to death and shooting at them with bazookas?!"

---

Sakura had wanted to come along, and Rin had been afraid to leave her all alone at home now that enemy Servants had actually started appearing at last. So naturally, she had left her waiting outside in the open with one of said enemy Servants, from the most deadly of the Classes to boot, with only a Servant of dubious quality to defend her.

In Rin's defense, not only did she not have much else to work with, and Servants were unlikely to attack anyone in the open in broad daylight, but she had a good feeling about Saber. Like she was a person worth her trust. It definitely wasn't because she thought she was hot or anything! Tohsakas were monogamous, after all! She was screwing her sister ad only her sister, so there!

The three of them sat on a bench by the road outside of the Mahora Magdalene Church, waiting idly for Shirou and Rin to be done inside.

"So, Tohsaka-san," Saber finally said, to break the ice, "your sister has told me you're a proficient cook?"

"Mm-hmmm, I suppose," Sakura nodded. "Not as good as Emiya-sempai, of course..."

"I see," Saber noted with a nod, quietly pulling a small notebook out and scratching the 'Join Tohsaka?' question off her list of things to ponder through the War. "And you," she addressed her fellow Servant, "shouldn't be in your spiritual form now? What if pedestrians happened to see you like this?"

"Why aren't you in your Spirit form?" Vigilante asked back.

"I asked first," Saber noted, "but if you must know, I can't access that form. Keep in mind I tell you this only because I know there's no way you could exploit that, but at least I bother wearing a disguise." Then she lightly touched the tip of her baseball cap, which she wore along the rest of her sports ensemble of blue zipped up jacket, tight black shorts, and golden ponytail. "What is your excuse?"

"... that isn't much of a disguise," Vigilante disagreed, "but why I should be disguising myself? Everyone knows I'm a child in a duck costume!"

At that point, two junior high girls passed by before them.

"Wow, look at that! Isn't that Negi-sensei in a duck costume?"

"Yeah, I think it is! I heard his club was doing some kind of weird haunted house stuff for the festival! You know how strange 3-A is!"

"Still, it's kinda cute. Doesn't it remind you of Boo-sensei?"

The two giggled as they moved away. As soon as they were gone, Vigilante slumped forward miserably, hiding his face and beak between his hands. After a moment of doubt, Saber carefully and slowly reached over to softly pat his back with comforting sympathy.

"Actually, I wouldn't be so blue if I were you, Vigilante-san," Sakura tried to cheer him up. "Didn't you know? Around this campus, 'Negi-sensei' is another term for saying 'sexy'!"

"What kind of troubling times do you live in?" Saber gave her an uncharacteristic, really weirded out look.

Sakura sighed, looking aside longingly. "Oh, just wait until you meet Negi-sensei yourself...!"

Saber gave Vigilante a more subtle, concerned stare, and the duck simply shrugged his shoulders.

Then they silently squeezed hands, fellow prisoners in a world not their own gone insane.

"Just to be clear, this doesn't mean I'll hold back should it come time to kill you," Saber said.

"Same here. It's not like we like each other or anything, its merely because we're the only sane people left in this crazy town!"

They both nodded.

"How do you have fingers there, anyway?"

"How does your hair stick up through your hat?"

"Touche."

---

"Kirei!" Tohsaka said, fearlessly walking into the oddly, kind of eerily silent church. "It's me! I've brought another Master!"

Shirou approached her from behind and whispered close to her ear, "Tohsaka, I've never visited this church before. The priest, what kind of person is he? Should I, uh, have any special precautions around him?"

"Hm?" she raised an eyebrow. "Nah, I don't think you've got anything to worry about. He may be a bit creepy, but I don't think he's that kind of priest, and aren't you a bit too old anyway?"

"I, I don't mean that!" he hissed in frustration, although in truth he wasn't that sure what she'd just meant. He seemed to remember his father once expressing a deep distaste towards that priest, however.

"The priest with the afro, that one you have to watch your ass with," Rin continued. She shrugged. "It's hard to explain, really. I've known Kirei for around ten years, and I still don't have a firm grasp on his character either."

"Ten years?" he blinked. "You mean, like in—"

At that moment, a tall man in a black priest vestments seemed to appear out of nowhere at the end of the chapel, quiet and solemn, his arms folded behind his back. He was nowhere as old as Shirou had been expecting him to be, and as a matter of fact still seemed rather young and strong, with a head full of black hair and wide, straight shoulders more fitting a trained fighter or a construction worker. Despite that, he was not overly muscular, and the eyes on his angular, chiseled face were old and lifeless, slightly greenish like those of a dozing snake.

"Welcome, Rin," this man said with a deep, rich voice, a certainly interesting and commanding one. "I was wondering about your absence. What have you brought me now?"

"Who, not what, Kirei," she said, rather coldly, before making the introductions. "This is Emiya Shirou, and he's just summoned a Servant, but had no idea he should come here. So I've been nicer to you than you've ever been to me, and just made your job a little easier. Emiya-kun, this is Kotomine Kirei, the Church's overseer for the Holy Grail War."

"Emiya?" the man said, looking into Shirou's uncertain eyes. "Now that's a name I hadn't heard of in years. What an intriguing twist of fate."

"You knew my father," Shirou said, faintly but not questioningly, just a statement of a just dawning fact. So Kiritsugu was not talking of mere rumors? Did he and this man have some sort of past relationship?

"Indeed. He was a pupil of mine before he turned to evil," Kirei said. "Before the Dark Side. Before the terrorism."

Shiro blinked. "Really?"

"No, but I always wanted to say that," Kirei said.

Shirou facefaulted.

"Everybody who knows about the world of magic knows about Kiritsugu Emiya, boy," the man impassively said, beckoning for them to come closer. As they did, he gestured with his hands to the effect. "Show me the Command Seals. That is the first thing I must evaluate."

Shirou nodded absently, still studying Kirei's lifeless expression, lifting his hand and showing off its back, and the elaborate designs on it. The priest's face featured no surprise. "I see. The Master of Saber, then? That should be the last Servant to appear. The stage should be set now..."

"Now, wait a second, please," Shirou requested. "Before this goes any further, let me tell you I've no interest in the 'game' Tohsaka described to me. If I came here, it was mostly so I can learn if there's a way out."

"There are many ways to exit a Grail War," Kotomine confirmed stoically. "Why, Wars are designed for contestants to leave as soon as possible. However, I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate most of the likely exits for a Master or a Servant..."

"As you see," Rin noted, "Father Kirei is an excellent man of cloth, but missed his true vocation at stand-up comedy."

Kirei made what could charitably be called a smile, but although it seemed to show no particular malice, it was just as devoid of any warmth or true humor. It looked more like an automatic rictus than anything else. "What have Rin and your Servant shared with you?"

"I know," the boy said, "this is supposed to be an all-out conflict to the death, but I have a hard time seeing the Headmaster, head of the Kanto Association, to let it happen here. Surely you, a man of God, should agree we shouldn't let it come to pass..."

"God sends death just as He sends life, and mankind is ultimately powerless to stop either," Kirei gravelly lectured. "That includes men of Konoe Konoemon's stature. If the Holy Grail chose manifesting itself here after the destruction of Fuyuki, there is nothing any of us can do about it. It will awaken among us sooner than later, one way or another. All we can do is seeing who will get to summon it forth."

"There's always another way," Shirou insisted.

"How can you be so sure of that, when you don't even know what's the nature of the Grail?" Rin asked him, with a hand on her hip.

"Rin is correct, certainty born from ignorance is nothing but a bane upon those who suffer it," Kirei nodded. "The Grail is a force invoked by magi which is far greater than any of us, and none of us can cancel what they created. The Masters and Servants can only fight to dictate their own terms for its revival."

"All the same," Shirou said, "is that really worth it to let other people die for it? Do you think that's actually fair at all?"

"Of course not," Kirei quickly said, "but what I, a mere mortal, think of the fairness of existence is of no importance in this. Listen, Emiya Shirou. The role of a Master is not one that can be shuffled aside because you have no need or desire for it. Although it's unlikely the responsibility would have come upon you had you had no actual desire for it, whether you are aware of that or not."

"What are you trying to say?" Shirou blinked.

Kirei kept his steady, calm lecture on. "Forfeiting in the Grail War pretty much equals forfeiting your life. I won't deny there are ways to abandon the duties imposed upon you, but be warned most of them are likely to have you killed, and others destroyed as well. This is a do-or-die game, and your fellow contestants, extremely rare and foolish exceptions aside, will not give you any second chances. I believe you will only run into a single exception in this particular War."

Rin grumbled. "And this is what I get from playing fair to you, I see."

"Playing fair in a Grail War would seem to be a generally bad idea," Kirei softly reminded her, "although your assistance and adherence to the Church's rules on the subject is duly noted. Keep in mind, however, you're a Magus, and this is one of the areas our respective fields see in quite divergent ways."

Shirou sighed. "Okay, So you're telling me the only thing I can do is keeping on fighting until I get my hands on this Grail thing, right?"

"Indeed," Kotomine said. "That will be your test, and not only for your fighting spirit, but of your ruthlessness. The Grail is able to grant any wish its Master can ask from it. We could say whoever controls it can effectively control and shape the world. In the hands of a fiend, it would destroy us all. In the hands of a saint... who could say what good could it do?"

Of course, that was an elegant way to avoid outright saying the answer would actually be no good wish could be achieved from the Grail anymore, but reaching that conclusion would have been too much for Rin, much less Shirou.

Emiya gulped, his throat now very dry. "I don't think I could bear the weight of that kind of responsibility on my shoulders."

"Then, if you enter the War with that kind of doubt in your heart, you have already lost," Kirei grimly cautioned. Truth be told, his tone was no different at all from before, but the words and the atmosphere made it sound very bleak for Shirou. "Why not to embrace your courage, instead of being chained by your fear?" the priest asked, opening his arms. "A man your age should be thrilled at a chance to fulfill his wildest dreams. What kind of young heart doesn't dream of being a great hero of justice?"

Shirou flinched, and now Kirei did smile in a way that felt more vivid, but also visibly more disturbing, even if only for a quick moment.

Rin frowned. "Kirei," she said. "You're supposed to be neutral. I don't think you should be manipulating Masters by goading them."

Kirei's arms returned to their original position. "It is my first sworn duty to help those in need, and there are those who only can find salvation through helping others. The legendary heroes who qualify to become Servants were that sort of person, and it is just logical someone who would summon them, without a prior drive to do so, would have the same sort of determination."

For all Rin detested Kotomine, she could not deny his uncanny ability to describe people shortly after getting to meet them. She had no adequate way to rebuke his point.

"Only one Hero can hold the reins of destiny," Kirei ranted, "and so all those who cannot meet the challenges demanded from the greatest Hero must perish so—"

"Hold on, don't start putting weird ideas in his mind now," Rin interrupted. "All Servants but one must die through the War, yes, but there's no rule saying all Masters must die as well. Technically, once a Servant is defeated, their Master will pose no threat anymore, so going after them past that point is only a waste of efforts." She smiled at Shirou. "As long as you're skilled enough, you don't have to kill a single human being through this War, Emiya-kun."

He frowned at her. "So you say! Look, I've lived with Saber for weeks now, and she's as human as any of us where it matters! Even if your Servant doesn't look human at all, he still acts like one as well! I can't believe you're so cold, Issei was right!"

"Well, Rin is Rin after all," Kirei commented, as Rin fumed at such lame wordplay on the meaning of her name. It wouldn't even make any sense in the English language narration! "But don't fool yourself, boy. Servants were created to be destroyed, and they are all too aware of that fact. If they were the kind of people to panic at the idea of losing their lives, they would never have become Heroic Spirits to begin with. You don't become a heroic spirit by lying down and getting messily killed without fighting back."

Somewhere, Avenger sneezed.

"That doesn't make it right, for us to use them and throw their lives away!" Shirou protested.

"The life of a Servant is wasted only when it's not used for its intended purpose," Kotomine told him. "Besides, they've already died anyway, and will not last long in this world without the war to sustain them, so it's not like they can go off and retire on some farm if they wanted to. Their days are numbered either way. I'm sure your Servant would berate you if you shared those thoughts with them. Actual human lives, on the other hand, will be lost if you allow a Master with a heart set on evil obtain the Holy Grail. It's up to you deciding which is the greater wrong."

Shirou seethed. "You're acting as if it's okay to pick a wrong just because it's 'not as big' as another one! But that's not how it should be! Wrong is wrong, no matter what!"

"Let me put it this way," Kirei coolly lectured. "Do you know what happened the last time, ten years ago, a fool refused to master the Grail that had manifested itself for him?"

Shirou recoiled instantly.

"The Great War is intended to appear at sixty years intervals," Kotomine said. "During each manifestation, no man or woman has proven worthy of controlling its power, and that has led to conflict time and time again. However, the winner of the last War took it even further than anybody else, and because of that, the city of Fuyuki was destroyed. Is that the fate you would, through your inaction, allow to befall Mahora?"

Shirou felt truly sick, a feeling of crushing chill filling his innards. Brief flashes of all consuming fire came to his mind, making him squirm in almost forgotten— but never truly dispelled— pain.

In other words, he was having a Negi Moment.

Tohsaka looked at him with mild concern. "Um, you okay, Emiya-kun? Look, I know this is a lot to take in, why don't you take a seat, I can bring you some wat—"

He gestured at her with a hand to stop talking, then stared into Kirei's even serpentine eyes, his own ablaze. "I still hate this cruel game of yours, and given the first chance to cut it short, then I'll gladly do so. But I'm not letting anything like that happen again if I can help it!"

"Then rejoice, Emiya Shirou," Kotomine Kirei told him. "Because you have just become a Hero. Now all you have to decide is whether you'll die as a failure of a Hero or live as a success. And possibly be remembered as a villain. I make no promises."

Shirou huffed while stepping back. "Gee, thanks for the seal of approval for my first test, then!"

"Now, now, don't take it that badly," Kirei said, his mood apparently improved considerably. "Should you exhaust your Command Seals and lose your Servant, or should your Servant perish in battle, all you need to do is come here, and my sacred duty will be protecting you, even at the cost of my own life, until the War is over. It's fairly quiet and comfortable here. Everybody praises Cocone-chan's pancakes, even if I find them somewhat... tasteless. But then, my taste buds are different." He paused. "Though I have to warn you about Father Garterbelt. Seriously, watch your ass there."

"He's not joking," Rin told the upset Shirou out of the a corner of her mouth.

"Of course," Kirei cautioned, "I can't guarantee the other Masters will let you live long enough to cross our gates. Your own Servant is also all but guaranteed to murder you should you fail them. Most of them come from times where their concepts of honor and justice, not to mention fair play, do not match ours all that well. And some could just be murderous psychos who like killing people."

"Duly noted," Shirou mumbled, his mood definitely soured from when he had entered.

"So hold on to those Command Seals unless you absolutely need to use of them," the priest warned. "That is the best advice I can give you for now. But, if you have any further questions...?"

"Um, yeah, actually," Shirou doubted, "Where would you have you—"

"That hallway, the second door to the right," Kirei helpfully pointed down another side. "Next to the stature of Saint Mungo."

"Wait, that's a real saint?" Shirou asked.

"Of course. Who do you think stole the secrets of British magic and revealed them to Rome so that we could kill the heretics?" Kirei said.

Shirou stared at him, then quickly headed towards the restroom the House of the Lord had reserved for His sons.

Yep, Rin decided, the bastard really had a scary gift for reading people like books...

---

The rainstorm that had been hitting Honnouji had eventually extended itself across the whole area of the Four Schools, gigantic black clouds spreading southward. By the time Negi's Ala Alba left Evangeline's cabin after another subjective day and objective hour of stay there, Chachamaru had to distribute spare umbrellas among them again.

And once again, Eva had complained, grunting about why they couldn't start bringing their own umbrellas already, and harshly reminding them she wanted them back— the umbrellas, not necessarily the teammates—tomorrow in as good a shape as she'd handed them over. If not better. But that was behind them now, as were Eva's cabin itself and its inhabitants, as they were about to reach the female dormitories.

Rito and Lala were still with them since their house was further down the campus, and so other than the members who were currently out of town, it was a full membership of Ala Alba who ran across of—

"Emiya-san?"

The boy was not one Negi was familiar with, but he'd made a point of learning the names and faces of as many students all across the schools as he could, and he'd remember this one well because of his last name, and what it meant for the whole magical community. Recent experiences had only reinforced that importance. Kuro-san had not been restrained in bragging about how awesome her brother was.

"Negi-sensei?" the taller, older redhead asked back, squinting at him and his companions through the heavy curtain of constantly falling icy water. Since he had no umbrella on him at the time, he'd resorted to shielding himself under a newspaper he was holding over his head, but that newspaper was by now reduced to a sopping, limp mess of paper slowly breaking apart between his fingers. "What are you doing out here under this rain?"

He was not alone, Negi realized, for other than Tohsaka Rin-san, who hung close to him (her Servant currently invisible and herself well protected by an umbrella of her own, since she had lived in London until recently and had formed the habit of carrying her own umbrella due to that countries habit of trying to have spring summer, fall and winter all happen on the same day) there was another female standing closely behind the young man. One mostly wrapped in a concealing, gray long overcoat, with a blue baseball hat obscuring most of her features. For some reason, alock of hair was sticking through it. Somehow. The rain did not seem to be bothering her at all, as she just stood there making no effort to protect herself from it.

Truth be told, so much of her was hidden from sight Negi himself, months ago, wouldn't have been able to tell at first if that person happened to be male or female. But close constant contact with large numbers of females had sharpened such perceptions of his more than he'd care to admit or even acknowledge.

Rito, who was also far more familiar with details of feminine anatomy of late through repeated close exposure, knew it immediately as well, and so took a cautious step back, wanting to lessen the chances of slipping on a puddle and landing on that stranger or that famous Sempai with the twintails as much as he could.

The woman with the delicate, beautiful half-obscured features kept on looking sharply, emotionlessly at them with her piercing green eyes while Emiya Shirou answered apologetically. She seemed to be analyzing each one of them in much the same way Setsuna would do to incoming large groups of strangers while walking down the street. "Oh, yeah, that, this must look kinda strange for you, right? Sorry, um, w... came from the church just now."

"The church, right," Misa chuckled secretively, leaning closer to Madoka and Sakurako. "Like that excuse ever works."

"The church?" Negi blinked. "You mean—"

Misora, meanwhile, frowned at the trio of older teens. She was vaguely familiar with Tohsaka, she'd often visit Father Kirei and they'd have lots of secret reunions just the two of them, but that only made her dislike that Sempai. If her suspicions were right, she was sleeping on the side with Father Kirei, who was supposed to be her tutor or something like that, and seriously, who could ever trust anybody with taste that bad? She wondered if Tohsaka knew about Father Kirei's blond boytoy who came over a lot and practically lived in the basement with him.

"The Mary Magdalene, yeah," Emiya admitted to the boy everyone in campus knew. He was supposed to be a genius, so in turn Shirou supposed it was no shock he not only would recognize him as well but would know he was no Catholic, judging from his confused tone. "It's a long story, but ... oh, oh, my manners!" He seemed all too happy to change the subject while gesturing toward the silent woman. "I think you already know Tohsaka," this was confirmed by a dry nod from both Rin and Negi, "and this is, well, a friend of mine, a new friend—"

Then he seemed to get stuck again, as if at a loss to announce his alleged friend's name.

"Saber," she said, flat and calculated, studying Negi's presence carefully. "You may call me Saber. Pleased to meet you, Professor. I have heard of you."

Tohsaka had been, after all, generous enough to even give her a quick crash course on the local notables.

Then it struck Negi, and from the faint muted gasps behind him, he guessed Ayaka, Chisame and Haruna, at least, had made the connection as well. Saber. That name. Now he knew why she'd seemed vaguely familiar to him. The memories of Kuro-san's exposition during the trip to Kyoto came back to him, triggering all sorts of alarm signs. Kuro-san had said Emiya-san was her sibling back in her own world. And then, nights after that, Illyasviel von Einzbern herself had introduced herself to Negi, and said—

"Negi-sensei, are you okay?" Emiya-san asked him, now sounding even more worried, and Negi cursed himself inwardly. Control, he urged himself. Now more than ever, you need control. This must be what Kuro-san was preparing you for. Rise to the challenge, then. Don't let it show. Your fear. Your—

He nodded mechanically. "Y-Yes. Sorry, Emiya-san. I just happened to have... a slight spell of sorts. I mean, I, I had a lot of physical exercise today, and I was a bit dizzy, but that's all right, we'll just head back home and—"

Then there was a slight, soft giggle he knew all too well, despite hearing it only once before. But it had left a lasting mark on his memory, and so Negi clenched his teeth, while Saber-san grew alert, her hand as if gesturing for something at her side. Emiya-san also looked in the direction the tiny, cute giggle had come from, down the deserted street, into the growing shadows of the stormy day.

Then the ground beneath their feet seemed to shake ever so lightly, once, then twice, as a gigantic lurching shape appeared in the distance slowly heading towards them, became visible, with a much smaller figure sitting atop it. Negi's blood froze in his veins. Misa frowned and then squinted as much as possible, since the smaller shape seemed oddly familiar to her for some reason.

"Shirou. Behind me," Saber-san curtly said, but Emiya was as paralyzed as Negi was at the time, although from perplexity rather than dread.

"I had been waiting for this moment, and it was about time!" the tiny, pale person sitting atop the muscular, shirtless giant with grayish skin and red eyes that almost seemed to glow said, loud and clear. Neither of them seemed upset in the slightest by the intense rain either. "For my two brothers to be together, so I could introduce myself properly! Good afternoon, Shirou-kun and Negi-kun!"

She tilted ahead just a bit, perfect, tiny white teeth glinting or at least giving the illusion of it, her diminutive hands wrangled into the thick, messy black locks of her ride's long hair. Violet eyes feasting on the sights before her. Anticipating what there was to come.

"Your big sister's here," she said. "Your Illya-chan!"

"Ah!" Misa cried, pointing and rushing back in shocked recognition. "White Kuro!"

Rito blinked. "White Black?" he dubiously repeated. And Rin groaned to herself. Another lame Japanese wordplay gag that wouldn't work half as well in English anyway!

---

The man was truly gigantic, a mass of grotesque muscle wielding a massive slab of rock that was to the sword what the rock is to the bullet. It was easily twice as big as Illya herself. Chisame guessed that had to be her Servant, although he did not look at all like the Dark Knight Kuro had spoken about while mentioning her 'sister's' Servant. Still, he definitely gave a matching sense of threat and undiluted power, and even the often stupidly brave Negi could not blame Emiya-san for freezing in place where he stood, one of his hands tightly wrapped around one of Saber's wrists.

While Tohsaka cursed under her breath and swiftly shook some gems out of her sleeves, expertly rolling them between her fingers, the blond woman simply stood defiantly in an expert stance and as if holding some manner of invisible or imaginary weapon between her hands. With a mere shrug, she had allowed the long coat drop off herself, momentarily revealing to be a pair of skimpy shorts, a nigh-microscopic top, very high stockings and some shoes before there was a blaze of light, and when she was visible again she wore a long regal blue dress with armored plates all over it, plus heavy, thick gloves of matching armor.

Chisame was instantly jealous at how modest and lacking in nudity her transformation sequence was.

It hardly looked like the most comfortable outfit to fight in, Negi dimly thought before his full attention returned to Illyasviel, who had shifted around so she sat cross legged on a shoulder of the giant.

"Illya-san," the younger boy said. "Why are you here? It can't be to hurt me, since otherwise you'd have done it the first time we met..."

"Do you know her?" Saber coolly asked him, her eyes still fixed on the titan who fumed at her like a mad bull waiting to be released.

Negi had to nod slowly. "Not too much, but yes... We have crossed paths once before. And her Servants looks… vaguely familiar for some reason. But—"

"That's not all, I also happened to meet your little girlfriend back at London," Illya mischievously said, eyes narrowing and smirk growing. "Spirited young lady, I actually liked her a lot! Better make sure she won't ever become your grieving widow!"

"Girlfriend?" Ayaka coldly asked, her hand briefly stopping in the task of pulling her Pactio card out. "Widow?!"

"Anya?" Negi gasped, his hand reaching for his staff without even fully realizing it. "You... You didn't do anything to Anya, did you?"

"Why is she the first girl to come to your mind when someone talks about your girlfriend?" Misora asked pointedly.

"How many other people does he know who lives at London, dumbass?" Chisame sizzled at her. "Seriously, do you think this really is the moment to be thinking of that crap?!"

"I said I liked her, didn't I?" the tiny albino asked back, smirk dissolving. "As for you, I won't make such promises just yet. First I have to see if you're indeed a worthy brother of mine. I can tell, however, someone else isn't."

"Wow," Makie blinked. "So that's your little sis, Negi-kun? I like her, she's cute! The added edge only makes her cuter! So we've found one of the sisters your dad was talking about…"

"She is n—" Negi began, then bit his tongue as it clearly was unwise to provoke the obvious prodigy Magus with a Servant at her beck and call. "Illya-san, please listen, let's be reasonable here, I'm not sure what have you heard about us, but—"

Illya's gaze drifted towards Shirou, who was coming back to himself enough as to now try and pull Saber back with himself, and completely fail at doing so. "Although," the small girl added, completely ignoring Negi now, "I wasn't expecting for this boy to be able to summon a Servant himself, and of the Saber class, no less. I see Father might have been able to teach him something after all. Well," she said, leaping down to land on her booted feet on the sidewalk, scaring Misa further, and then pulling the edges of the skirt up a bit, enough as to properly accompany her subtle bowing in a cutesy curtsy, "now we'll see exactly how much! Berserker! Kill that ugly Servant!"

Then there was a roar, not unlike that of a huge beast from long gone eras, something that might have haunted the nightmares of the first men and women in a young world, something that chilled Negi, Keiichi, Rito and Shirou to their very cores, and made Madoka, Misora, Sora and Ai shriek while covering their ears. Itoshiki yawned and drew out his ruler.

And then, in a blink, before any of them could truly react past the primal dread or awe that roar elicited from them, the massive titan was charging at them with incredible speed, so fast as a matter of fact only one of them could react to it. That was Saber, who similarly charged forward, leaving Emiya's hand suddenly holding nothing but air, and ducking under the first mace swing of the colossus, striking with her invisible or imaginary (Negi dearly hoped for the former) weapon at the muscular midsection of the Berserker.

And Negi could literally feel the shockwaves of the clash making the ground rattle under his feet. He hadn't seen such display of power since Kyoto; even the mountain of a man known only as Walter who had fought Kotaro recently seemed to be nothing compared to the raw aura of power literally emanating from this behemoth, who didn't even flinch at the obviously also very powerful direct attack Saber had directed at his granitic body.

Instead of expressing any pain or being set back at all, the Berserker simply swatted Saber aside like a fly, sending her crashing against a wall. "SABER!" Shirou cried, trying to rush for her, before Negi, still mostly reacting instinctively, held him from behind, pulling him back before the taller young man could advance.

"Oh crap!" Rin backed away further on agile legs, readying her magic and commanding Vigilante in a whisper to hold himself back just yet. She suspected his apparition in the middle of this particular situation could only cause more chaos and worsen things, rather than actually helping any. She could hear his faint growl of frustration, but he obviously didn't dare disobey her yet, since one moment later the puff of purple smoke still failed to manifest itself.

Negi steeled himself, breathing as deeply as he could. He could feel the nervous gazes of his team, all on him, as they tensely waited for his reaction, their cue of what to do. Well, all but Lala-san, who only stared in wide eyed fascination at Berserker's display of raw power, no doubt scheming to end up studying him under a microscope eventually. And maybe even literally to boot.

So. That was what leadership truly felt like. He wasn't all too sure he liked that feeling just yet. It was very different, despite the surface similarities, to what he felt in his comfortable role as a teacher.

For all he knew, he would be very outmatched here, in this conflict between legendary heroes whose recognition dwarfed even that of his father. In fact, he was practically sure of it. As for his team, they didn't have Setsuna, Asuna and Haruka, their strongest hitters, or Konoka, their healer, and they were too far to be summoned, not that he wanted to endanger them as well in the first place anyway.

Still, he couldn't just stand back and simply let that happen as he did nothing but watching.

"Rastel Ma Scir Magister..." he began to softly chant under his breath...

"Bure bure bure bure..." Itoshiki joined him, since after all he could recognize a golden chance to die whenever he saw it.

---

"This is so foolish," a bored-sounding Illya commented, standing on the sidewalk while looking at the fingernails of one of her hands. With the other, she was establishing a sound-dampening Bounded Field to cover the area. It wouldn't do, after all, to have nosy bystanders call the local authorities to interrupt this perfectly nice match. "Do you know who Berserker is? It's Heracles! You just don't get into a fight with Heracles and, well, survive it! What a couple of dumb brothers I have!"

"Heracles?" Makie asked, catching her ball Artifact back after it had bounced off Berserker's head, as useless as everything else they were trying on him.

And they were trying a lot; while Saber frontally attacked the giant by repeteadly hacking and slashing on his muscular front, Ala Alba tried to, at the very least, keep him distracted. Negi zapped at his upper section with a constant stream of Sagitta Magicas, already starting to clench his teeth under the pressure. Misa, who'd gotten turned around while running away and had eventually found her way back to them, was throwing needles at Berserker's eyes, aiming like Kuro had, ironically, taught her to; but while most of her hits did connect, they didn't look like they were blinding the creature. It was doubtful even blinding him would have mattered after all, since he attacked with single minded intensity not unlike that of a mindless beast.

However, as Negi realized immediately, Berserker followed Illyasviel's orders to the letter, so when she had commanded for him to kill Saber, that was what he focused on. That meant he thankfully ignored the youngsters attacking him from all sides, treating them as pests beneath his attention. Negi realized, to his dawning horror, that had she ordered him to kill everyone, at least a few of his students would be dead by now.

"Hercules!" he gasped. "That's the Greek name for Hercules, Makie-san! Everyone keep their distance!"

"That means you too, Sempai!" Misora yelled, using her Pactio enhanced strength to keep the desperate Shirou grabbed from behind. "Are you suicidal? Even Despair-sensei is keeping himself out of reach!"

"I, I don't want to turn a child into a murderess by association, that's all," Itoshiki weakly argued, standing by Negi and shooting thick strands of darkness from his wooden ruler, trying to grab Berserker's legs and keep him in place. Since he was no Gilgamesh and his spell was no Enkidu, it was having little to no effect, although a lone figure standing on a rooftop high above them, overlooking the fight, was still taking good note of the strategy. Not that he needed it, but he was such a chronic thie— err, rightful claimer of approaches mongrels might develop but only he could use properly.

The handsome blond man in biker leathers kept most of his attention on Saber's heroically struggling figure, however, a boken lazily resting in his hand. "It's you," he purred huskily, with a cruel, lecherous smile. "I knew you just had to come back to me..."

Lashing from behind with her whip, Ayaka redoubled her efforts even though she already felt like her arms were going to fall. "Cocone-san!" she called out. "Your divine thunderbolt!"

"You're all too close, might hit you as well," Cocone said, keeping her cross well in hand, and standing shortly behind Misora and Shirou. "Akashi-san? This is a magical being, why aren't your bullets working on it?"

"Do you think the damn guns talk to me, how am I supposed to know?!" Yuuna complained, unloading another round on the monster's tough hide and then cocking her guns at her side, reloading them instantly. Even if actual ammo was not needed, the effort itself was after twelve shots each time. She took aim at Berserker's now hugely open, roaring mouth and grunted, "Let's see if this one works..."

When the next magic cancel bullet was just crushed between Berserker's teeth with a minor explosion that didn't even inconvenience him, Makie gestured at Yuuna. "Okay, Yuuna-chan, that's enough! Hand me one!"

Yuuna blinked, then obeyed immediately. "Wh-What are you trying to do? Even if you're a better shooter than me..." and that was true, even after all the gun coaching Makie had been giving her at the resort, "the bullets themselves won't get any better..."

"You still can't do this," Makie calmly said, taking aim. "It's a much smaller target, and well, sorry, you don't have the guts."

"What do you mean with— Oh!" Yuuna gasped, realizing Makie was instead aiming at the White Kuro, who simply smirked evilly and raised her hands, deploying a barrier before herself. Makie still shot, undeterred, and the bullet flew, reaching the shield in a second and then, to Illya's brief but crushing shock, outright rippling through it, then to hit her squarely in the face...

"What— YES, OH YES!" Misa gushed, pausing in the middle of another throw. "Hah ha! Take that you evil, evil loli! I might not be able to beat up Evangeline but other little girls are fair game!"

llya dropped on her butt on the sidewalk, rubbing her aching face and whining. "Ouchie!" she said, fleetingly said as if her connection with Berserker blinked, and that made her feel so crushingly cold and alone under the rain. "What, what's your game here, you stupid Japanese girl?!"

Berserker himself paused for a moment, one that Saber immediately used to plunge her invisible blade in his midsection, although even that didn't seem to rattle him at all. Instead, he only said, clear and distinctively, with a voice that still was growling and deep but vaguely human now, "Why—?'' before the madness overtook him again, and he flexed his arms and roared, the force of his angry scream sending everyone stumbling back.

"Well," Skuld blinked, "she's my Ministra after all, but unfortunately she's also an idiot."

"Well, excuuuuuuse me, Master!" Makie protested. "I wasn't listening to the brilliant smart-girl ideas you were having but not telling us!"

Illya jumped back to her feet, pointing madly in pretty much all directions. "Berserker, Berserker, Berserker! You know what you have to do!"

"... there's only one good idea to have while battling this guy," Skuld gulped, then turned tail and ran away for dear life. "RUN AWAY!"

"... see, that's why she's genius in our team, sorry, Hakase!" Misora gulped, letting go of Shirou and grabbing Cocone by a hand. "Sensei, you heard the fake but still sensible deity, let's scram!"

"You do that!" Negi insisted, blasting at the rampaging Berserker while he battered on Saber, the smaller Servant's sword barely offering any defense against the force of his blows. Even so, her face was bleeding, and there were tiny cracks on the front of her armor, where the slab of rock had hit. "That includes you, Emiya-san!" he warned, as Itoshiki put his tendrils to better use by restraining Shirou, who still struggled to get to Saber's side.

"He's right, your teachers have suicide privileges, you don't!" Itoshiki chastised the young man sternly. "Besides, what will I tell Fujimura-sensei if I get you killed? She'd kill me!"

Makie sighed as she finished her cellphone call. Her cellphone, by the way, was pink and had Hello Kitty stickers all over it, with a sticker photo of her and her mothers on the back. Because she was that kind of girl. "Well, that leaves us with Plan B, then."

"Plan B?" Haruna asked, drawing a Death Metal album cover-looking skull ram head and battering on Berserker's head from above.

"Akira-chan said they happened to be close enough, luckily," Makie calmly shrugged, pocketing the cellphone back. "Since the Sailor Senshi move so fast, and Honya-chan has that Jump card going for her, they should be here..."

"FOOL!" a voice called out from above.

Makie pouted. "A fool? You too, Honya-chan? That's what I get from—?"

"Who are you—" Illya looked back and over her shoulder at the source of the unknown voice, and she found herself staring at the grinning face of a green haired Loli in clown makeup. "— bwuh?"

The strange girl grabbed her hand, shook it with a small deranged chuckle, and then Illya cried as a jolt of electricity shook her into unconsciousness.

Berserker immediately stopped hammering on the trembling Saber, looked back at his Master, who now laid at the feet of the newly arrived Nodoka and Yue, and made a leap for her, leaving everyone behind. As quick as carefully, he scooped the tiny, sleeping albino child in his huge arms, looked at her face for a second, and then exhaled what only could be called a hellish sigh of relief. Then he stared madly at those gathered around him, roared viciously sending them down again, and leapt away with his precious charge, disappearing from sight into the storm.

"You just," Yue said from under her umbrella to Nodoka, "used a still-untested Card to zap a small child with electricity, under a heavy rain."

"A small child who was about to have Negi-sensei and Haruna killed," Nodoka corrected. "Is… is everyone okay? Sorry, we came as soon as we received Makie-san's call. It took us a bit since for some reason we couldn't hear the noise of the fight..."

"Nodo-chan, Yuecchi!" Haruna ran to hug them tightly, smashing them against her breasts, the smaller girls starting to wave their arms around because of the sudden suffocation. "Oh, I'm so glad to see you! You're the best, never change!"

"Yue!" Lala finally popped out of the trash bin where Berserker had forcefully slammed her into earlier in the fight, a bit we didn't bother to show Because Reasons. She smiled as bright and proudly as ever, despite her head being covered in rancid junk that made Peke shudder and cough. "My savior princess!"

"I, I didn't do anything, what are you talking about...?" Yue said as she struggled free from the chuckling Haruna's grasp.

"Yeah, well, join the club," Sailor Venus grumbled, jumping down from the rooftop of the ceiling where she had stood a moment ago, followed by Mercury, Mars, Artemis and Kero. "Seriously, Bookstore-san, what's the big idea, not leaving this stuff to professionals? Oh, and you have even more now, I see," she frowned at Saber, who was staggering back breathing heavily, and Shirou, who was coming to her side to hold her tenderly on her feet. "For real, Sensei, why don't you just hand out recruitment fliers like the SOS Brigade, it'd be less—"

Then her jaw slackened, as she realized the identity of the guy she could barely see through the curtain of water. She pointed and cried, all but openly gushing, "Ah! You're him! The high jump boy!"

"The who of what now?" an annoyed Shiho muttered, while Negi came to Nodoka's side to profusely thank her, which made her blush adorably, and then to ask her why she was in the company of a loli-Joker crossplayer, which made her blush in shame.

"You see," Minako excitedly said, "when I was very little, I once saw this really cool redhead who was trying to make a high jump over a bar, and while he kept on failing, he never gave up, and that was so cool, I only wish I had the courage back then to approach— Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, only now realizing the dead, humorless way that famous Sempai who was also there was staring at her, her fingers all but crushing the colorful gems between them. "Aren't you a fan of superheroes, or what?"

---

Saber dreamed, a dream not her own.

The first time Shirou actually saw his father, Shirou had been sitting on his hospital bed, as quiet as a child can be, saying nothing, doing nothing, not even looking at anything in particular. He'd been that way for a while by then, not even reacting when the nurse walked in, checked on the catheter still in his arm, and kindly told him he had a visitor.

Then the man had walked, wearing that old, gray trenchcoat over his suit, with the shade of several days without a shave, and smiling sadly, walking closer to the small bed of sheets that were as white as Shirou's thin gown. Saber felt an icy revolt in her stomach, easily recognizing that man. Emiya Kiritsugu, Magus Killer Kiritsugu, the man who had led Irisviel to a senseless death, all for a prize he even wasted at the end of it all.

Shirou finally moved his head enough as to get a good look at the tall, slim man, who seemed to have been once firm with taut muscle, but suddenly had most of the life sucked out of him. Even his eyes were gray and dull, and yet stubbornly reluctant to let go of that last sparkle of hope. His voice was pretty much the same as that.

"Hey there, Champ," he said. "Remember me? Probably not."

Shirou remained mute, not even blinking, simply staring eerily at him, perhaps struggling to remember his voice and face.

The man exhaled. "My name's Emiya Kiritsugu. And you're Shirou, I've been told."

Shirou managed to nod as best as he could. His name, he could remember that much at least. Perhaps he'd told the doctors as they struggled to save his life, although that was difficult to say for sure. The last few days had been nothing but a confusing blur where events and their sequence got wrangled with each other.

"I'll be honest with you, since we don't have much time," the man told him. "They also told me they're letting you walk out next week. After that, you can choose whether you want to go to an orphanage or stay with me."

"Ah," the child say. Only that, and nothing else.

"I've heard orphanages in this country are very good, very professional," Emiya Kiritsugu said, putting a lot of weight on each word. "While I, well, I won't lie to you, I don't have a mother for you, my house isn't too big or fancy, and I don't have the best of jobs either. Still, I was really hoping you'd let me become your Dad."

---

"Dad," Shirou said, more than one year later, as they sat on the porch of Kiritsugu's Mahora home, watching the starry sky sprinkled by New Year fireworks. "I've decided what my resolution will be!"

"Oh, yes? Let's hear it, then," Kiritsugu contentedly said.

Shirou took a deep breath in. "I want to be a Hero of Justice, just like you, Dad!"

Kiritsugu paused, first somewhat rattled and perplexed, and then pensive and contemplative. When he finally talked again, it was slow and measured, giving each word a lot of thought. "That's a certainly commendable goal, Shirou, but there are goals that are just too commendable for most of us to follow. I'm not sure if I didn't do more harm than good, but then again, I'm sure you'll be a better man than I was."

"That, that wasn't what I meant, Dad!" he gasped. "I know I'll never be as good a magus as you are, but, but I can do other things too! I'll be as strong as Takahata-sensei, or as wise as the Headmaster, I'll find a way to make up for it! I don't care as long as I get to be a Hero, and make you proud!"

"You already make me proud," the man said. "You're the best achievement I've ever managed. Listen, Shirou, I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life. I'm not sure I'm the best man to decide that. If, by the time you're a man, that's still what you want to do, just pursue that dream with all you've got and be the best hero you can and want to be. But remember, even the best of heroes can't save everyone. The most important thing… is saving those who are the closest to you…"

Kiritsugu the Magus Killer would die a few years later, but that short conversation was, perhaps, the most important he ever had with Shirou. It encapsulated the nature of their relationship, and the bond they shared, perfectly.

Just like Saber, Shirou had been raised by a flawed father not his own, but that was where most of the similarities between their origins stopped. For Saber—

---

And Saber woke up, startled.

If you're wondering, she did not wake up from troubled dreams as some kind of insect.

"Please stay down, okay?" she was told by a busty, pink haired girl she recognized as one of those who had been following Negi-sensei when they met him, gently keeping a hand on her chest before she could bolt upright. Saber took notice of the rather strange fact this girl could keep her down at all, even if she hadn't really pushed her hand up hard at all, and found herself looking up at a by now familiar ceiling. That of Shirou's bedroom, which she would visit every night as he slept as part of her routine watch duties, and definitely not to look at him while in bed. "Your wounds were so serious, we even thought of taking you to a hospital, even if Rin here said—"

"Tohsaka was correct, Heroic Spirits have no need for medical assistance. I have fully recovered now," Saber stoically said, sitting up on Shirou's futon and stretching an arm over to grab o the chestplate someone had taken off her and placed aside before adjusting it back over her shirt. As she did so, those tightly gathered in the spacious but now crowded room saw she indeed seemed completely healed, even her face having regained a pristine, almost unearthly beautiful appearance. "Illyasviel, that girl. Where is she now?"

Shifting her eyes around a bit, she saw Shirou sitting by Negi-sensei's side, looking somewhat stiffer and slightly more spent than usual. He still smiled at her, even though she didn't smile back. "Saber," he hoarsely said, "I'm so glad you're okay. But, are you sure...?"

"Yes, I am," Saber sternly replied, her tone giving no room for doubts. "Please answer my query, Shirou."

"Saber-san, you still need to rest," a girl she hadn't seen before at the scene of the field warmly told her, kneeling by her side and touching her forehead. She had short grayish hair and was rather petite, even more than Saber herself. "Your wounds may have healed now, but your body's still tired. You should go back to sleep. Oh, oh, we haven't been introduced yet, have we? How do you do, I'm Izumi Ako, assistant nurse. Hm, Akira-chan and Makie-chan called me to see if I could be of any help..."

"Pleased to meet you, Izumi-san," Saber exhaled, slightly frustrated. "And I'm, of course, happy to see you're alive and well too, Shirou," she added, and then gave a better look at Negi, who sat with his shirt off and a few bandages around an arm. Saber vaguely noticed the boy was slightly more muscular than she'd have thought for a child of this era, but then, that explained how she'd seen him move around Berserker while avoiding the brute's strikes. "However, before anything else, I'd like to have my question about Illyasviel-san answered..."

"She's okay, she left with her bargain bin Solomon Grundy after Miyazaki here took her down," mumbled the pockmarked girl with glasses and a ponytail who also sat by Negi. The short girl with thick purple bangs hanging over her face looked down in awkwardness. "If what Tohsaka-sempai told us about her family while you slept is of any indication, and if she's anything at all like... well, some person like her we once met, then she should be allright. Seriously, though, what did you guys ever do to her?"

"Me?" Shirou asked back. "N-No, I don't even know who she is... She called me a 'brother', but ..."

"It looks like she's under some sort of delusion she and I share a father," Negi said, as Rin eyed him dubiously, and Itoshiki tried to look innocent, rummaging through Shirou's closet in search for anything to cut or hang himself with. "Where do you fit into that, though, I don't know."

"Is that so?" a frowning Shirou asked. "Well, Dad was my adoptive father, not blood related to me. I don't even know who were my birth family. That could have something to do with it, although no records have survived from my hometown's destruction, so I have no idea what might have made her think that. Anyway, no one was killed after all, right? Then everything's alright..."

"No, of course it's not 'alright'!" protested the ponytailed girl. "You don't know what you've just gotten into, do you?!"

"I must agree with her, Shirou," Saber dryly said. "Even after being told of the Grail War, and after listening to the priest's words, you don't seem to be taking this as seriously as you should. Your behavior on the battleground was hardly befitting a Master."

"Actually, that goes for you as well!" the ponytailed girl snapped. "Look, great warrior of the past, future or alternate world or not, I doubt you have any actual idea of what's going on with this whole Grail business!"

"Oh?" Saber coldly regarded her. "Would you happen to be a Master as well?"

"Me? Perish the thought!" the girl recoiled. "Do I look like a suicidal idiot to you?"

"Hey!" Rin and Shirou protested.

"Chisame, please, this isn't the way to explain it," Negi wearily said. "Emiya-san, Saber-san, Tohsaka-san, these are my roommates and students Hasegawa Chisame-san and Hakase Satomi-san, and the rest of them... well, they are our fellow members of the English Research Society. And the Sailor Senshi."

"Why the heck are we still here?" Sailor Mars mumbled, sitting near the door in seiza and impatiently tapping her fingers on her knees.

"It's still raining, would you rather go out and soak to the bone?" Sailor Venus hushed her, with a finger on her own mouth. "Now be quiet and don't make me, I mean us, look bad in front of Sempai!"

Shiho grimaced, giving Shirou a disdainful glance while Mercury looked like she really wished to be anywhere now but by their side. "You and your taste in men," she muttered to Venus. "No point of comparison at all with my Oniichan!"

Shirou perhaps overheard this, as he was next heard sighing heavily, like a man who is being insulted right at his own home but is too polite to mention it. "Pleased to meet you all, and sorry to have brought you into this. But, if we could know exactly what's—"

"That Grail thing is cursed!" Chisame blurted out, and Saber's eyes subtly widened for a moment./ppRin did a sudden, violent spit-take, and a small voice by her side could also be briefly heard gasping aloud. "S-SAY WHAT?!"

"We don't know that for sure just yet," Negi gently told Chisame.

"Murphy's Law!" Chisame said. "When something can go wrong, it'll go wrong! And it went wrong in Kuro-san's world!"

"That's... a very pessimistic outlook on things," her teacher tried to reason.

"She was nearly pulped to death by a murderous brute strung along by a creepy little girl who would've then killed us all!" Chisame argued, pointing vigorously at Saber. "Do you think that's what would happen in a War where everything was going on just fine?!"

"If everything were going well and in a civilized fashion, would there be a War in the first place, Chisame?" the girl named Satomi argued in response.

Shirou nodded. "Yeah, well. The way I see it, too, any Artifact people kill each other for is already cursed, in its own way. But you'll have to explain further..."

Yue sighed and stood up. "I'll go brew up some tea. I feel we'll be here for a while."

---

"You're an idiot, Berserker!" Illyasviel pouted as she finished stripping down. The rain tapped furiously on the large windows of her pool bath, Sayoko dutifully waiting by the water with a bucket of bathing implements in a hand and a folded white towel in the other. Illya walked past her as she continued berating the giant who had stayed by the doorstep, quiet and silent. "You could have killed them all before leaving! Argh, that's the problem with summoning a Berserker, all muscles and no brains! I should've summoned you as an Archer instead!"

"Well," Sayoko stoically said, "lamenting that now won't solve anything. You will always have more chances later. Besides, are you sure you really wanted your blood brother dead? I thought—"

"On second thought," Illya bitterly commented, "servants who do think are just as annoying as those who don't. Look, Sayoko, that boy disappointed me, okay? Hanging around all those dumb, ugly girls, like a two-bit Casanova... Honestly! I should have suspected that much after meeting his slutty girlfriend in London!"

"I'm more worried," the unflappable maid said as Illya entered the warm water in the nude, "you told them of Berserker's identity. Should they find a way to exploit his weaknesses..."

"Which weaknesses?!" the annoyed albino growled, resting in the water, letting her long silver hair float around her. "His complete invincibility? His beyond godly strength? His peerless skill in battle? His numerous appearances in every medium ever? Even if they had years, they still couldn't find a way to damage Berseker. That's not the problem."

"Then what is it?" Sayoko asked.

Illya frowned, staring up at the chamber's ceiling. "What is that to you, Sayoko? Know your place."

"My place is with Master Einzbern," Sayoko formally declared, "and without her, I wouldn't know what to do, or where to go. That is why this is, indeed, my problem, Master Einzbern."

The frown only grew. "You might," she decided, "be even dumber than Berserker."

Sayoko said nothing, but her expression remained just as grimly serious./ppIllya sighed, closing her eyes. "I won't die, of course. But, in the event I did, I'd like you to keep on living, Sayoko. Go to the Britannian House, tell them I sent you. I'm sure Lelouch and Nunnally will be glad to take you in, just like with Sella and Leysritt. They'll be glad to have their girlfriend back for threesomes" Sayoko lowered her head.

"Whatever you do, however," Illya cautioned, "never go back to Grandfather. He'd punish you as if my failure— if I ever could have one— were yours."

"I don't feel comfortable discussing impossibilities of this caliber, Master," Sayoko uncomfortably confessed.

"Good. Neither do I."

Sayoko kept on looking at the little girl who was like the only family she had, and despite her cold, unchanging exterior, she could feel a deep, lasting pain burning inside of her.

It kept on raining on the castle in the woods.

---

"I see," said Saber-san, long after Negi's explanation (complete with helpful diagrams he had quickly sketched out during his narration. He was no Haruna, but Shirou could see his experience as a teacher had paid off. The boy was a master with a sketchboard— now, if only Shirou could remember where he had been keeping that sketchboard in the first place) had begun, and even longer after they all had gathered around the Emiyas' rather wide dinner table. For such a loner, Kiritsugu had always been well prepared for large visits, in more than one sense.

"You see," Chisame weakly echoed, pushing her thick glasses back up her nose. She couldn't believe the cold blood this woman had taken the news with, even if she was supposed to be some sort of hardened ancient warrior.

"YOU SEE!?" Rin heatedly agreed, her eyes spiraling feverishly, her hands slamming on the table's surface. Near her, a vaguely Jim Cummings-esque voice could be faintly heard ranting to itself in dismayed confusion, although only Itoshiki seemed to be noticing it, frowning in puzzlement as if trying to remember something.

Indeed, and given several of the events around the conclusion of the previous Grail War, it wouldn't surprise me if what you are saying is actually true," Saber stoically said.

"Eh?" Shirou blinked, breaking from his thoughts on the subject of sketchboards. "Saber, you took part in the War ten years ago?"

She nodded.

"Wow!" Shirou said. "And who was your Master then?"

Saber stared coldly at him. "Shirou, in whose tool shed did you happen to summon me, without a catalyst in your hands, and without any conscious effort to do so? I believe that should give you a clue."

Shirou's jaw went slack. "You knew my father?!"

Negi sneezed. "Excuse me," he said, wiping his nose and glad this time he hadn't accidentally set off a stripping spell.

"Oh my God," Chisame ominously said. "We have another one now."

"Hey," Negi pouted.

Yuuna scowled. "That better not mean what I think it meant, Chisame."

Haruna chuckled and whispered to Rito, "Well, at least he actually figured it out. I was so sure he wouldn't!"

Rito politely nodded, since there were cases that Honor Amongst Males simply couldn't provide cover for.

"We might talk about that some other day," Saber told Shirou, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. "Aren't you the slightest concerned, instead, about the matter of the Holy Grail itself being corrupted?"

"Um, actually, no," Shirou replied. "After all, I couldn't stop thinking about what Father Kotomine told me, about how I'd want to use the wish from the Grail for my own goals, and it had me worried, if I or anyone else could be trusted with that sort of power." Then he smiled. "But this really takes that concern off my mind! Now, if the Grail's evil, we have no reason to worry about that! After all, no one should wish on it, so all there's left to do is to destroy it! As the saying goes, lets solve this problem by burning it!"

"..." Saber, Rin, Keiichi, Negi, Ayaka, Misa, Madoka, Misora, Satomi and Chisame said.

Tsunetsuki Matoi, on the other hand, simply nodded sagely and said, "Well thought, Emiya-kun. No wonder I fell in DEEP LOVE with you that summer, after watching you almost jumping that bar..."

"Gahhhhh, it's you!" Shirou abruptly pulled back from the table, panicking in recognition of a sight from several years ago. "You were here?!"

"Yes, always," Matoi nodded.

"Hadn't you noticed?" Saber asked her Master. "Well, it matters not. If this truly is no misdirection or trickery, then I shall obliterate the Grail itself with my Noble Phantasm. Should that fail, I cannot think of other force in the world up to the task."

"Awfully sure of yourself, aren'tcha, Cutie?" Haruna observed.

"Haruna-san..." Negi said.

"What's a Noble Phantasm anyway?" Madoka asked.

"Oh, that's right, you weren't there during Kuro-chan's lectures and we haven't had the time to fill you in yet," Makie said. "Well, to be honest I was asleep through most of that explanation myself, and I could used a refresher too. I remember those really cute Chibis, the whole thing about that cursed cup wanting to destroy the world, and about Saber-san here being really skilled at fellatio, but I don't remember anything about Noble Phantoms or Phantasms! Eh heh heh, sorry, it was too much info and I wasn't taking notes!"

Saber broke into a sudden, violent fit of choking while Shirou and the rest of the girls blushed deeply.

"... I still don't know what fellatio is," Negi mumbled.

Makie shrugged. "If it makes you feel any better, Negi-kun, I don't either. Maybe that's why it stuck with me, because it sounds so funny, but... maybe we should look it up on the Internet?"

"NO!" Ayaka, Keiichi, Rito, Rin, the disembodied voice next to Rin, Madoka and Chisame yelled at once.

Shirou, in the meantime, had slowly edged away from the also slowly crumbling, embarassed Saber, but he stopped himself with a start and a yelp when he saw he was moving steadily towards Matoi.

"It's okay, Emiya-kun, I got over my DEEP LOVE for you long ago," Matoi assured him. "Now and forevermore, I shall only love Chisame-sama... well, and a bit of Negi-sama on the side, too," she conceded.

Chisame blinked, then clutched onto Emiya's sleeve. "Sempai. Tell me how you did it. Please!"

"He was oblivious to my needs, overreacted to my displays of affection, treated me as an embarrassment in public, and never understood me," Matoi explained for him. Then she cooed while hugging Chisame. "Nothing like you at all, Chisame-sama!"

"Why me?!" Chisame screamed while Satomi puffed her cheeks up.

Saber, a bit more recovered now, stared at Shirou. "Truly you were a deplorable romantic partner, Shirou. Shame on you."

"She was never my girlfriend!" Shirou said.

"You tell him, Saber-sama!" Matoi said while Chisame tried to peel her off herself. "Never give him fellatio, even if he begs you for it!"

"I have no idea what are you talking about!" the Lion of Camelot roared at her.

---

"Okay, before this goes any further," Rin said, in no small part to give the poor Saber a break, "there are several things I'd like to ask you."

Negi nodded. "Please ask as much as you want to."

"Okay," Rin sighed, folding her arms on the table. "Are you really sure that girl, that 'Kuro' you speak of, actually came from another dimension? Because bringing someone from across the borders between dimensions, while theoretically possible, is only reserved to practitioners of True Magic, who are all but extinct now. Master Zelretch from the Clock Tower might be able to do it, but..."

"True Magic?" Makie blinked.

"What us Magi and you guys use," Rin nodded, twirling a pointer finger in Ala Alba's general direction, "is Magecraft."

"Wizardry," Negi corrected.

"Magecraft."

"Wizardry."

"Magecraft."

"Wizardry."

"Magecraft!"

"Wizardry!"

"I now get why you guys don't seem to have a lot to do with each other," Chisame said.

"No, wait, how is that not True Magic?" Makie protested. "I've seen Negi-kun throwing arrows of light, putting people to sleep with spells, stripping people with sneezes and finding a book that made me smart, and you're saying that's not True Magic?!"

"Technically, it was Chachamaru-san who found the book," Negi said.

"That's all real magic, of course, but it's not True Magic!" Rin argued.

"What are you saying, that makes no sense!" Makie kept on shouting, "Real Magic only can be True, because if it's True it has to be Real and—!"

"Aaaaarrrgh, never mind!" Rin shook her hands up. "I'm not taking the time to educate a neophyte for free when even her own Magister hasn't bothered to!"

Makie pouted. "See, Kuro-chan would have done it! And she'd have done it with cute chibis and funny sound effects!"

Rin sighed, deflating, then chose to keep on addressing Negi instead. "So anyway, about that question..."

Negi nodded. "She and our counterparts did indeed come from a parallel world, Tohsaka-san. And yes, True Magic was indeed involved."

"Of course it would," Makie mumbled, "if it's real magic, then it has to be True, because—"

"Okay, let's go with that," Rin interrupted. "Even so, if you really have been sitting on that information this whole time, why haven't you shared it with our higher-ups, or at least the Church? And I mean more than nun apprentices, no offense intended."

"None taken," an obviously offended Misora said.

"We didn't have any solid evidence, what could we do?" Negi asked. "Even so, we did tell the Elders of the Kanto and Kansai Associations. I'm sure they sent the requisite warnings to the rest of the Associations. Whether they bothered to tell anyone is beyond our power."

Rin hummed. "I never heard anything about that, not even from Kotomine. Well, they still think of me as a child, after all." Pause. "Again, no offense intended."

"None taken," Negi sincerely said.

"Still, it's problematic," Rin pondered, "Kotomine may be... well, not a pleasant person, but he still takes great care to do his job well. For him to forfeit warning Masters of the possibility the Great Grail might be tainted, that's strange from someone as fastidious as him."

"Maybe he didn't really think it could happen?" Shirou shrugged. "If there wasn't any actual proof after all..."

"I suppose you're right," Rin uneasily conceded. "Well, I don't really care if I have to destroy the Grail. I didn't have any wishes to ask from it anyway."

"Oh, come on," Misa said.

"No, no, I mean it!" Rin replied. "It's not like I don't have any dreams or aspirations, but I want to chase after them on my own, not just getting them as freebies from any magical source. I can't even say I'd use it to bring my parents back to life, since it has been said the Grail cannot be used to revive the dead."

"Oh," Misora softly said. "You're an orphan then? Sorry to hear that."

Rin half-smiled. "Thank you. My sister and I have carried on rather well ever since, in any case. As long as I have her and my career, I don't see the need to ask for anything from the Grail."

"Then why did you enter the War in the first place, Tohsaka?" Shirou curiously questioned.

"Eh?" Chisame said. "She's a Master as well?"

"Ahem," Rin rasped, blushing a bit, "yes, I am, but—"

"I can't believe it!" Misa said. "Then why didn't you call on your Servant to help us against that freaky bull-elephant-dinosaur man!? Were you waiting to see how many of us would he flatten before achieving the status of an emergency?!"

"Bull-elephant-dinosaur man?" asked Sakurako and Madoka, blinking.

"My Servant..." Rin slowly said, keeping her gaze low, "Well, I'm sure you'd understand if you saw my Servant..."

"Hey," the disembodied voice grunted.

Yuuna huffed, tapping her fingers on the table. "Then let's see that fabled Servant already."

Rin clenched her teeth and ground them together. "I don't have to show him off if I don't want to..."

"Tohsaka," Saber spoke then, stern and firmly. "As a Servant myself, I find your current behavior deplorable."

Rin blinked at her. "What?!"

"No Master should ever be ashamed of their Servant," Saber told her, turning on the pressure. "For a Servant fights for their Master's life and happiness, and unless the Servant betrays that sacred bond, which Vigilante has not done yet, it's the Master's duty to repay in kind by not reneging from their connection. I can understand keeping your identity as a Master a secret, as well as your Servant's real identity, but once you have been revealed, out of all the reasons to keep your Servant hidden, shame is the most cowardly and dishonorable."

She slammed a gauntlet on her breastplate and added, "I cannot, in a good conscience, share my table with someone who would feel embarrassment over a faithful comrade in arms. Decide, then, if you will keep yourself set in your ways so I can leave, or reconsider your stance so I remain."

An aghast Rin simply stared in silence at the scowling young woman who had lectured her so harshly while Lala blinked and said, "But, this isn't your table anyway...?"

Rin ended up sighing, admitting defeat. "Okay. You're right, Saber, I'm sorry. Vigilante," she clapped once. "Show yourself, please."

A thick cloud of purple smoke manifested itself on the table as a voice spoke, "I am the terror that flaps in the night... I am the Black Key that shows up at your gacha... I am... Servant Vigilante!"

And the smoke burst in all directions, dissipating enough as to show a small figure mysteriously wrapped in a long purple cape and shadowed by a wide brimmed purple hat and mask, under which jutted... an orange duck beak.

There was a silent beat from all those present.

It was Misa who finally broke the silence, talking to Rin. "Okay, Sempai, I take that back. You were right."

Rin nodded at her, even as Vigilante huffed grandly, folding his arms.

Nodoka and Yue tilted their heads, frowning. "Have we met before?" Nodoka said, sounding uncertain. "I feel like I should know you."

"I doubt it," Vigilante said, though he also sounded uncertain. "Have you ever urinated on my mailbox?"

"What?! No, of course not!" Nodoka replied. And glanced at Yue.

"I don't urinate on mailboxes," Yue said indignantly.

"Why isn't she wearing pants?!" a panicky Rito cried, covering his eyes.

Vigilante glared venomously at him. "Who are you calling 'she', dishrag?"/pp"Well, nothing's sticking out so– "

"Master, can I beat up this idiot?" Vigilante said levelly.

"No fighting, not fighting!" Shirou cried.

Itoshiki began gasping slightly, pointing at Vigilante and weakly starting to blabber, "You! You, you, you are..."

Vigilante shot him a piercing 'complete that sentence and I'll do something far worse than kill you', so Nozomu simply gulped and lamely added, "... a duck."

Makie clasped her hands together. "IT'S SO CUTE! He kinda looks like you, Negi-kun!"

"Servants aren't supposed to be 'cute'!" Rin protested, since she had no way of knowing about the current Temptress, or Nursery Rhyme, or the Prisma Caster. "Listen. Vigilantes, much like Assassins, are supposed to act better in secrecy, moving in the shadows, and Berserker was the worst possible kind of adversary for him. What was I supposed to do? Have my Servant killed in the first actual battle of the War? I'd have brought eternal shame to the name of my family, and I only fight here to honor Father's legacy!"

Shirou reached over and placed a hand on Rin's shoulder. "Suddenly, I feel much closer to you, Tohsaka."

"You go, Tohsaka-san!" Negi said, putting a hand on her other shoulder. "Fight to make your father look good!"

They both smiled at her in a beatific, encouraging way.

"I feel like I've just failed at life somehow," Rin said, leaning away from them.

"I once took down an actual kaiju, you know," Vigilante said. "Don't misjudge me because of my size, right, boy?" he added, reaching over to pat Negi's head.

Negi blinked. "Um, yes, you're right, no one should judge others based on their physical appearance, but... I'm not that strong either, so I don't know if I'd be the best point of comparison..."

"Nonsense, I saw the way you fought back there," Vigilante complimented him in a vaguely aloof 'think nothing of it' sort of way, "and you held your own remarkably well, in that you weren't bashed instantly despite getting closer than anyone but Saber. You'd have done well against a weaker enemy."

Negi chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. "Ah, well, thanks, that's high praise indeed, coming from a Legendary Spirit..."

"Well, I've gotta hand it to you, you got yourself a Spirit whose identity nobody could ever learn, Sempai," Chisame told Rin. "I'm trying to think of famous heroes from myth who were ducks, and only drawing blanks."

Kero shrugged from his vantage point on Nodoka's shoulder. "Must be a legendary figure from Mundus Magicus. The humans of this world know next to nothing about the beastmen from that world, although some lore from it will filter through every now and then. Did you guys know Robin Hood was actually a fox?"

"One of them," Rin cautioned, wagging a finger. "It was a collective identity, a legacy passed from one outlaw to another, and not all of them were decent people. Kind of like 'President of the United States."

They all shuddered in horror.

"I'm impressed, I never suspected there'd be so many talking animals," Emiya hummed. "I knew mages turned their criminals into ermines, which I guess is a step up from what magi do to them, but I never imagined there'd be talking ducks, or cats, or plush lions..."

"This is naught but a temporary form," Kero haughtily replied. "Once Nodoka catches all four Elemental Clow Cards, I'll return to my majestic, incredible and powerful awesome true form!"

"Ooooohh, I didn't know that!" Makie said. Then she asked Vigilante, "And how many cards do you need?"

"This is my true form!" the duck protested.

"My court jester was a rabbit," Saber casually supplied. "Resourceful sneaky creature, as well. Defeated the Black Knight and his dragon to retrieve the Singing Sword for us, all on his own, when all of our knights had failed..."

The rest of them stared at her in silence, trying to make sense of what she'd just said. Since none of them could ever imagine the Knights of the Round failing where a rabbit would succeed, her secret was still safe, just as she had expected, and they mostly assumed she was another historical figure from the World of Magic.

"Anyway, Vigilante-san, could you please get off the table already?" Shirou requested of the duck. "Ladies eat there all the time, you know."

Keiichi and Rito shot him an unamused glare over that remark.

Shirou recoiled at the sudden perceived hostility. "Wh-What? I only mean Saber, and Fujimura-sensei, and Sakura, who sometimes comes along to help! What kind of weird ideas are you getting now?!"

"To 'help' with what?" Misa evilly smiled. "Hey, Tohsaka-sempai, that Sakura is your little sister, isn't she? Don't you have anything to say about her spending that time at the house of a young man who lives all alone?"

"... Sakura is old enough already to make her own decisions..." Rin said, voice neutral, seeing the bait and refusing to bite any more than strictly necessary. Vigilante, knowing the realities of the Tohsaka household, heroically held his peace. Sailor Venus, in the meanwhile, chewed on her lower lip tensely, her hand reaching over to grasp Mercury's tightly, making Akira slightly roll her eyes around.

"Okay," Negi said, cutting the teasing before it could get any more distracting, "now that's out of the way and we know of Tohsaka-san and Vigilante-san's nature as Master and Servant, we can fully focus on what's truly important here..."

"Your sister?" Satomi asked him.

"... she couldn't possibly be my sister, although yes, she'll need help to get over that..." Negi patiently answered.

"Your father said– " Chisame began.

"But what I mean," Negi interrupted loudly, "is what are we going to do about this corrupted Holy Grail matter. I trust, Emiya-san, Tohsaka-san, Saber-san, Vigilante-san, you all are willing to reach a truce at least until we can learn what is truly going on here?"

Shirou nodded. "If I could reach a truce with each Master and Servant, that'd be great with me, actually."

In a parallel universe where Green Lantern was a ten year old girl, Emiya Shiro, NOT Shirou, sneezed.

"That'll never happen," Rin sighed, "but yes, I agree it's stupid to fight each other for the sake of a Grail that would only harm us if we get our hands on it. Let's try and get to the bottom of this before deciding on anything else."

In a parallel universe where Illya was a Magical Girl, Tohsaka Rin sneezed.

"That is a fair, smart course of action," Saber nodded. "I agree."

"Okay," Vigilante said, "and how do we get to learn that in the first place? The Grail is unattainable until the Heaven's Feel ritual is completed. Until that point, there's literally no way we can analyze or study it, to see if it's tainted or not. So what can we do?"

"Actually," Negi said, "we could try and find evidence from the Grail's prior manifestation site."

Emiya turned his face towards him, startled. Chisame grimaced. "With that place, you mean... Oh, what the hell!" she complained. "You can't be seriously suggesting we get past the barriers and into Fuyuki City!"

"I'd never dream of dragging you guys along," Negi said, "I'm just saying I could head there on my own and easily locate at least—"

"BY THIS POINT, YOU'RE JUST USING REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY ON US, AREN'T YOU?!" Chisame accused.

"Should I still be here for this?" Ako asked.

---

Bad End! The Forest of No Return!

"The Great War is intended to appear in sixty year intervals," Kotomine said. "During each manifestation, no man or woman has proven worthy of controlling its power, and that has led to conflict time and time again. However, the winner of the last War took it even further than anybody else, and because of that, the city of Fuyuki was destroyed. Is that the fate you would, through your inaction, allow to befall Mahora?"

Shirou felt truly sick, a feeling of crushing chill filling his innards. Brief flashes of all consuming fire came to his mind, making him squirm in almost forgotten— but never truly dispelled— pain.

In other words, he was having a Negi Moment.

Tohsaka looked at him with mild concern. "Um, you okay, Emiya-kun? Look, I know this is a lot to take in, why don't you take a seat, I can bring you some wat—"

He gestured at her with a hand to stop talking, then stared into Kirei's even serpentine eyes, his own ablaze. "I'm not letting you trick me into that one. 'My inaction', huh? I'm sure I can do something about this without having to stain my hands with others' blood. I don't know how yet, but I'll find a way. In the meanwhile, I want out of this thing. You said there were ways to do it. So show me."

Kirei paused, studying the boy's expression with a cold, analytical glaze, before shrugging. "I must say I'm disappointed. I truly expected something else from Emiya's on, but that is your own decision to make, boy. Rin? Do you have anything to say on the subject?"

She huffed and looked away. "Why should I care? It was obvious he didn't belong here. I suppose that's for the best."

"So be it then," Kirei said, pulling a leather glove out of his coat and putting it on, wriggling his fingers in a way that unnerved Shirou. "I will plunge into your flesh and rip the Command Seals out..."

"So, the arm's flesh then, right?" Shirou asked with a muted gulp.

"Naturally," Kirei responded, "How else? You can take your hands off your backside, Emiya Shirou, I am not a rapist..."

"I have no idea how they got there," Shirou piously said, holding up the hands that had been shielding his ass from the priest, who then grabbed his arm and viciously ripped into Shirou's skin with his strong, thick fingers, sending blood splattering in all directions. "AAAAAAHHHHHHH! YOU SON OF A—!"

Still waiting outside, Vigilante and Saber blinked under the slowly increasing rain.

The duck looked at the young woman. "Um, I think that was—?"

"Yes," she nodded. "However, I will not enter yet. That's not the scream of someone in mortal peril, but the scream of someone in great but non-life-threatening pain, probably of the anal variety."

Vigilante blinked again. "Um, so then, why wouldn't you—"

"I may dislike many of the darker quirks of the Church's representatives," she stoically said, "but as a defender of the Christian faith, I will not challenge their decisions, for they surely wouldn't go against the Bible's teachings."

"What the—?! Are you even aware of what the Bible has to say on that kind of thing?!"

She shook her head. "During my time, the Church forbade most citizens from reading the Bible in the common languages. And I was raised a squire and took a few too many head injuries that time I was turned into a squirrel; after rising to power, I never had the time to read it either." She looked at him, sort of curiously. "Are you telling me it says anything against the clergy being allowed to debase altar boys and the like?"

Vigilante facepalmed.

"I mean," Saber argued, "your version of the Bible surely cannot compare to ours anyway. Were I to wager, I would bet your Jesus was a literal lamb..."

"Lion, but that's got nothing to do with—!"

"Saber," Shirou said, walking out of the church along witha deadpan, umbrella-holding Rin, "it's done. I've got something important to tell you. I can't be your Master anymore."

"Shirou," she said, turning back to face him, "don't let your heart be troubled. Even if you were just sexually assaulted, that won't decrease my respect and loyalty towards you. As they used to say in my reign, if it's a priest it's okay..."

"Wha— NO! It wasn't like that!" he screamed, then paused. "... although I'm not exactly sure on you just said, but no, it's not that!" He held up the arm and hand that had formerly flaunted the proof of their Contract, and told her, "I got the supervisor to take my Command Seals away, so you can go and find yourself a better Master, someone who won't be as much of a hindrance to you."

"I see..." Saber nodded thoughtfully, then looked at a passing field mouse and pointed at it. "How about that one?"

"Dammit, Saber!" Shirou cried. "I'm doing this for your sake too, you don't have to be that way!"

"I think the mouse's a fine choice, yeah," Vigilante nodded at Saber. "Did you see those shiny eyes? Full of intelligence and sharp instincts, unlike—!"

"Okay, I got it, I'm worse than a mouse because I didn't let Saber stab you through, happy now?!" Shirou tossed his hands up. "Geez, some heroes you were!"

"... Very well, I'm sorry, Shirou," Saber said. "I understand you have your reasons, that not everyone is fit for the path of a warrior, and I will not hold this monumental waste of my time against you or your memory."

"So, um, no hard feelings, right?" Shirou asked. "We can be friends despite it all, can't we? M-Maybe we could go out for a latte someday, and share a few stories on what's been going on, you know, just like old housemates do..."

"Assuming I have found myself a new Master before the two hours left to me before disappearing are up, I will think about it, yes," Saber nodded. "I'm sure the boiling murderous rage I am feeling right now under my cold, controlled surface will have subsided by then. Now, where to find a new Master..."

"Hired!" Rin said, shaking her hand.

Saber nodded and shook her hand back. "Thank you, Master. Now, could we celebrate the start of this union by going for some hamburgers...?"

---

The rainstorm that had been hitting Honnouji had eventually extended itself across the whole area of the Four Schools, gigantic black clouds spreading southward. By the time Negi's Ala Alba left Evangeline's cabin after another subjective day and objective hour of stay there, Chachamaru had to distribute spare umbrellas among them again.

And once again, Eva had complained, grunting about why they couldn't start bringing their own umbrellas already, and harshly reminding them she wanted them back— the umbrellas, not necessarily the teammates—tomorrow in as good a shape as she'd handed them over. If not better. But that was behind them now, as were Eva's cabin itself and its inhabitants, as they were about to reach the female dormitories.

Rito and Lala were still with them since their house was further down the campus, and so other than the members who were currently out of town, it was a full membership of Ala Alba who ran across of—

"Tohsaka-san?"

The girl was not one Negi was too familiar with, but he'd made a point of learning the names and faces of as many students all across the schools as he could, and he'd remember this one well because of her last name, and what it meant for the whole magical community. Recent experiences had only reinforced that importance.

"Oh, Negi-sensei!" the high school student casually greeted, squinting at him and his companions through the heavy curtain of constantly falling icy water. "And what are you doing out here under this rain, hmmm?"

She was not alone, Negi realized, for there was another female standing closely behind the young woman. One mostly wrapped in a concealing, gray long overcoat, with a blue baseball hat obscuring most of her features. For some reason, a lock of hair was sticking through it. Somehow. The rain did not seem to be bothering her at all, as she just stood there making no effort to protect herself from it.

Truth be told, so much of her was hidden from sight Negi himself, months ago, wouldn't have been able to tell at first if that person happened to be male or female. But close constant contact with large numbers of females had sharpened such perceptions of his more than he'd care to admit or even acknowledge.

Rito, who was also far more familiar with details of feminine anatomy of late through repeated close exposure, knew it immediately as well, and so took a cautious step back, wanting to lessen the chances of slipping on a puddle and landing on that stranger or that famous Sempai with the twintails as much as he could.

The woman with the delicate, beautiful half-obscured features kept on looking sharply, emotionlessly at them with her piercing green eyes while Tohsaka Rin answered with an elegant, carefree chuckle. The blonde seemed to be analyzing each one of them in much the same way Setsuna would do to incoming large groups of strangers while walking down the street. "Oh, yes, this must look mighty suspicious for you, right? Sorry, you'll see, we are coming back from the church just now."

"The church, right!" Sakurako giggled secretively, leaning closer to Madoka and Misa. "Like that excuse ever works!"

Misa frowned. "Are you telling us that Sempai and that chick are—?" she asked in an even lower whisper.

Sakurako smirked mischievously. "It takes one to know one, Misa-chan!"

"The church?" Negi blinked at Tohsaka. "You mean—"

Rin held a hand up to get him stop asking, then asked gently in turn, "Negi-sensei, this might sound strange to you, but I must ask you something. I have a dear pet I've got to get rid of, but I want to leave it in the best possible hands first. So, how do you feel about ducks?"

"HEEEEYY!" Vigilante's voice protested.

Satomi was looking in all directions. "How weird, for a second I felt like something was missing from this scene. Like, something from a deja vu of sorts that doesn't quite match, although that's of course technically—"

"You mean," Matoi asked, "like someone else talking with the same annoying Kadowaki Mai-esque voice as you? If you ask me, that's for the best..."

"I just find horrribly unsettling you and I could have been thinking of the same basic thing," a glasses-obscured Satomi bluntly told her.

---

Several city blocks away, in a much more deserted street...

"I had been waiting for this moment, and it was about time!" the tiny, pale person sitting atop the muscular, shirtless giant with grayish skin and red eyes that almost seemed to glow said, loud and clear. Neither of them seemed upset in the slightest by the intense rain either. "For my wayward big brother to come exactly my way, so I could introduce myself properly! Good afternoon, Onii-chan, how do you do!"

She tilted ahead just a bit, perfect, tiny white teeth glinting or at least giving the illusion of it, her diminutive hands wrangled into the thick, messy black locks of her ride's long hair. Violet eyes feasting on the sights before her. Anticipating what there was to come.

"Your big sister's here," she said. "Your Illya-chan!"

The man was truly gigantic, a mass of grotesque muscle wielding a massive slab of rock that was to the sword what the rock is to the bullet. It was easily twice as big as Illya herself. He definitely gave a matching sense of threat and undiluted power, enough as to make Emiya freeze in place where he stood.

And that was where the man's titanic weapon brutally slammed down on him a moment later.

---

"Something wrong, Archer-san?" Tokiha Mai asked, briefly stopping as she placed the plates on the dinner table for herself, Anthy, Chu-Chu, Archer, and the hungrily drooling, bright-eyed Mikoto.

The dark skinned Servant (no, not Anthy, that's racist, what's wrong with you?) pondered something for a moment, looking slightly troubled, before simply smiling in a way that felt more genuine than anything Mai had ever seen from him before. He pleasantly tilted his head towards the window of the dining room and looked into the rainstorm.

"Actually, Mai-san," he honestly replied, "for some reason, I feel better than ever!"

---

Several weeks later...

"So, if we're going to make this work, dear brother," the contrite Illya said, respectfully presenting him with a large pod or capsule hidden under a thick, regal white blanket made of a fine, expensive cloth, probably ermine, much to Negi and specially Chamo's growing discomfort, "I have something else I must confess to you. I think Illya-chan's been a naughty girl since she arrived in Mahora, sorry..."

Negi frowned in concern as he looked at her, who simply poked the tip of her tongue out cutely, bopping herself on the head with a tiny fist. "Well," he said after some careful consideration, "I'm sure it can't be any worse than what Chao-san did, so there shouldn't be any—" Then, as he pulled the cloth from the container, he and Chamo gasped in terror at what he'd just uncovered. Inside of the formerly hidden object, now revealed as a sealed, tall glass jar filled with a clear bubbling liquid, there was the red-haired severed head of a certain young man Negi knew, even if not personally, then at least because of his father's reputation.

The thing that had been Emiya Shirou opened a swollen eye and looked up at him. "Oh," it said. "You, you're Negi-sensei, aren't you? Sorry, my memory isn't what it used to be..."

Negi shrieked and dropped the jar on Illya's ancient carpet.

Chamo stared for a moment. "So, you're as bad as Rin-Sis at transferring magic to other people."

---

Taiga Dojoooooo!

"So there you have it!" Fujimura Taiga-sensei, in fully kendo regalia, vigorously slammed her boken on the dojo's wooden floor. "In a courageous shounen story like this, choosing the wrong, cowardly alternatives will lead you directly to a Bad End like the one we've just seen! Once that happens, you have no choice but to grab the Cassiopeia, turn time back, and start again from the beginning!"

"I feel bad for Emiya-san, however, since that's not how he'd actually act. He's usually much braver than that," Negi lamented, wearing a richer and sexier variation of his Mahorafest kitsune girl costume that made him look like a loli Tamamo-No-Mae, complete with pink wig. Fortunately for him, the tails wee attached tot he costume and not stuck up his butt. "Just as stupid, but braver. It's wrong to have him dying that cruelly after being forced to act so wildly out of character. It's like what we did to Itou Makoto-san, did you know the real Bad Ends in School Days are actually a minori—"

"Nonsense, Itou-kun deserved what he got!" Taiga said, waving a hand. "Besides, Shirou didn't die anyway!"

"He did when I dropped it, actually," Negi miserably confessed.

"Oh my God, you killed Shirou!" Taiga pointed at him and yelled. "You bastard! You aren't human!"

Negi blinked. "Hm? Oh, no, I think you're getting that wrong, I'm still a human, I believe you mean what happens after I learn Magia Er—"

"Oh, yeah, that reminds me!" Taiga turned back to the audience. "Now, while courage and the occasional insane suicidal decision are necessary to follow this story, you can't go overboard with the stupid Hero Complex martyrdom either! Otherwise, you'll end up with the worst Bad End of all!" she said this while using a long-armed pair of clamps to hold up a copy of UQ Holder Volume 1 (lest she become infected by it) and shaking it angrily. "So remember! Moderation is the key, never resort to extremes!"

"So you mean I shouldn't learn Magia Erebea?! Or become a cool tragic fallen hero with a lot of angst and edge like Father?!" Negi gasped. "I won't stand for— I mean, the fans would riot! That's what they're expecting to see eventually! You can't just decide that on your own out of the blue!"

Taiga shrugged. "Which fans? Other than the story editor, who follows this crap anymore? We lost all our casual readers when we inexplicably ended URAE and stared on a 'sequel' that had no simple starting point for new readers to ease into."

"... you're cruel, Fujimura-sensei. So, can I take this costume off already or—"

"Of course not, since I'm cruel! You only can take it off when it's time for the next chapter! See you then, dear single reader!"

"Eh?! You mean I'm stuck wearing this until then?! I'd rather become the Mage of the Beginning!"

Wordlessly, Taiga held up some pale makeup. It glittered ominously.

"On second thought, being a foxboy is fine."

"Foxgirl."

"Can't I retain that last bit of dignity?"

"No. If you're going to be replacing our fuckable legal loli, you need to have even more appeal and fuckability!"

---

Epilogue! What did Chamo mean with that, anyway?

"I should warn you," Rin said, voice filled with shame and doubt, "I'm not very good at... these things..."

"I figured as much, but until Negi-sensei and Master come back, you are still the most qualified person for this... Just do it gently please, and everything should work correctly..."

"D-Don't say it like that...! You're making it sound so casual...!"

"Please, Sempai, I need it...! It's not complicated. Just… just j-j-jam it in, and then turn it as far as you can...!"

"Okay, I'll do it, but I make no guarantees it'll end up okay! Here it goes...!"

"Aaaaaannnhhhhhh! I'm breaking! I'm going to break!"

---

"I tried to warn her I wasn't good at it! At handling technology, I mean!" Rin frantically tried to explain herself to the fiercely scowling Evangeline and horrified Negi, holding Chachamaru's head in her hands. "It… she can be fixed, right? I mean, look, she can still talk!"

"I have no regrets," Chachamaru's head said, strangely spaced out and with an odd lingering smile.

"Okay," Eva sighed, rubbing two fingers on her forehead, "but why did you feel the need to strip naked for something as simple as turning her key?"

"W-Well, I don't know about you mages, but that's the way WE, the magi, recharge our servants!"

"Dolphins… " Chachamaru's severed head kept on babbling. "Dolphins EVERYWHERE! Magic transfer dolphins!"

"Y-you're not going to hurt me, are you?" Rin asked nervously.

"I'm not sure," Evangeline said. "It'll depend on whether they'll be enough molecules of you to do anything to once her mothers are done to you."

---

Next: Artoria Pendragon.