A.N. Because I was missing them at Christmas... takes place after A Song Of Their Own

A Daddy For Christmas

CRASH!

JJ went flying toward the living room.

"Casey, I told you, watch out for the tree!" Henry was admonishing his pet as JJ stormed into the room to find the tree leaning against the wall and a slew of ornaments fallen to the floor.

JJ ran first to check on her infant daughter. Rosie was just six weeks old, and about to celebrate her first Christmas. Without her dad. The thought saddened JJ. But she didn't have time for self-pity now.

"Henry, I asked you to look after Rosie for just a minute, so I could put the laundry in. What happened?"

He looked chastened, but protested anyway. It was too close to Christmas to blow it with Santa now.

"I did, Mommy! I was making her laugh! But then Casey knocked over the tree! I'm sorry, Mommy." Turning to his pet, he directed, "Casey, say you're sorry."

JJ was overwhelmed….with maternal guilt and maternal responsibility. I'm not being fair to Henry. But I can't do it all on my own! What a fool I was, to think it would be easy to take care of two of them, just because I'd taken care of one. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to Spence going back to work so soon.

She was still on what would be a four month maternity leave. But Reid, entitled to longer, had returned to the BAU last week. Both of them had been in agreement about it. They didn't want to leave their team so short staffed for such a long period of time. But with him now involved with his first 'away' case, JJ questioned the wisdom of their decision.

Reassured that Rosie was still cooing in her infant seat, JJ turned to Henry. "I'm sorry, buddy. It's all right, no major damage done. You did a great job watching Rosie. I should have put the gate up to keep Casey in the kitchen. Not your fault, little man." JJ put the dog into the kitchen and righted the tree as she spoke.

Henry helped her pick up and replace the ornaments. When they were done, JJ knelt before the tree and hugged Henry as he stood next to her.

"Thanks, Henry. I couldn't have done it without you." She held him away from her. "In fact, I don't think I could do anything without you." The tiny blond grinned back at her, gratified to have helped the mother he loved so much. But he was also missing his dad….

"Mommy, when's Daddy getting home?"

JJ heaved a deep sigh. The case had taken the team to North Carolina, and then fallen into the worst kind of limbo. Enough information was coming in to make the team think they were being helpful, but it was too little to solve the case and get them all home for Christmas. Her last text from Reid had been pessimistic.

'Not looking good. Still waiting on labs.'

The fact that it was his seventeenth text of the day told her how disappointed he was.

"I don't know, honey. I know he'll get here as soon as he can."

"But what if he misses Christmas?!" Henry was getting revved up at the thought of it. "What if he's not here for Santa?!"

She gave him another hug. "Honey, you know your dad. You know how much he's looking forward to Christmas with you and Rosie."

"But Mommy, how can we have Christmas without him?"

Emotionally spent, JJ was wondering the same thing.

"How's my Pumpkin?" Charles and Sandy had just arrived. JJ hugged her father. "I'm okay, Dad."

"Just okay?" Sandy picked up on both the wording and the tone of JJ's response.

"I'm fine, really, I am. It's just a little challenging getting things done with Spence away."

"Well. we're here now, Jennifer." Any outsider would have been able to see where JJ got her ability to work in the midst of chaos. Sandy continued, "I've got the kitchen. Charles, keep the kids amused. Jennifer, I want you to go and lie down right now."

"Mom, I'm…"

"Don't argue with me, Jennifer. Just go and rest." Her mother realized she couldn't really order her daughter around anymore, so she added, "Please."

JJ looked back and forth from one of her parents to the other. "Are you sure….?"

Her mother turned JJ around and gave her a push. "Go!"

She might have taken a nap, but JJ knew she'd gain more from working on her journal. She pulled it out and revisited the portion surrounding Rosie's birth. She'd written very little since then, unable to find a spare minute in her day. Taking advantage of the opportunity, she began.

'Spence! I need you! What was I thinking, that I could do this on my own? Rosie still needs so much of my time, and with Henry home for the Christmas break, I don't have any time left for him. And before this, he was always the center of my world! How can I ask him to take a back seat? And how can I not? Spence, I need your wisdom on this.'

Looking at what she'd written, JJ realized she risked the journal becoming a substitute for her husband.

They'd known this situation might arise. That one or both of them could be away from their children for a special event, or a holiday, or even an illness. And they were still struggling with whether they could both maintain their positions with the BAU as parents to two young children. The situation was too new, and the decision would have to be made at some yet to be determined date in the future. For now, they would take it one day at a time…or one crisis at a time.

JJ went back to her journal. 'We had such a blissful time after Rosie was born. Spence was so happy! I've never seen anything like it. He couldn't take his eyes off her. I think he'd read every book and article about babies….he was so excited for everything she could do, and everything she might one day accomplish. As I think about it now, I don't think I've ever seen Spence so oriented toward the future. I guess during his childhood he had to live literally day by day. And ever since then, he's been an existentialist. But now he holds a kind of hope for the future…..for both Rosie and for Henry. He's stepped into the role of father with both feet, for both of them.'

JJ looked up from her journal, and into the past. It was just over a year since that awful time when they'd lost Will, and nearly lost Reid. There seemed to be daily reminders of those days, and the feelings that had accompanied them. The sorrow, the grief, the gratitude, the relief, the virtual tempest of emotions they'd all lived through. Henry seemed to be handling them well, but was still trying to process what he could remember. JJ understood that he would keep doing that, with each new developmental level of maturity, trying to fathom the unfathomable. Taking it for granted that his Daddy Will was in heaven, Henry had begun to pray to him, and not just for him. It seemed to comfort him, the sense that he could still talk to his 'first father'.

Her exhaustion overtaking her, JJ fell into a light, dreamless sleep. When she awakened to Rosie's hungry cry, she could see that the early twilight was already upon them. And no Spence. I guess you're not getting home for Christmas after all, are you? She grabbed her phone, looking for a text, but found none.

"Waahh!"

"I'm coming, Rosie." It was the task that only she could perform, and JJ relished it. Nursing her infant child was one of the most intimate experiences of a woman's life, and JJ was grateful for the opportunity to have it again, with Rosie.

Rosie's wails were coming from the kitchen, as was the delicious aroma of an apple pie in the oven. Sandy Jareau had taken over, and JJ was more than happy to let her do it.

"Mmmm, smells great, Mom. Here I am, Rosie. Are you hungry, sweetie?" She lifted her daughter from the infant seat and settled both of them on a kitchen chair. She put Rosie to her breast.

Sandy watched from where she was stirring something on the stove, lost for a moment in a reverie of her own life. She'd nursed two daughters, often daydreaming about what their lives would be like, never even contemplating that one of those lives would be cut short. In a way that might only be known to a woman, she cherished both the hopes and the loss, feeling a connection with her child even in her heartbreak. She wondered what life would have in store for her remaining daughter, and the children she now nurtured.

"Mom?"

Sandy was startled back to alertness. Apparently JJ had been speaking to her.

"Mom, are you all right?"

"Just remembering when you were a baby, honey. It was a very sweet time in my life."

JJ knew just what her mother meant, but was usually too busy to savor it. She hoped she'd be able to do it in her memory, just as her mother was.

"So, you don't think Spencer will make it home?"

JJ shook her head sadly. "No, they're in a time crunch. There's some weather closing in on them, so if they don't get off the ground soon, they won't be able to fly out. And they're being held up by some results pending from the lab."

"Is that the storm that's supposed to hit us overnight?"

"Yep. We'll have a white Christmas, but without my husband. Henry's so disappointed."

"And you are, too."

JJ had to admit it. "But not as much as Spence is, I think. He's been texting me every half hour….although I haven't heard anything from him since you arrived."

Sandy was hopeful. "Maybe they're finishing up? Maybe they're on their way."

"They might be. But I checked on line. The weather's bad there already. As much as I want him here, I don't want them to risk flying in bad weather."

Henry entered the kitchen in time to hear JJ's final sentence. He didn't realize she was referring to the BAU team.

"Santa can't fly? But what about Rudolph? Can't he show them the way? What about his nose?"

The women restrained their laughs. "It's okay, Henry, Santa can fly in any kind of weather. No, I was talking about your dad. I'm not sure his plane can fly in this weather."

Immediately the youngster's disappointment showed on his face. "Oh."

Sandy tried to cheer her grandson up. "It's okay, Henry. If your daddy can't be here for Christmas, we'll just save some presents and have Christmas again, when he gets here."

Henry brightened a little at that, but was a wise enough six year old to know that it just wouldn't be the same.

Jammies were on, teeth brushed, stories read. Charles added the story of the first Christmas, and JJ was reminded of her childhood. Hearing Charles' deep voice recounting the story of the young couple and their child in the stable, she'd always felt like she was listening to the voice of God.

The adults were about to put out the light and wish Henry 'sweet dreams' when he asked, "Mommy, can we go outside?"

"What? Now, Henry? Why do you want to go outside?"

"Me and you and Rosie. Can we go outside?"

She didn't understand. "Henry, what are you talking about?" As she spoke, JJ put her lips to his forehead, checking for a fever.

"I need to go outside. Like Daddy does. Daddy says God hears him the best when he's outside."

The adults exchanged looks. Henry wanted to pray. And they were sure they knew what he wanted to pray for.

JJ wasn't about to squelch that desire in her son. She bundled him in his comforter while Sandy got Rosie tightly wrapped in six blankets. JJ grabbed a jacket. Her parents watched from the darkened kitchen window as JJ and her children went out to their patio.

Henry looked up. There were clouds already moving in, but the stars were still visible between them. He brought his mother and sister over to a chair, and they all huddled together, in the cold December night air.

"God, please bring my daddy home for Christmas. It's Rosie's first Christmas, and she needs her daddy, too. Maybe you can ask Santa to give him a ride on his sleigh." Henry always tried to offer helpful hints in his prayers.

"Can I talk to Daddy Will now, please?" JJ hadn't witnessed this particular part of Henry's conversations with God before. It was like he was on a phone, actually talking and actually listening. Her heart was struck by the thought of her boy actually listening to God. Maybe? And maybe I've forgotten how? Another thing to learn from the child she was raising…

Henry paused, as though waiting for Will. "Daddy Will, you're my first daddy. Remember we had fun playing with my Christmas presents? Are you having fun playing in heaven?" Henry hoped so. No, he knew so. "Well, Uncle Spence…he's my daddy now, you probably already know that…..he needs a ride home, or he won't be here for Christmas. Can you get him one, please? Is there room on Santa's sleigh? Or maybe, could you send Rudolph to help his plane? Please?" There was a fairly long pause, and then Henry gave a confident, "Thank you. I miss you, Daddy Will. Merry Christmas!"

JJ thought her tears would freeze on her face. Once Henry was finished with his prayer, she hurried them inside. Henry announced to his waiting grandparents that his daddy would, indeed, be home for Christmas. After she'd gotten both kids down, JJ recounted for her parents what Henry had said during his prayer under the night sky. Sandy teared up as well.

"Oh, I hope he's not disappointed when it doesn't happen. We don't want him thinking his prayers might go unanswered."

Charles, from many years of lived experience...and prayer...just smiled.

Christmas Day dawned with a blanket of white covering the landscape, and more of it still coming down. And no Spencer Reid.

Henry had wandered into bed with JJ sometime in the middle of the night, and started stirring around six. He nudged JJ. "Mommy, is it Christmas?"

She had one eye open. "It's Christmas, baby. Merry Christmas!"

"Can we open presents now?"

She could smell coffee. Her parents must already be up. She was surprised she'd not heard Rosie's cry yet. Slowly, JJ put her feet over the side of the bed and grabbed her robe. "Sure, honey, we can open presents now."

Henry was looking out the window. "Yay, snow! Me and Daddy can make a giant snowman!"

"Honey, remember, Daddy didn't make it home."

"He will, Mommy. Remember, I asked God and Daddy Will. And they said he would."

She remembered how Henry had actually seemed to be listening to something, or Someone. JJ grabbed her phone, expecting to find a text. Nothing. She fired one off to Reid. "Merry Christmas! Are you okay?"

They went out to the living room, where the elder Jareaus were entertaining Rosie.

"Merry Christmas, Meme! Merry Christmas, Papa! Merry Christmas, Rosie!"

The adults exchanged greetings as well. "She was just starting to look for you, honey, but I distracted her enough to give you a few more minutes of sleep." Her mother handed Rosie over to JJ.

Henry was looking all around. "Where's Daddy?"

Rosie was already greedily feeding, but JJ reached out her free arm to pull Henry close to her. "Honey, remember, he's stuck. He really wants to be here, but the snow is getting in his way."

Henry looked like the light had gone out inside. He had a silent conversation: ' No Daddy for Christmas? But You said!'

They could hear the plow go by outside. "Think about the men who drive the plows, Henry. They're not home with their families for Christmas, either." Sandy forgot that six year olds didn't entertain that kind of logic.

"But I want my…..DADDY!" Henry was running for the front door. He'd seen something through the window.

The door opened, and Henry leapt into Reid's arms. "Daddy! Merry Christmas, Daddy!" He squeezed as tightly as his short arms would allow.

Reid's eyes were closed, in what looked to JJ like a silent prayer. Then he opened them to look at her, holding their daughter, and smiled. She gave it back to him, her sunshine smile.

"Merry Christmas, sweet wife."

"Merry Christmas, Spence."

They kissed their hellos without disturbing Rosie. Reid wanted to hug her as well, but knew from experience not to get between his daughter and her meals. Sandy and Charles embraced him.

"Spencer, you're freezing! Come and sit by the tree, in front of the fire. I'll get you some coffee." Sandy loved to mother her son-in-law.

He gratefully obeyed. Finally, Rosie was full, and burped, and ready for her Dad. Reid took her from JJ gently, holding her head in his huge palm, and talking to her softly.

"I missed you, baby girl. And I almost missed your first Christmas but, thank God and a host of plow drivers, I made it."

Henry was so excited to have Reid home that he wasn't even pushing to open presents. He just wanted to sit by his father's side, holding on.

"How did you get here, Spencer?" Charles asked the question all of them wanted answered.

Reid took a sip of his coffee and then put it down so he could hold Rosie with one hand, and keep an arm around Henry as well. JJ, watching them, thought 'I don't need any other gift than this. My husband and my children, together.'

Reid explained. "Well, the case broke really late. We were waiting on a lab result to confirm the unsub. It finally came through, but the weather was already turning there. High winds and driving rain. The plane couldn't take off. Lucky for me, we have a unit chief who is also a parent."

He looked at JJ, who agreed that Hotch was understanding and supportive of them as they raised their family.

"So he arranged that I could take one of the local's SUVs and try to drive home. Which went okay until about a hundred miles from here. By then, the rain had turned to snow and it was pretty much a blizzard. I could barely see. And then I went off the road and into a ditch."

JJ and Sandy gasped. "Spence, are you all right?"

He reassured his wife. "Fine. Both me and the car. But I couldn't get it out. Lucky for me, a plow was coming by. The snow was so thick I could only see it by the red flashing light on the top. So I made my way to the road and flagged him down."

"Rudolph!" Henry was now sure his prayer had been answered. And so were the rest of them.

He had a tow chain with him, and he pulled me out. And then he had me follow in his path, and then passed me off to another plow driver. For the last hundred miles, they've been passing me off from one to another, right up to our driveway. I never would have made it home without them."

"The kindness of strangers," murmured Charles.

"Amen to that," Reid agreed.

The rest of the day was the kind of which family memories are made…both hectic and lazy, comfortable and warm, and full of gratitude for being together. An exhausted Henry went down early, as did his grandparents. Reid and JJ would have followed suit, but this was one of those rare opportunities for them to be alone together.

They sat in front of the fire, Reid on the floor and JJ behind him on the sofa, massaging his shoulders.

"I can still feel the tension in them. We need to get you to relax."

He partially turned to look at her. "I can think of a way to accomplish that."

She smiled at him. "Funny, I was thinking the same thing." She got up and put her hand down to help him from the floor. As he got up, she asked about something that had been bothering her.

"Spence, why did you stop texting me? And why didn't you answer mine?"

"My phone was dead. And there was no charger in the SUV. I'd been in too much of a hurry to think of it before I left."

"So you didn't even have a way to call for help? Spence, what if that plow hadn't come by? You could have frozen to death in that SUV!"

"I know, I was really lucky."

No one had mentioned Henry's prayer to him. Now JJ explained. "I don't think it was luck, Spence."

He agreed with her. He'd been praying too, in North Carolina, on the road, in the ditch. He was touched to think that Henry would ask Will to look out for him. Reid took his wife by the hand. "Come with me."

She knew they were heading outside. It had been Reid's 'church' for quite a while now, and she could understand why he felt that way. They both stepped out to the patio, holding one another close in the cold.

Silently, Reid offered his thanks to the man who'd preceded him in the lives of JJ and Henry. 'I gave you my word that I would look after them, and I meant it. And I'm grateful to have your help.'

Then, as though they'd planned it, they both looked up at the sky, now clear and starlit. And both of them uttered the same prayer, aloud this time. "Thank You."