A/N: I was listening to my playlist this morning and one song inspired me to write this. I know, yet another Crossfire post-ep, but for me there could never be enough ;)
Hope you enjoy it!
Silence all encompassing, deep, swallowing her with no way to get out of it. She's drowning in it, doesn't have the strength to fight against the pain, the pull of darkness.
Silence. That's all she can feel, endless silence incessantly dragging her farther away from reality.
Memories come and go. She can't quite get a hold of them, her grasp too weak, nothing she can do to keep them with her long enough so they could make any sense. No complete story, just bits and pieces. There was a shooting. Was Loksat involved? Was she shot? Or worse Castle? She keeps remembering the ceiling of an apartment … but which apartment? Was it in the loft? Oh, there's so much pain. Why won't the pain just go away? Someone needs to make it stop.
Darkness once again pulls her under. Makes her forget the hurt until only silence and peace are left. But no – this can't be the end! As much as it had hurt before, she needs to feel all the agony now just to make sure she's alive. Come on, fight for your live! This can't be it. There's so much you still wanted to do.
Like taking that cross country trip with her Harley. Oh, how she wishes she could be on her bike right now. Driving along the coast or through the mountains, feeling the wind in her face…
Focus, Beckett! You need to get back to reality first!
She can't remember how much time has passed, but slowly her thoughts are getting clearer, visions of Caleb Brown slumped against the kitchen counter and Castle bleeding on the floor returning to her mind. Castle was shot! The realisation strikes her like lightning and makes her heart rate accelerate. He was shot in the chest! Is he alive?! Please, dear god, he can't be dead! There's no way she would survive that. And all of a sudden the silence is gone.
"She's waking up!", she hears someone say. Suddenly there's a lot of movement around her. She successfully tries to open her eyes and makes out people all dressed in white running around her.
She has no idea what's happening but every fibre of her body hurts.
"Captain Beckett", a man with glasses and black hair that is starting to turn grey speaks up. "I need you to calm down. You've been shot but you're safe now. You're going to be fine if you just take some deep breaths and don't try to move." She really doesn't care what the guy is telling her. She just needs to know what happened to Castle! But her throat won't cooperate and only coughs come out when she tries to speak. A nurse notices her distress and leans over to put some ice in her mouth. Kate swallows thankfully and finally gets a raspy "Castle?" out.
"Your husband is still in surgery, but it's looking good, so you can relax! As soon as possible we'll put him in your room." The man – she assumes is her doctor – reassures her.
For his own safety she really hopes he's telling the her the truth or she will hunt him down as soon as she's out of that bed! God, how much she yearns to see Castle's face just to convince herself that he's ok.
After very painful three hours that to her felt like three weeks, her husband is finally rolled inside. He's asleep, but he looks peaceful and the doctors and nurses assure her that he will wake up anytime soon.
Funny how after years of him constantly staring at her, she's now watching him, her eyes alternately looking at his sleeping figure and the heart monitor that informs her he's still alive.
His chest burns like fire. It's like someone was sitting on his lungs trying to crush them and he struggles to breath. There's something down his throat – he can't quite tell what it is – but it's making him gag. He tries to swallow it down but it's not going away and his eyes snap open in panic.
"Castle!" The sound of her voice immediately calms him down. "I know you're struggling and it's uncomfortable but please don't try to take the tube out, babe! It's helping you breathe."
She presses a button next to her bed and shortly after, a nurse enters the room. Finding out he's awake she leaves again and returns with a doctor.
"Mr Castle, you were shot in the chest and your right lung got seriously injured. We had to reinflate it and you're looking at a long journey of recovery. You will have trouble breathing properly for quite a while but if you're ok with it I would like to take out the tube now and instead give you an oxygen mask to put on your face."
He nods his ok and they start to take it out. "This will hurt a little but afterwards it'll be much more comfortable. I'm putting the oxygen mask over your face now. However, I want you to call us immediately if you experience any problems and breathing on your own causes too much pain!"
After the doctor and nurse have left, he takes some deep breaths, testing out his new freedom. It's painful but he feels so much better than with a tube down his throat.
"Hey, you! Does it feel better now?"
Kate's voice travelling over from the bed next to him makes him focus on something else and reminds him that they're both here, badly injured but alive and together.
"Yeah much. Still painful though. You ok?" He says lifting his mask so his voice isn't muffled.
"Mmh. Much better now that you're awake. I was so scared, Rick! I thought we wouldn't make it. All the visions I had for our future, burnt to ashes because of this stupid case." Tears are threatening to fall from her eyes and stain the white hospital sheets.
"I can't take it anymore! I won't risk our lives and our future just because of a case or my stupid obsessions. I want to quit. I love fighting for justice and helping the victims' families to get closure. But after everything that's happened I think it's best if I take a break and start working on what's right in front of me. I want to have a family, not just the two of us or our current family, but one we actually built. I imagine little kids running around the loft, always keeping their parents on alert. I want all of this with you, the love of my live, and I'm sick of things keeping us from the future we deserve. I love you, Rick, and I want to spend the rest of my live in the warmth of your smile, the strength of your embrace and the presence of the children we created."
The hope and love shining brightly in both their eyes as he answers with the most honest words he can give her. "That's all I ever wanted for us, a family and sharing the rest of my live with you. I love you so much, Kate. Always."
Whatever the future may hold for them, how many hours they would have to tend to sick kids, clean up messes in the kitchen, attend school plays or check out shady boyfriends through NYPD databases, they would have each other.
Always.
Thank you so much for reading! I would love to hear what you thought :)