My PC decided to work for a few minutes tonight, so I am writing like there is no tomorrow. But only one-shots and such. All other updates are on a brief hiatus. Sorry!
/ / /
If you study them long enough, they become less about particles and more about dreams. You'll lose sight of all those years in school, with numbers as the rungs to this cosmic ladder, and find your feet climbing up into the stratosphere on whimsy alone.
If you study them along enough, stars are not just various gases… they are bears and lions, they are what wishes are made upon…
…They get caught in your eyes.
/
In some other lifetime, Spencer Carlin would have been a cheerleader. But her parents started fighting pretty early on and where her brothers hid amongst sports, she ran to books.
And she'd read about other places – like rivers of black sky with silver ships sailing – and she'd block out the yelling with some new tune.
It always sounded just like the blinking of a million galaxies.
It always sounded just like the whisper of nebulae exploding.
She was in all those advanced classes and, though it could have ended up with her being the protagonist from every John Hughes film, she was left alone.
Left to her own devices, pencil upon paper… drawing up plans to time machines and trying to figure out just how far it the distance was from Earth to Jupiter… left to her own devices, Spencer Carlin disappeared from this school-bound, family-fucked-up existence.
And she found space.
/
But perhaps she was shooting across the expanse after-all.
Perhaps the tail end of her comet was seen, glittering dust falling on just one person in all that time, and it stuck to their skin – unable to be removed.
Otherwise, who would have remembered the blonde-haired girl who sat in the library, pen thoughtfully placed between her lips and pages on display?
Who would have recalled the crease in her brow as she read over string theories and dark matter, the tap-tap-tap of her long fingers on the table top?
Who would have ever stopped long enough to see those blue eyes study until each and every bell rang?
You'd have to be watching in the first place, that's what Spencer thinks.
Otherwise, who would ever remember her at all?
/
They give tours at the observatory and it is usually children, sticky hands onto glass surfaces and questions about aliens. Once the lights go down and the spinning of projected planets is above them, though, all falls silent.
And parents are just as mesmerized as their off-spring. And heads all turn up. And eyes shine.
Spencer always loves that moment, because it is so like her own… Even now, it is so like her own awe-struck reaction, the first time she gazed for hours at all the pin-pricks of white light and tried to take in the scope of the it all…
…And she happily failed.
A tap to her shoulder in the shadows, barely making out a face and only catching the last two words of this person's hushed comment, but it is enough to make Spencer tilt her head in question.
"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that…"
"I think I know you."
"Uh… excuse me?"
"I mean, we went to school together, high school. I know you from high school, um, King High. And here you are."
"Oh… okay. Right, uh, here I am. Sorry, it's too dark in here and I can't really see your face too well."
But, for reasons that make no sense, Spencer doesn't have to see this other person's face to know that they are watching her and smiling at her, a smile that is just like a child's… just like a child seeing a canopy of celestial orbs above.
And the voice is closer, warmer, suddenly as full and encompassing as the show going on around them. And it is by Spencer's ear, friendly and feminine. And it is like a kick to Spencer's gut.
"You don't always have to see someone to know them."
/
Ashley Davies is a name that rings a bell, kind of like MTV used to make one think of music or summer makes one reminisce about days spent swimming.
Tales even reached Spencer's head, pushing subtly past all the text about solar systems and red dwarfs and constellations, of a rock star daughter and drunken mishaps and such.
A popular rebel, that's what Ashley Davies was in high school – a girl with everything and playing like she had nothing.
They sit in Spencer's office, sipping bad coffee and eating day-old doughnuts. They trade strained information and their eye contact is rare – as if looking might bring into light the actual meaning of this moment.
Because Spencer is quiet and dedicated and somewhat removed, but she is no fool.
And in Ashley Davies eyes there is a twinkle, like none of this is random.
"Well, I've got to get back to work."
"Oh. Sure. Sorry to keep you."
"Not at all. It was, uh, nice to see you. I don't go to those reunions, so seeing someone from those King High days is rare."
"I noticed you weren't there."
"Hmm?"
"…Nothing. So… we should hang out sometime. If you'd like to that is…?"
"I… well, I guess… we could…"
"Look, I'll give you my number and you can give me yours. Maybe we can set something up? How's that sound?"
Spencer's lips twitch with a strange grin that just won't break free and, yet, will not remain hidden.
An eclipse of sorts, just a sliver of the sun as it peeks its way back to the world, and she watches Ashley duck her head self-consciously, watches a pinkish tint color her cheeks.
It is like seeing through a new telescope, a heightened glimpse of a something previously unknown.
"That sounds fine."
/
She must have been shining somehow, giving off her own glow.
She must have been a beacon in the night, cool and enticing, pulling in a stranger in the hallways and in the classrooms.
She must have been something pretty special to warrant this kind of attention.
For that is what it is, attention of the highest order, masked with invitations and conversations and dinners and looks – and Spencer wonders how long Ashley Davies has been searching out this opportunity, plotting her course and taking aim from afar.
Because Spencer is focused and contemplative and scientific, but she is not blind.
And there are thousands of stars in Ashley's eyes tonight.
/
"It was no accident you being there that day, was it?"
"…What do you mean?"
"You were looking for me."
Ashley clears her throat and messes with her napkin and takes a long sip of her wine.
"Uh, yes. Yes, I was."
"Why?"
"…You made an impression."
And the stars dance now, they swirl and they get larger, they spark into flames.
And that grin passes the moon this time, wide and open.
Ashley, blushing and shy and so not what she seemed to be back in those 'King High days', returns the sentiment… as wondrous as the dawn…
/
If you study them long enough, they become less of a job and more of an escape.
They are every fantasy, taking the place of lovers you'll never get or money you'll never win.
They are the constant when all other things are in flux, ancient and steady as the sea.
As sure as the heart beats… stars are forever, expanding and exploding and diminishing and creating again, they go on and on while so much just withers away…
Love and the cosmos, intertwined in the most intimate of ways, arms about your waist and longing on your lips…
…They become one.
/
They kiss and it is the cascade of meteors in her body, rockets of desire in her veins.
They kiss and lust pin-balls from various points, making a new map to follow, a new chart to traverse.
They kiss and universes tremble.
And Ashley admits to her torch-carrying, glances stolen from around corners, interest stifled and turned onto others. And time moved on. And things forgotten.
And reunions where the very face she wanted to see never turned up.
"You are obsessed with me."
"You make it sound creepy."
"It's not me doing that…"
They kiss and all other trips down memory lane are foregone.
/
Spencer must have been a shooting star, cresting high in the sky, a glimmer of what could be.
And Ashley Davies saw it.
She saw it and chased it down.
Like Spencer ran after the endless heavens, so Ashley ran after the boundless attraction.
Both of them dreamers, never as hard or cold as people thought them to be.
Both of them looking up when others kept to the ground.
And she holds Ashley's hand, taking her to the out to the fields and they lay down in the dusk and they make love…
…They make love underneath galactic majesty.
/
If you study them long enough, they are not so far away from you.
If you study them long enough… you fall in love.
/ / /
::END::