Lying beneath the moon, Richard hugged her to him, their lips softly caressing each other's as they attempted to mold together. With the rifts sealed, their enemies vanquished and his soul protected by their love, they were free to lay lazily together without fear and they were determined to make the most of it. They were many weeks from Aydindril and the sound of being in the same bed together was more than appealing, but they didn't want to waste any of the time they had now. When they arrived home, things would be expected of them. Their time would no longer be their own and they weren't yet ready to give it up. Each night they rediscovered their lover's body, bringing another wave of pleasure that seemed to wipe all other from existence.
The days were spent with their friends, walking as slowly as possible without making it obvious to their intentions. The wizard's face held a smile firmly, finding it difficult to let it go as he watched his grandson take the hand of the woman he loved into his and move closer so that their shoulders touched as they took another step. The Mord'Sith, however, remained just as annoyed with the couple as she had from the beginning. The rolling of her eyes and sighs of inpatients were becoming more exaggerated and the others failure to care only seemed to make it worse. The several minutes the Mother Confessor and Seeker spent in the trees and out of sight were growing more frequent, but each time they returned, the smiles were just as wide. She was able to recuperate from the release of her magic much quicker now, making it possible for them to travel almost instantly, though it was only he who knew.
As the moon rose higher once again, they made their way a small distance away than the others to be alone. Pushing her against an insignificant tree, Richard lifted the bottom of her white dress and connected their lips.
******
They laid naked on their sides, holding the other close to keep warm as the night cooled. Her fingers slowly ran over his chest, tracing the scars until there were none left.
"I've been thinking," Kahlan whispered as his eyes began to slide closed.
"About what?"
She paused, knowing it would bring his eyes to hers once again. When they did, her smile widened and she scooted closer. There was something suddenly in his eyes that caught her attention, which made her uneasy. "Richard?"
With a jolt, he sat up and reached for his clothes. "My mistress will be-"
"You're mistress?" she questioned through a downpour of tears.
He dressed quickly, his eyes searching the trees. "My mistress is in danger, I have to find her. I need to be with her."
Covering her face with her hands, Kahlan let out a silent scream. Looking up to him, she pushed back her emotions and put on her Confessor's face. "As soon as I'm dressed, we will find her."
"Thank you," he replied instantly, dropping to his knees to hand her the white cloth of her dress. "Why are you upset? Did I not do as-"
"Turn away, please," she interrupted through a whisper. He was no longer the man she loved, she didn't want him to see her, not like this. When she was finished, she took several steps away and wiped the tears from her cheeks.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No, let's go." Hurrying through the trees, she lead the way back to their friends, wishing she knew what was going through his mind. Did he realize what was happening earlier?
******
Two weeks had passed and she could barely bring herself to look at him longer than a few seconds. They were traveling in the opposite direction of her home and with each day, it became harder. The man she loved would walk beside her and instead of taking her hand, he would move eagerly onward in the hope of finding his mistress. When night came, Kahlan would do her best to pretend that nothing was wrong. He was watching her and when they released him from Annabelle's magic, he would remember this time and she didn't want him to feel like he had hurt her. It wasn't him; he wasn't here.
She missed the feel of his arms around her, the safety his embrace always brought her and the happiness she never hoped to feel. It had been days since she slept and it was beginning to show. Rolling over, she unwillingly met the wizard's worried eyes.
"Before it happened," she started softly, needing to say what had been weighing on her mind. "We were laying in the grass, like we had always done and I... I wanted to find the right time and I thought I had. Zedd, I was moments from telling him he was going to be a father, but... I watched the look in his eyes change. I watched him fall in love with another woman and I couldn't do anything."
"He loves you," the older man said to reassure her. "And when he returns to you, you can tell him."
"I just did," she whispered, shifting her eyes to the Seeker who was sitting close by with his eyes on her stomach.
"Kahlan-"
"It's alright, Zedd. It doesn't change anything for him, but now I don't feel like I'm lying to him." Looking back to him, she frowned. "Of all the moments to take him from me..."
"We'll bring him back."
"The quillion was destroyed. There is only one way to bring him back and he will die to prevent it." Closing her eyes, she rolled onto her back and sighed. "Tomorrow, I'll go home and when you find Annabelle, you'll leave him there." Bringing her eyes to her friend's, she blinked out another round of tears. "He'll be happy with her."
"Until she dies and he is released. Kahlan, you cannot leave him with her."
"Richard," she said quietly, pulling his attention from her stomach for the first time. "If we asked you to stay with us, would you?"
"Is it what my Mistress wishes?"
"He's gone, Zedd. There is no life for him away from her."
"He can stay with you."
"No," Kahlan responded instantly. "I can't do that to him. I wanted him, not his shell."
"She can release him to you."
"I can't do it, Zedd. It's not me he loves. I could never do that to him. When the sun rises, I'm going home alone and as every Confessor before me, I'll raise our child alone."
The sadness in her voice was apparent to everyone, but none spoke. Richard had gone back to staring at her stomach and Zedd turned to the fire and placed another log into the flames, frowning as his mind continued in thought. Cara had grown annoyed by Lord Rahl and taken to Kahlan more than she'd admit. She knew the Mother Confessor would return home soon and had planned to go with her. It would be for Richard, she told herself. He would want her protected at all times and with her carrying his child and not being able to care for her himself, it fell upon his trusted friend and Mord'Sith.
******
Neither slept that night. Kahlan found it difficult to close her eyes when every time she did, she saw the wide smile on his face from one of their last conversations when he was still himself. The idea of them having a child together always made him smile. He would lay beside her, staring up at the night sky as he tried to find the perfect name. Some of the names would make her laugh, shaking her head as she insisted that their lives would be hard enough without being named Gossett or Frieda. The memories brought a smile to her face as she rolled over.
He was still staring at her and when she turned, their eyes met. She longed to kiss him, to push his back to the ground and crawl over him, once again showing her love for him. It wasn't him, she reasoned in her mind, her eyes now traveling over his perfect features. She hoped their daughter looked like him, giving her another small comfort of having him with her. She knew that there would be one thing, one thing their daughter would do that would be entirely him and she couldn't wait for that day. Looking at him now, she found it impossible to think of a life without him.
"Can't sleep?" she asked quietly, finding that she needed to hear his voice. He rarely spoke, his mind was mostly focused on finding his mistress.
"No."
"Is she not sleeping?"
Nodding, he moved his hands, bringing his actions to her attention. He had been rubbing a stick into the ground and from the depth of the hole, it had been some time since he started. "She's in pain. I can feel it."
"Does she feel closer?"
Again, he nodded, keeping his eyes on her. "It's stronger now, but not like before. We're still too far away. We need to move faster."
"You'll move faster tomorrow."
"Because you'll be gone?" he asked in a whisper.
"I can't stay."
Dropping the stick, he tilted his head in confusion. "Why?"
"A part of you already knows the answer to that question." He remained silent, not sure how to respond. He could still remember the way he felt about her and he found it all very confusing. "You'll be safe with Annabelle; she'll need you to protect her." Without thought, she made her way over to him. His only movement was the straightening of his legs before him, allowing her to straddle his thighs. Their eyes were locked and she waited, knowing that one day, when he was released, he would remember this moment. "I'm sorry, Richard. I never wanted this life for you." Bringing her hands to his face, she gently caressed his cheeks. "If you are ever freed, released somehow, I pray that you come back to me. Until then Richard, I swear that I will take care for our daughter and she will know of you. I will tell her how much I love you."
Before another moment passed, she connected their lips. The need to kiss him being too strong while she thought of never being with him again. It was a moment before he kissed her back, his mind caught between the feeling he had for her and the ones he now possessed for his mistress. Kahlan withheld nothing, wanting him to remember the passion she had for him when she was gone. When he was released, she wanted him to remember this moment and know that it wasn't easy for her to let him go.
When she broke their kiss and gasped for air, she pushed her forehead to his to share another of his breaths. "I love you, Richard."
******
Over two months passed since she returned to Aydindril and yet each day, she looked out to the gates in the hopes of seeing him. Cara followed her closely, making her feel comfortable and uneasy at the same time. She knew her friend meant well, but there were moments when she would look at her and all she could think of was Richard. They ate alone together in the dining hall, sitting at the far end of the long table built for at least twenty. Each meal she spent eating in there only reminded her of the family she and Richard had talked about. They had wanted no less than four daughters and for a while, she could visualize them running around them.
Wiping her mouth with her napkin, she looked up to Cara, who forked down her own lunch. The blonde seemed to be happy here, finding the fears of the servants and council members to be quite humorous. There were times when Kahlan was sure her friend pretended to threaten a servant just to see the fear in their eyes. She had come to know the Mord'Sith very well and had grown fond of her actions. It reminded her of the previous days and as each day grew longer, she needed the comfort.
Excusing herself, the Mother Confessor stood and motioned for her friend to remain. "I'm going to my room, I'm not feeling well."
She walked with haste, eager to be alone with her thoughts of him. When she was finished with the council's work and found herself alone, she would take the time to tell their daughter of her father. It was hard to talk about him at first, but with each passing day, she grew grateful for the chance to just speak about him aloud. Sometimes she believed it was all that kept her sane. Walking through the courtyard, she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, soaking in the fresh air. The smell of the trees always made her feel closer to him and if she was near it long enough, she could convince herself, for a moment, that he was there with her.
Turning her head, she nodded to the guards and gave a small smile. Everyday she had looked their direction, hoping to see the man she loved standing at the gates. As the day before and every one before that, he wasn't there. Quickening her pace, she moved down the halls and up the stairs, until she was at the door of her bedroom. Going inside, she walked to the bed at the opposite side of the room. With a heavy sigh, she fell onto the soft blankets, face first.
Rolling onto her back, she pulled the laces of her dress loose and sucked in a breath of air. Her clothes were beginning to tighten and she longed for a moment of comfort. She stopped wearing her corset only a few days before and it would be another week before her new clothes were completed; a part of her was excited knowing, that soon, the life inside of her would be seen. She wanted the world to see what she and the man she loved, who loved her, created. Dancing her fingers over her stomach, she smiled and imagined the way their daughter would look, sound and laugh. It wasn't the first time these thoughts came to her mind and she was sure that it wouldn't be the last.
Moving further onto the bed, she tugged at the covers until they were laying partly over her. It would be hour or two before someone came and asked her to return to her duties and she planned on spending it asleep, where the man she loved was with her.