These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much
that time cannot erase.
The sound of Agent Jennifer Jareau's footsteps echoed loudly through the unusually empty halls of the B.A.U. She was preparing to head home after a very exhausting case. She was just about ready to leave when she saw that Agent Hotchner's light was still on in his office and that he was still inside. Knowing he would probably still be there for a while she decided to go say goodnight to him before she left.
She knocked lightly on his door but he didn't answer. A bit worried, JJ slowly opened his door and peered inside. What she sees next upsets her; Hotch, sitting at his desk with his head resting in his hands. He didn't look up right away, he was staring straight ahead, but not at anything in particular.
Hotch looked up and saw his friend standing in the doorway, looking at him with a sympathetic look in her eyes. Almost automatically he dropped his face into his hands and begins to sob silently.
JJ – not knowing what to do or say, seeing her boss break down right in front of her, walked over to him and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
She wasn't even sure what was bothering him. Since Haley's death, he had been even more serious than usual, but everyone was starting to think he was on the mend. There was nothing different about this case, nothing that should have reminded him of the trauma Foyet had caused him and his son... So what was it? What could be making him react this way? Now that she thought of it, he had been a bit out-of-it for the past couple of days...
She snapped out of her thoughts and remembered the trembling man sitting next to her. At that time, reasons didn't matter; her friend was in pain and she was going to be there for him for as long as he needed her to be. She just stood there, slowly rubbing his shoulder.
It took a good ten minutes, but the shaking stopped and he looked up at his friend and colleague with bloodshot eyes and quietly said "I'm sorry.."
JJ shot him a confused look, "Why are you apologizing to me?"
He didn't answer. He just looked around the room as if desperately looking for something to change the subject with.
Nothing.
A minute passed.
"You know... It's okay if you miss her." JJ said from behind him.
She walked to the front of his desk and crouched down so she was at eye-level with him. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Aaron actually had to think about that one... Did he? He had been talking to people for the last few weeks. People had given him so much advice and nothing had helped... He had decided, he just wanted to be left alone.
"No" he said dryly.
"Are you sure?" JJ said, "'Cause-"
"'Cause what?!" Hotch shouted, interrupting her. "'Cause sometimes talking about it helps?! Well here's something you probably don't know Ms. Jareau," He slammed his fist on the desk, "It DOESN'T!"
Shocked by Hotch's reaction, JJ also jumped to her feet at the sound of him hitting the desk. She just stood there in shock. He had never shouted at her like that before. "I'm... Sorry, Hotch... I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night."
JJ walked out of his office and back through the halls of the B.A.U.
Hotch, suddenly feeling really dizzy fell back down in his chair. He sat there for a minute, still upset, but he realized what had just happened. He quickly got up and ran after his friend. He saw her waiting for the elevator. Then it opened.
She started to pick her stuff up off the floor to get on.
"JJ, wait!" he shouted; probably louder than he had intended to but he didn't care. It's not like anyone else was there at that time.
"I'm sorry." He said as he approached JJ.
She was about to reply when the look on his face stopped her.
Anger?
Sadness?
No.
Defeat.
"...Today was Haley's birthday." He said slowly. "Jack woke me up asking what we would do for Mommy's birthday..." his voice cracked. His head dropped but JJ got him to look her in the eyes again.
Tears were forming in his eyes but he fought them back. "I told him that he could still wish her a happy birthday, and even though-" his voice cracked again "we couldn't see her, doesn't mean she's not there... That she's always in our hearts."
Silence.
His expression changed, just slightly. She couldn't tell to what, exactly. (After all, she wasn't a profiler like the rest of them) "Then I got the call to come in so I dropped him off at Jessica's house."
There was a long, almost awkward pause. Hotch was waiting for her to respond while she was trying to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat.
Calling him by his work name didn't seem right under the circumstances. "Aaron, I know you have to be strong for your son, but you're not made of stone. And you don't have to pretend you are. This is going to be a long road for both of you, and it's not meant to be easy, but it will end. I promise."
Another pause.
"But if you ever just need someone to listen, you know where to find me." JJ said, then she picked up her stuff.
"Thanks JJ."Hotch said, as he embraced her in a hug.
"Anytime" said JJ, "See you tomorrow"
Hotch just nodded and... Smiled? "See you tomorrow." He repeated, more to himself than to her, as he turned his back to her.
Hotch went back to his office and JJ went to push the button for her elevator
Hotch and Jack have a long road to recovery ahead of them, but that night Hotch learned that sometimes all you need to feel a bit better is a friend to comfort you and give a listening ear.
And he remembered.
This is just a short little scene I thought of one night.
I know it's not the greatest, but you should tell me what you think anyway. :P R&R!?