Finding Love

by phoenixoffireluvsanime

kairy has always been alone and ignored. she has for gotten love. her grandmother just died. what happens when she her prayer comes true? what if her parents are alive? who are these strange people that she finds? i dont know if this is a good ending.rea

Have you ever loved someone so much that all you can do is wait for it to become real. What if the only thing you have waited for is finding who you really are? what if the real thing has been there all along? How can some one be loved if no one would even love you in return. Where is love then? Where is it to make it better? I know how that feels I have never been loved in my life. I don't know what love is. I think I by pass it every day. I think I have never loved someone and I don't think I ever will. I don't know my parents but I dream about them everyday. You can say I try to love but all there is darkness and hate. I spend every day wondering if life is all a dream and I don't have to act the way I do. I get picked on so much now than I used to. sometimes kids will even throw stuff at me because I don't look like everyone else does. I get so angry but I know that my anger cant hide the truth behind their words. I cry in whispers and silence knowing no one can hear my pain. No one can feel the pain like I do everyday of my life. I actually can say I used to be loved but ever since her death I just cant but feel abandoned and alone. I know I had said I have never been loved but it was lost and can never be returned. The love I have felt was only for a second or two before it disappeared down in her grave. Now I sit here alone but still able to fight my way through school and keep a house with a shrine all in one. I am but a teenager and live so close to people I never even knew existed.

I only knew her just in a picture but still stayed with her. She just couldn't love me because of how I looked. She used to turn away every time I entered a room and silently spoke short words. It never used to be like this you know it never was like it is now. When I was young I felt some love but not enough to grasp it in my soul. She had said it was not me, but I saw though her lies. Even the smallest gesture told me the truth about how she really felt. As I grew older it got worse, she never even saw me or heard me. She would though find the strength to set me food at least. I always wondered why. Why did she have me if she didn't even want me? Once she grew old and sick I could do nothing but wait. Wait for all of this to end but I knew somewhere in my heart I didn't want it to end. I wanted her to love me and I tried every day but I gave up when I turned almost an adult and she had died. I realized love has never even existed and it would never be the way I have wanted it. I will never have love or feel happy.

Only darkness and loneliness incircles me as I sit at my desk with bitterness in my eyes. And I glare at my reflection and I know it is all because of that. I look out the window and decided maybe a prayer can save my soul before my 16th birthday can consume my world. Turning this age was not but a nightmare for me and for the one who was going to care for me. I did pay for everything but the food I eat. I only deserve what I am fed and everyday I shutter to think what is next on the menu. I am not worth a normal meal only but what is left.

I ran to a shed to try to pray because I was never allowed to step foot in the shrine house but I was never allowed anywhere so what is the difference. As I opened the doors to the shed I noticed a well inside but I shrugged it away. I didn't want to know why and I didn't care all, I wanted to do was pray. I wanted but time to stop and rewind to a day I was loved and never forgotten. I wanted the prayer to save me. I decided to sit in the middle of the sealed well and I prayed. I wanted someone to love me, I want someone to find me, I want someone to save me 

from this disaster. I dug so far in my soul in my prayer that I even said I wanted them, I wanted my parents. But I knew my prayer could not save me from a reality that existed before my own eyes. My parents couldn't save me they didn't even love me enough to want me. I knew I could not be loved or except love no matter how much I tried I could not. I pleaded for someone anyone to help me or at least try. as I thought and tears ran down my cheeks I heard a crack and snap. I tried to grab something but I fell though. I breasted (sp)for that sudden pain to take over my body but I didn't feel anything all I felt was me floating. I noticed everything glowed purple in a way it felt so strange I had a feeling I had been in this place before.

I was amazed I didn't think that my prayer would lead me here. Where was here? I noticed that a sky now lay upon the well and it was not dark nor sad it was happy. I took this sky as a sign but still in my heart laid darkness. I climbed to the top and felt kind of at peace that the prayer has lead me here far away from the house I had been aching to leave and find a true meaning. But as I looked out I saw no one and my hopes had drop to nothing but loneliness. I had felt I had got carried away with myself.

As I lay out on the grass near the well I felt so curious to find out where my prayer had taken me. I wanted to know if this was real and not a dream that would end in tears. I didn't want to realize it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I didn't want to go back to that world at all but I also hoped that maybe I would find people that didn't hate me for what I looked like.

I crossed the long field and headed into a forest that felt so peaceful and relaxing. I stopped to smell the air and to take in this world that I had found. I looked ahead and saw a small village I paused in fear not knowing if I should cross into it. I stayed in the darkness to observe the people and the surroundings to make sure it was indeed a happy place. I stood in awe realizing everything looked different. There were no roads or cars. There were no wires that hung across everyone's yard. It was strange. I must have stopped and rewound time to a place where there was peace and harmony. I thanked the lord for answering my prayer. I watched as the children played and I stood there with a smile but my heart beated with hate and anguish because they had peace and I had none.

My bangs shaded my eyes in the thought of this and I grew sad but I hid it with anger. I didn't want to see it anymore I wanted to leave. So I left the scene and took my chances and put my fears aside, I was to angry to feel anything. But as always I knew my anger hid the truth. I walked though the village looking down with every step I took, not looking at their faces as they watched in fear as I walked passed. My gaze became hurt as I heard them whispering about my looks calling me a demon. I did not know why everyone always called me that but I didn't want to hear it anymore. I was no different in heart then them. I didn't have horns or anything my features just looked different. My hair was a different color as well as my eyes but I didn't not feel different or sound different I was like them.



As I walked quickly now in shame from the names they called I heard someone say something and I didn't stop, that person just called me a demon and I just walked faster I feared that they would throw something at me.

'STOP!' they shouted but I didn't I ran now not looking back to see who it was that was demanding me to stop. I didn't stop until I was out of breath and hidden between the trees. I sat there wishing I was home now that this place was not for me. I sat quiet now hoping that man or someone didn't find me. I prayed for them not to find me I didn't want to have the same thing happen again. I wanted to not fear anything but I did fear I feared people. I listened closely before I relaxed. I sat there now at ease thinking about everything and how I had came here and all I wanted was to have my prayer be taken away.

I suddenly felt someone grab my wrist and I screamed in pain as the grip was so tight I could feel nails digging into my skin. I noticed it was a man's hand so I kicked and bit him. I dashed out from where I was hiding and ran but I could feel someone there but I didn't look back to see who was chasing me. I was to scared and feared that they would kill me if they caught me. I started to cry which I haven't done in a long time. I actually feared for my life. I was crying so much that I didn't see someone standing in my path. I looked and screamed and tried to stop but I fell in front of him. He grabbed me but this time I could not escape. I didn't see his face but I could smell a scent that was so familiar about him.

I kicked and screamed until he brought me inside the old fashion hut and dropped me on a mat. I tried to stand up but he pushed me down. I glared at him and finally saw his face from the sunlight. He was strange his features where kind of like mine but I did not have ears like him. He had strange dog ears like I have ever seen I looked in awe at him. He glared at me and growled. I just stood there looking at him.

'stop looking at me like that demon!' he shouted. ' who are you and why do you flea like a rabbit and not fight me.'

I turned from him when he called me a demon and just stared in hatred at the wall realizing that this place was no different than home. He yelled at me and grabbed my arm again and forced me to stand up.

'Answer me!' he said having me look at him. I just looked away without a word. He got irritated and threw me on the ground. I looked at the floor in sadness realizing it was just another one of those days, so I didn't even try to do anything. He walked out of the hut thing and said for me to stay. I somehow obeyed him. Looked around and saw old things that I have never seen before. I then saw something that looked actually familiar it was a backpack. I stood up in delight and thought that maybe it would give me a sign. I looked in it and saw my school uniform but it was not mine, it was someone else's. I put it aside now wondering what else I could find in this little sign of hope. I kneeled there looking at all the wonderful things that were so familiar. I couldn't but smile knowing someone else was here stranded like me.



'Hey what are you doing!' don't touch that!' the man said angrily and pulled me away. He threw me back on the mat. I glared at him and decided to say something.

'who's is that?' I asked trying to stay calm. He just looked at me with shock and then back to angry. I looked at him irritated now. 'I said who's is that are you speechless or something!' I covered my mouth in shock I have never yelled in my life. I looked away and shaded my eyes with my bangs. Every time I use to talk back I was hit for it. I waited for it but it never came. I looked at him and he just looked at me in shock and amazed. Then all of a sudden a girl with the same outfit I saw in the bag came running in.

'whats going on I heard that a demon was in the village.' She said to the boy. She stopped and realized the man was looking at me so she turned. She didn't seem scared when she saw me. the boy turned to her.

'that's the demon who was walking though the village, she ran when I told her to stop so now she is here. Where I am trying to get answers out of her but she wont tell me anything. Then I saw her go though your bag!' he said with anger. The girl looked at me I turned away.

She walked up to me and grabbed my chin gently. She looked at me strangely. I pulled away offensive. 'don't touch me' I said in a whisper.

'so you do talk.. quietly but you do.' She said in with a smile. I just looked at her in amazement. Why was she smiling? I don't know but this girl gives me a good feeling like she wants to be my friend or even help me get out of this world but why would I want to leave and go back there. No one was there to even want me let alone love me. I just stood there staring out the window I could feel the boy was getting impatient with me. I decided maybe it wouldn't hurt to answer their questions. I turned to the girl.

'I am sorry I went through your bag, I was just wondering where you have received that uniform you are wearing.' I said pointing to the outfit. She looked at herself and then at me.

'it's a uniform it is what you wear when you go to school.' I looked at her and sighed.

' no.. I know it is a school uniform but where did you get it.' she looked at me confused.

' how do you know it is a school uniform you are a demon.' She asked. I turned away.

' stop calling me that I am not a demon.' I whispered. she turned my head to face her.

' then what are you? You look like one.' she said.

I sighed. ' I don't know exactly I only know I was born with silver hair and golden eyes. No one ever told me they always ran or ignored me. all my life I really don't know my parents and my grandmother just died and she couldn't even look at me let alone speak to me.' I said walking to the window. ' I know that is a school uniform because I have one exactly like that one you are 

wearing I just am not wearing it. This is my shrine kimono I don't normally wear these things.' I said looking at myself in disgust. She looked at me in wonder.

' where did you come from if you are not from here.' The boy asked.

' I fell though the well in my shed at my family shrine and I ended up here. I don't know exactly how I got here but I am glad I am in a way to be here than there.' I said in anger. She touched my shoulder.

'do you mean the bone eaters well just outside the village.'

'ya' I said looking at her like she knew something. ' so where exactly am I?'

'feudal era japan' she answered.

'wow seriously, I am that far back in time. I have read about it but I didn't know I could actually be here.' I said in wonderment. I don't know why but as I started to talk to them I started to open up alittle more than I have ever done. I haven't done that in years. I am a very happy person traditionally but I just have a lot of hate in my heart now then I did. I normally theses days keep to myself. She looked at me with sad eyes.

'so you must be from my time.' She said.

'I guess but how come you are here.' I asked.

' I live here, this is my home and that's my husband.' She said pointing to the boy who is looking at me in wonderment. ' I came here to leave my family and live here to be a wife and mother.'

'mother? It doesn't look like you have any kids.' I said with confusion. The boy growled.

'I am tired of your questions and that is none of your business!' He said in irritation. I turned away for prying.

'inuyasha stop it! she is just asking!' she said yelling at him because she say me hurt. I looked at her standing up for me I then soon realized that maybe she was trying to be my friend. But who would like me for me anyways I looked horrible. I started to walk out the door.

'wait! Please don't go you don't even no where you are.' the girl said to me. I turned to her.

'its ok I will be fine I just will follow my footsteps back to where I was, thank you for not killing me just because I look the way I do.' I said with a smirk trying to smile but couldn't.

'what do you mean the way you look.' the boy asked.



' well a lot of people think I am some sort of evil creature when really I am exactly like them I have a heart that is no different then them. I don't know who my parents are but I am glad they are not here to see me in the state I am now then I was when they gave me to my grandmother.' The girl ran to me and hugged me. I stood in shock and nervously I didn't know what to do. No one has ever hugged me in my life before. It felt kind of good for once. i think my heart does have room for something this good. She took me by the shoulder and shook me alittle I was kind of shocked when she did.

' don't say that you are beautiful for a girl your age. Anyone would die to look like you!" She explained with tears in her eyes.

'Thanks' I said with a blush. She wiped her eyes.

' what is your name maybe I know you your family back in our time.' She said in a eager tone.

'my name is Kiary Higurashi… well that is what my grandmother says my last name is.' I said as soon as I said my name they both stopped with their mouths wide open. The girl started to cry again.

'your name is Kiary… awha Kiary.' She said now with tears flooding her eyes. I just stood there and looked at her like something seriously was wrong with her.

' do I know you is that why you are crying." I said nervously.

The boy came up to me. "how old are you?'

'todays my birthday I am 16 now. why?' now I am really confused and I don't know what is going on. he looked so seriously in thought when I told him my age.

'are you sure you don't know who your parents are?'

I was getting irritated now. ' I just told you no one tells me anything I only know my parents are either dead or alive what do you want from me! do I look like someone or something!' I covered my mouth again and turned away. I did it again why the hell are these people suddenly making me do this are they some sort of witches or something well of course he must be something he has dog ears for Christ sakes.

'stop that. Why do you do that everytime you yell.' He asked pulling my hands from my face.

I turned to face him with innocence in my eyes. ' I used to be hit everytime I talked back. My grandmother used to say stop being like my father. Which I had no clue what she was talking about. She said children never talk back to people who are older than them. I don't know I guess it is one of my fears. I never have talked back again. My life really hasn't been happy you know. I use to sit by the fire and pray everything was a lot different and better than it was but everytime I wished and prayed no one would help me or save me. so days turned to months, months turned 

to years and nowadays I just give up in ever believing I can have a better life. So here I am with you guys. All I wanted was a world where nothing but peace can fix my dark heart.' I now sit with my head buried into my knees and then all of a sudden my heart started to ach and tears formed in my eyes. I cried, I cried like I never could. I felt all the agony and sorrow fill my heart as I thought about how my life was and that I won't ever be saved. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I looked and saw the boy smile at me.

' don't let people judge you for what you look like prove to others and don't be afraid to show who you really are.' he said. His words comforted me and stopped the tears from falling from my eyes. I felt like he understood all the pain that went through my body. I felt he knew what sorrow was hidden inside my heart and how it can be fixed. I wiped my eyes from the comforting words.

'it seems you have been through a lot.' He said calmly helping me up.

' ya , I have.' I said with sadness.

' so why don't you show us your world and help you find some answers.' The girl said wiping the tears she also had from when she asked my name. I nodded.

I showed them the well I fell into and came out here. Their looks haven't changed when I asked how to get back. They turned away when I asked.

' the well was sealed and I don't know how to return back now, I don't even know if it still works.' The girl said softly.

' but I am here. I think it works.' I said with a little attitude. They nodded and we all jumped into the well. The same purple glow filled the air and I fell at peace once again. As soon as it disappeared I looked up and looked down quickly. The peaceful sky disappeared and became the dark roof that clouded my mind and sorrow and hate filled my heart again. I looked at them they seemed to not be afraid or look at the roof in awe like I did. It made my mind fill with questions. The one that mainly stuck there was who they were? We all climbed out of the well, well the boy carried us out. I stopped in the middle of the stairs as they walked up. They stared at me.

' please can we go back I don't want my uncle to find out I was here. I will get in trouble for being in here.' I said with begging eyes.

The girl walked to me and put a hand on my shoulder to comfort me and all I could do was hug her and cry. I hugged I couldn't believe I actually hugged. She hugged me and comforted me until she whispered.

'don't cry everything is all right we are here to help.' I looked at her in gladness. It felt as if she has purified my heart to ache more than hate. I felt so right with them they changed my feelings and opinion in life than I used to think. I nodded my head and wiped the tears from my eyes but 

that still didn't stop the fear from forming on my heart. We walked out of the shed and it was the way I had left it so cold and dark.

The girl made a noise and covered her mouth. ' kairy are you sure you live here?'

I looked at her in confusion. ' yes my room is that window right there. My grandmother said it used to be my mom's but I haven't seen any of her stuff that she had in there. I guess my grandmother moved it out when I took it 6 yrs ago. At first she didn't want me to have it but when I turned ten she said it was the place that I need to be I guess. I spend a lot of time in that room. It smells so good I think it is my mom's scent but I am not sure.' I explained with a smile. I turned my attention back to the house. ' I think we should just climb into my room I don't want my uncle to see u.' they nodded. The boy was so strange he asked us to get on his back and he jumped to my window which was cool.

I looked around and smiled at the beautiful sight of the room. It glowed in the sunlight and the diamond lamp shade threw rainbows across the wall. I looked at them.

'welcome to my room. Its not much but it is something.' I said as I strolled over to my dresser and took out my jeans and a tshirt. ' I am going to change you too can look around but be quiet my uncle is very strict about me making noise. But he is nicer than my grandmother but he still follows the same rules as she does.' I said walking away out the door to the bathroom.

As soon as I got dressed my uncle stood outside the door when I opened it. I was startled to see him. I quickly hid the kimono but he noticed that in and instant. I forced my head down in shame to look at him.

'Kairy where have you been all day. I called for supper and you never came down.' He said with a little bit of anger in his voice. ' then when you didn't answer I had to come up to your room and you weren't there. So how did you end up back up here when I could have sworn you where outside.'

I didn't answer him. ' I saw you go into the shed!' He said with rage. ' what did we tell you! We said you stay away from the shed and the shrine house! But you had to go!' anger took over me and I had forgotten all about the rules.

' cant I just pray with out getting yelled at!' I covered my mouth and shook my head. He looked at me in shock and then it turned to anger. All I could feel was a sharp pain across my cheek and blood running from the scatch that formed when his hand made contact to my face. I stood there in fear.

'don't ever talk back to me. I don't know where you came up with this disrespect. So irresponsible haven't we taught you enough. Now go to your room and no supper for you. Your mouth is not needed in my presence.' He said in a hatred as he walked away.



I ran to my room and straight to the girl whos name I still did not receive. I cried into her arms like I never knew I had produced such agony. I barely know her but her warmth was the only thing helping me though my agony. She brushed my hair from my eyes. It calmed me because it was what my mother did I think that is the only thing I truly remember. I looked at her.

Sniffled…. ' my mom used to do that to me when I was very young I think that is the only thing I remember of my actual parents and that always had comforted me but no one has ever done that until you did.' I said wiping my tears from my eyes. The boy and girl looked at me in concern.

' come here.' Said the boy with gentle hands. He took a wash cloth from my closet and wet it with water that was on my dresser from a pitcher I had for my flowers. He took the cloth and pressed it gently across my cheek, I winced from the pain and he looked so angry and worried.

' who are you guys anyways I don't even know your names and why would you want to help me' I said while he cleaned my wound.

' well my name is inuyasha and that's kagome, I don't think you need to know anymore but our names. We are helping because you need someone and you cant do it by yourself. From the look of this scar you seemed to stand up for yourself well yet you fear the people when you finish.'

' scar? Oh this no it is not going to be a scar.. things like this always happen and my wounds from anyone seem to heal I guess that is just my genes or something. Its cool but it freaks me out.' I said getting up from the chair I was sitting in. I really didn't like to talk about the whole thing to them because they would just think I am kidding or something. But from the look of their faces it did not seem they cared in the slightest inch about it. I went to the mirror and frowned at my appearance and rubbed the scar on my face. Silence filled the room.

'so do you have any pictures of your parents?' kagome asked. I turned to her with a frown.

'unfortunately a memory is all I have.' I stared at my reflection. 'but I do imagine them all the time as I fall asleep at night, sometimes I try to make up faces just to get it right to mine.' I said with a small giggle. They smiled but I knew behind their faces that they felt so sorry for me and many secrets seemed to follow in that place behind the sorrow they felt for me. I wondered why they looked so familiar now that I am thinking about it. I smiled in sadness. ' don't feel bad for me I don't anymore, I get though it anyway I can. no one can stop me from living my life. I know I have a life I just need to find it. plus I just wont go down the same road as my grandmother did to me. And I know my parents had a good reason why they left. i think they are the only people I have love for so much and I don't even know them. they are the only people that help me fight for peace and push me to find someone to help me change everything that is happening.' I said rummaging through my closet. ' a ha' I said finding food. I smiled.



'do you want some I have a whole stash, unfortunately all I have is a ramen.' I giggled at finding food. I looked at them they were just so deep in thought that they didn't even hear me talking to them. i looked at them. 'hey is something wrong.' I said in wonderment.

' no … its just…' kagome paused. I turned from my closet to face her.

'what?' I said in full attention. looking at both of them like it was so serious.

'nothing just forget it..' inuyasha said. I stood up with alittle taken back by his attitude. It made me irritated.

'what! What are you both not telling me cause I am kind of tired of feeling like you two know me or something!' I said in anger.

'its nothing!' he yelled back.

Before anyone could say anything, my door flew open. I jumped back in fear and I put my head down thinking I had done something wrong. I felt like my whole prayer had shattered into a thousand pieces as darkness consumed it. I looked up and saw not anger but shock placed across my uncle's face. He stood with his eyes frozen on the strangers kagome and inuyasha. I now felt so confused and also interested wondering what would come next.

'k…kkkagome.. .. iinuyasha? Is that really you guys?' he said with surprise and alittle fear.

Kagome and Inuyasha just looked at him with pure hatred. I just keep staring not knowing what was going on not one clue.

'what are you guys doing here? How did you get though the well? I thought it was sealed forever so you couldn't returned.' He said now with an angry look. he looked at me. I turned away.

'so souta I guess its true you guys did seal the well!' Kagome said in anger. ' you guys were trying to keep me from my baby! Why we didn't do anything to you!' in his face now.

' mom decided it wasn't safe for her there! So we closed it and decided to raise her by ourselves but the little brat just wont listen to us and kept disobeying us just like inuyasha would do to you!'

'SO YOU IGNORE HER! And abuse her! I don't think so that is not raising her that is torture!' inuyasha yells.

My uncle looks at me in anger. ' kairy I told you not to go into the shed! Now look what happened you brat!' he screams and walks to me but inuyasha stands in front of me.

'you wont touch her ever again! You had done enough damage to her pride! I have seen enough of your 'raising' I think its time for her real parents to take over.' He says grabbing my hand and pulling me to the window. I just am so shocked it is hard to retain all that is happening.



Inuyasha and kagome took me and brought me back through the well and I could see all of my fears and lonliness disappear as the purple glow closed my vision of the roof forever. I felt happier to know that all of this is coming to a happy ending the way I wanted it to be. I couldn't but smile to see all of my sorrow and agony disappear and be swarmed by happiness.

Once we all got to the other side of the well. All I could do is look at them with curious eyes. All I wanted to do was hold them for as long as its been since they held me. I got the courage to finally say something as we walked back to the village I wanted to know everything about them.

' so you guys are my parents how come you didn't tell me?' I said looking at their backs.

'well we weren't fully sure we thought you were some one else's kid that need help. But until you gave us your name we were positive.' Inuyasha said turning his head alittle to see me from the corner of his eye.

for once in my life I felt loved and the darkness had disappeared from my heart forever. now a new journey is a head of me to discover with out doubt or knowing it is just there welcoming me with open arms. Now as I lay in my room I feel happy to exist and I am not ashamed to look the way I do. From my dad's words never be afraid of who you are, you are like everyone else you just have a big heart.