Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds and intend no copyright infringement.
A/N: This was written as part of the Challenge From The Other Challenges over at the CCOAC forum. The original challenge was challenge 18, the Valentine's Day Challenge. My assigned pairing was Rossi/JJ and I used all prompts: Candy hearts, Chocolate syrup, A dozen red roses, Edible panties/underpants, 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight (by Elton John)', 'I Wanna Sex You Up (by Color Me Badd)'.
"Will? It's Rossi. No time for explanations. Just do as I say, okay?"
Rossi's urgent tone put a knot in Will LaMontagne's stomach. JJ had been very taciturn about the team's latest case, never a good sign, and now this telephone call?
"You're planning to celebrate a late Valentine's Day with your wife, right?" Rossi didn't even wait for a reply. "Did you buy her flowers?"
"'Course. A dozen red roses."
"Throw them away."
"Excuse me?"
Rossi's next instructions left no room for interpretation. "Put them out of sight. Now. Send Henry into the garden to cut a bouquet for his mom. No matter what it looks like, as long as it's from him, she'll love it."
The elder profiler's voice sounded strained and barely audible. Was he making a call from the jet's toilet?
"If you planned to accompany your celebration with a little music, avoid Can You Feel the Love Tonight by Elton John and I Wanna Sex You Up by Color Me Badd."
It slowly dawned on Will that the team's latest case must have gone spectacularly wrong. And that the Unsub must have used a very significant ritual.
Bastard. How dare he ruin Valentine's Day?
"You also bought her candy hearts?", Rossi asked, startling him from his thoughts.
"Don't tell me they're also tainted now! Candy hearts remind us of our first date!"
For a moment Rossi was tempted to tell Will how exactly the Unsub had abused these innocent little things, but then decided that enough people already would never feel the urge to eat anything heart-shaped again. "Try chocolate syrup instead…"
Will handed Henry a childproof pair of scissors and opened the living-room's French door for him.
"One more thing…", Rossi began, this time a lot more hesitatingly. "If you invested money in edible underpants…"
"NO", Will replied curtly. A) Edible underpants were not their thing and B) THIS WAS NONE OF ROSSI'S BUSINESS!
Two hours later JJ arrived. She looked terribly tired and exhausted, but Henry's flowers made her smile. After a hot bath and a slow, meticulous massage the chocolate syrup turned out to be a good idea, too…
… … …
A day later Rossi received a text message on his mobile.
Thank you for saving my Valentine's Day. But letting Unsubs spoil valued things is just not right. I want to eat candy hearts again and maybe you should rethink your opinion on edible underpants. I'm sending someone over to help you with that.
Hugs,
JJ
At this very moment, the door bell rang.
Erin Strauss looked a little uncomfortable as he invited her in.
Rossi stared at her for a moment, let his profiler eyes slowly wander down her body… could it really be…? Or was this just a coincidence?
Erin made a face and tugged at the backside of her skirt. Or at what was underneath it…
"Those damn things don't fit!", she complained grumpily.
"I can't believe you let an agent sent you… wearing…" Rossi shook his head in disbelief and growing amusement. Hell, he would have paid money for hearing that conversation.
"You want to do something about the "don't fit"-part or stand around staring all day?", Erin asked, voice stern and boss-like. But the mischievous sparkle in her eyes gave her away.
Rossi smiled and pulled her into a deep kiss while sneaking his hands under her blouse, curiously feeling for her bra. Chocolate, passion fruit or strawberry?