How A Madman Saved Cheetos
Once there were a man. This man he sat on top of a hill thinking thoughts. He was a wise man, thinking thoughts often that were deep. Other people tought that he was crasy, but he knew better than those people. He was not mad, he was just too much thinking for them.
So this man kept the thinking on for a while. He thought toughts of many things like how the application of the science could vastly improve the shelf life of Cheetos. They go bad with speed, it make the man sad and frowny.
He likes a Cheetos. They so cheesy.
This man with thoughts thinking on the top of the hill, he make a plan: he will save the Cheetos. Using the mind that is filled with thoughts, the man makes preparation to leave for Cheeto Headquarters in Kansas. Why Cheetos are making in Kansas, no one nows. No one…..BUT THE MADMAN.
The man makes the way to Kansas, using noting but his wits and thoughts. It were the hardest journey he had ever done, but he must go. The Cheetos await there hero.
When he is getting to Cheeto HQ in Kansas, the man has nerves. Can he do this? He has smarts, yes, but sometimes the thought thinking is not enuff; sometimes, you need mussles. But the man, he does not lift. He tried it onse, but it hurt and he stopped.
Shaking his head with fury, the man despells the nervous and focuses on the misshion: He must rescue the Cheetos using the science. No longer will the people open up the Cheetos after 2 weeks, but throw them away because they are stale. This is his misshion.
The madman stands tall outside the unmarked van that a nice man at a gas station gave him. He is armed to the mouth with all sorts of tech that only a man with his genius could make. The man has the plan in his mind: First step, infiltrate the women's restroom not because he is creepy but because womens' restroom is on second floor and is mostly unused.
The man pulls out his grapling hook, throws it up and it lands in the restroom window! Succes! As the man climbing up the rope, he wonders why a restroom have a window. Maybe view of nature help bowel movements. The man puts thinking these thoughts off until his misshion is done.
The man reaches the bathroom and no one is there. This is good becuase the man has never spoken to a female before and it might be awkward. The man thinks thoughts of his plan: Step 2: make it to the elevator. The man walks to the elevator, presses the button only once because he is smart, and walks onto elevator when it comes.
That was easy, think the man. Too easy.
The man is riding the elevator to floor thirteen. Cheeto HQ has floor 13 because their evil like that. Before man reaches 13, he thinks back to plan. Step 3: make way to Cheeto lab through air ducks.
The elevator is opening, but the man is not inside! The man climbed up on the top of the elveator to find the beginning of the air ducks. Man wiggles himself into the small passage, which is good because he is out of shape and was worried himself would not be fitting. Crawling through air ducks, the man is thinking more thoughts of why the misshion is going with easy. Sumething is not right.
When the mas gets to air vent above Cheeto lab, the suspiceuns were right: there were large men everywhere with weepons in lab! Man, thinking thoughts with speeds of fast, make plan to incapassitating the men!
Madmaan drops out of the air ducks, weilding in one hand a gadget of metal and blue and a thing of woodness in the other. The big men with the weepons gasp! They were not expecting a man out of the vent above! (they are not smart).
The man, still kind of having the elment of surprise, point the thingy of metal and blue in one hand at a man with a wepon. The thingy is looking like a razor, but is not! Using smart thoughts, the madman combine razor with electromagnets, hand soap, rhinestones and mayonnaise to make Super electro ray! The madman fires the Super Electro ray at many of the men and they fall to the ground with thumps of noise (they are not dead).
A grouping of the men with weepons charge at madman! But Madman is ready with the thingy of wood that was in the other hand! The thingy of wood: it is a clever gas bomb mad of chemicals but hidden in casing of pleasant balso wood until explosion. The man throws the wood thingy at the group of men, and it breaks apart and releases venimous gas that is bad on the men! It also is stinking, to the dismay of the people with noses.
The grouping of the large men falls over not dead. Madman, smiling because he is also not dead, swaggers over to nearby panel of control and uploads file into the Cheeto HQ supercomputer that will change the Cheetos that will make them last longer! But before the hero of Cheetos can do that, a man laughs. The madman whippings around and sees Evil Manager of Cheeto HQ named Steve!
To be a continuing…