Till death do us part

by DangerousPleasure

My Chemical Romance Sita is new in Jersey and doesn't really want to be the new kid in school once again. She tries to avoid people but it won't really work. Some friends stay, others will be gone, maybe forever.

„You have everything, darling? You got to leave now or else you'll be late." I hear my mum in the kitchen while I put my jacket on.
"Oh gee! Yes, I do." She enters the hall way and smiles at me like only a mother can smile at her daughter.
"Good luck on your first day, enjoy." I roll my eyes and pick up my bag.
"It's not like it's the first day of school ever. Another town, same amount of idiots running around as in any other. Bye." I wave and close the door behind me. Immediately I pull out my CD-Player, nothing is better than to listen to the new Misfits album on the way to school.
When I arrive there, I can literally feel all of them staring at me, the weird new kid. Always the same. First, I have an appointment with the head mistress, so I go to the office and wait for her to call me in. Finally after 15 minutes of counting the dots on the carpet floor, I'm allowed to go in.
"Hell Miss Dile, sit down please." I shake her hand and do as told, trying to look nice, I smile.
"Call me Sita." I say. She nods and gets a document from her table.
"So this is your new timetable, your first class is art today. Double one. It's not far away, just here around the corner." She probably thinks that I will get lost in the building but I solved harder riddles already.
"I'm sure I'll find it, thank you." She starts to smile as well and hands me the paper.
"So are there any questions left?" I take a quick look at my timetable and am sad to see that I only have four lessons of art. I glance at Misses Grant again.
"No, I can't think of one right now."
"Well then, have fun on your first day." I get my bag again and stand up.
"Thank you, hope I will." As I leave, I sigh a bit annoyed. She'll better think that I'm a good girl now, the first impression is always important. Could be useful if I get in any trouble in the future.

I make my way to art, knock on the door and enter the room. The teacher is a bit surprised but gets a smile on his face because he probably just remembered having a new student.
"You have to be Miss Dile, right?" I lean against the wall, one leg bend up and answer with a 'Yes'. "Well you're lucky, we only have one place left, you can sit next to Mister Way right there on the left."
"Oh yeah, lucky me." I say and get a gum from my bag before I sit down next to the guy. He shyly says Hi and keeps on drawing. Politely I greet him as well and look at the empty paper in front of me. Somehow, I think, it could be useful to actually know what I'm supposed to do.
"Hey you." I turn to the guy again. "Sorry but what are we even drawing?" He's slightly afraid of me, I don't really know why, maybe because he doesn't know me. "I'm Sita by the way." I add in a soft voice. Now he looks up to and shows me his drawing so I can get an idea. "I'm Gerard. Um, we need to do a pop art picture of a random scene we can choose on our own."
"Cool, alright, thanks." To make the angel concept complete, I smile at him before starting to sketch. He has an interesting face, I think. Black hair, a bit chubby which makes him appear cute and he sure has great eyes. I shrug and look back at my pop art picture.
The double lesson is over and next I have maths, oh god, how I hate that thing. I sit alone in the back, not listening to the teacher and reading a book. Eventually maths ends as well and lunch is on. As I come in the cafeteria some people still can't look away from me. I must be very interesting or there is just nothing else going on here. I get my food and sit at a random table. Just when I'm about to get my CD-Player out, someone sits down in front of me. It's the guy from art, he smiles and asks me if it's okay for me. I nod and let the player slip back into the bag.
"You're a really good drawer as far as I can see."
"Thanks, so are you…" This is going to be kind of awkward I guess. It actually doesn't end up being as bad as I thought, he is really nice though a bit shy still.
School is out and finally I can go home. When I get there, my parents aren't home, at work I suppose. So I go straight into the kitchen, get some cookies, take out my shoes on the way up the stairs and lay down on the floor. There is nothing more comfortable than a floor, no not even my bed. I use my jacket as a pillow, roll over to get my book and turn the music on, real loud. Relaxing time and I'm happy again.

The days pass by and nothing exciting happens, I always sit with Gerard and his friends now during lunch. The group consists of Gerard's younger brother Mikey, Ray and some other one, who has been ill the whole week apparently. Somehow I think they're a bit of an outcast but I don't care, I like them and I don't plan on joining the plastic girl group.
In maths on Friday I'm doing the usual thing, sitting in the back, and reading. Suddenly someone talks to me but I don't bother to look at them.
"That's my seat."
"Do I look like I could care any less?" I mumble and keep on reading.
"I can't see your face so I can't tell, darling." Oh dude… he's calling me darling. I finally put the book down.
"Well, there are two chairs and the one right here is empty, as if you care to sit on the left or the right one. They're both the same, so sit down, shut up and let me read. Thanks, hun." I tell him as sweet as I can and smile. He laughs and finally takes a seat.
The lesson starts and after like ten minutes, the guy grabs my book.
"What the hell, dude?" I try to get it back but he leans away and reads the title.
"Oh, Stephen King 'The Shining', nice." I sigh and give up and take out another book that I brought with me since I am almost finished with the other one.
"How many books do you carry with you?" He looks surprised at me and hands me the Stephen King one back. Great, now that I have two books here that guy already annoys me and I don't even know him for more then twenty minutes. Good start for a friendship, huh?
"Just as much as I need to get through that lesson without punching you." I open 'The Shining' again at the page where I stopped.
"You're quite charming." He says and giggles.
"Oh can't you just shut up?" I almost yell at him.
"What are you two doing there in the back Miss Dile and Mister Iero?" Asks the teacher, probably the first time he realizes that I'm in his class.
"I think she has some kind of problem, sir." The whole class starts laughing except for the teacher.
"You fricking idiot!" I punch him and he still laughs while holding his arm where I hit him.
"Both of you are coming in for detention this afternoon!"
"But… sir!" I try to get out of it but no mercy for me. Great, I'm allowed to spend an hour with him, oh isn't that lovely?
"Today at five, you'll be here again." The last words have been spoken. I sigh and punch 'Mister Iero' again.

Shortly after the bell rings and I'm just glad that I can get away from that freak. It's lunch time now so I get to talk to the boys. They all greet me when I sit down and we immediately start a discussion on music. Suddenly they all look up and greet someone who's behind me.
"Hey Frank, finally feeling better again?" Gerard yells and I turn around to finally see the missing guy in our group.
"Yeah, much better, today I actually didn't feel too lazy to come to school." Oh no… this just can't be true. It's 'Mister Iero' from maths. He grins as he sees me.

"Well hello again, so you're the new girl the guys have been talking about, huh?" I turn back to my food and reply quietly.
"Not for any longer I guess."
"Oh come on." He sits down next to me and puts his arm around me.
"Don't you dare to touch me!" I push him away and stand up.
"Why so angry, darling?" Frank laughs and now talks to the others who are confused about the situation. I leave and ignore Ray who is calling me to come back. I really don't want to spend more time than necessary with Frank.

As the last lesson ends I look at the clock… I still have 20 minutes left until detention, perfect for a quick smoke. I sit down at a tree and watch the other pupils leaving school while I light my cigarette. Everybody is gone and I only have ten minutes now. I take a last deep breath of smoke and throw the rest away.
With perfect timing I arrive at the classroom. Frank is already in it with his feet on the table in front of him.
"Please take a seat Miss Dile." I nod and sit down far away from Frank. He follows me with his eyes as I pass by and keeps staring at me afterwards. He just wants to challenge me and get me angry but I won't give him that satisfaction.
For half an hour we're being all quite and I start to get annoyed by his looks as much as I try to ignore them.
"What?" I yell across the room.
"I just can't believe how… why do you hate me?" I roll my eyes and sigh.
"Maybe because you stare at me like some kind of paedophile?" He giggles and goes through his hair. "I know that you think I'm attractive." I throw a pen at him and it hits one side of his head.
"Stop it you two!" Mister Gallant interrupts us. "You are dismissed now but you have detention for the whole next week as well." My mouth drops… unbelievable. Frank though doesn't seem to care at all. Fucking hell, what a great start in school.

When I'm about to cross the road right in front of the school, someone grabs my arm and holds me back.
"Fuck off!" I pull my arm back and glance angrily at Frank.
"No, I won't, I'm here to talk and apologies."
"Apologies?" Now that's what I call unexpected.
"Yeah, I tend to annoy people easily."
"Obviously…" I mumble.
"Yup, anyways, I'm sorry for getting you into detention though you are somehow guilty yourself. Also I'm sorry for being quite rude. I talked to the guys about you during lunch just after you left and I think we would get along really well. Can I accompany you to your house?" I'm feeling weird… awkward… confused, yes, that's the word I was searching for.
"Sure." I decide to let him, everybody deserves a second chance I guess and maybe we just had a bad start. He can't be that bad if Gerard, Ray and Mikey like him.
Apparently his favourite bands are also the Misfits and Metallica.
"Well that's where I live." I say as we arrive at my house. "See you on Monday then I suppose?" He nods and smiles. I'm about to go towards the front door when he suddenly hugs me from behind. Shocked I just stand there, letting it happen. Before he lets go, he gives me a kiss on the cheek and whispers. "Bye." I want to slap him but he's already too far away when I turn around.
"What the fuck was that?"

I really have to resist the urge to run after him and kick his ass. Yeah, get me home, I'm alright with that but hug is too much and that kiss, ugh! I sweep my cheek and snort. Disgusting idiot.

As soon as I walk in, my mom literally storms out of the kitchen and comes after me up the stairs.

"Sita? Who was that guy?" I throw my bag in my room and lie down on my bed.

"What guy?"
"The one who was with you, just now?" I can almost feel her impatience.

"I had detention with him and he wanted to be nice so he came with me."
"You had detention?" I shouldn't have said that. Hand meets face.

"Because of that guy, he annoyed me, I yelled at him, we got detention today and for next week. End of story." I turn my stereo system on and the music starts immediately. She looks like she wants to add something but she holds herself back from it and leaves instead. Not for long though, after 25 minutes she returns with the phone in her hand. I lower the volume and she hands me the phone. With my lips I form 'Who' but she shrugs.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sita, it's Gerard!"
"Oh hey, what's up?" I start to smile and relax. No idea who I was expecting but this is definitely a nice surprise.

"Not much, just lying around."
"Anyways, I call because of a party this Saturday, so tomorrow at a friend's house. There will be about 50 people. Would you like to come with us?"
"Um, sure, I just got to ask my parents, hold on a sec." I don't even bother going down the stairs, I shout down to them. "Mum! Dad! Can I go to a party tomorrow?" They consider if they should let me go or not, I can hear them mumbling.
"Yeah, but we won't be able to pick you up since we're out on our own."
"That's okay, I'll find someone to drive me back or I can sleep at someone's house." I quickly run back to the phone and jump onto my bed. "So, they said yes. When does it start?"
"Great! Around 8pm, just come whenever you feel like."
"Alright. Only one thing, do you think I can sleep at yours? My parents can't pick me up."
"Yeah, sure, that'll be no problem. See you tomorrow then."
"Bye."

The rest of the day is filled with homework. I always like to do them on Fridays so the weekend is free. On Saturday I sleep until midday and slowly start the day with a big cup of coffee. I'm quite excited about the party and am already considering what I should wear.

The choice is made pretty quickly. A Misfits shirt, grey jeans, a studded belt with it and I need to re-dye my hair, it's about time to do that anyways because the red is already fading. My parents don't even bother asking me who that guy is who throws the party and when I come home. I wouldn't have listened to them I guess, I'm 18, I can decide on my own pretty well.
After my hair dried, I put my clothes on and slipped a pack of cigarettes out from behind my bed, now hidden under my shirt, I'm ready to go.

My dad drives me to the address Ray gave me when he called me earlier today. I promise him to not drink too much and watch out for myself before I get out of the car. The house is full of people and music is blasting out of every open space. I like it. As I enter it, I recognize that a lot of guys are already drunk and not really as many girls are here as I thought. After a few minutes I finally find Gerard talking to a person I don't know. I poke him, he turns around and smiles when he sees me. I hug him and ask how he's doing before I let him go.

"Great! You? I'm so glad you came by the way."
"I'm fine and I'm glad to be here, thanks for inviting me." We keep on talking as we search for the others and find them in the living room. I frown when I see that Frank is also here. What else did I expect?

"Hello shining red lady." He greets me but I just ignore him.

The situation gets better though as we discuss some new comics and books. I don't even mind him anymore. Suddenly a drunk guy interrupts us.
"Hey baby, are you alone?" I sigh and turn towards the other guys again. But now Frank jumps up to support the drunk one.

"Don't be sad, she's always like that bro. Get her drunk and she should be easy." Did he really just say that?
"Excuse me?" I can't believe it but he acts like he didn't hear me.

"You can get a better one though, come back only if there is none left."
"Stop it Frank!" Gee says angrily. Thank god, at least someone who supports me! Ray isn't amused by this scenery as well. Frank just laughs and pats his buddy's shoulder as he leaves.

"Come on, I got him to go away."
"But the way you handled it is the problem." I say quietly, stand up and go outside into the garden. I really need a cigarette now. What an emotionless asshole. Apologises yesterday and now acts like before the detention. I get the pack out of my pocket, light the cig and sit down on the grass.

I already started smoking my second one when someone sits down in front of me. Of course it's him again.

"Oh yes, let's invite the new weird kid so I can bully her, that'll be fun!" I almost spit the words out.

"You totally misunderstand me!" He tries to start but I shake my head.

"There is no possibility of it. Don't try to be nice because no one can see you right now. I really forgave you yesterday but you have to make that up to me for what you just happened." I take a deep breath of smoke and continue. "I gave you a second chance, I thought that you were actually okay… sometimes. I was wrong. So, so wrong. You use me to be cool. Do you even know how hard it is to be the new kid and to play like you're tough? Well I am strong but I didn't want to get hurt and my forgiveness towards you just did that." I press my cigarette onto the ground to get it out and sigh. "Can't you just leave me alone?" I ask desperately and can already feel the tears coming up.

"No… I… I am really sorry. I didn't think that this stuff gets to you like that. I don't like to show emotions in front of others. You know, I'm always the funny one, the one who jokes about everybody. I think, I treat you the way I do because I actually like you but I don't want to believe I do." I sweep away a few lonely tears.
"Then why can't you be like Gee or Ray or Mikey? They're not that eager to show their emotions either but they at least let me know that they care about me."
"Because I'm a weirdo?" I chuckle and am tend to make my pack a bit more empty which I do. He also gets one out and offers me his fire. I close my eyes, sigh and say carefully.

"If you'll ever hurt me again or treat me this way, I'll cut your balls off." He smiles and we just sit there quietly until he sighs and goes back to the house.

I'm not alone for long, moments after Frank left, Gerard sits down next to me.

"You know? When Frank and I first met, he acted the same way. We eventually started to hang out more because of the same base of friends. Now see, he's one of my best friends. Don't be so hard to him, what he said was fucking rude but that's just him. He would take a bullet for any of his friends, he's the most loyal person I have ever met." As he finishes I thank him and stand up. He also gets up and hugs me.

+++++ Franks POV +++++

I don't go back immediately, for five minutes I stand outside and think. I really hurt her… why am I always so stupid? I know nothing about girls apparently. I don't even understand myself why I am this way. She's a great girl, strong, and actually quite funny. Someone please slap me?

Just as I finish my thinking a person comes up to me and laughs somehow evil.
"Who the hell are you now?" I can see his face now and get scared. Some of the popular guys from school are crashing our party.

"Hey Iero, watch your mouth or I have to take care of it myself." He comes closer and has a mad look on his face.
"Don't fucking touch me… take your other douche bags and leave."
"What if I don't want to?"
"Then I think I might have to offload you sir." A voice amusedly says. Sita. The guy turns away and as soon as he sees her, he begins to laugh.

"What are you going to do now little bitch? Pull my hair?" He still giggles but Sita grins as well. I don't even realize what's happening, I only see that she kicks him between the legs real hard. He gasps and bends down. I kick his ass and he falls onto the ground. She kneels down and touches his face.

"Don't mess with me 'little bitch' ever again or you'll never have any kids." She takes my hand and gets me back into the house, not without kicking the guy in his stomach for one last time. He moans in pain but Sita just laughs. As soon as we're in the house, she let's go of me.

"Why did you help me?" She shrugs and keeps going. "No, seriously, why? After how I treated you, it just doesn't seem right that you help me now…" She turns to me and smiles slightly.

"Because that's what friends do, protect each other." I don't even have time to say something, she's already gone into the crowd of people.

As I reach the others again, who are sitting on the couch in the living room, I see that they all have a beer in their hand. Sita is missing though, it somehow really bugs me that she helped me, I guess I need to thank her for that. So I sit down next to them and I don't even need to say anything, the first thing they do is handing me a beer as well.
We talk a lot and are having fun, the thing with Sita beating that guy up gets around quite quick and they all compliment her on it. She just smiles and says that it isn't such a big thing. I bet that guy won't be happy when the whole school laughs at him because a girl defeated him. After another hour we're ready to go, we're all a bit tipsy but not too bad, Sita though… is drunk like hell. She's not puking or anything but she got more talk active definitely. It's not that she can't take any alcohol, she actually drank a whole lot of whiskey and beer, I'm surprised she can walk straight and didn't pass out right away. We're all going to sleep at Gerard's house so this should get pretty funny for us to watch.

We arrive at his house and that's when Sita realizes that she doesn't even have any sleeping clothes with her. Gerard gives her a shirt and some boxers from Mikey since they are her size. Four people, two beds and one couch, doesn't quite fit. So we decide to let Sita sleep in one bed, Ray and Gerard will sleep on the second one and I'll take the couch though Sita insisted that she'd sleep on there. I think I just like to talk back at her, it's entertaining.

We all lie in our places when I hear a loud noise. Sounds like something fell down, ah well… maybe someone knocked something over. I don't care.

"Ouch…" someone moans and I can identify that person as Sita. Oh man… apparently she likes wandering around in the dark, in foreign houses when she's drunk. Interesting. I can't hear anybody else get up so I'll better look after her. As I push my blanket away, I get to feel how cold it actually is in here. I take the blanket, wrap myself in and make my way to the directions from which I heard her voice.
"Who the hell puts a ball on stairs? That's fucking stupid and dangerous." Just as I reach the stairs, I see a green ball fly down and land in front of my feet.

"Sita? Are you alright?" I call up.

"I think I sprained my ankle but except for that absolutely wonderful."

"I can hear some sarcasm in there." I walk up and find her sitting and twisting her ankle around to maybe make it relax. "You think that you can walk?" She pushes herself up and leans against the wall.
"Not a nice feeling." She makes a grimace and tries to jump up the rest of the stairs on one foot. I can already see her falling down so I hold her back.
"I can carry you up, just a sec." I put the blanket away and go a few stairs up. "Jump on my back."
"Yeah, sure." She tries to walk again but not such luck, she moans of pain.
"Don't be so stubborn. Now is a time I actually help you so don't refuse it." She finally does as I told her and I carry her to her room. She giggles as I lay her down.

"What a lame try to get in my bed." Still laughing, she covers herself with a blanket.
"That wasn't a try at all. If I really tried, you'd be all over me." I lean closer to her to tease her a bit. But then she makes a sudden move, turns her head around to look at me and we accidently kiss.

"Hey, what's up in… oooooh." We're both shocked and I jump back quickly. Gerard stands in the door and has an amused look on his face. "I'll leave you two alone then, I was just wondering." He chuckles and goes away.
"No, no, it's not like you think!" Sita yells but he doesn't seem to care. "Get out of here!" She now tells me. Nothing better than that, I think. I'm out of the room within a moment. I grin and go back to say one last thing.

"Come on, you did that on purpose!" I can close the door just perfectly so the pillow hits it not me.

+++++Sitas POV+++++

Idiot. What an unbelievable huge idiot. I didn't kiss him, no. Our lips touched but that's it, it was an accident. As if I would ever do that. Ha, no, not even when I'm drunk, never. It wouldn't be so bad if Gerard didn't see us. He'll make fun of me all the time now and won't believe me that I almost threw up in my mouth when it happened. I'd love to sneak out of here and run home but no… this bed is way too comfortable and warm to stand up right now.

I'll better sleep or I'm not going to have the nerves to handle the guys in the morning. I lay myself in a good position and fall asleep after about half an hour.

When I wake up, I feel the sunshine on my face and smile. The day starts fine at least. I crack my neck and get up. My ankle still hurts when I walk, I just need to keep too much pressure away from it then it should be okay in a day or two.

I can hear voices as I slowly go down the stairs. I glance at the green ball at the bottom of it which is the cause for my situation. Shaking my head I sigh and follow the voices into the kitchen where I can see Gerard, Mikey and Frank sitting at the table. Gee greets me with a big smile on his face while Mikey tries to keep a poker face but I can see that he'd love to laugh at me right now. Frank turns around and starts laughing as I get to them and sit down.

"Coffee!" I moan and hold my hands out for a cup. Gerard gives me a full one and giggles.

"Hangover?"
"No, just the fact that you all make fun of me because of yesterday."
"Calm down. Frank explained what happened; it's okay… but still funny as hell because you are so angry about it." Mikey replies.

"Charming." I mumble and look at Frank. That doesn't sound like him, I would rather expect that he'd tell everybody how he got me. But I'm totally fine with this as well.

Just now I notice that someone is missing.
"Where's Ray?" I ask and drink a bit of my coffee.
"He went home early, I don't know why though." I shrug and focus on my coffee, let the guys talk.

After finishing breakfast, I call my mum to pick me up. When I see our car outside, I get my stuff and hug all of them.

"See you tomorrow." I wave again before I get in the car and my mum and me drive away.

"How was the party?" she asks as we leave the driveway.
"Quite good, kicked some guy. It was a productive night I'd say." I chuckle and look at her shocked face.

"Oh no, not again, honey!" She sighs. "Why?"

"He was about to punch one of my friends so I… kicked him in a very painful place. He wasn't so happy about it" She doesn't respond anymore and I keep on smiling the whole way home.

As we get there, I go straight up into my room, get some clothes and go for a shower. I don't like talking to my dad that much, we don't get along very well. It has always been like that. Now that I'm clean again, I waste the day away with some reading.

Monday passes by quite fast and again I have another lesson of detention. My joy is unbelievable. This time I actually sit down right next to Frank. We write each other notes since we're not allowed to talk. I have to admit that he's hilarious, we have the same kind of humour and can hardly hold ourselves back from laughing out loud.
Finally we're free again and I take a deep breath outside, sweet fresh air.

"You are a funny girl, I admit." Frank says as he gets out his cigarettes and offers me one. I take it and thank him. He lights them both and we start our way home.
"Why did you explain to the others what really happened and not acted like a big boy and told everybody that you got me?" He shrugs and smiles at me.
"I just thought it's the right thing to do."
"You are actually able to think? I'm seriously impressed." I laugh and he blows some smoke in my face. He suddenly turns right though I live on the left side of this street. "Where are we going?"

"My home?" He giggles and stops.

"So you live…" I lean back to count the houses. "… five houses away from me? Interesting."

"Well now you know at least." We hug and I go to my home.

The week goes by and Frank's and my friendship becomes better every detention. I also don't mind being the only girl in the group, I even enjoy it. They make me feel comfortable and I don't care being an outcast to everybody else as long as I have them.

A few months go by and we are close to graduation. We all somehow have a plan for what we'll do after it. So today is just a day of studying again. The last test is tomorrow and then it's over. I'll miss my guys when we go separate ways. Gerard and I will attend the same art school but the others won't be there none the less. I'll miss Frank the most, we grew so close over all this time. Like who would have thought that? I hated him in the beginning and now he's my best friend. Weird ways that life has for us sometimes. It'll be so strange to know that he's not only five houses but an hour away. Ray will go to some kind of technical school, Mikey still has to finish high school and Frank will most likely be a musician, he's not too keen on universities.

The day of the last test comes eventually and when it's over I scream out. "Freedom at last!" Everybody cheers and runs through the hall ways to express that they are more than relieved to finally finish. I feel some arms around me and a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey Franky." I greet him and turn around to hug him tightly.

"This is our last day of school." He says and I let go of him.
"Mhm… we should do something stupid!" He hands me a spray can and points at the wall. "Of course, why didn't I think of that!" I laugh and start spraying some weird statements, secrets and a whole lot more stuff on there. We run and hide as we hear somebody coming. But to our luck, it's only Gee and Ray, so we get out again. They study the wall and giggle from time to time.
"Very well done, you two." They say and look at us. We both bow and smile at them.
"We should better go now though, I don't think that it will last unnoticed for too long." I say and go ahead. We talk a bit and then we go home. I give Gee and Ray a big hug and continue my way with Frank. He has one arm around me but that's totally normal for us to be like that. As we get to his house, I can see his girlfriend standing in front of his door. I sigh 'cause I thought we'd spend some time together but no.
"I'll come over tomorrow morning, okay?" he mumbles as he turns to me. I nod and give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Bye." He hugs me again and then I go home after I wave Sarah, his girl.

Today is the day I'll move out and I'm sitting in the middle of my room, staring a hole into the wall in front of me. The door opens but I hardly recognize it.

"Darling? Frank is here. Shall he come up or do you want to go out?" My mum asks with a smile on her face. She liked Frank from the very beginning though he has piercings and tattoos and stuff. My dad never says anything when he's here. He thinks that Frank is a bad influence for me as if he is the reason for all the things I've done in my life.

"Send him here, please." I say and shortly look at my mother.
Moments later I can hear Frank running up the stairs.

"Hey there beauty." He greets me and immediately lies down on my bed after closing the door behind him.

"The way up here was pretty exhausting I see." I giggle and he sighs theatrically.

"Extremely. I need a massage, come here and do some good girl." He takes my hand and pulls me upon the bed from the floor. He wraps his arms around me and we just lie there cuddling.
"If you hold me that tight, I don't think I can give you a massage."

"Oh… yes… massage… right. Do your work!" He turns around onto his belly and waits for me to start. I roll my eyes and sit down on his back. After ten minutes I stop and ask:

"Does Sarah know that you're here? She wouldn't like this situation I guess."
"Yeah, she knows and I don't care if she'll be upset. You're going away today, that's more important right now." I roll down from him and he pulls me into his arms again with a strong hold.

"I'm just moving to New York, that's like an hour from here."
"An hour too much."
"You can always visit Gerard and me. I can even give you a key for out flat."

"First I'll help you pack and then we can talk about that other stuff." He pushes me away and I fall onto the ground.
"Meany!" He just laughs and starts getting boxes.

Only 20 minutes after we finish, the transporter arrives and Gee gets out of his car. My parents also help me carry the cartons down and make sure that I have everything. I hug my parents and they go back inside. I give Frank a kiss on the cheek and Gerard hugs him before we get into the car again.

"You seem sad… is there something wrong?"
"Huh? Me? Why you think so?" I ask while I try to find a good radio station.

"I don't know, you look kind of crushed." I shrug and lean back into my seat.

"Mh… I'm not sure, this is just weird. Us two moving to New York and leaving Jersey behind for a while. I'll get used to it eventually I guess."
"It really is. I hope we at least get into some classes together, it would be boring having art without you." He quickly smiles at me before looking back to the traffic. I laugh and we keep on driving for about an hour and a half. We needed longer because of the car accident we had to pass by.

We stop in front of the building and I am kind of overwhelmed. I've been here before to choose the apartment but now I won't leave it for a few weeks I suppose. We get out of the car and Gerard opens the door to it. We make a race up the stairs to our apartment. Gee lost some weight over the months. His face doesn't have this round shape anymore which could also be because of his longer hair. He looks more grown up with the slight edgier face.
The winner is neither of us since we arrive almost at the same time. He gets the keys out and unlocks the door.

After we carried everything up, we smile at each other and start decorating our flat. Living room and kitchen are done, only our own rooms are left. Me personally, I put up a lot of band posters, a few of my own drawings and special pictures. One with all the guys, Ray, Mikey, Frank and Gee. One with Mikey where we're playing a video game and he jumps on me, we're both looking happy, it's kind of extraordinary to me, he's like my little brother. And the last one is Frank and me, he's hugging me from behind and we have a huge smile on our faces. It was taken while we came out of the venue of the 'Misfits' concert. One of Gerard and me standing in front of our apartment when we decided to rent it will be added soon, I need to get it printed out though.

Three years have gone by, Gerard and I still live together and are currently working for different companies in New York. Today Frank will visit me, he said he has some big news and I am constantly wondering what it might be since he called me two hours ago. It must really be something big because he didn't want to tell me on the phone and demanded a visit. He should arrive in a few minutes so I make some coffee for us.

I jump up when I hear the bell. I open the main door with a button and wait outside the flat for him. He literally almost runs me over and hugs me so tight like hardly ever before.

"Oh geeze! What's wrong with you crazy guy!" He lets go of me and yells.

"She said yes!" Shocked as I am I just stare at him.

"Wh-… What? Who is 'she'? Who 'said' something? 'Yes' to what?"

"Sarah! She said yes!" Finally I realize what he's trying to tell me.

"Oh my god! You're getting married!" I scream and jump on him.
"Good brain, I thought you'd never get it!" He laughs and I stand back on the ground.
"You have to tell me everything!" I almost yell, take his hand and drag him to the kitchen.
He tells me how much he thought about this and how he proposed, it's really cute, he's so excited.

"One last question, will you be my maid of honour?" He smiles and holds my hand. My eyes widen and totally amazed I whisper.

"Of course! How could I say no to that?"

"Good, or else I would have had to slap you until you said yes." I giggle and I suddenly feel really tired and powerless. No idea why, it just came over me.

"Let's do something relaxing, I'm feeling dizzy." We lie down on the couch in the living room and cuddle up to each other while watching TV. After some time I fall asleep.

+++++Frank's POV+++++

I can't concentrate on the TV at all. I'm getting married. This is so weird but somehow feels good. Sarah is amazing, I love her though we sometimes can't stand each other or I can't stand her. But over the years you fight with everybody so that's totally normal. I look down at Sita and recognize that she's sleeping. I wipe her hair out of her face and kiss her forehead. Once again I realize how pretty she is. When I think back, I think that we have never been in a fight after the beginning and we hung out with each other almost every day. Kind of weird, I never got or I don't think I'll ever get sick of her. Sita moans and grabs my hand, still sleeping. I amusedly shake my head.
Maybe I should reconsider marrying Sarah though… oh man… I drive myself crazy with those thoughts. Of course it was the right decision, I'm just being nervous and pathetic. I suppose I also need some rest. I slowly get up, pick up Sita and put her down in her bed before I take my jeans off and slip under the blanket as well. I lie on my back with my arms under my head. Good thing is that I can tell Gerard about it as well when he gets home, he's still at work. I'm not able to sleep though, so I get Sita's mp3-player and turn up the volume real loud.

+++++Sita's POV+++++

"...it's driving me insane although you tried to fight, dragged from the silence where you hide, till you screeaaam..."
A loud noise starts and I'm wide awake again. It's "Scream!" by the Misfits. Why is it playing? And why so fucking loud? I turn around, seeing Frank lying next to me who hears nothing except for the music in his ears. I lean closer and the music gets louder. Somebody is obviously calling him. Let's give him a nice wake up just as the one I had. I kick him. Hard. He falls off the bed with his eyes wide open.
"Dude! What the hell?" He says loudly and looks at me. I pull the earphones off his head and point at his trousers which lie on the floor.
"Phone!" I'm not able to speak full sentences yet, not after I just woke up. First, he doesn't realize what I mean but then he jumps to his pants and pulls out the phone.
"Hello? Oh hey Sarah. Still at Sita's... you're in New York?... sure, hold on. Sita? Can Sarah come over?" I shrug and then nod.
"Sure, as long as she doesn't make too much noise! Like you just did!" I throw a pillow at him and cover myself under the blanket again. He laughs and starts talking to Sarah again.
"Yeah you can come. See you in 20 minutes, love you." He comes onto the bed again and tries to pull my blanket away but I hold on to it tightly.
"Fuck off!" I yell. 'Oh hey, I'm Frank, I'm always doing the exact opposite of what you say.' I think because he doesn't stop at all, no, he tries harder. "I want to sleep! Just leave me alone you dumb ass!" He laughs, oh isn't he a funny guy. Let's see if he really always does the opposite. I lurk out and say. "Hug me?" Yes... I'm stupid because of course he hugs me. I sigh, slip out of his hug and get up. "You're an idiot." I stretch and go into the kitchen leaving him behind on my bed still laughing.

After a few minutes the door opens and Gerard comes in.

"Gee!" I yell, run up to him and hug him like crazy. No idea why but I just felt like doing so. He giggles and hugs back.

"How you doing sweetie?" I let go and reply.

"Pretty good, just had a little nap, you?"

"Well, work, like always." I hand him a cup of coffee as we get into the kitchen. He sighs happily and closes his eyes while he drinks.

"You know exactly what I need."
"We're living together long enough that I actually 'have' to know you very well. Oh, by the way, Frank is here. He needs to tell you something."
"Where is he?" I shrug and get my own cup of coffee.

"Probably still in the bedroom." Just after I finish, Frank enters the kitchen. Gerard and he greet each other and he tells Gee what's going on.

Like… ten minutes later, the bell rings. Sarah is here. Woohoo. It's not that I don't like her, no, we actually get along quite well. She's just very strict when it comes to Frank and me. But that's okay, she's his girlfriend… well… fiancée now, that's totally normal. Also, she makes him happy and that's what counts. I don't even need to stand up, Frank already opened the door. Gerard has a weird look on his face I realize while we're alone.

"What's wrong?" I ask and lean a bit closer.

"I just… I don't think Sarah is the one for Frank. I don't know… I thought they wouldn't last long but they did obviously. They won't be together forever, she's not the right one. I have no idea why but I feel it. It's wrong. Sure, I'm happy for him but still… you get what I'm trying to say? I don't want to put her in a bad light but that's just what I think." I nod and take a quick look at Sarah and Frank standing in the hall way.

"I guess… we'll see how this all goes on and hope for the best." I mumble. "I just don't want him to get hurt." I add. Sarah comes in and has a huge smile on her face.

"Hey guys!" Frank is not far behind and stops next to her. We greet her as well and start talking.

30 minutes later they're both gone room and I'm lying my room, drawing.

The weeks go by and Frank is here quite often, more often than before the engagement I guess. Sarah comes along sometimes as well because I think she doesn't like him being with me though he visits Gerard as well when I'm not around. Ray and Mikey have also been here more, we're getting back together I suppose and I like it!
Today, Sarah and Frank are here again and we're telling embarrassing stories about Frank, just what girls always do. It's my turn now and it's actually hard to talk because I'm still laughing at Sarah's. It was pretty hilarious. Him naked in front of her parents? Man, I would have loved to see their faces.

"So this one time, we were out in the park drinking and he was already pretty wasted, lying around on the ground. I sometimes thought he was dead because he didn't move at all. But suddenly he'd jump up again and run around like an idiot. I told him to stop because a lot of people were already looking at us and I was afraid that some police might be around. He didn't want to listen and kept on running, he slipped and fell down, face forward. I rushed to him to look if he was okay. Well physically yes, he was great but guess in what he landed?" I'm already giggling. "Right, in dog shit! Yummy! Oh god, I laughed so hard that my stomach ached from it!"

"You're dead, Sita." He grumbles.

"I think I would have noticed that." He jumps up as do I and he runs after me.

"Frank! No! Stop it!" I scream while running into the bathroom.
"Come here!" He grabs me, lifts me over his shoulder and slaps my ass.
"You whore!" I yell and laugh while he carries me back to Sarah who is still giggling. I hammer on his back but he ignores me. As revenge he tells some stories about me. I didn't think that this could happen but my face is actually as red as my hair. After some more talking they have to leave.

I got to know Sarah a lot better in these four months that they have been engaged already. I'm starting to really like her, she's a bit… well, a lot more girly than me but she's fun. I still don't think she's the right one for Frank though…

One week after this talk, I'm in town with my parents shopping for a birthday present.

"So where are you taking us next?" My mum asks.

"We'll get the subway back to my apartment." I smile at them as we're passing by the Twin Towers.

"I can't imagine working in those huge buildings." My dad stops and looks upon them before looking back at me. "That must be…" I can't hear the rest because of a loud noise, just like an explosion. I follow the noise and see smoke and fire coming out of one tower. My eyes widen even more when I see a plane flying into the second one. I'm in a shock, I scream and am unable to move. Something hits my head and I break down. I touch my wound and look at my blood soaked hand. People are screaming, the towers are about to fall into themselves, I can't see my parents anymore and before I can stand up again, a piece of the buildings falls down onto my leg. A sudden pain goes through my body and everything goes black.

Slowly I blink, trying to figure out what's going on. I have a weird feeling in my body, especially my left leg and I'm dizzy. I moan and open my eyes to see where I am. The room is white with a lot of mechanic stuff.

"Sita!"
"Huh? What? Who is there?" Just now I realize that someone holds my hand and strokes my arm.

"Sita… come, look at me." Slow and in pain I turn my head and am now looking in Frank's face. "Oh god… I was so worried about you!" He kisses my cheek.

"Frank… what happened? I… I can't remember." His face goes serious again, his little smile is gone and he takes a few steps back.

"Terrorists attacked the Twin Towers and pieces of the building fell on you." He talks like a machine, with no emotion in his voice at all. My memory comes back and I shiver because of having those horrible images in my head again.

"What about my parents?"
"I don't know… they're still searching for them. But if they find them, they'll call me immediately, I gave them my number." I feel numb, totally numb realizing that there is hardly any chance for my parents to still be alive. I have to swallow my tears down real hard.

"How come I didn't get buried then?" He comes back to my bed and takes my hand again.

"I saw you and when you broke down, I ran to you and pulled you away from everything. It was horrible… to see all this happening and to almost watch you die…" He whispers.

"I… so you saved my life?"
"Pretty much." He shrugs and I can't hold my tears back anymore.
"Why were you there anyways?" I ask sobbing. He looks away for a moment and squeezes my hand.

"I was on my way to visit Sarah, she works… um… worked in the towers." Some tears are running down his face as well and I pull him to me. He lies down next to me and we cuddle up as good as possible.

"I'm sorry…" are the last words that come out of my mouth for the next three hours.

I cry a lot over my parents. Who wouldn't though? I just can't believe that they're gone and are never coming back.

Gerard is taking care of me for the next weeks until I can walk again. We somehow support each other, he got even more depressed after all this happened. It's hard to see him like this but the best I can do is to listen to him and try to give him my advice. I quit my job as well, sure it was a good one but I think it was the right thing to do. Gee also got another idea how to make something from his life, he just felt useless after all this for just being a comic artist and doing actually nothing for the world to change it. He called all the other guys and they decided to start a band together. So far I really like what they play, of course they need practice but it sounds good.

After five weeks I'm allowed to walk on my own again. Such a weird feeling, it's like my leg is made of pudding. The guys are already playing small shows in basements, thanks to Frank and his band and his cousin. His band is a little bit more popular and takes them to different location which his cousin books for them. Speaking of Frank, he doesn't seem depressed at all, a tiny bit sad but definitely not the behavior I would expect from someone losing his fiancée.

Today they're all practicing again and after it I take Frank out to get a coffee. I need to talk to him.

"So how is life without Sarah?" I ask carefully, I don't want to force him to talk. He shrugs and takes a sip.
"It's weird not having her around but I got used to it pretty quick."
"That's exactly my point… don't you think that it was too fast? Maybe… just… This has been in my head for a long time actually… would you be more sad if it was me or Mikey or one of the other guys who died? What I'm trying to say… oh please slap me so I can finally get it out." He actually does punch me and I chuckle. "Now serious again… did you actually love her?" He turns his head away, not wanting to look at me and nods.
"Indeed… it would have been worse if I lost one of you. I don't think that I did love her. Maybe I just did it because I felt alone or whatever. I sound so heartless saying this…"
"You don't…" I can't just go 'We told you so!' on him. There is an awkward silence until Franks tells me that he joined Gerard's band and that they'll start recording soon. I'm amazed, I really am, especially about the fact that they actually signed to a label. It's horrible right now, major labels everywhere you go. I congratulate him and ask about the bands final name. They can't just release an album with some random name.

"Mikey found something in a book, he was excited about telling us, he already saw a few days ago. We're going to be called My Chemical Romance."
"Wow, that is such a cool name! Damn… that is really good." He giggles.

"That's exactly what we all thought. Oh and I heard that you're going to move back to your parents' house?" I nod and take a sip of my coffee.

"Mikey was searching for a place to stay so I suggested that he could move in with Gerard and I'll just go back there. It would be a pity to leave it empty though it's going to be so weird to be there and to live alone again." He looks worried but I don't ask why, I am curious but I think it's better not to say anything.

"When are you moving?"
"Today actually but only with some stuff I really need, I'll get the rest this weekend."
"You need some help?"
"Nah, that's okay but thanks. You can come over if you want though." He smiles and finishes his coffee.
"Sure thing, I'll be there at eight." I laugh and we hug.

After picking up my things from Gerard, I'm standing in my old room. Nothing has changed, some posters are missing and my table but those are still at the apartment. It's pretty amazing how you can get reminded of so many things by just being in an old environment. I get lost in my head and by the next look at my watch it's already seven thirty so I decide to order some pizza before Frank gets here.

He's late like always but so is the food. Ten minutes after eight the bell rings. Frank hides his face behind two six-packs of beer.
"Impressive." He laughs and comes in.

"Wow, haven't been here in quite some time."
"Not since I moved out." I reply and we sit down in the living room. "I want to change some things though soon… only if I'm not too lazy of course."
"It does look old, true." We start talking about the whole recording thing again and after the pizzas arrive, we continue to talk about that stuff and then watch a movie. We decide to go into my room when the movie ends. He goes straight to my picture wall and stops at one of all of us before the graduation party.

"I can't remember a thing about the party after getting there."
"It was pretty good though." I say and sit down on the bed.

"I can't believe you still have all of these photos."
"Well obviously I do." I mumble while I yawn and cover myself with the blanket.

"Oh is the little girl tired?"
"Never…"
"Not very convincing." He giggles and makes his way to the bed. He's a bit tipsy I recognize, understanding though, he drank five bottles of beer. He kneels down and strokes my cheek. "I'm sorry…"
"Huh? Why? Now I'm confused…" What the hell is he talking about?

"Because you lost your parents and now have to live here being reminded of them all the time. It's gonna be hard…" I nod still confused.

"But you lost Sarah which is probably just as hard." He sighs and I can see he has to fight with himself to let his feelings out.

"No… it's like I lost a good friend but not somebody as close to consider them family. I knew that she would never be more than this to me."
"Then why did you propose?"
"Because I thought I need to take my chance or other wise I'll end up alone. But this… horrible thing made me realize, in a very cruel way, that with friends I'm never alone and that real love should feel different." Tears are running down my face more because of remembering 9/11 again than the things he just said though they didn't hold them back either. I got so weak over the past weeks but also grew so much stronger, it's a weird paradox.

"Don't cry honey… you don't deserve this."
"Nobody would deserve my current situation but somebody has to deal with it eventually. It's okay…" I move a bit and Frank slips under the blanket as well. He quickly takes off his jeans and then we cuddle up to each other. "Thanks." I whisper.

"I won't ever leave." He responses and holds me tight. I want to take a deep breath but instead I have to sneeze, his dreads tickled my nose.

"Can't you shave those please?" I ask while pulling on one dread.

"You never liked them, did you?"
"Not at all… I hate them to be honest." He giggles and closes his eyes. "You got to be kidding me! You're not gonna sleep just now, I won't be able to sleep until you cut those…" I search for a fitting word and gesticulate with my hands but I can't seem to find a fitting one. "…things off!"
"Right now?"
"Nope, next month. Of course now, duh!"
"I can't!"
"Why?"

"I can't shave my own head." I grin and stand up.

"It'll be a pleasure for me to… kill it." He frowns but does follow me into the bathroom and I get my dad's razor.

It's hard to cut the dreads off but after half an hour we're done and I smile happily.

"Much better! You look quite good actually." He laughs holding the remains of his dreads in his hands before he throws them into the bin.

"Bye, bye, I'll miss you guys." I go over his short hair and grin.

"Feels funny."

"I changed my hair so it's your turn now." My eyes widen and I take a step back, just in case.

"What do you mean? Change it?"
"Get the same hair again as you had in High School. I really liked that."
"Which one? Red or black and green?"

"Red!" He says loudly. "The one with the undercut on the left, you look way too nice with that blonde right now." He holds a streak up and giggles.

"Okay, I'll get it cut tomorrow and I need some dye… I am nice though!" I put my tongue out and turn away to go to bed.

"Sure, sympathy in person." I glance angrily at him over my shoulder and fall onto the bed.
"Ouch…" I rub my knee and then cuddle up into the blanket. Frank lies down as well and puts his arm around me from behind.
"Don't be so whiny, that's the revenge for lying about being nice." I slightly push my elbow in his stomach. "You see?"
"Shut up and sleep you annoying idiot." I mumble and fall asleep shortly afterwards.

As I wake up, I try to be as quiet as possible since Frank is still asleep. I manage to get out of his hold and rush into the kitchen to get my morning drink. I get a bottle of Jack Daniels out and hide it again after I filled a big glass with it. I started drinking in the third week after 9/11. I somehow know I shouldn't drink and I didn't drink that much in the beginning but it's somehow getting worse. I notice it but as long as I don't get too used to it, I'll keep on doing it because it makes me feel better. I finish my glass and wash it so Frank won't know about it. I hear steps coming sown the stairs and begin to make some coffee.

"Sita? Where are you?"
"Kitchen!" I yell while pouring the coffee into two cups. He comes in with a big smile on his face.

"You're still blonde!"
"Well, yeah, my hair doesn't magically change while sleeping."
"What's that smell then?" His expression is now curious and he comes closer.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I hope he doesn't find out about it, not yet, I couldn't handle it.

"Not sure…" He mutters, looking worried at me. "Let's make this a coffee to go and visit the hair stylist." I sigh relieved but roll my eyes at him.

"Whatever."

After getting my hair all done again we decide to visit Gerard and Mikey. As we get there Frank immediately rushes to Mikey's room, no idea why, while I go to Gerard. I don't knock, didn't do it when we lived together, won't do it now.
I hug him from behind and kiss his cheek.

"Hey weirdo." He chuckles, lies his pen and cig down to look at me.

"Hey beaut, got your hair done?" He asks while going through it.

"Yeah, Frank forced me to because I shaved his dreads off."
"You did? Thank god, they looked awful. By the way, I love this cut and color on you." I blush a bit and sit down on the floor.

"Thank you…" I mumble. "How is the song writing going?"

"Pretty good I guess. We don't have much time so we just take what I get done."
"Can I read them?"

"Nah, not yet. The songs are not done but you'll be the first one to know." He smiles but I see sadness in his eyes. I touch his knee as I speak.

"Are you okay?" He just shrugs but stays quiet and looks at his hands. I stand up from the floor again and pull him up with me so I can see his face better in the dim light. His eyes are all red and dark rings mark them. I pull him into a hug and stroke his back. "You know that I'm always there for you, right? Call me whenever you need it. I don't care if it's 4PM or AM." He hugs me back tightly and nods. I let go of him and go on my tiptoes to kiss his forehead. "You wanna be alone?" He slightly nods again and whispers.

"Can we talk… tomorrow?"
"Sure…" He holds my hand for a bit and then sits back down.

"Thanks."
"Always." I leave his room and knock on Mikey's door to tell Frank we're leaving.

Back home I first drink a bit while Frank is on the toilet but I can't drink enough to make me feel alright so I put the empty bottle into the trash and go up into my room. I'm kind of tipsy and want to sleep the stress away.

In the next two weeks I drink way more than usual but nobody really notices, they're all in the studio recording.

I'm gonna visit them this evening again because it'll be their last day in the studio. Gerard is doing a lot better since we've talked and I just hope it stays that way. Before I leave I have myself a few glasses of good old whisky and then walk to the little basement in which they're recording.

I already hear the music out on the street and so I just follow the noise down into the room. I wait until they stop and then enter it.

"Hey!" I yell and they all greet me with a wave. "How is it going?" I lean against a wall and smile at them.

"We just recorded the last song." Gee says proudly.
"Really? Wow. When do I get to hear the whole CD?"
"In a month, maybe two." Ray, our mastermind, explains.

"We should celebrate!" I suggest with a grin on my lips.

They all agree and in the evening I find myself in Mikey and Gerard's living room drinking.

Suddenly Frank takes my drink away, probably noticing that I'm already pretty drunk.

"What the hell, dude? Gimme that back!" I yell at him and try to grab the glass.

"Stop it Sita! Face it, you're addicted." Shocked I stare at him.

"What are you talking about? I'm not!" Some of the others are already looking at us so Frank pulls me into the bath and locks the door behind us.

"Do you really think I don't notice all the empty bottles in your house? Your 'morning' drinks? I'm not dumb, alright? You are addicted!"
"I'm not!" I yell again with tears coming up. "You have no idea!" I'm already sobbing and turn away from him for a short time.

"Of course I have no fucking idea because you won't fucking talk to me! How the fuck am I supposed to help you if you fucking coward just stay quiet?" He's breathing heavily and I don't know what to say anymore.

++++++++++Frank's POV+++++++++++++

I'm unbelievably angry right now. That innocent look on her face like she didn't do anything wrong. Then, out of nowhere, she breaks down onto her knees crying.
"I know that I'm fucking addicted but I can't help it! I have a problem!" She sobs, almost not being able to breathe because of her tears. I put the glass away and sit down next to her. "Don't you think I tried to get away? Fuck you, I did!"
"Sh… Sita, hun, I didn't mean it like that." I pull her towards me and lean back against the door while holding her tightly. She cries for about ten minutes on my shoulder and I just gently stroke her back somehow trying to calm her down. To say something would be useless. When she's finally able to speak again, she sits up and looks at me with sorrow.

"I'm so sorry… I really am. I should have told you before but I thought I could handle it. I never ever guessed that I could get this addicted! After this talk I had with Gerard, I noticed that I'm not alone with my problems and I tried to be so strong for him because I knew he needed it. I saw how he was betting better while things with me were getting worse. I didn't care at all though, I was so worried about him, I didn't quite notice my own behavior anymore. I'm so, so sorry, I didn't want to bother you with my problems." She wipes her red and wet eyes. She looks so desperate that I can't be angry at her.
"You know I would never judge you for things like that, not for anything. You should have talked to somebody but we can talk now, it's not too late, you can fix these things." She nods, pulls her legs towards her body and starts talking quietly.

I didn't know that this all affected her so much. She's strong but a tragedy like this even breaks somebody like her.

In the end she's lying in my arms again and we don't talk anymore for a long time until we hear a knock.

"I need to pee real bad! Get done and put your pants back on!" Some drunk guy I don't know yells. Sita quickly stands up and washes her face while muttering.

"I don't want anybody else to notice…"
"You're fine. You look good." I say as I get up and unlock the door.

"Thanks dude, I really can't hold it back any longer." The guy babbles and immediately stops as he sees Sita. "Oh hello there darling, don't you want to stay here a little bit longer with me?" He takes a few steps towards her and I can already see that her reaction might be… aggressive.

"Sure thing hottie, but I don't want to get herpes so mind you if we use a condom?" She says with her sweetest voice.

"Not a problem… wait, are you saying that I'm filthy?"

"Nope, more like disgusting. Fuck off cunt." She slaps him and hits his back with her elbow before pulling me out of the bath and slamming the door so hard that it almost breaks.

"Good one." I giggle and slightly smile.

"It wasn't bad."

++++++++++Sita's POV++++++++++++

The party ends and I decide to stay. I help Mikey to clean up a bit and it does give me some kind of satisfaction to throw away the half full cups and bottles though I crave for it. Mikey's like a spiritual center, he's just so well balanced and has this energy to calm you down. I always notice this when I have long talks with him just like right now.

In the end I sleep in Gerard's bed because he's so wasted that I really have to take good care of him. He has to get up a few times to puke but after the third time he finally falls asleep or more like passes out, and so do I.

In the morning it's hard to wake him up, he just turns around and that's about the most of a reaction he shows.

"Let me sleep…" he mourns.

"We need to get things done, the tour starts in three days." I say and laugh quietly. He turns to me again, grabs my hand and pulls me onto the bed.

"You see how comfortable this is?" He wraps his arms around me so I can't move.

"Gee! Move your lazy fat ass!"
"Never…" I give up and we cuddle for a few minutes until I drag him up.

We get a trunk that is big enough to put all the instruments in it, we also get a can 'cause sure enough we need something to travel with.

Today we start off driving to Washington and this tour is going to be hell, I already know it.

We're just on our way to Chicago when my phone rings.
"Hello?" I answer sleepy because I just took a nap on Mikey's lap.

"Hey, it's Ray."
"What's up, dude?"
"Not much but don't you think you're missing something?" I sit up and look around.

"Oh shit! Guys! We forgot Ray again!" I cancel the call and we turn around to get him. This is the third time this happens that we just forget him at a shop or such.

After half an hour of driving again we get slower and finally stop at the side.

"Just so you know we ran out of gas." Matt, the drummer and current driver, says.

"Just so you know." Frank giggles. "At least we're in a popular area and there's stuff to do." Exactly… fields on grass in the middle of nowhere.

We send someone to get fuel which takes quite long since the last station was like 15 minutes away with the car.

While Mikey and Frank are on their way to get the gas, us others go into the cornfield and run around like little children but it's fun. I have a few problems because of my progress of getting clean. I sometimes shiver uncontrollable or get extremely tired all of a sudden. But I'm getting better, I wasn't that addicted so with the guys around me I think I can do it. I've been sober for three months already and I don't crave for alcohol that often anymore. Bad thing… Gerard is like constantly drunk. We really try to help him but it's hard for all of us. I often stay up until morning with him to talk or just to take care of him. I think he's getting suicidal, I force myself to not believe it but I know he is.

The last few meters before we arrive at my house are on and as we stop I almost crawl out of the van. Frank and I say goodbye to the others and I rush into the shower. It feels unbelievably good, almost like transforming into a human being again. To be honest the van was the most disgusting thing ever. We were on tour longer than we thought because of them being support for some other bands we met on the road. We literally slept on each other in the middle of piss, puke, shit and dirt. It smelt awful.

After I get out, I quickly put on some underwear and go into the bedroom. Frank slowly moved even before the record came out, it just happened. He was hardly at his own apartment and we got used to it. I don't even know, he's just here so often that it feels like he lives here.

"The shower is all yours." I say as I slip into the room.

"Oka-…" He starts and then watches me unpacking my case.

"What? Is there a spider or?" I look around nervously. Spiders, how I hate them, we both do.

"No, don't… don't worry."
"Then why are you acting so weird?" I get up and turn towards him.

"You…"

"I? Do I have something in my face? Dude, just say it!" I roll my eyes, get an oversized shirt and put it on. As I turn back he's standing right in front of me and surprised I stumble back a bit. He grabs my shirt, pulls me closer so our faces are only centimeters apart. He grins and kisses me.

++++++++++Frank's POV+++++++

She pushes me away and yells.

"Your tongue has no allowance to enter my mouth, sir!" I giggle, so serious but still so funny. "Frank! Why?"
"I… um… I love you… I guess." I nervously look down on my hands and just sometimes glance at her. "I noticed it during these weeks of touring that I'll never find a more amazing and beautiful girl than you."
"But we've been best friends for so long, don't you think this is a phase or such?" She goes through her hair… how I love when she does this, she looks so helpless and innocent but wild at the same time.

"It's not, I thought so too but no."
"Go…" She whispers. "Go, please."
"Wh-…"
"Go!" She whines. I first don't move but… what am I supposed to do? I should rather go now than stay and maybe destroy what is left. It's hard, my feet are heave and I have a sick feeling in my stomach. It's not like it was easy to tell her but I guess I had to do it eventually.

Suddenly she's in front of me again and gives me a short kiss.

"This is so wrong." She mumbles but I shake my head holding her closer. She wraps her arms around me and we kiss again. "You smell so bad." She says all serious and we fall onto the bed. I kiss her neck as I take a hold of her shirt to pull it off.

"So unnecessary that you put it on." I mumble and throw it away

"Just like your talking." She kisses me demanding and we turn around, now me being on top.

"You have something?" I ask breathless and she moans.

"You're the guy so it's your job to have that stuff with you."
"I don't though…" I kiss her again and feel how she starts to grin. Then she quickly backs off and slips away. "What the…? You can't just leave me like that!"
"I can though, I'm a girl, deal with it." She giggles and leaves the room.

"You… you… whore!" I can hear her moving around and I lie down on the bed again thinking about getting a shower. Probably the only way to get out of this situation. Just as I'm about to stand up she comes back.

"Now what are you doing?"
"Get clean?"
"Nah, you'll stay." She smiles evilly and sits down on my lap.

"You're pretty fierce right now considering you're a virgin."
"It's not like we haven't seen each other naked before." She rolls her eyes and gets something out of her bra. "And I trust you."
"Why do women always keep stuff in there?"
"Because it's handy and because we fucking can." She opens the condom and smiles. "Lucky boy, just remembered that I had this one left." Sita kisses me and I put it on quickly. While getting rid off her bra she says. "Remember what I said at that party years ago? If you ever hurt me again, I will cut your balls off, it still counts." I chuckle and nod.

"How could I ever forget? I won't hurt you, not in any possible way." I whisper into her ear as I push into her.

After it I quickly shower and then we lie in bed cuddled up to each other.

"Will we tell the others?" She asks tired, her head resting on my chest.

"Not yet, we'll let them find out."
"Fine." She mutters almost sleeping already. I kiss her forehead and fall asleep quickly after her.

The next day I wake up alone, at least Sita's not in my arms. So I search around with my eyes still closed, it's way too bright. I hear how something crashes on the floor and soon after Sita cursing.

"Fuck this fricking glass! I hate gravity sometimes." I can't help but smile and go to where the noise came from.

"Morning sunschine."
"Shush!" She glares at me from the floor while picking up the glass pieces. I help her clean it up and we eat breakfast.

She's unusually quiet which kind of worries me but we don't have much time, we'll start recording our new album today already. During the tour we signed to Warner and got ourselves a manager, Brian Schecter. The tour got us a lot of new fans and also some good contacts in the music business.

On our way to the studio Sita is still all silent and distanced. I wonder what's wrong with her, she looks worried.

Arriving there the others greet us and quickly lead us into a room.

"You gotta see this, guys…" Mikey mumbles and shows us a little piece of paper. 'I'm our in the woods, I want to be the next Jim Morrison. Gerard…'

"He can't be fucking serious! How… when did you last see him?" Sita asks whispering.

"Yesterday night before I went to bed."
"Then what are we waiting for? We need to find him!" I try to take a hold of her hand but she pulls it away. She rushes out again and I follow her after telling Ray and Mikey to start searching east.

I get to the care and see her tipping from one foot to another. I grab her shoulders and turn her around so she has to look at me.

"You'd better tell me now what's wrong with you." She just shakes her head pointing at the car. "I won't open it until you talk to me!"

"Frank, goddamnit! We really don't have time for this now. Open the fucking car, we need to find Gee!" She's right but I hate to leave it like that.

We search for about three hours but no Gerard in sight. It's fucking cold and so we decide to continue searching after getting some food and warm clothes. The others weren't successful either and we get desperately worried. I first didn't take the situation serious enough being sure we'd find him in no time but not such luck.

After another five hours of searching we give up for today. Everybody is exhausted, we need some rest… Maybe he'll come back at night, maybe.

For the first time today Sita actually gives me a hug.

"I'm scared…" She whispers.

"I am too." I hold her tightly and we sit down on the couch. "We'll find him tomorrow." She just nods and looks out of the window. "Are you okay?"
"Not at all…" She takes a deep breath and I have a feeling that she'll break out now. "I'm afraid that we won't find him, I keep imagining seeing his dead body. I just want to burst out into tears. I slept with my best friend and I act like a fucking bitch about it. I hate myself for all of this!" She sobs but without tears.

"Don't put all this pressure on you. It's not your fault, nothing is. It's hard I know but we need to keep on believing that we'll find him."
"I don't know what I would do without him, I wouldn't be able to handle it." She quietly mumbles and grabs my shirt.
"Neither do I, we need to keep the faith in all of this though."
"I will… None the less… I slept with my best friend and feel like I made a mistake." She sits up, now with tears in her eyes, looking like she wants to apologize. I don't really know what to say, I was so sure about this all yesterday.

"Why do you feel bad about it?"
"Because I think that it will make everything complicated, I don't want things to change. I had enough change in my life!"
"So… you're breaking up with me or what?" Oh please say no, not now, not ever…

"I don't know!" She whines. "I don't know anything. This situation is making me go crazy! I just hurt people no matter what I do. If we stay together, I'll screw it up, I just know I will. If not, we won't ever be the same as before." Tears are running down her face and I pull her into my arms again.

"Relax, hun… you need to calm down a bit."
"Don't leave me Frank… don't ever leave me…" She cries and wraps her arms around me.

"I won't, I promise." I pick her up, carry her to the bed and she cuddles up to me. She keeps on crying for some time and right now I would love to just do the same but I need to be strong for her like she has been for me so many times.

+++++++Sita's POV+++++++

"Your shirt is all wet. I'll get you a new one… Sorry." Frank holds me back, takes his shirt off and kisses my forehead. I'm still confused about us being together but we should try, it'll work out. I slip a bit higher and give him a strong kiss.

"Let's do this…" He looks slightly surprised but relieved and kisses me back. Finally I'm able to sleep.

I wake up for the fourth time already and it's not even 2AM yet. I'm kind of cold so I slip out of Frank's hold to put one of his hoodies on. As I'm about to lie down again I look out of the window and I have to think about Gerard being out there probably freezing his ass off. I just have to go out and look for him again, it may be even easier right now since there are no people out. I quickly get the car keys and sneak downstairs.

Suddenly the image of Gerard's dead body is in my head again and I sob quietly. Just as I want to close the door again it gets stuck but I can't see anything blocking it from closing. I let go and it opens on its own.

"What the…?" I want to pull it again but somebody grabs my hand.

"What are you doing?"
"Going for a walk?" Frank steps into the shine of the streetlights and strokes my hair.

"In the middle of the night?"
"Maybe looking for Gee as well… while I'm already out." He pulls me into a hug and I can feel his cold skin, he's only in his boxers.

"You're making yourself crazy, tomorrow we'll get up as soon as possible and search all day long but it's already enough that I have to worry about one of my best friends. It's not a feeling I enjoy, not at all. So come with me and get your body some rest." He's already shivering so I agree.

"Quick… I don't want you to get sick." He guides me up onto the bed again and I cuddle up as good as possible to him. Placing one hand under the hoodie on my back, his cold fingers wandering around there giving me chills. He looks worried at me but I encourage him to smile.

The following days we get up at 8AM to search and only stop a few times in between for food and Frank records a message for the band's fans so maybe they can help. Frank is kind of ill, his voice almost gone though I'm not that healthy myself either.
At the end of these three days we still found no sign of Gerard and we're getting desperate. I'm constantly close to crying and I'm running the fear I might break down any second. I lost my parents, I wouldn't be handle to lose another family member. Not Gerard, nor Mikey, nor Ray, nor Frank.

In the evening I lie down in bed but Frank is still out. He forced me to stay home since I have the flu. I gave in after almost half an hour of discussing.

++++++++Frank's POV+++++++

I'm exhausted, it's hard to breathe but I walk on, not being able to give up. I'm sick but can't stop searching. Suddenly I hear something behind me and I freeze. Slowly I turn around but there is nothing, must have been some kind of animal. I continue my way and then hear a silent moan.

"What the hell is this? Clearly not an animal!" I get a little cough attack while I go into the direction from where the noise came from. I calm down again and notice something black lying on the brown forest earth. The closer I get the more I can see the clothes and a bit of the face.

"Gerard?" I whisper with a bit of hope in my voice though doubting this. The little thing lifts his head and I stop. "Oh my god, Gee!" I get out of my shock again and kneel down beside him. "Are you okay? Please talk to me." My voice is fading and all I can do is whisper but he hears me and sits up.
"Yeah, I guess I am." He looks at me and I just hug him tight, silent tears running down my face. I sob and pull him as close as possible.

"It's alright, Frank… I'm fine." His voice is rough. I let go of him, my hands still on his shoulders and I'm just happy to finally have found him. He lightly smiles and stands up with some difficulties. I get up with him and help him to stay on his feet.
"I'll drive you home… can you walk?" He nods and carefully starts walking. I call Ray and tell him to come to Sita's house with Mikey. It's closer and Gerard is in desperate need of food and something to drink. As I pull into the driveway I can already see the other two waiting in front of the door. I quickly climb out of the car to help Gee on the other side. Mikey and Ray run to us obviously shocked by Gerard's appearance. They both hug him and I unlock the door.

We sit down in the kitchen and I immediately give him a glass of water and start to cook some pasta. Gee isn't really talking, just giving short responses and now I worry even more about him. He seems isolated, depressed, weak and tired, with his mind not in this room.

After twenty minutes he gets better and explains to us why he did this though his voice sometimes breaks. As he finishes eating he looks up to me.

"Where's Sita?"
"She's upstairs sleeping. I told her to rest since she's really sick and might have broken down if I let her continue searching." He nods and looks down again.

We don't speak for a while and me and the others exchange worried looks. Though we now know the reason, we still aren't sure if he can recover.

All of a sudden he stands up and leaves the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" We follow him since he doesn't answer. He's heading to the bedroom in which Sita is sleeping and carefully opens the door.

Sita is still asleep while breathing heavily, I think her fever might have gotten higher again. He sits down next to her and just strokes her hair.

+++++++Sita's POV+++++++++

I feel something on my head and moan.

"Frank? Did you find him?" I blink once and sit up. My throat hurts like hell and I'm apparently fully covered in sweat.

"Yeah… they found me…" I open my eyes and see hazel ones staring back at me.

"Gee?" A weak sound escapes my mouth and I'm not sure if I'm hallucinating because of my fever. I reach out for his face and he nods closing his eyes as I touch his cheek. I crawl to him, hug him tight and bury my face on his chest. "Oh my god, you're back…" I whisper between my sobs. He strokes my back trying to calm me down. I get up again, wipe my tears away and just look at him. "I… I can't… you're…" My voice is breaking all the time and I touch his face again.

"Sh… don't say anything." He smiles and takes both of my hands. I can see a few tears in his eyes as well and shake my head.

"Don't… cry…" I pull him into my arms again and bury my hands in his hair. He squeezes me and I can feel some tears dropping on my shoulder. "Don't do… this to me… ever… again. I'm not… able to live… without you." We stay in this position for some time and then get up together.

Gerard is really quiet the next four days but he's getting better physically. They're already in the studio again and his lyrics are even more amazing than the ones of the last record. Also the guys' music, they're playing improved a lot within just a few days at the studio. I'm still sick so I only got to visit them once this week.

Today I get to come along wit Frank again, I annoyed him until he finally gave in. Gerard is doing vocals as we get to the studio and we sit down on a chair next to the others. We wave at them and I make myself comfortable on Frank's lap. Apparently Gee's singing for a Song called 'Give 'Em Hell, Kid'. I whip my foot to the beat and lean back resting my head on Frank's shoulder. As he finishes, he comes out of the cabin with a smile and comes up to me.

"Hey gorgeous." He kisses my cheek and I grin widely.
"Shut up, I look horrible." He snorts and crosses his arms over his chest.
"I've seen you worse." I roll my eyes and hide my face in Frank's hoodie. I can feel Gee's breath right next to my ear before he whispers. "You two don't have to be so awkward, I can see that you finally had the guts to get together." I raise my eyebrows and look confused at him. He straightens up and grins. "I predicted it since High School. Don't try to fight it, it's obvious." I blush and so does Frank.

"Aw, aren't you two cute?" Mikey and Ray giggle. I lean down and kiss Frank passionately before turning back to the others and put my tongue out.

"Ew, Sita! You just had that in his mouth!" Mikey claims with a girly voice.

"You're just jealous." Frank says and pulls me closer. We all laugh finally happy again.