CHAPTER ONE

Welcome to my life.

I hate these stupid dinners. So what if it's for a good cause? Does it really mean I have to suffer this indignity? All dressed up like a princess and being leered at by all the creeps who don't even know me and are only here for the free champaign?

"Hey there, kiddo. How are you holding up?" Alex asked, handing me a drink.

"I'm just about still here. Although, I am playing the film 'Top Gun' in my head!"

Alex laughed at me and put a supportive hand on my shoulder. "I know you think these events are boring, so should I tell everyone it's your birthday tomorrow and that you inherit a fortune? I think that would liven things up!"

"Don't you dare!" I would drop dead on the spot if that happened. "You would have to sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life!"

Alex laughed and shook his head. "Always with the threats! So, since it is your 21st tomorrow, what do you want to do? Don't worry, I haven't planned a surprise party because I know it would be more than my life is worth!"

"Damn right it would! I don't really feel like doing anything. Let's just stick to my lesson and then lunch. That will do me just fine."

"It's not just the fact you don't like birthdays is it? What else is wrong? Come on, talk to me Goose." Alex smiled at me and, despite myself, I laughed at his 'Top Gun' reference.

"I'm just missing dad. I wish he could be here. I miss him so much."

Alex looked surprised at my honesty and hugged me as told me he felt the same. He and my dad were like brothers and I know it pained him too. I quickly escaped the hug and went off to find my date.

I had been dating James for about three weeks and I liked him. I like how his mind worked but that was as far as the attraction went. I hadn't slept with him yet because I didn't want to be disappointed. We have kissed and touched each other up, but I didn't feel anything, there is no chemistry and no longing. James was definitely attracted to me, judging by what I felt pressing up against me right now, but all it did was make me cringe. Damn it. Just leave me alone.

"Why don't you go and do your speech and we can get out of here." James was nuzzling into my neck, because that's how far he could reach, and I pushed him off me.

"Why don't you take a cold shower and let me finish my work?" I snapped at him, only to regret it a second later. "Sorry. I just get nervous when I have to speak to strangers."

James put his glass of champaign down and by the look on his face, I knew I would be spending the rest of the night without a date.

"You're always sorry. You're always running off with important stuff to do and you never tell me what you're thinking. You don't feel anything do you? When are you going to stop trying to save the world and start trying to save yourself?" James finished off by telling me he didn't want to see me again until I had figured out what emotions were.

OK, so I'm going to be without a date for a lot longer that the rest of the evening! I didn't really care. I wasn't losing anything, I wasn't in love with him. Hell, I didn't even find him attractive. Another one bites the dust. That made it six guys in one year who walked out on me, and the more it happened, the less I cared. The truth of it was, I wasn't even interested in dating or getting close to anyone. I just did it because it was deemed 'the norm' for a woman of my age to be doing. I had no interest what so ever in men. Eddie took care of that and I had grown up so much since then.

I had made my speech and raised a truck load of money for the charity, but it wasn't enough. Since I took on the job of campaigner for the NSPCC last year, I had raised almost fifty million and most of that was from events like this. My next task was to raise awareness, to tell anyone who would listen about the horrors endured by innocent children at the hands of those who are supposed to love and protect them.

"Nice job up there. You are getting so much better at speaking in public and I am so proud of you." Alex came to hug me and I let him. "Are you drunk?" Alex looked surprised at my momentary softness. He's going to think I'm soft if I don't get back to normal.

"No! I'm pretty tired though, I think I will head back in a little while."

"Well, before you do..." Alex fished around in his suit jacket pocket and handed me an envelope. "...This is your birthday present. Before you open it, you should know I got you this because it's just 'you' and I know your dad would have gotten you this."

Hearing Alex mention my dad made me apprehensive to open the gift. I had tried so hard not to think of him not being here and Alex was making it difficult for me to push it out of my mind. "Go on...open it, I know it will cheer you up."

I tore open the envelope and almost shrieked out with happiness. This was the best gift ever and I kissed Alex on his cheek and ran over to my best friend Stewie, who was desperately trying to stand up straight and not fall into the potted plant behind him.

"There you fucking are. I have been drinking alone for an hour." Stewie was well beyond drunk and I had to laugh at him.

"You won't care about being solo in a minute. Guess what Alex got me for my birthday..." I never gave Stewie a chance to even attempt a guess. I held the tickets in front of his face and laughed as he tried in vain to focus. "...It's two tickets to Armageddon in a few weeks. And the best bit...two backstage passes!"

"Backstage? As in face to face?" Stewie was wide eyed now and begged me to take him with me.

"I suppose you can tag along. You have no idea how great it is watching it live." I got so excited and just wanted to sleep until someone woke me up in Rhode Island.

"Randy Orton won't know what's hit him!" Stewie giggled as he put the extra ticket in his pocket.

"No, I'm sure he won't!" I laughed and went the the concierge at the front desk of the posh Mayfair hotel and asked him to call a taxi for me.

"I'll have one of our cars come get you, Miss Delgado."

Sure enough, a very big and very luxurious Mercedes SLK came to the front of the hotel and I was chauffeured back to my dads house.

At last. I can get out of this God awful dress and crash in front of the TV. I showered and changed into my nightwear before spreading out on the couch with a cup of tea while I watched the programme I had recorded earlier. I just pressed play when the phone rang. For goodness sake, just leave me alone.

I answered and it was Alex, making sure I got back OK.

"Yeah, obviously I got back safe. I answered the phone didn't I! Just sat down to watch 'Smackdown' then I'm off to bed."

"All right then, kiddo. I'll come pick you up for your lesson tomorrow."

I got off the phone with Alex and got back to the TV.

I went up to my room and sat on my bed and looked at the ticket Alex had gotten me. I was so excited earlier, but now I was filled with dread. My dad always took me to the big WWE events when he had time, but I hadn't been since Summer Slam '98. I watched it on TV for a few months after, right as the attitude era was kicking off, but then my dad got sick and I was too busy looking after him. I started watching it again a couple of months ago, but it the memories still felt raw. I miss you, daddy.

I went into his room, it looked exactly the same as it did two years ago. Same wallpaper, same clinical smell and same bed. I lay down and hugged my dad's pillow and cried myself to sleep, just like I did the night he died.