The Doctor was silent for a long while. Jackie Tyler almost didn't notice, having been a bit distracted by all the lovely Boxing Day sales. She accidentally forgot he was there for a moment and let the door to Debenham's shut on his skinny face. His startled curse, which sounded a bit like "rustling," was cut off as the heavy glass swung into his nose. Jackie promptly burst into laughter.
"Oooh, that's just karma, that is!" she hooted, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. Scowling grumpily from behind his reddened nose, the Doctor began to set down the many shopping bags across his arms to tend to his injury.
"Yes, yes, alright," he grumped, pulling a large, neon green handkerchief from one of those inexhaustible pockets in his greatcoat. "Clearly I've gotten what was coming to me, taking you shopping. Should've realized that could be dangerous to my health."
Jackie humphed, tapping one foot impatiently.
"Don't you complain, mister! It's not as if I even asked you to, is it? I've still got no clue why a time-alien has got any interest in shopping. Not that you've got the wrong idea or anything, but every normal bloke I've ever met avoids it like the plague."
"Timelord," the Doctor corrected absently, shuffling the bags back onto his arms one by one. "And I told you, Jackie, I thought it was only fair to give Rose's mum a taste of universe, what with all the amazing shops we've been to all over. It can't be helped that you won't leave this boring old planet. Personally, I'd much rather have gone to someplace like Mesoranlata III. They have these really excellent purple chips—"
"Purple!" Jackie interrupted in incredulous horror. "What, do they taste of grapes or sumfin?"
"Oh, noooo, Jackie, they've got an amazing sort of banana flavor under the potato—"
"And Rose wonders why I don't want to go on trips in your mad box!" Jackie clucked her tongue in patent disapproval. "And I might not be a, a spacelord thing, but I do have a bit of sense, you know. It seems to me that you'd normally rather eat your tie than go shoppin' at all, let alone with anyone's mum."
"Ooooh, that doesn't sound pleasant at all. My shirt buttons, on the other hand, they could really be lovely with a nice cup of tea. Made on Falafran, you know, sort of chocolate biscuit flavored. Though they couldn't make a decent cup of tea to save their lives—"
"You're bloody mad." Jackie stated flatly, turning on her heel and leaving the Doctor scrabbling to catch up without dropping any of her shopping bags.
"Oi! Wait for me," he called. He shot around the corner of a display in an effort to catch up, and nearly ran straight into her. Jackie turned, her pink-clad arms crossed and a frown set on her made-up face.
"Er, hello?" he blurted, and blinking wide, sheepish brown eyes.
"You'd think, old as you are, you'd have learnt by now to watch where you're goin'!" she snapped. The Doctor opened his mouth, undoubtedly to defend his directional sense, when Jackie's gaze drifted to the right, and she interrupted. "Here, hold these, will you?" She said distractedly, now fully absorbed in the sweat suit section. The Doctor struggled to add several clothing-laden hangers to his already ridiculous load. He wrinkled his nose indiscreetly as she cooed over an eye-burningly fuchsia set. "Anyway, did you think I was kiddin', you mad alien? This doesn' make sense and I want to know what's goin' on. I'm half expectin' the mannequins to jump out an' try an strangle me again, as this seems about as likely. So you've got money, an' time. You still shouldn't want to spend it on me."
A hesitant expression seemed to cross the Doctor's face for a split second, but it was quickly replaced with his usual, manic grin. "You know Rose is happy when you are, Jackie—"
"Rubbish," Jackie tossed out firmly from over her shoulder. "She's been whingin' on all week about how boring it is here, and you're the one who's been wanting to stay around for once. Right backwards, it is. So tell me what's goin' on, Doctor."
His expression had settled into a solemn, blank look now. He stared at her turned back a long moment, seeming to come to some unknown decision.
"I wanted to apologize, Jackie," he said quietly, earnestly.
Jackie turned, and one drawn-in eyebrow raised. "Yeah? For what, blowin' up my Christmas tree?"
"No," he replied seriously, shaking his head with a sharp force that sent many of the bags he still held swaying. "For… that year. The waiting. The not knowing."
Jackie was the one staring now. "Rose. When you took Rose and I didn' know where she'd gone."
"Yes."
She stared longer, the Doctor firmly meeting her gaze, some hint of emotion half-hidden in his face.
She spoke. "And here I was thinkin' you were plottin' something' to do with defeating Debenham's evil alien manger, or sumfin." She tilted her head slightly, eyes narrowed in question as she stared into his uncomfortable, sincerely sorrowful expression a bit longer. "I thought that was over and done with," she finally said. "You half-apologized and really, I thought that'd been the end of it."
"I'm… I know that's not good enough. I mean, not that this makes it better, or…" he shook his head in frustration. "I've always wanted to properly apologize. But the last me, well, I was a bit…stoic. A bit wary of anything really emotional, you know. This me finds it a little easier."
Jackie was scowling again. "Yeah, well, you've got a long way to go to make up for that. I don' expect you to understand, but havin' a child and losing her like that –"
The Doctor's hands tightened on the bag handles, his face paling slightly as he swallowed several times fast, adam's apple bobbing.
"An' I didn't even know if she was alive, Doctor –"
"I know," he affirmed quietly.
" – every minute of every day, just searchin' with no hope at all – "
"I know."
" – an' everyone just, just carryin' on with their lives like nothing had happened, like my little girl didn't even matter at all –"
"I KNOW!" the Doctor shouted suddenly. Several nearby customers threw him disapproving or irritated looks before continuing to mill about the store. He was now as pale as the white plastic bags he was holding, his breath coming in shallow, quick bursts. Jackie stood in front of him with her mouth slightly ajar before snapping it shut, lips pressed into a line. The Doctor's eyes slid closed as he fought to regain his composure.
"Jackie," He breathed softly, eyes still closed. "I am so, so sorry. I really do know. It's…" He hesitated again, opening his eyes to look into Jackie's face. "I've told you before that I'm the last of my people, Jackie. And I miss my friends, and colleagues, and the whole of the society, and the feel of the planet turning under me. But what I miss most…" He bit his lip, looking away. "I…had a family. I mean, parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins and aunts and uncles… and… and a wife, and a daughter, and a son. And even one lovely granddaughter."
The Doctor chanced a look at Jackie and cringed; her makeup-ringed eyes were round and her mouth slightly ajar as she stared at him.
"I didn't mean to take her from you, Jackie. I meant to bring her back before you'd even know she'd gone. But the TARDIS… well, that's not the point. I'm just truly so very sorry, Jackie. It's one of those many things I wish I'd done differently. I'm not asking you to forgive me; I could never ask that. I just… I wanted to do something for you, after the pain I put you through. And this is all that I could think to give you."
He did not look at her face, as though he, the Oncoming Storm, the Destroyer of Worlds, were too afraid to face one middle-aged human woman wearing too much pink and eyeliner.
A/N: I know this story isn't finished, but I've thought and thought and I'm just not quite sure what would tie it all up nicely. Suggestions?
Thank you, lovlies. Please review!